Rarity levitated her cup and took a gentle sip, savoring both the aroma and flavor. She opened her eyes as she sat it back down on the cafe table. “Today is simply the perfect kind of day for a pony to spend taking care of themselves. Wouldn’t you agree, dear?”
Fluttershy took a sip from her own cup and lowered it to smile and nod at her friend. “Mm-hm!”
However, just when Rarity was starting to think that nothing could spoil such a great day, her eyes went wide as her face was illuminated by the light of a nearby explosion, her mane fluttering in the shockwave. Soon after, what looked like Sloop Masters ran by the cafe screaming as he was chased by a very large dark-skinned human female with shoulder-length white hair carrying a bright red cannon in both hands. “I’m gonna cream you!”
Rarity sighed and levitated a coin purse, taking out a few bits and placing them on the table. She gave her friend a sad but nonchalant look. “Never a dull moment, is there?”
Fluttershy smiled and shook her head. “Mm-mm!”
As they both got up from their seats, they were stopped by a loud psst-ing. They turned toward its source, a human who’s features were obscured by a thick coat and hat. Rarity elegantly extended her hoof. “I beg your pardon, but a dear friend of ours is in immediate danger, and we must simply do what we can to help them.”
The figure scoffed in a familiar voice. “Trust me, you have time. They can take care of themselves.”
At this, the pegasus/unicorn duo were taken aback, double taking between the figure and the path Sloop and his pursuer took. Rarity gave the figure a discerning look. “Sloop? But that means…”
Sloop scoffed once again and poked his head out from his clever disguise. “Yep, that was Percival! Ever since that woman started chasing me, we’ve been tag-teaming her, hoping to wear her down while one of us recuperates. But I suppose they don’t call her Crazy Jane for nothing!”
Fluttershy recoiled slightly. “Crazy Jane? Any relation to…”
Sloop gave a dejected laugh and looked down. “Yes, it’s Crazy Joe’s older, crazier sister! She’s a very powerful bomb elemental and a top-class warrior unlike her brother. But also unlike her brother, she has absolutely no respect for authority and was considered too dangerous even for the underworlders. Quite a puzzle, isn’t it?”
At this, Rarity gave her human friend a look of concern. “Is there a particular reason why she’s chasing you, or is she just being demented for the enjoyment of it?”
Sloop exhaled through his nose. “Apparently, nobody just acts crazy for free. You see, when my holdings company was in dire straits one time, I was forced to borrow a large sum of credits from her, and she’s recently come to collect!”
Rarity held up her hoof, raising an eyebrow. “And how many credits was that, per se?”
“Oh, to my recollection, one million credits…”
Rarity nonchalantly smirked at that. “Well, that shouldn’t be too much trouble! Core Metro credits convert that to a medium-sized bag of bits or a hooffull of gems!”
Sloop just sighed and frowned. “Yeah, she didn’t accept that and made the direct leap to one million bits.”
Even Fluttershy was left aghast at that. “But… but… that’s just totally unreasonable!”
“When I mentioned that fact to her, she looked me right in the face and said, ‘I know what I like. What I like, I want. And what I want, I get.’ Then, she gave me a thirty-second head start before chasing me.”
Rarity cringed a little. “I don’t suppose you’ve got a plan to resolve this unlike the temporary measures you’ve already taken.”
Smiling, Sloop threw off his guise and materialized one of his arrowguns. “Only one way to handle a disgruntled human warrior: They won’t stop until they get stopped! Can I count on you two to help?”
Rarity flipped her mane and got a confident look. “Anything for a friend!”
Fluttershy sighed, but held her head high. “I won’t hurt anycreature myself, but I’ll do what I can to help!”
***
Percival disguised as Sloop managed to make his way to an open cul de sac in the road. Remembering the plan they worked out, he quickly rushed to the side of a building and shapeshifted into an ordinary barrel. Moments later, Crazy Jane came stomping in, swinging around her weapon as she looked for a target. “Now where did you go, rich boy…?”
However, she soon froze in place, then swung around her weapon to block the oncoming onslaught of bright-red magic missiles. Then, she leaped back as a round ball of crystals came crashing down from above, disappearing in bright flecks. She then waved away some of the dust to take a look at the approaching group. After taking their places, Sloop arched his leg and got up on Fluttershy’s back, who took flight. Rarity, on the other hand, lit up her horn and surrounded herself with a small barrier of crystal from the front.
Fluttershy flew erratically hither and about, allowing Sloop to fire his weapons at multiple angles and reload from a safe distance. However, Crazy Jane repeated her previous action and used her cannon to bat aside each projectile. She also prevented the pegasus from resting by swinging her free hand and flinging multiple missiles of dark-red magic, each one creating a small explosion once it made contact with something solid after missing. “Does the navy boy think he’s some kind of airman now?”
However, she had to focus her attention on the charging unicorn, using her cannon to brace herself against the battering-ram like barrier. Percival took this as Sloop’s signal to go on the offensive and assumed his battle form, summoning his six focuses and enlarging his fist while making it take on the form of a series of medium-sized stone blocks. He sent a rocket-like jab accompanied by his focuses to the warrior-woman with his extending, elongating arm. However, seven points off her back started glowing in a red light and erupted to deflect the oncoming composite attack.
