A Shining Paradox

by ForlanceAbice

Clouds, Flash, BANG!

September 26 2012
6:42 AM

Leaves crunched and branches snapped as Lance crepted his away through the local Kalbalton Woods forests, coming up to a spot on a grassy hill that overlooked a swamp. The chirping of the birds daily greetings grew slowly in volume as Lance made it ever so closer to his private sanctuary, the anticipation in the atmosphere seemingly growing tenser with each of his footsteps. After a few minutes of walking, Lance made it to the apex of the hill. His aching feet finally retired in sweet relief as Lance sat down, looking toward the partly cloudy overcast that hovered lazily about overhead.

"I guess there isn't gonna be a storm 'ere after all." Lance muttered to himself, taking out a small journal binder and a few select pencils. He reached into his leather pouch to and took out a bite sized Shining Armor figure, then placing it on a flat rock surface that rested next to where Lance was relaxing. Taking a moment to savior the sights of his surroundings, Lance grinned as he rested against his backpack.

"Tis be indeed a mighty fine day for unleashing one's artistic touch." Lance said, sighing in softly in contentment as the soft wind currents blew across the soft, healthy green grass and ruffled the surrounding trees around him. As his eyes finished scanning the surrounding environment, they returned upon the Shining Armor figured that stood posed against the foreground. Noting the expression on his face, Lance saw that Shining Armor's eyes were furrowed in determination, standing firm against an unseen assailant. Or perhaps he was gazing upon some grim proportions as Shining took in the travesty and chaos around him. Ill regardless though, Lance was set to write out whatever scenarios that came to mind, then adding out a quick sketch as the finishing touches.

"Who knows what stories lurk behind this backdrop?" Lance mumbled to himself, becoming completely absorbed with his work as he raced to draw life into scenes that were playing out in his head; with the songs of battle, clashing of swords and marching of hoofsteps meshing with the ambient atmosphere around him. Because of this however, Lance failed to notice the ominous gathering of storm clouds that were slowly encircling the lad, too busy worrying about losing his sudden stroke of inspiration to care for any external stimuli, consequences be damned. But even those with the most muted of senses will eventually realize the abrupt change in weather as they suddenly have their senses catch up with them. Sadly for these individuals, this vital warning usually comes too little too late.

So what does this mean for our protagonist? Simple, he had just enough time to register the first flashes of lighting, which was quickly followed by a loud "BANG!" of thunder.

Looking up....

"... Aww cr- *BOOM!*" Was all that Lance could mouth before lightning slammed into the rock that he had posed his Shining Armor figured on. Needless to say, the figure itself was completely and utterly obliterated, with nothing but the smell of ionized ozone and charred, melted plastic being the only indicators that there was indeed a figurine. All of this information had however, gone over Lance's head as he felt thousands upon thousands of volts course throughout his nervous system, along with the other pleasant sensations to add to his experience, such as being electrocuted, blown into the air and then slamming head first into a tree, all the while with full paralysis preventing him from doing much of anything, let alone scream out in agony. Much to his own mercy, Lance blacked out soon after.

(Yes) ... No

You've asked for it chap. We wish you luck on your journey, and possibly surviving it with your eyeballs intact... Possibly. Either way, enjoy as you subject yourself to what may be some of the most horrendous story writing in existence, which we do not lie. It is highly probable that you'll be nothing but an empty shell after this. Failing that, you become a *REDACTED* yourself... Which in that case, good luck navigating the story or doing anything that generally requires opposeable thumbs. Also, be aware that Pinkamena Diane Pie has hidden something explosive somewhere in the current room you occupy. Yes, multiple ones at that. In other words, royally screwed doesn't even begin to describe the amount of trouble you are going to be experiencing in the foreseeable future. And that explosive by the way? It's a *REDACTED* Potion, straight out of the *REDACTED* Bureau universe. Don't ask how she got it, it remains a mystery even to- oh dear... You have fifteen second to run before that bomb goes off and cou-. *BZZB, PPTZZE, BZZZT!*

-run. --J-ON--------HE---H----RD!!! .... ATAM YREV OS.

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One simply cannot describe being hit by lighting on one experience alone. They simply differ too much from person to person, and that's assuming that you can actually find someone that HAD been electrocuted at one point in their life. We can, however, draw up a close comparison. Imagine first off that your entire body's nervous system has been completely fried. Now don't you worry, it will be back to full functionality... Eventually. But it does so slowly, so slow that you can only move your eyes during the first few minutes. Oh, don't forget the blazing sunlight in your face. As you slowly start to regain the sensations in your body, you then come to notice that everything feels off, and by everything, we DO mean everything. No, not just being sore in areas you didn't know could be sore. As your body is restored to full sensation, you come to more than a few realizations. To start off with, when the sun finally stops shining directly into your face, or at least enough so that you can see again, you see that something not your nose blocks your vision. Naturally, you bring your hand to to examine what has attached to your face, only to freeze up when said hand comes into view... That is, if it was a hand.

Instead, you are greeted by a black hoof with brown fetlocks running down your arm.
If your eyes weren't wide open at this first sight, then trying to stand certainly will give you the first of many reality checks to be had along the way. Instead of shooting upright, you instead fall flat on your ass, only to yelp when you feel an appendage that you didn't have before suddenly spark up in pain. Of course, you naturally look to your side, only to freeze when you discover not only that you have a tail, you also are covered in a dusty pale, brown coat. Your legs have also fallen to the same fate. Last but most of all, you find yourself staring at your reflection in the water, only for an handsome earth pony to look back at you, complete with a single streak of red hair standing out in both your otherwise fine black hair and tail. This reflection by the way, has the same shell shocked expression that you have.

