Nona was singing to her flowers when the door opened behind her. She silenced herself with a hand over her mouth and turned around to look, eyes wide.
"Hello, darling." Mama was smiling, and Nona relaxed. Tried to. Mama had been very upset and almost silent the last few days. Some nights she didn't even come out of the bedroom for dinner, and left the trays in front of her door untouched. She hadn't been keeping up with herself either. She'd gone around in her old sweats, her hair unwashed, her skin dingy. She had started to smell.
But now she was freshly showered, her blonde bob combed and shining. She wore her best dress suit, the blue one with the pleats on the sides, and a cheerful paisley scarf. She took Nona's small purple traveling bag out of the closet and began folding and stuffing clothes into it.
"Mama?" Nona didn't ask what she was doing; that would have been a stupid question. "Why are you packing my stuff?"
"We're going on a little trip, sweetheart." Mama's voice was as bright as spun glass. And as fragile. "Get some nice clothes on, and brush your hair. We have to catch the afternoon transbus."
Nona did as she was told. She always did what Mama told her, even when something about it didn't feel quite right.
Like now.
"Where are we going, Mama?" Nona strove to sound merely curious. She was trying to hide her unease, so her tone came out flat.
"We deserve a vacation, don't you think?" Mama snapped the suitcase shut and lifted it off the bed. She held her free hand out to Nona. "Let's go, honey. Time's a-wasting."
It was only when they had reached the foot of the stairs that Nona realized who wasn't there. "Where's Papa?"
"He had things to take care of," Mama said, not looking around. "He'll meet us there."
Liar.
"Where are we going?" Nona wasn't sure she was managing not to sound suspicious.
Mama either didn't notice, or didn't care. "It's a surprise, baby. But I'm sure you'll love it."
Nona stopped dead in her tracks. Mama took a step and a half towards the front door before she was brought up short. When she looked at Nona, for just a brief instant her face was a twisted mask of frustration and impatience (and yes, disgust, too) before she smoothed her expression into banal benevolence. "Come on, silly girl, we've got to hurry!"
She tugged on Nona's hand, but Nona didn't budge. "I want to wait for Papa." Because wherever you're taking me, I don't think I would like it much. Or at all.
"We really need to go, precious!" Now Mama was pulling so hard Nona had to lean back and grab the banister to keep from being dragged towards the door. "Now is no time to be obstinate! We have to hurry or–"
The front door flew open and Papa came running in. Mama was so startled by his showing up that her grip on Nona's wrist loosened. The link broken, the two of them flung themselves in opposite directions. Nona had a grip on the banister so she kept her footing, but Mama went sprawling at Papa's feet. The purple suitcase went skidding across the plaswood floor and thumped against the wall.
Papa watched it go, then cut his dark eyes briefly to Nona (checking on her) before focusing on his wife. Mama was struggling to her feet, trying to push her hair back into place. Before she could even begin to stammer out any explanations, he spoke with a cold fury that made Nona shudder. "How. Dare. You."
"Jacob, you know it's for the best. With everything going on people are starting to panic and we can't possibly hope to keep her–"
Crack!
Nona stared, fighting hard to process what she'd just seen. Her father stood with his arm extended behind him after the vicious backhanded slap he'd delivered to...to Mama's face. The force of the blow had almost knocked Mama off her feet. Mama managed not to fall this time, though. She raised a hand to her mouth, and her fingertips came away red. "You…hit me," she said, more shocked than angry, hiding out her bloodied hand to him.
Papa walked past Mama as though she wasn't even there. As he approached Nona, she shrank back, and he hesitated, stopping just out of arm's reach. He tried to smile with reassurance, but he was still too angry.
Not at me. He's not mad at me. He won't hit me. He would never hit me. But he hit Mama...
Carefully, he held out a hand. "Come with me, punkin." His voice was gentle and kind, but his eyes were still black with fury.
Nona looked at his offered hand. The back of it was still red from the slap he'd delivered. It was hard to trust him, but...this was still Papa. Her Papa.
She met his angry gaze with calm resolve. "If I say no, will you hit me, too?"
He winced as if she had slapped him. "I would never hurt you, Nona. You know that."
And with that, she did know. She put her hand trustingly in his, no more hesitation. He led her across the room, ignoring the calls and sobs that begged for his attention. He didn't even break stride when he scooped up her fallen suitcase. They walked out the door together, and Nona focused so hard on keeping pace with her fathercthat she barely noticed her mother's screaming sobs.
They caught the transbus together. It was crowded, as always, but Nona barely reacted. She was too numbed by the last hour's events to react to strange faces or voices or smells. "Are we going away, Papa? Are you taking me where Mama was going to?"
Papa was shocked. "No, punkin. She was taking you to a…a different place."
"The loony bin." It wasn't a question.
"An 'assisted living facility'." Papa spat the words out like they tasted bad. "It's a place where people go when they have…problems living in regular society."
"It's for throwaway people that nobody wants." Nona swallowed hard. "Maybe that's where I belong."
"No." Heads turned at the sharpness of his voice, and Papa waved off their curious gazes. People turned away when he lowered his tone. "We're going to stay at my office in the City until I find a decent place for us to live."
"What about Mama? You shouldn't have hit her." Nona spoke almost in a whisper, but he heard her well enough to look ashamed.
"You're right. I was just so mad at her. She was going to take you and put you away somewhere and she probably wouldn't have even let me know where you were. I might have never seen you again." He squeezed Nona's hand. "That will never happen. So don't worry."
But Nona did worry. The whole way to San Francisco she worried. And she thought. She thought harder than she ever had in her life.
By the time they reached Papa's office, she knew what she had to do. He settled her in one of the waiting room sofas and then stretched out on the other. He talked reassuringly, but Nona barely heard him. Finally he fell quiet.
Nona was careful not to wake her father as she slipped out the door into the hallway. As soon as she was certain she was well out of earshot, she broke into a run. She slowed to a walk only when she was seven blocks away. She walked past the transbus station, following the route back and checking landmarks they'd passed on the way in.
She didn't know whether her parents could ever reconcile, but she knew too well that they never would while she was still in the equation. She couldn't remember them ever fighting about anything but her. If she was gone, there might be a chance that they would be happier together.
Even if they didn't, Nona couldn't stop thinking about how Papa had struck Mama. He loved her, but he had hit her. And so hard.
Because of Nona.
She'd never seen that side of her father before and she never wanted to see it again.
It was easy to find the big building they'd passed on the way in. It was one of the few structures still standing and relatively intact in that area of the City. She knew it from the Monday holocast announcing its opening. She'd almost pointed it out to her father, but then thought better of it. Better he didn't know.
She stood on the sidewalk in front of the door, looking at the sign for a long time.
She knew Papa would be looking for her. But there was one place he would not find her.
It was better this way.
Squaring her shoulders, Nona walked into the Conversion Bureau.
***