"'Twas late '65 at the old Wallsea Yard!
She was commissioned to haul the black tar/
Built the Northumbria there on the bar!
Roll Northumbria, roll!
"For when the Egyptians they closed the Red Sea/
A call came on high from the powers that be/
To build a royal monster right down the key/
Roll Northumbria roll, me boys!
Roll Northumbria, roll!"
"Is that a new sea shanty?" Sunny asked.
"I'm surprised you haven't heard that one," Salty said, as Sunny reversed him out of the shed. "It's about an oil tanker that used to sail the seas. She once docked at Fawley Refinery, and I shunted tankers loaded with oil from her tanks."
"I haven't heard that one either," Pipp added, who was working on Sophie. "Speaking of hearing, it's a bit odd we haven't heard anything from mom yet."
"That's a good point, actually," Sunny said. "She's usually one of the first to roll her sleeves up, so to speak."
"You're right about that one," Porter noted. "She's a dab hand with a wrench, so to speak. I used not to think too highly of aristocrats, but she's one of the good ones."
Suddenly, Pipp's phone buzzed, and she took a look. "Text from mom!" she said. Her face scrunched up in confusion as she looked at it. "Dog emoji?"
Zipp snorted. "Her hand probably slipped on the keyboard again. Remember that time she just texted 'don't'?"
"You don't think she was the one who wrote that sign, do you?" Rebecca asked.
"What sign?" Hitch asked, as he brought the light pacific up to temperature.
"That one we saw on the china clay line back in October that just said don't."
"Old Bailey told us part of the sign fell off, that's all," Hitch answered.
"But she's never late!" Pipp said. "If anything, I'm the late sleeper! The delay, now the cryptic texts- it must mean only one thing... she's been abducted!"
There was a moment of silence. "You're pullin' me wheel!" Salty laughed. "She's probably just busy!"
"Being a duchess does come with a lot of responsibility... as she reminds me. All the time." Zipp glanced aside. "What you reading, Hitch?"
Hitch sighed. "Great Western have recently changed the timetable, and it means that I'll need to get used to the new timings. But this barely makes any sense. These look far too tight to be achievable for most of our engines."
"I could probably do it!" Charles said. "Speed and power solves everything."
"Oh, here we go again," Porter grumbled. "Speed and power is of no use if you come flying off a bend."
"Teeth, be quiet."
Porter simmered, annoyed, whilst Hitch looked at the times. "It's giving us only thirty minutes to cover the entire branch, and then only 15 minutes to run round at the other end!"
Sunny glanced over. "I'm certain you'll be able to figure it out."
Just then, a great fanfare started up outside the shed. "What was that?" asked Sophie.
"A trumpet," Charles replied.
"Apart from the obvious!"
Pipp and Zipp popped outside to see personnel from their family's security detail, all dressed in very formal uniforms and playing instruments.
"What's going on?" Zipp asked.
A trumpeter played a fanfare, and a soldier stepped forward. "Greetings upon this fine morrow. I bring a message of the greatest import from far lands, and thereof that-"
"Get on with it!" Pipp snapped.
Just then, one of the soldiers stepped forward, holding a scroll. He then unrolled it. "Henceforth shall it be known, in our Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Twenty Four, That Her Ladyship the Duchess of Dorset, the Monitor of the Grand Scroll, the Keeper of the Keys of Ashdown Forest, and the Hammer of the Lancastrians, verily and urgently requires the company of the two issue of her family, Ladies Zara Storm and Philippa Petals, to henceforth and urgently deliver the ferroequine known to the fellowship as Ray, for to be processed and placed inside the erecting shop, and therefore this task is to be completed with all deliberate speed. Here concludeth the message."
"What?" said Hitch. "That might as well have been written in gibberish for all the sense it made."
Zipp sighed. "Mom wants us to move Ray to the workshop we have at the house."
"Did you actually understand any of that?" Hitch said, amazed.
"Proclamations have to be worded in that way for some reason," Zipp replied. "Something about no possible ambiguity. Still, let's get Ray moved and then we can find out what's going on."
"Nice that somebody remembered I was here," Ray said. "My bearings are all wonky."
Pipp glanced to her sister. "All this pomp and circumstance. This is very unlike her- if anything this feels like one of dad's practical jokes!"
