Deep in the mines beneath the Everfree, Anon and his assistant Maud went through another round of paperwork related to running and potentially expanding the mine.
Sat at desks in a dug out pocket of rock they turned into an office the two went through orders that had been placed via Anon’s contact in Canterlot.
“Damn, it seems like there’s been an uptick in business lately hasn't it Maud?” Anon asked, looking at the grey mare who simply nodded before going back to her work.
“Aren’t you the least bit curious as to WHY that is?” Anon asked, himself very interested in what's happening in the capital. Turning to face her boss, Maud’s blank expression remained perpetually intact “I get money to go towards my degree and I get to keep any rocks you don’t want. I could not be happier, so let’s not rock the boat” Maud explained, still stone faced.
Despite the week since they began working together Anon had never once seen Maud have any other facial expressions. It didn’t bother him, ok it did it bothered him a lot “you know Maud one of these days I promise I will find a way to make you smile” Anon promised.
They continued through their workday Anon received a letter. Well it appeared out of thin air and fell on his head.
It bore the Royal crest indicating it came from Canterlot “please don’t be Luna please don’t be Luna please don’t be Luna” Anon chanted remembering what happened last time he got a letter from the Princess of the Night.
To Anon of Earth
You are cordially invited to the wedding of Princess Cadance and Captain Shining Armour at Canterlot Castle.
You are permitted to bring a plus 1 as a date to the event.
Sincerely, the office of Raven Inkwell.
“Well it’s about goddamn time, now who should I bring as a plus one?” Anon said to himself “hey Maud you wanna go to a royal wedding?” Anon invited “no, take your marefriend” she said in her usual monotone voice. No hint of malice, or bad intentions. But no good ones either.
“Marefriend? Wait a minute. I DO have one of those!” Anon exclaimed happily as the gears in his head turned slightly faster.
“I’ll ask Cream Heart to go with me. Oh wait I forgot she has a kid” Anon said first excitedly and then sadly as he remembered Button existed “hey Maud you wouldn’t happen to be good with foals would you?” Anon asked “I have classes every day I’m not here” she responded “damn, knowing Pinkie she’s probably been invited as one of Twilight’s friends and the Cakes have their hoofs full with the twins and Chocolate, and I’ve cashed in all my favours from Big Mac. Damn it, why are these the only ponies I socialise with!” Anon grumbled in frustration “have you considered that Cream Heart will be able to find a foal sitter?” Maud asked.
“Right. Didn’t think of that” Anon admitted.
Finishing up his work day Anon travelled to his marefriend’s home. Knocking on the door Anon waited giddily for Cream Heart to answer.
He’d gotten around a lot since landing in Equestria. Mostly after he became a horse.
But none of them were. Serious.
The Cakes were the closest to an actual relationship he had had and that was purely a sex thing. Cream Heart and he weren’t exactly an item but they were considered a couple. It was too early for either of them to use labels in public but they were getting there.
After a dozen or so seconds of waiting the door opened. Standing in a frilly pink apron wrapped around her chest and barrel was Cream Heart “oh hello Anon, what brings you hear this late?” She asked “well, I got an invitation to Cadance’s wedding at Canterlot and I wanted to know if you wanted to come as my date?” Anon asked.
Watching her big blue eyes go even wider, Cream Heart threw her front legs around Anon’s neck “yes! I’d love to! But I’ll need to get my dress altered, and get them a gift and I need to find a foal sitter for Button. I’ll meet you at the train station later. Thank you for the invite” Cream Heart said unintentionally disallowing Anon the ability to get a word in. Pecking her coltfriend on the cheek, Cream Heart closed the door leaving Anon standing in the street.
“Wait. Shit I forgot a gift” Anon said facepalming himself.
Deep in the Everfree Anon sat in Zecora’s hut with Zecora sat opposite him “tell me Anon, what is it you have going on?” Zecora asked, telling that the thestral had chaos on his mind “I’ve got a wedding to attend and I was wondering if you had any potions that will… liven up the wedding night” Anon explained.
