//------------------------------// // Ninth Entry // Story: Even the Strong Need Help // by Charlie_K //------------------------------// The best way Thunder could think to describe his current situation was... weird. That was possibly the most concise explanation he could come up with right now. For the second time in a week he'd thought that he'd been performing his duties normally, only to later learn the fact that he'd actually been dreaming the entire time. The first time had been in a meeting with Princess Luna informing him about his health status. And now it was with both members of the diarchy, who had appeared to talk to him, then they'd disappeared to talk privately, and had then reappeared again after what seemed like a second to him. Weird was the only way he could think to describe the matter right now, because "Average Tuesday" just didn't quite do it justice. "Thunder Strike," Celestia spoke up, "I believe we got off on the wrong hoof when we first showed up. If we're going to talk, it'd best be done in comfort. What say we go somewhere more comfortable and just... relax?" Weird was definitely the only way he could think to describe the matter right now. "If that's what you wish, Your H-" "No," she interrupted and shook her head. "I'm asking what you want, Thunder Strike. What is it that you want to do," she stated. The question immediately made him seize up in thought as the situation suddenly went beyond mere weirdness. This was adviser territory, and he was no adviser. "I... don't know, Your Highness," he admitted, keeping it short and straight to the point. In truth he did know what he wanted. But he'd already asked that this afternoon when he'd gotten back from the hospital. And that simple wish had been denied. Was he supposed to make the same request a second time when he already knew the answer? Was there really any point in asking for anything after that? "Thunder Strike," Luna groaned tiredly, "is there anything that you do want? Anything that does not have any connection to your service as a guard? Anything at all? Surely there must be something, yes?" He felt himself tense up in response to the question. His interactions with Luna had been... limited to only a hoofful of times when their paths had crossed. But in all of them he'd never heard this particular tone of voice being used. She sounded... almost like she was in pain. Almost like she was pleading for something she held as important to her. And for better or worse, she was looking to him to prove her with that something. He knew that he had to answer. And there was only one answer that he could give. "A Royal Guard thinks not of themselves, Your Highness..." Luna looked like she was about to respond, and perhaps in a less than polite manner, but Celestia stopped her before she could get a word out. "Thunder Strike, please don't take this the wrong way. But I don't know who you're trying to bullshit more right now, us or yourself," she stated. "I've met many guards in my time, and I can tell you with certainty, that contrary to popular misconception they're not unthinking, unfeeling automatons. They're ponies, just like you, me, and everypony else. All of them have thoughts, feelings, and desires for things that have no relation to the work they do. From the mundane like red velvet cupcakes for dessert, to... well I'm sure you understand I can't really go into detail about what some ponies have wanted," she stated, slightly uneasy as she spoke the last part. He listened as she spoke, but ultimately chose to remain silent and simply wait to see where this was going before he contributing anything in response. "There's nothing wrong with wanting something for yourself, Thunder Strike. Being a guard doesn't make you any less of a pony, and being a pony with natural desires doesn't make you any less of a guard as a result," she stated. Silence ensued. He was fairly certain that she was done talking at this point. Meaning it was safe for him to finally speak up. "Can I please go back to work tomorrow, Your Highness?" The look on her face was very much like what he'd seen, back in her office when he'd first presented the question. He'd already known what the answer was going to be, even before she'd started to close her eyes and shake her head to confirm that fact. "Then there's no point in my asking further," he slowly concluded. In response, Luna let out a growl of annoyance as she all but glared at him. But before she could start to shout, she bit back the urge, and took a breath to steady her nerves. "Thunder Strike, I do not want to yell, but I just do not understand you in the least," she admitted, unable to keep the annoyance out of her voice. "Please, help me to understand. Why is this so important to you? Why are you drawn to your work like a moth to a flame, even when you know that it is killing you? It nearly did kill you, but still you crave returning to it and doing even more, and I just cannot fathom why this is. Please, tell me, why is your work more important than your own life and well being?" "A Royal Guard's duty is to serve their command to the best of their abilities, Your Highness," he replied, in the simplest, most concise manner he could manage. "I swore an oath, to the Royal Guard, to the Diarchy, and to Equestria that I would do just that; perform and execute the duties of my station to the best of my abilities, be it paperwork or preventing an assassination attempt. Just as countless Guards for countless generations have been doing before me." Luna looked at him, before looking over to Celestia who looked back at her. "Thunder Strike," Celestia spoke up, "I admire your dedication to upholding that oath. But the way you've been going about doing that just... well it just isn't actually necessary. Even during the early days of Equestria's founding and unification when things were far more turbulent, we never required the guards to work as many hours as you've been putting in. 