Zipp nodded. "Yeah, the more this situation builds, the wierder it gets. Let's get Ray hooked up. That way Rebecca can be prepped for pulling the coaches."
As they pulled out of the yard with Ray in tow, they heard the incredible sound of hundreds of trucks singing in harmony.
"And it's one for the hot sun above!
Two for the empire we love!
And it's three for the fire that burns down below/
Roll on Northumbria!
Roll Northumbria, roll!"
"The trucks are in good voice today," Charles said.
Boomer arrived outside the Lighthouse and switched on his radio. "Opaline, I'm there," he said.
"Good," Opaline said over the radio. "Use the lockpick and get inside the lighthouse itself. The plans suggest you can get to the elevator without having to go through the house."
"On my way." Boomer sprinted over and insterted the lockpicking tool into the lock. There were a few beeps as it adjusted the tumbler, but then the lock fell open. The door swung open, and Boomer was in.
He closed the door behind him and made his way onto the elevator, noticing a loud whistle from elsewhere in the town.
"Get in quickly please!" Rebecca called. "We have quite a tight timetable to hold!"
Passengers were still moving about at their usual pace, not knowing that the train was booked to depart a minute earlier than the previous day. They jumped when the whistle was sounded, and many ran across the platform to get on. They fell over each other and landed on different things.
Hitch facepalmed. "We're gonna be late..."
Once everybody was onboard, the train was running about twenty minutes late. Rebecca snorted out of the platform. "I hope we can make up the lost time!" she said. "That was a rather big delay!"
Hitch looked out of the cab and smiled. "I think things will be fine, Rebecca. We're not stopping at Penmere on the first stage of the run, so we can make up some lost time."
When they got to Penmere, Charles and Sophie were waiting in the loop for them to pass. Rebecca flew through the platform, steam rising magnificently into the air.
Unfortunately, Hitch was wrong. This wasn't a skipped stop at all. It was now a regular stop in the timetable. People stood on the platform angrily shaking their fists, and complaining to the station master what a bad railway it was.
Sophie looked over. "They look unhappy."
Charles rolled his eyes. "That is possibly the biggest understatement... in the world."
Pipp, Zipp, and the engines had arrived at the siding in good time, and shunted Ray into the shed before continuing on their way to Truro after letting Rebecca pass. A heavy load of trucks, too much for one Class 33, had been dropped off, and needed taking down to Penmere for the construction of the new oil terminal.
As they approached, Charles sighed. "The signal is set for the bay platform."
"And?" Zipp asked.
"I am important. I should get the main platform."
Pipp sighed as well. "Charles is quite the handful."
Both engines were stabled in the bay platform, and it soon became clear why. The board warned of a non passenger train approaching the platform.
"Looks like a priority freight!" Sophie said. "But then why is the signal for the main at red?"
Pipp said nothing.
Zipp glanced over. "Cat got your tongue?"
"I'm worried about mom, OK?" Pipp replied. "I know we didn't have time to check in, but she's not answering a single text I sent her!"
Zipp checked her messages. "I've texted her to. No replies either. This sucks."
"There's probably a reasonable explanation," Charles said.
"That's novel, coming from Mr. Insane Troll Logic himself."
"Nobody does it better than me!"
Suddenly, a strange noise started in the distance. "Did you hear that?" Pipp asked.
"Shhhh!" Sophie added.
"It sounds like a diesel," Pipp said. "And not just any old diesel. It sounds like... a Class 37!"
Zipp flipped her phone and played a sound recording. "This is a Class 37. Those traction motors are way too loud for it to be a Class 37."
"What if it's a Class 37 with very noisy traction motors?"
"I can't think of any that loud..." Zipp trailed off as the engine lumbered into view. "Janet?"
It was Janet! The green diesel rumbled smoothly into the platform producing a tremendous racket, with a rake of trucks rattling in behind her. Even at idle the engine was pretty loud.
Once the engine had come to a complete stop, Alphabittle rolled the window down and leaned out. "Hey girls! How are things?"
"What are you doing here?" Pipp asked.
Janet looked over. "I'm pulling a train, can't you see?"
"Then where are your coaches?" Sophie asked.
"Are you referencing something?" Alphabittle asked, as he took a sip from a flask. "Tea, not alcohol. It's illegal to be drunk at the controls of a locomotive."