Crazy Jane smirked, kicked back Rarity, and sent her flying back by blasting her shield with a blast of cannonfire. Then she whirled around and braced herself while aiming at Percival. “You didn’t think I’d take precautions against getting backstabbed, did you? My little brother might be famous for taking on swarms by himself, but my technique’s a lot more polished!” She recoiled slightly against the blast, forcing Percival to literally flatten himself against the ground to dodge.
After this, she took aim, following along with Fluttershy for a moment. Sloop took this opportunity to charge up and let fly a large missile of magic. Crazy Jane adjusted her stance to bat it aside once again, however, it rebounded off the hidden compass circles Sloop had placed while circling around her on Fluttershy’s back appeared and redirected the projectile to the side. Crazy Jane swung her head around, trying to keep track of the rebounding projectile, and wasn’t quite fast enough to defend against its direct hit and was knocked to the ground.
Percival took this opportunity to thrust his hand into the ground and create a wave of black tar that expanded towards Crazy Jane. However, she somehow manifested a dark red glowing construct of a rocket over the forearm of her free hand and took flight high above. During her hangtime, she aimed her weapon straight down and blasted a shot that diffused and scattered, carpet-bombing the entire cul de sac.
After touching back down to earth, she got a look of concern as she surveyed the dazed and seemingly unconscious forms of her opponents. “Hm… Hope I didn’t cream him too hard. How am I gonna get my money otherwise?”
However, Percival quickly stood himself straight up and extended his arms, surrounding Crazy Jane with his pointy free-floating weapons. She took a stance, holding her cannon aloft while covering her free hand in an orb of dark-red magic. However, he staggered as she got hit in the back by a hard punch. She swung around to see an arm covered in the sleeve of Sloop’s signature coat disappear into a clear orb with a bright blue octahedron shape within. She turned towards Sloop, who was getting up as he withdrew his hand from a similar orb, only with a red octahedron.
As he got up, he suddenly shouted “North!” Crazy Jane was momentarily distracted as she was suddenly covered in an aura of bright-red magic. This was enough for Fluttershy to pick him up and zoom him next to Percival, who touched the side of a nearby building, transforming it into a wall of solid steel. In turn, Sloop touched the transformed wall and shouted “And that’s South!”
As the wall started glowing with a bright blue aura, Crazy Jane found herself being forcefully drawn towards it. She quickly turned and tried to resist this force with her brute strength, but she couldn’t make any headway. She tried to send herself flying with a few concentrated explosions, but ended up losing more ground than she gained as she was drawn back while in midair. Eventually, she found herself completely stuck against the wall, but ceaselessly struggled against the force that bound her. “This… Won’t… Hold… Me… For… Long…!”
Rarity gave the warrior woman a confident smirk and lit up her horn. “That’s where I come in, sweetheart!” With a flourish, she zapped their aggressor with a beam of magic, turning her armor into a dress so frilly and poofy that she could hardly breathe, much less move or resist.
With a snap of his fingers, Sloop dispelled the magic that bound her and the immobilized Crazy Jane plopped to the ground. He walked right up to her and pointed at her face. “All right, Jane, what will it take for you to give up your chase and turn yourself in?”
Crazy Jane grumbled for a moment, and did her best to move her neck to look down upon Sloop as much as she could. “Mamma gets what mamma wants, and mamma wants money! One million bits or nothing, credits are almost worthless up here! And I won’t get a real, honest job even if it kills me!”
Sloop took a deep breath and extended his clasped hands towards the warrior woman. “I don’t have one million bits to give; I pretty much poured the last of my converted savings into a special boat I had built. But what if I offer you a barter? I’ll use my private boat to take you on a three month vacation, all expenses paid, across the tropical islands off the coast of Southern Equestria. Do we have a deal?”
Crazy Jane looked away as she took this into consideration. Then exhaled as she looked back at Sloop. “I suppose it’s better than nothing, and owning debts isn’t nearly as profitable as it used to be… Alright, I surrender on the condition that I can take my little brothers with me too.”
Sloop nodded to her. “Deal!” Then gestured to Rarity, who lit up her horn once more, turning the dress back to its original form. Crazy Jane quickly dematerialized her weapon, dusted herself off, and proceeded on her way to where her opponents hoped was the direction of Tartarus.
Kris, after hearing about the commotion, came charging in, his sword blazing with an aura. However, he suddenly stopped short as Crazy Jane approached. As she passed him by, she gave him a charming smile and took a moment to shake what she had. “Hello, Kris!”
A dumbfounded Sloop and friends approached Kris from behind. “Crazy Jane? Really, man?”
Kris awkwardly looked away. “After the guild shut down, I was lost for a very long time. And I sought comfort in… strange places…”
At this, Sloop broke out in a hearty laugh and clapped his friend on the shoulder. “A fire tribesman through and through, eh?” Fluttershy and Rarity turned towards each other and giggled while Percival, now assuming Kris’s form, wiggled his eyebrows at him, causing the real Kris to blush bright red.