Raising an eyebrow Zecora started to look through the vials and potions that covered the walls. Picking one out from the shelves Zecora placed it on the table in front of Anon “this potion and you will make quite a pair, especially when given to a fertile mare” Zecora explained. Going to swap the potion with a bag full of bits Anon’s hoof was stopped by Zecora’s hoof being placed on top of his “but be warned my friend, any more than a teaspoon is no good, if you with to keep your stallionhood” she warned, looking deep into his eyes with a serious expression.
Hesitating for a second Anon nodded, indicating he understood the gravity of the situation “ok. But just to be sure does that mean my dick will explode or…” he asked “you will be ridden until it falls off” Zecora stated.
“Ok”
Paying for his “wedding gift” Anon left for Ponyville to pack everything for the trip to the capital.
Anon didn’t own many fancy clothes. Well, ones that were made for his species. But he did have some clothes that he threw on for special occasions.
It was a one piece suit tuxedo Rarity made for him. Nothing special but it was fancier than being naked.
He packed a few extra stuff just to be sure. A far less nice backup suit, some extra bits, a sandwich and what Anon assumed was rum but the Yak he bought it from had a very strong accent.
“Alrighty, this is the biggest day of my friend’s life. Every important noble and diplomat in the land will be there… Let’s Austin Powers this shit, yah baby!”
Carrying the suitcase Anon made my way down to Ponyville train station. He waited for Cream Heart to arrive, herself carrying a white suitcase with a pink heart on it “ready to go?” Anon asked as the train pulled into the station “I’m so excited! I really have to thank Mrs Cheerilee for watching Button while we’re gone” Cream Heart said.
The night trip to Canterlot was uneventful. But once they arrived the whole city was in a state of controlled chaos. Ponies we’re hanging up decorations and celebrating in the streets, music and dancing were everywhere.
“We should really hit the town once we’ve gotten settled in” Cream Heart stated.
Making their way to the castle the pair were met by a pair of guards standing at the front gate. They looked like they were checking for invitations so Anon pulled out his saddle bag.
When it came to their turn Anon showed them the invite along with his identification papers. Although the latter one made the guards raise his eyebrow.
“Welcome, Sir Anon of… Longshaft?” The guard said reading out Anon’s ID papers “enjoy the wedding” he added stepping aside.
“Of Longshaft?” Cream Heart asked “Princess Luna owed me a favour” Anon explained.
Getting settled in Cream Heart went off to explore leaving Anon alone to catch up on his reading.
“I love how nothing particularly bad has happened to me today,” Anon said happily as he finished another page of his book.
As he continued to read his book a knock came on the door “come in” he said placing the book down.
Entering the room ‘Cadance’ gave Anon a polite smile as she trotted up to her friend “hello Anon, I heard you were at the castle so I thought I’d come say hi” she explained “yeah I got here earlier. Sorry I didn’t say hi sooner, we were told you we’re told you were busy” Anon explained.
“Well, I’m here now. How about we catch up?” She asked “great, just let me put my book away and we can talk as long as you want” Anon said moving over to his suitcase to put the book away in it.
With his back turned Anon couldn’t see Cadance spot the potion sat on his desk. Using her magic to lift it over Cadance examined it for a moment. Opening the bottle she took a whiff of the concoction. Finding it pleasant to the smell she tried taking a little sip of it, then the small sip turned into a glug.
Once she noticed Anon start to turn back around she whipped it back onto the desk and reseated it.
“So, what’s been happening with you?” Anon asked, taking a seat opposite Cadance “nothing much, most of my time’s been spent planning the wedding. Shining Armour has his duties as the captain of the guard so it’s been a little lonely” she admitted, lowering her head lightly.
Anon frowned slightly, he felt bad for his friend “I’m sure everything will be fine, once the hustle of getting this whole thing sorted is done there'll be more time for the two of you” Anon said trying to comfort her.
It did have the desired effect, sort of.
Cadance didn’t look as sad, but she didn’t look happy either. It was more… needy than anything else.
“Anon, there’s something I need you to do for me” she asked, her voice sounding a little desperate.
“Sure, what do you need?” Anon asked.
Standing up Cadance started to make her way over to Anon. The distance quickly closed. Cadance tracked her muzzle along Anon’s neck, he could feel her smelling him. Anon stayed still, having no clue what the actual fuck was going on but he didn’t want to do anything that might upset Cadance.