'To the best of your abilities' doesn't mean you're expected to squeeze every waking hour out of the day that you can." "Indeed not," Luna agreed as she shook her head. "A guard does not break their oath by taking a vacation once in a while. But what you were doing... nearly a dull decade of fifty-six hours weeks, forty additional hours of overtime a month on top of that, without ever taking a day off the entire time? Something like that just is not sustainable long term. I am amazed you made it as long as you did before collapsing; a lesser pony would have been dead from attempting that." Thunder's only response was silence as he continued to stand at attention, with the expression on his face remaining neutral and impossible to read. "Different Guards have different circumstances, skills, abilities, and thresholds, Your Highness," he eventually stated. "Lieutenant Lance can't gallop as fast as the rest of us, but excels in the use of polearms. Lieutenant Fire isn't as strong as Lieutenant Wall, but excels in maneuverability. Every Guard must determine for themselves, how they can best go about upholding their oaths. Some simply aren't able to do the same degree of physical work as others." "Oh really now?" Celestia asked curiously. "And what exactly makes you so special, Thunder Strike, that lets you invest so much more time than your comrades?" "I... can't answer that question, Your Highness," he eventually replied. "No matter how I might try to phrase an explanation, I can't think of how to give an honest answer without violating at least three tenets of the Royal Guard in the process." At this point, Celestia could do little more than shake her head in response. "Thunder Strike, those tenets you refer to aren't rules that carry a legally enforceable weight to them; in all of my time, nopony has ever been punished for not being able to abide by them. They exist simply to instill ideas about what service should entail, not dictate the full scope," she explained. "And now you've got me extremely curious, how your answer could in any way violate those tenets. I'd like to hear what you have to say." Luna opted to simply nod in agreement. Again, Thunder remained silent in response. But this time he didn't look quite as stoic and unreadable as he had been a moment ago. He looked like he was deep in contemplation, and trying to determine just what to say. "A Guard does not speak ill of their comrades. A Guard does not complain. A Guard must always be loyal, to command and comrade alike. Without loyalty there is no trust, and without trust there is nothing," he spoke slowly, but it was unclear exactly who he was speaking to at the moment. Finally, he turned his focus back to them. "Other ponies who joined the Royal Guard and entered the organization, did so from the position of already having preexisting duties, obligations, and responsibilities that they had to focus on. Businesses, school, friends, families, in addition to what would be asked of them and their service. They have to weigh and balance those obligations and requirements for themselves," he stated slowly. "I... don't have those same obligations, so I don't have to make those same decisions, Your Highness. The reason I can devote more time to my duties as a Royal Guard, is because I actually can." "Thunder Strike, I am not certain I understand what you are saying," Luna admitted. "Could you elaborate on what you mean?" "I don't have any family, Your Highness," he stated simply. "No family?" Luna asked, looking flabbergasted by the admission. "You mean NO family at all? You are an orphan?" "I was an orphan. I aged out of the system," he explained with all the emotional range of a lukewarm cadaver, as if the difference between the two standards was actually important enough to point out and clarify. "And after you aged out of the system, you went straight to the academy, before eventually making your way here to work at the palace, and have been working ever since," Celestia surmised. "Correct, Your Highness," he replied and nodded. Celestia simply nodded in turn, uncertain what else she could really say right now. If nothing else this at least answered a few questions relating to inconsistencies in his service record. "That is just horrible!" Luna stated. "I had no idea that you... that you actually had no one. I cannot imagine how much that must have hurt." The fact he didn't immediately speak up, in confirmation or denial, didn't go unnoticed. "Not having any of those distractions to deal with means that I'm free to devote more time, energy, and focus to my duties, to perform them to the best of my abilities." There was a sharp hitch in the sound of Luna drawing in a breath through grit teeth. "Sister, could I speak with you just a moment? In private?" Celestia had just barely exited Thunder Strike's dream before Luna's composure broke. Before she even had time to respond, her sister had already thrown herself against her in order to put her in a tight hug. All she could do was stand there as she was practically clung to for dear life. "Luna, are you alright?" "No, no I am not alright!" she stated as her breath hitched. "I have met many orphans in my time, many more than I would care to count, but never have I met one who made it all the way into their adulthood without ever being adopted. I... I was not prepared to encounter such a horrible development right under our noses of all places!" Celestia could do little more than drape her wing over her sister's back, and simply give her the time she needed to calm down. "I knew that we might not like what we found as we investigated Thunder Strike, but I did not imagine encountering such a vile turn of events. Nor was I prepared for... I cannot even think of how to describe it. It was as if he felt nothing when detailing what his experience was. There was nothing behind his eyes as he spoke, neither resentment nor sadness. "There was not even a sense of numb acceptance, as that would imply him making peace with what he felt, but he does not feel; not like a normal pony does. A compulsive sense of duty to his profession is the only thing that is present in him, because his profession is the only thing in his life that he does have. It is... almost like he believes he was born solely to be a guard, and nothing but that matters." "Bringing us right back to where we started," Celestia surmised. "We still need more information to go on, though. Finding out he was an orphan tells us more than we knew, but it's too early to write everything off as being because of that." "We have to go back in and ask him more," Luna concluded in turn. "Very well. I just... need a moment to compose myself. I am still shaken by the fact he has gone his entire life without a family. Even when we were separated from one another for a thousand years, we at least had each other in the time leading up to that point. We knew that we would meet again, one way or another. But to meet a pony who did not even have that much in their life..." she could only groan in response and hang her head.