"I'm not pulling passengers today," Janet replied. "I'm hauling freight!"
"I can see you're pulling freight," Zipp said. "But I will admit this was the last place I was expecting to see you two. Aren't you working down in Swanage at the moment whilst Charles and Sophie are up here?"
"Hopefully you're obeying signals this time," Charles grumbled.
"That's a bit rude, don't you think?" Janet asked.
"Not as rude as blocking a platform!"
Alphabittle glanced over. "Not this again. Fancy some tea, girls?"
"We're a bit busy at the moment, but maybe later?" Zipp answered. She indicated to the trucks in the yard.
"You'll have to be quick then," Alphabittle smiled. "These parts are bound for Haven yard, and need to be delivered quickly." Just then the signal dropped, and Janet pulled away with a roar that echoed as she entered the tunnel.
Zipp blinked. "Well that got weird quickly."
"I know!" Pipp added. "Why is he taking parts to our yard of all places?"
After collecting their stock, the pair and their engines set off back to Penmere. However, they were held in the loop at Penrhyn to let Rebecca past, who whizzed through without stopping!
They eventually reached Penmere and began the complex process of shunting the trucks into the sidings for the oil terminal. Then, Zipp spotted something. "Who left these trucks here?" she asked. "They're not from the building work!"
"They were coupled to Janet earlier," Pipp realised, as she took a look. "But they're empty. And Janet is nowhere to be seen!"
"If they were due for delivery to the yard, why are they here?" Sophie asked.
"Laziness," Charles said. "Never trust an English Electric product!"
Suddenly, they heard laughter from over on the other side of the line. "Quick! That way!" Pipp said, and dashed across the line after looking both ways.
Zipp shook her head and followed. "And she thinks I'm reckless."
Both girls hid behind a small berm and gradually looked over it. The Haven's home near Falmouth had two gardens, one of which backed onto the railway embankment (which meant people could see whomever was down there, and conversely it made a very good spot for transpotting).
Near the house were several tables and chairs. And sitting in two of them were-
"Mom?" Pipp asked, inhaling a ridiculous amount of air in the process.
"And Alphabittle?" Zipp asked as well. "What's he doing here?"
At that distance, neither of them could understand what they were saying. "Wait, I'm gonna try to lipread," Pipp said. "Got a pen?"
Zipp rolled her eyes and took out a pen and a notepad. "OK."
Pipp nodded. "Gotcha," she said, before turning her eyes back to the figures in the garden as Rebecca whizzed past behind them. "Mom's saying 'I'm fed up, I've tried talking to him'. And Alphabittle's saying 'And is he?'. Back to mom again, she's saying 'no, he's at...' This is bizarre. Hang on, Alphabittle's speaking now! 'If it helps you feel any better I can do it. It's not quite the life, is it'?"
Zipp finished scribbling it down, and peered at the results, a bit confused. "Well, that made little sense. Clearly mom and Alphabittle are fluent in gobbledegook."
Rebecca blasted out of the platform, the roar from her chimney producing a volcanic cloud of steam as she thundered out of Penmere. "We need to speed up!" she said. "We're going much, much too slowly, and we're behind time!"
"Which time?" Hitch said, now getting very, very confused.
Rebecca was running early- too early as a matter of fact. As they rattled towards Falmouth station, she saw Porter making his way out of the docks. "Watch out, Porter!" she called.
Izzy slammed on Porter's brakes and stopped him as Rebecca thundered into the platform.
Porter was surprised. "What are you laking it?" he shouted. "You're early!"
"Am I?" Rebecca asked. "I have no idea where I'm meant to be or what I'm doing!"
"We've been sat here a while," Charles grumbled. "My radiator is getting cold."
"I doubt it, as you seem to be full of hot air," Sophie replied.
"Are they still looking into the garden?" Charles asked.
"It looks that way," Sophie grumbled.
Pipp was still looking in. "I can't make sense of what they're saying anymore. They've got their backs turned to us!"
Zipp looked in, adjusting her binoculars. "They seem to be sorting through parts of some sort. Bit of an odd place to do it. Normally we'd do that in the shed." She looked closer. "Is that a cheeseboard? With cheese on it!"
