“They’re not going to fire you,” Housekeeper Solaria insisted, rubbing her temple with one wizened hoof.
“Hm,” Lemon Hearts hummed dubiously. Several beats of silence passed.
“But how can you be so sure?” she burst out, all of her anxiety right back to the surface.
“I know a thing or two about this castle after forty years of running it,” Solaria answered sagely. “They don’t waste talent or bits here.” She eyed Lemon Hearts carefully. “And hiring ponies is expensive.”
Lemon Hearts’ flicked an ear. She leaned closer to the table, really putting her horn into her spoon polishing.
“I mean it,” the housekeeper insisted, throwing down her polishing cloth. “Especially since you can polish the forks again on your own without panicking.” She sighed. “And thank Celestia for that. Anyway, I need to go see about this week’s grocery delivery.” The housekeeper stood, her knees cracking audibly. “Getting too old for this…” she muttered.
She trotted briskly out of the room, bobbing her head curtly to the guards as she passed.
An hour of restful silence ticked by, Lemon Hearts moving from spoon to fork to knife and back again, polishing each piece of silverware with care. It was mind numbing work, but it paid well enough to afford rent and a decent living, and the benefits were stellar.
And, perhaps most importantly, it was the kind of job that didn’t require a college degree to get.
A mare has two paths in life, her brain offered ever so helpfully.
“Buck off,” she muttered, putting the knife down with more force than was perhaps necessary.
College had never been for her, no matter how much her mother wanted it to be. Lemon Hearts… unicorn horn be damned, she liked to work with her hooves. Things like baking and laundry and silver polishing and meal serving might not be the most glamorous or sought after tasks, but they were tasks that would always need doing.
Dishes and laundry and taxes, the trifecta of never ending obligations.
Besides, working in the castle set ponies for life, you just had to work your way up the ladder… and wait for the older staff to retire.
“Hello, my little pony.”
“Hell–oh sweet Celestia, I-I mean, Princess Celestia!” Lemon Hearts’ dreamy daze rocketed right past reasonable and straight into full blown panic. She threw her spoon, and herself, to the ground for the second time in as many weeks, prostrating herself into a deep bow. “How may I be of service?” she asked Princess Celestia’s hoofguards.
“Please rise,” the Princess said, her tone warm. “Your name is Lemon Hearts, correct?”
“Yes, Your Highness,” Lemon Hearts answered, heart hammering in her chest. “And, u-um, yes, Your Highness.” She risked a glance upward, but the Princess’ face projected nothing but calm amusement, and the only pink Lemon Hearts saw was in the Princess’ ethereal mane, not a pink slip in sight.
“Lemon Hearts, I know that the incident the other day was a bit…”
The unicorn swallowed.
“Well.” Princess Celestia smiled, a small, bland thing. “Regardless of the description, I wanted to have a chat with you.”
Lemon Hearts pursed her lips together, nodded.
“Let us go for a stroll in the garden, shall we? I get to see it so rarely, in the evening.”
“Of course, Your Highness.”
She trailed behind the Princess, past the guards (the pegasus gave her a wink, which only made her more nervous), down the main corridor and out into the sprawling garden. The crickets had already emerged from their slumber, and their sleepy chirps were a balm on Lemon Hearts’ frazzled heart.
They walked in silence for a time, into the garden proper, until they came to a large marble fountain.
Celestia turned, and gave Lemon Hearts the same gentle smile she wore every day. It was no less terrifying up close.
“I wanted to discuss your future at Canterlot castle with you, Lemon Hearts.”
Lemon’s stomach dropped.
She opened her mouth.
Closed it.
Opened it again.
Nothing was coming out.
A crow cawed nearby, spurring Lemon Hearts into action.
“I’m so sorry, Your Highness, please don’t fire me!”
“Fire you?” Celestia frowned delicately. “Whatever for?”
“For, for upsetting the Princess, Princess Luna, I mean, the other day, I didn’t mean to—”
Celestia held up a hoof, and Lemon Hearts stopped her word vomit so suddenly she thought she’d choke on it.
“You did nothing to upset my sister. She was merely upset, and you were merely caught in the crossfire.” Celestia shook her head once. “You have been nothing but an exemplary employee, my little pony. Housekeeper Solaria has told me as much.”
Lemon Hearts’ mouth was open again, but shutting a gobsmacked mouth was not a task for the shocked.
“You’re not going to fire me?”
“Not unless you would like to be.” The Princess’ smile quirked up into, dare Lemon say it, a smirk. “I hear employment is at a record high in Equestria, so I imagine the unemployment office would welcome the business if you so desire.”
“N-n-no, no, I am quite happy where I am, Your Highness!” Lemon Hearts yelped.
“Excellent. Then sit, and let us discuss your future here, as I mentioned.” She gestured to the bench beside the fountain, and Lemon Hearts rushed to take the proffered seat.
