//------------------------------// // Chapter Eight part 1: A Rough Ride. // Story: Twilight's Diamond Daughter // by deadpansnarker //------------------------------// “First of all Diamond, I hope you’re going to treat your room in Canterlot with a little more respect than my personal carriage! You just ruined a perfectly good plush seat, and Celestia knows how much it’ll cost to get it replaced...”  “Seeing as YOU’RE the one in charge now, shouldn’t it be ‘Twilight knows’? Also, can’t we discuss this later? I’m trying to enjoy the view.” “No, we’ll ‘discuss’ it now, young filly! I swear, if I spoke to my elders the way you’re talking to me now, I wouldn’t have even been allowed to go to class, let alone qualify for Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns…” “...And that’s what you call a punishment? If behaving like this got me out of going to boring lessons and attending a stupid school full of horned geeks, I’d have been the biggest troublemaker in the world! Oh darn it, a big grey cloud just blew right in front of the window…” “Horned Geeks?!” Twilight recoiled in horror at being described thus, as it brought back painful memories of being teased by a slightly less… educated crowd. “Now, see here! My formative educational days were some of the most rewarding of my life! The precious friends I made there, like Moon Dancer and er… various others. The invaluable skills I picked up, like extended levitation and advanced teleportation! Or, was it the other way around? Plus, if I’d never gone there, I never would’ve met Spike. When he hatched right in front of me… precious memories…” A mildly emotional Twilight took this opportunity to glance over to where Spike sat nearby, perhaps hoping that this would be the catalyst for ‘a moment’, the sort that Starlight snotilly rejected between the two of them just before liftoff. Alas, the hopeful alicorn was about to be disappointed twice in one afternoon. For instead of gazing wistfully into his bestie’s eyes about the distant past, Spike was currently curled up comfortably from top-to-tail with little puffs of smoke emitting from his nostrils to indicate each slumbering breath. Whether he was genuinely all tuckered out from the exhausting ‘playtime’ Diamond Tiara had subjected him to earlier, or whether he faked his nap to get a well-earned break from his sometimes demanding alicorn chum and her unpredictable new ward, who can say. In the meantime though, with Diamond currently transfixed by the birds-eye view from above, and Spike apparently lost to the Land Of Nod, Twilight was more-or-less left talking to herself. Not that I want to come across as a diva, but I thought as a Princess, especially one that’s now running the entire country, every creature would hang on my every word… Twilight thought ruefully, feeling quite alone all of a sudden. Wish I didn’t have to wait until tomorrow to speak to the girls again, about the only ponies I’ll see until then are Diamond and my personal guard… say, now there’s an idea… Suffice to say, the usually stoic pegasus Iron Head was most surprised when in the midst of helping out his fellow teammates to fly the carriage safely to Canterlot, a distinctly royal voice could be heard shouting at him, though in a notably friendly manner. “I say! You there, second from the left. What are you doing later? I was wondering if you’d like to…” Sadly, whatever Twilight’s invitation consisted of, it was destined never to be heard. For as Iron Head strained to hear the alicorn’s question above the howl of the rushing wind… …He almost collided into the adjacent pegasi as he turned, earning undisguised looks of irritation from his fellow riders and a sheepish one to hoof from Twilight. “O-Oops. Sorry. I-I didn’t mean to disrupt…” Twilight stammered an apology to Iron Head, as she slumped embarrassed back in her seat. What was I thinking?! You should never interrupt a party of pegasi ponies when they’ve got passengers in the air! Every filly and colt knows that!! As if she hadn’t gotten the point already, the bit of turbulence had apparently been enough to rouse Spike from his shuteye. He was now shaking his head unimpressed with a long-practised exasperated sigh, and as for Diamond… Well, she was about to pour salt on the open wound. Of course. “Gee, Princess. Didn’t you know you’re never supposed to interrupt a party of pegasi ponies when they have passengers in the air? Every filly and colt knows that. What did they teach you at that ‘School for Grifting Unicorns’? How to get killed?!” Unable to say anything in her defence, Twilight narrowed her eyes at the smug youngster who’d now returned to gazing unhindered out into the wild blue yonder, though this time with a great big smirk on her face. Spike, I swear. You better be as good with your new wings as