One last detail to mention.

"How the hell am I Primary Lance!?" Lance himself shouted out in shock. Curious about thy name? Very original, isn't it? We'll go into details later.

As you'd expect, Lance's brain was bombarded by the boatload with questions.

"How am I my OC now?"
"Why am I an earth pony?"
"Did the lighting have something to do with this?"
"Why is everything bi- wait, i'm smaller now, duh.
"What time is-... Huh?" While examining to see what changes his body had gone through, Lance spotted a white unicorn splayed out where his figurine once was. His cutie mark was a shield.

By now, dear reader you should know who this certain unicorn is, after all, it isn't like it isn't in the character list, or the fact that you should have found out in the character in the description. But for those who failed this task oh so miserably... Get yourself some duct tape. Your brain obviously has too many breathing holes. But we digress, we're talking about Shining Armor here.

Lance grimaced as he bit his tongue, barely holding off from screaming the name of the pony that was in front of him, all in complete amazement, shock, joy and fear.

Broken out of self serving moping, Lance rushed to where Shining Armor rested, along with all of his other stuff intact, though strewed about, his journal/sketchpad flipped to a random page of Shining Armor fighting off a changeling.

"Wait a minute. I just ran over here without tripping on my own hooves." Lance slowly muttered to himself, a sinking feeling pulling at his gut. Perhaps it was that he didn't even need to think about moving, and all without tripping once. Shouldn't it be, well somewhat harder than just that?

"Uggh..... Cadence...."

Snapped out of his sudden revelation by a moan coming from the unicorn, Lance realized that he still needed to look over Shining Armor. "Questions can wait later." He thought.

Checking him over, he was indeed the Captain of Her Majesty's Royal Guard in the flesh, so to speak. Shining Armor had also apparently on some sort of mission, for he was fully cladded in plated armor, complete with a small gladius and pack at his side. Lance stared straight ahead in puzzlement, then scowled as a thought popped up.

"Shining Armor is on Earth.... We're not in Equestria. Which means..... Oh fuck no...." Lance said, facehoofing, only yelp in pain, forgetting that hooves were harder than just a simple facepalm.

"Well this is great, so I am in my OC's form and Shining Armor here to boot. But what the hell am I to do now!?" Lance said, thoroughly exasperated as he realized the implications that they were in. He failed to take one thing into account, however. "We're still on Earth as far as I can see, but then how can I come home like this? Why is Shining Armor here? More importantly, what am I going to do with these hooves?" He glared his non dexterous appendages.

"So much for video games and the internet." Lance muttered.

"Ugh... Moping here seems a very reasonable course of action to continue. Perhaps with any luck, something will fall out of the sky and wake me up...." Lance stood there for about a solid twenty seconds, waiting for this very lucid dream to wear off.

"And twenty.... Whelp, so much for dreaming. Apparently everything that has happened is indeed real. Should've realized that earlier idiot, what with there being no pain in the dream world and all. Lance's inner voice called, which he responded with a roll of his eyes.

"So, let's size up the situation." Lance muttered, trotting back towards the lake. He did not hear a branch snapping, for Lance's focus was on other matters.

"One: I got struck by lighting, which not only I somehow survived from being burnt to a crisp and with all but one of my belongings intact, but instead zapped me into my own damn pony persona." He said, gesturing to himself with his hoof.

"Two: I have confirmed that this is indeed, not a dream. Otherwise I wouldn't have felt the pain from nearly biting my own tongue off, nor would I bruised myself with my own damn hooves. And aside from everything being bigger now, this is the same old Planet Earth that I have lived my entire life on, with no Equestria in sight. That means..."

Lance facehoofed, carefully so as to not agitate the growing aneurism that was forming in his head.

"Ughh... All the problems that I have are still with me, probably along with some new ones to boot... Which means I can expect the Homeland of Defense to abduct me in my sleep, then jab me with needles till something breaks. And assuming that doesn't happen, I still got the whole damn media and populace to worry about on top of that.... Oh, and no thumbs, that's going to suck big time for me." He then tried to flex his hoof, which to his surprise and bafflement, actually responded.

"... Okaaaaaay... There goes another check in my 'Top Ten Creepiest Things I've Experienced', so I got something to work with."

He paused as another thought came to him.

"But what the hell am I going to do with Shining Armor? It isn't as if I can hide the both of us for long. Like anyone is going to noticed two equines that actually tal-... oh no."

He turned around, only to find that Shining Armor wasn't there, the same fate being shared by his belongings.

"Oh no... Nononononononono, this is bad! This is VERY bad!" Lance said, his anxiety beginning to rise, darting left and right, desperate to locate the AWOL unicorn.

"Don't tell me he just went up and left!" Lance shouted out in exasperation.
"Okay, remain calm. The good captain probably hasn't gotten very far, so he should still be close by." Lance said, struggling to recompose his shakened resolve.

"Just as long as he doesn't wander into human civilization and get us both turned into a petri soup." He said, chuckling a little with mania in his eyes.

Then a most disturbing revelation came to him, sending Lance into the beginnings of a panic attack

"I mean, it isn't as if he's gonna look into my personal belongings. Yeah, he would never do such an uncouth thing to such a gentleman- err colt.... Oh who am I kidding, I am SO screwed if he looks in my journal. If he finds out what content that is stored withi- ooohmf!"