“You seem quite anxious, and the hour grows late, so I will not avail you of too much of your time,” Celestia began. “Solaria has been itching to retire for the last decade, but has so far been unsuccessful in finding a suitable replacement to train for her position.” Her smile gentled again. “Until now. She has put forth your name.”
The evening breeze picked up, but Princess Celestia’s ethereal mane remained unaffected.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“I am offering you a promotion,” the Princess prompted.
“No… no?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.”
“Indeed.” She leveled her considering stare on Lemon Hearts, her gaze unfathomable. “Solaria has been quite impressed with your table settings in particular, and your overall attention to detail.” She paused, as if waiting for a response, but Lemon Hearts offered none. “That is a trait that would serve you quite well as housekeeper.”
“O-oh. I see. Yes, that makes sense, Your Highness.” Lemon blinked. “I’m sorry, this is a lot to process.”
“Then I hope my second request does not add to your burden further,” Celestia chuckled. “I will speak plainly: my sister requires an etiquette teacher. Much has changed in the years since her banishment.” Lemon Hearts could almost sense the pain in her words—almost, but not quite. “I would like to additionally hire you for that purpose, while you complete your housekeeper training.”
“But… me, Your Highness?” Sure, Mother had drilled formal etiquette into Lemon’s head for her entire life since foalhood, but she’s never thought of it as a useful skill, really. “Surely there are more experienced teachers than me?”
“Such as your mother?”
Lemon Hearts gulped.
“Y-yes, Your Highness.”
“I’m afraid that you have many things that your mother lacks, even with her years of experience as a renowned debutante instructor.” Her smile faded. “Youth, for starters. A thousand years is a long time, but in many ways, my sister is still very young. I think that a younger teacher would aid in her… absorption, of the information,” Celestia explained. “And you are one of Twilight’s friends.”
“I… don’t know, Your Highness.” And she could feel it. The well of fear and failure and disappointment swelled within her, the pressure building until her chest was tight, almost too tight to breath.
“Nonsense. You have a gift for formal dining tableware set up. Would it be fair to say that you are likewise familiar with formal dining etiquette?”
“Uh.” Lemon Hearts blinked. Well, she was indeed familiar with it.. “Yes, Your Highness,” she repeated once more.
“Excellent. We shall draw up your new contract tomorrow evening upon your arrival.” Celestia critically eyed Lemon Hearts’ maid uniform. “And get you fitted for your new wardrobe.” And then she grinned.
“And do take care not to keep me waiting too long. I’m staying up quite past my bedtime these days.”
The Princess sashayed away, a spring in her step. Lemon Hearts watched her sightlessly, still in shock.
“Oh. And do take the time to enjoy the garden before you head back, Lemon Hearts. The jasmine and lavender are lovely this time of night.”
____________________________
“Etiquette teacher for Princess Luna?!” Minuette cried. “That’s amazing news, Lemmy! How’d you manage to swing that?”
“I’m… honestly not sure,” Lemon Hearts admitted, rubbing the back of her neck. “One thing just sort of led to another, and then suddenly they were taking my measurements for a new uniform and having me sign a new training contract. I guess the housekeeper has been wanting to retire, but hasn’t had the time to vet a replacement.”
“So you’ll be the new housekeeper, too, then?” Minuette took a massive bite of her donut. “That’s so awesome, Lemon Hearts!”
“It is? I mean, yeah, it is.” Lemon Hearts floated her own donut up to hover in front of her mouth, but didn’t take a bite. “I was just so convinced they were going to fire me for upsetting Princess Luna,” she said, mystified. “And instead they promoted me.”
“Well, did you?” Minuette asked.
“Did I what?”
“Upset the Princess.”
“Yes.” She… had not actually really thought about it, just assumed it to be true. “I must have, right?”
“Didn’t you just give her her breakfast?” Minuette paused, tilted her head. “Or does breakfast equal dinner, when you’re nocturnal?”
“I guess… yes, I did just give her her meal,” Lemon Hearts answered, carefully skirting the second question.
“Sounds like she upset herself, then.” Minuette finished her donut with a second massive bite. “Could you pass the napkins?”
“Maybe you’re right,” Lemon muttered, pushing the napkin holder closer to her friend’s growing pile of crumbs.
“‘Course I am! You’re great, Lemmy.” Minuette smiled warmly across the table, her blue eyes so clear and bright and sure in a way that Lemon Hearts had never been. “I’m just glad others are seeing it, too. Took ‘em long enough, eh?”
“Yeah,” Lemon agreed. A small sprig of confidence bloomed in her chest.
Maybe things really were taking a turn for the better.
Maybe she really could be successful after all.
Maybe… Lemon Hearts wasn’t such a fuck up after all.