“Ok, just stay still Anon, I’m sure Luna is gonna burst out and say sike and reveal that this is all a prank any minute now” he told himself in his mind.
“Pulling away Cadance looked Anon in the eyes, they seemed needy, yearning, almost lustful “I need you to take me Anon” she explained.
“… well I’m not taking you anywhere until you learn to stop sniffing random people. That may get you elected president but it won’t roll here” Anon stated.
“Something’s… off” Anon thought to himself. Cadance was acting strange, well, strange for a pink pony princess “yep something is definitely off but I can’t put my finger on it” he continued to think. Looking down at his hoofs for a second Anon frowned momentarily, lamenting the loss of his beloved touch stumps.
Rolling her eyes Cadance used her front hooves to push Anon onto his back and pin him down. Glaring far more intensely at him Cadance explained what she wanted to Anon a little more clearly.
“Listen Anon, I haven’t felt a stallion’s touch in nearly two weeks. Shining Armour has been stuck with those frivolous guard duties and I’ve been left unattended to ever since. Now this is how it’s going to happen, I am going to be satisfied, you will do the satisfying. Now be an obedient little pony and serve your princess!”
This was not the Cadance Anon was familiar with. She seemed overly demanding, almost to the point of being aggressive.
Trying to think of a way out of this situation, Anon’s head turned as he heard the door swing open. Standing in the doorway, looking on at the situation as Cadance kept Anon pinned to the floor was Cream Heart. Covering her mouth with her hoof a light blush was spread across her cheeks.
“C-Cream this isn’t what it looks like!” Anon stuttered, knowing perfectly what it looks like “oh it’s exactly what it looks like~” Cadance countered before dragging her tongue across Anon’s neckline.
“Well, I’ve never been in anything with another mare but… if everypony is alright with it,” Cream Heart said.
“Wait I’m sorry but wot?” Anon asked, his accent slipping to British.
“The more the merrier~ If you want I’m sure we can find some maids who’d be more than happy to join in. Isn’t that right Anon?” Cadance said licking her lips, turning to give Anon a predatory gaze.
“God. It’s me, Anon. I’m ready to go now” Anon prayed internally.
“Also why are Cadance’s eyes glowing green?” He added.
-meanwhile, in the hallway-
Twilight Sparkle half stomped through the hallways of the royal palace. She could tell something was wrong with Cadance. Her favourite foal sitter didn’t even recognise the unicorn.
“What’s wrong with her? She looked at me like I was a complete stranger. Somethings happening and I don’t like it” Twilight said to herself.
Stopping outside one of the guest rooms Twilight heard a loud noise coming from the over side of the door.
“Bump bump bump!”
Raising an eyebrow inquisitively, Twilight gently pushed the door open.
Words could not describe Twilight’s shock. Painters could not replicate her appearance. And philosophers would debate for millenia if the level of her rage justified a new word for angry.
Laying in a broken bed was Anon, Cream Heart and Cadance. Drenched in sweat and piled on top of each other.
“Uh, hey Twiggles, didn’t know you were invited”
“WHAT THE ACTUAL BUCK IS GOING ON HERE!!!?” Twilight bellowed, her scream loud enough to alert the entire castle.
Within minutes the hallway was swarmed with guards, even Celestia and Luna were there. Both princesses were shocked and appalled at the sight before them.
“Anon, what do you think you’re doing to my niece?” Celestia asked “I-I-she” Anon tried to explain. Words failed to come out of his mouth.
“Twily what’s going- Cadance!?” Shining Armour said, his mouth dropping at the sight of his ‘fiancée’” in bed with another stallion and a mare he’d never met before.
“Shining!” Cadance said, coming just in time to see her future husband’s look of unimaginable pain.
“I swear she came onto me-“ Anon tried to defend himself.
“To the dungeons with thee!” Luna called out in the royal Canterlot voice.
Guards swarmed Anon dragging him away kicking and screaming. Their destination the deepest dungeons in all of Canterlot.
AN: dun dun dun! Anon’s in jail and Chrisy is on the move! Still he got some so it ain’t all that bad.