Pipp checked her watch. "It's far too early for cheese!" Her face dropped. "It's not just any old cheese. It's the posh ones we imported from France!"
Zipp zoomed again. "That's some very mobile brie down there. It may be a bit too mature."
The more they looked, the less this made sense.
Boomer had made his way into the lamp room and was digging about in the chamber for clues. "Come on, they have to be here somewhere."
He then spotted what he was looking for. The crystals were sitting in a large tank in the centre of the light chamber. "Perfect." He snapped several photos of the room as evidence, and then he left on the elevator.
He stepped outside and shut the door, using the lockpick to reset the lock behind him. "Opaline, I've got the evidence. Returning to base."
Rebecca clattered into Truro, looking even more confused than ever before. "I have no idea what is going on!" she said. "Are we late or early this time?"
A DMU looked over from another platform. "You're not late!" she said. "You're very early!"
"That's right!" said the station master, who had appeared on the platform. He looked very unhappy. "You have caused confusion and del- uh, no, that's not quite right. Er, confusion and- well, a great deal of confusion! How can we run a railway when trains don't follow the timetable? If we don't follow the timetable people miss their trains!"
Rebecca sighed. "It is this timetable! It's so confusing, we don't know if we're early or late or anything else!"
The station master walked over and looked in the cab. "May I look?" he asked.
Hitch handed him the timetable. "Here you go."
The station master looked very puzzled. "This isn't the timetable!" he said. "These timings are far too tight. The new timetable slackens the timings rather than tightening them."
Hitch looked baffled. "If this isn't the timetable, then how did it get into my work order for the day?"
The station master shrugged. "I'll contact headquarters and find out what happened."
Pipp looked on as Alphabittle and Lady Haven disappeared into the shed. "I can't take it anymore!" she said.
"Take what anymore?" Zipp asked.
"The tea, the photos, the cheese, disappearing somewhere out of view... Zipp, it's obvious! Mom is having an affair!"
Zipp blinked. "Pipp, aren't you jumping to conclusions?"
"I cannot wait and sit idly by!" Pipp said, as she marched off towards the shed. "I refuse to let dad's heart be broken!"
"Pipp, wait!" Zipp called, before facepalming. "This is gonna suck..."
Back at Truro, the station master handed Hitch some new paperwork. "Management can't explain the timetable incident," he said. "But they did say to use this one from now on. You should find that one much easier to follow. Though you will need to run your engine round pretty sharpish."
Hitch hoped he was right.
Pipp swung the door open and marched into the shed. "Right then, where are..."
She trailed off when she saw nobody was in the room. "This is weird..."
Suddenly, Alphabittle emerged from the inspection pit. "Hello Pipp!" he said. "Need something?"
Pipp blinked in confusion. "But... I don't understand."
"Spanner!" called a voice, before the familiar form of Lady Haven appeared from the inspection pit. She, like Alphabittle, was covered in grease and dirt. "Oh. Hello Pipp. I wasn't expecting to see you here."
Pipp went red with embarrassment. "I've misinterpreted this, haven't I?"
"Misinterpreted what?" Alphabittle asked. "Pipp, you're not making a lot of sense."
Zipp had entered by now, and she decided to explain. "Pipp thinks you two are having an affair."
"Zipp!" Pipp snapped.
"What? Just telling it as it is!"
Alphabittle looked over. "I'll go back to changing the bearings."
Lady Haven's face, on the other hand, was very hard to read. It had the look of both confusion and simmering anger at the same time.
The girls' faces said it all. "We've messed up big time," Pipp said quietly, her face doing the best approximation of Porter's shocked face.
Ray tried to lighten to mood. "Well, there is value sometimes in the positioning of piston valves, as you'll see when you closely examine-"
"Not helping, Ray!"
A few seconds passed, but it felt like hours as the uneasy standoff continued. Then what happened next caught everybody off guard.
Lady Haven started laughing.
Zipp nudged Pipp. "This was not the reaction I was expecting."
Their mother took a few moments to compose herself, as speaking and snorting like a traction engine aren't exactly compatible. "Oh, Pipp! You do sometimes come to the strangest of conclusions! But what I want to know is how on Earth you got to that!"
"I did some lipreading of you and Alphabittle whilst having tea."