you say you are, because you may need to catch a falling filly midair if this carries on much longer. *********************** “We’re here! We’re here! WE’RE HERE… Oops, sorry Spike. I didn’t mean to tread on your tail. Why is it so long, anyway…?” “Calm down, Diamond… and sit down! Wait for us to land first, before moving about… and don’t worry, Spike. We can put something on that as soon as we get inside.” With a jubilant filly jumping up and down like a yo-yo inside the narrow confines of the carriage, and a screeching dragon more-or-less doing the same (though in this instance more due to sheer pain than excitement) Iron Head and the rest of his crew might’ve been forgiven for wondering why they hadn’t been advised to take out life insurance in advance of this trip, even as they neared the towering spires of the illustrious city known as Canterlot.   In the end, it was Twilight who saved the day (as usual) by holding Diamond and Spike in place via magic until their vehicle was safely on the ground once more. She hadn’t consulted her list today for at least an hour, but she was pretty sure ‘Crash Landing Outside The Palace’ wasn’t part of the agenda. “Right, now what’s going to happen next is…” Twilight tried to take control of proceedings even as she struggled to gather her own wits, but she might as well have been talking to a brick wall… …Or Diamond Tiara’s pinkish flank, which was the last she saw of the uncooperative filly as she disappeared at record speed through the opening castle doors. “W-What the… she didn’t even stop to listen…” Twilight blinked in confusion, before turning to her trusted advisor, perhaps hoping for some clarification as to what to do next. For his part, all Spike had to offer by way of response was a defeatist shrug of the shoulders. “After what we’ve seen so far of Diamond, I’m surprised that you’re surprised. The only thing I can suggest is that you sit down and give her one of those heart-to-hearts I know you’re so good at and set out a few ‘ground rules’. It might work, it might not… but hey, what have you got to lose?” “B-But… I already did that… back at the Map Room… I went under the table with her, and everything.” “Maybe it takes more than one pep talk in a secluded spot to get through to an out-of-control child. Who knows? I’m not a parent, and after the last few hours, the chances of me ever entering that ‘special’ club are diminishing by the second.” Spike pondered momentarily, before deciding to put it to the alicorn straight. “In case you’ve forgotten, I was against this crazy idea from the beginning. We’ve got enough on our plate overseeing the transition from Celestia and Luna to you, without having some little bra… filly galloping around the place, causing havoc. But you told me you could make it work, so against my better judgement I went along with it. Still not having any second thoughts…?” “Yes! I-I mean… no! Of course not! I made myself a promise I’d see this arrangement through to the end, and by Celestia, I’m going to do it! For Diamond’s sake, and for my honour as a Princess. S-She’s just going through a few teething problems, that’s all. Once she gets settled down, I’m sure everything will be okay. I’ll tell you what I’ll do… I’m gonna march right in there now, and give her so much love and support, she’ll be swimming in it! You hear me, Spike? Drowning in it!!” On this partially shrieked note, Twilight wasted no more time and ran straight into her new home, from which considerable bangs and smashes and crashes could already be heard emanating (as well as a few explosions, although this could perhaps be put down to a half-crazed alicorn’s febrile imagination). As for Spike, he shared a sceptical look with the pegasi crew which could roughly be translated as yeah, I know before trotting calmly into the palace after his more hyperactive two equine companions to uncork a bottle of soothing lotion for his sore tail. It had kindly been gifted to him by Zecora last week by way of a going away present, and it was already half-empty. (Starlight and Trixie had been learning to tap-dance together in the Friendship Castle recently, taking advantage of Twilight’s many Princess-related absences, and they weren’t yet very good at looking where they were hot-stepping). The guards watched the last of their passengers go inside with trepidation, and whilst they removed the buckles from their backs in preparation for a hard night’s duty one stark truth dawned on all of them… No matter whatever the danger is out there, the most clear and present one can be found right here in the castle. No magic. No superstrength. Less than 3ft tall. Just a cute filly, in other words. So, why are we grown adults shaking in our armour at the prospect of living with her? Maybe we should’ve stayed home with Mother…