"Eavesdropping, I see," Lady Haven replied. "well, lipreading does have a tendancy to turn even mundane conversations into complete nonsense. This is what we actually said..."
Lady Haven placed a full teapot down on the table. "There you go!" she said. "Haven House Blend!"
"Thank you!" Alphabittle smiled, and poured two cups. "I consider myself something of a tea conoisseur."
"You must consume a lot of it in your line of work," Lady Haven nodded. "Heavens know I do."
"You'd be surprised how a nice beer can rehydrate you at the end of a working day," Alphabittle sighed, before taking out his tablet. "I've got some photos from the Swanage Diesel Gala if you want to look."
"Splendid!" Lady Haven smiled, and looked as Alphabittle scrolled through the images. "What is that?"
"It's a Class 88," Alphabittle explained. "Weird machines. Give me a Class 37 or 40 any day. That looked seriously odd double heading with the Class 25s."
He noticed Lady Haven looking up at the lineside as Charles and Sophie passed. "Is something wrong?"
Lady Haven sighed. "It's my daughters. I know this sounds sappy, but I've watched them grow from little children into the fine young women they are now. Pipp has her streaming and perfume side business, Zipp, of course, will succeed me, and the engines will need new drivers. Well, how to put it... is it possible to have empty nest syndrome before your children have moved out?"
Alphabittle nodded. "I've lived on my own for years since... well, you know what. I know how that feels. But family never really moves away. Bonds always tie you to your past, and I have no doubt your kids want to stay in contact with you."
Lady Haven nodded. "Thank you. I suppose we should get back to work. Do you mind if I call you Arthur?"
Alphabittle laughed. "Sure thing, Liz!"
Pipp had her face in her hands. "Sorry," she mumbled.
Lady Haven's face softened. "We all jump to conclusions sometimes. But what made you think I was romantically interested in Alphabittle at all? You are friends with Hitch, right?"
Pipp nodded. "Yeah, but-"
"And he's a boy, correct?"
Pipp sounded exasperated. "Mom, I know what a boy is!"
"And you feel no affection beyond a friendship for him, correct?"
Pipp nodded. "Yeah, but what does that have-"
"Myself and Alphabittle are friends. Alphabittle is male. So why is it OK for you to have male friends you have no romantic affection for and not for me to do the same?"
"But it's different!" Pipp protested.
Lady Haven tilted her head. "Is it?"
Zipp stepped over. "What was that you said yesterday about jumping to conclusions?" she said to Pipp.
"I really should take my own advice more often," Pipp said quietly.
Lady Haven indicated to the side of the room, and walked over with her daughters. "When I was about your age, my father- your grandfather- taught me a very important lesson. I think he phrased it like this. Don't judge a book by its cover. Don't make your mind up too soon. Things aren't neccesarily always what they appear to be. So don't judge a book by its cover. Just remember the rules." She paused. "I can't remember how many nevers he said, but it was a lot. But the point stands."
Alphabittle popped up from the inspection pit. "Perhaps we should explain why I'm here."
"I was kinda wandering that," Zipp asked.
"Well," Lady Haven began, "yesterday we worked Ray pretty hard getting all the fuel swapped around, and when I got him back to the shed for inspection his bearings had gone a bit off. I requested spare parts, but they got delivered to Swanage by mistake. Alphabittle offered to bring them over as he knows the way and has a mainline registered locomotive."
"So why was he in the inspection pit?" Pipp asked.
"The crane is broken, and your father is away running Alexandra on the Looe Branch. I'm not strong enough to change the parts out myself, so an extra pair of hands was greatly appreciated."
Alphabittle chose to speak. "I know change can be hard. I'm a guy pretty set in my ways myself. But you and your friends did so something pretty impressive, so I think I can find it in my heart to let you two off this time." He glanced back. "Even if I never got my crystal back."
There was silence. But then Pipp spoke. "You said an extra pair of hands was appreciated. How about another two?"
Alphabittle glanced over. "You'd do that for us?"
"Think of it as us making up for all the trouble we caused," Zipp said.
Opaline smiled as she looked at the photographs. "Very good, Boomer," she said. "This is vital information for the next stage of the plan."
Boomer nodded. "I am honoured to serve, Opaline. What is our next move?"
Opaline turned to him. "I have a very important job for you."