"Hey, Tia?"
"What is it, sunshine?"
"Is 'weird scepter thing' on our list of things to take note of?"
"What? Hold on, let me see that."
You pull yourself away from the fancy-looking container and stand up from the crouched position you were in. You glance behind you as you see the retired Celestia approach you from the other side of the room. Currently, the two of you are in the Canterlot Castle vault. Here, many artifacts and treasures from Equestria's history that needed to be locked away for whatever reason are stored, each in their own special container and restrained by powerful anti-magic enchantments. The highest security clearance possible is required to get into the vault, and most ponies don't even know it exists. Why, then, are YOU, Equestria's only human, in here?
That's a bit of a long story. About ten years ago, you were living your average life amongst your fellow humans when, in the blink of an eye, you found yourself falling a few feet and making a hard landing in a strange, fantastical world populated by alien creatures. Some mistrust and confusion later, you found that this place is called Equestria, and most of its residents are ponies of all shapes and colors. It was a very big adjustment to make, but thanks to some particularly friendly ponies, you adjusted fairly well. This was fortunate, as some research done by one Princess Twilight Sparkle revealed that your sudden appearance was due to a "magical surge," and you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. On top of that, there is no known way to send you back. Thus, after taking some time to reorient yourself (you did just lose a life's worth of dreams, relationships, and accomplishments, after all), you began your new life as the only human in Equestria. This was made easier by the assistance of Princess Celestia, the ruler of Equestria. She found you endearing, and over the next few years, the two of you grew extremely close. You went on many adventures, overcame great challenges and greater foes, and you learned to just... appreciate the company, even during life's most mundane moments. Eventually, Celestia retired and you were wed. Now, about three years into your marriage, the two of you live fairly quiet lives. You run a small tea shop, and Tia is getting to enjoy the life that her royal duties never allowed her to experience, even in spite of her immortality.
Then, just yesterday, Princess Twilight (who succeeded Celestia and took the Equestrian throne) made a request of the two of you. Since Celestia held the Equestrian throne for over 1000 years, she would know the most out of anypony about the Canterlot Castle vault. She noted that this was important, as due to the secretive and dangerous nature of the vault, Tia never actually kept a list of what was inside. Thus, Twilight requested that she, and by extension you, take inventory of the vault so that she can know what's actually in there and update the inventory accordingly if and when changes are made.
Thus, here you are, taking stock of extremely dangerous or priceless artifacts in a dusty old room. You have to work off of Tia's memory here, and while she can recall what things are when she looks at them, you have no frame of reference to work with. She gave you a small list with descriptions of items for you to identify, so you're doing just that as the two of you split the work as best you can. By now, things are winding down, with only perhaps a dozen more items to go through. However, one particular item caught your eye. A golden scepter, about 4 feet long with a large purple gemstone on the end, rests inside one of the containers. Despite its age, it appears very shiny, and no item matching its description is on the list Tia gave you.
Celestia walks up behind you, taking a glance over your shoulder before smiling to herself.
"Ah! The Return Scepter! I completely forgot about that!"
"The Return Scepter?"
"Yes, the Return Scepter. There's a small button on it that activates the enchantment within. Anyone touching it when the button is pressed will be zipped right to the home of the person who pressed the button. It can be extremely convenient!"
"Wow, okay. That does sound convenient. So, uh, why is it in here next to some other, much more dangerous, artifacts? I mean, the one right next to it is the "Melt-Your-Face-Off-Inator," which... I don't need to explain the function of."
"Good question, sunshine! That's because it can be exceedingly dangerous, too. You see, there is a bit of a kink in the enchantment. It's supposed to teleport you right to your home, but sometimes it only teleports a certain distance between yourself and your home before just flying the rest of the way at breakneck speeds! Needless to say, you do not want to be holding onto it when it does that."
"I imagine you're speaking from experience?"
"Just about tore a younger Celestia's wings off, actually."
"Oof, that sounds painful. Why didn't you try to fix it?"
"We figured that, even at a conceptual level, it was a bit dangerous to just have out in the open. I mean, just imagine the kind of damage that could be done if it fell into the wrong hooves."
"I... guess that makes sense. It just sort of seems like a waste to me."
With a calm grin, she takes the container from you and gently opens it, removing the scepter and wrapping it in a neat cloth.
"You want to try it out, don't you?"
"...Maybe. I mean, Ponyville is decently far away. That's basically a day's worth of time on the train we could be skipping."
"The artifacts in this vault are not toys, sunshine."
"Haha, yeah, I know. I don't want to play with something that's ancient and dangerous, I'm a bit smarter than that at least."
"Oh? But I certainly do."
"W-wait, what?"
"Why not? When we're done here, let's give it a whirl. If it starts malfunctioning, we can just let it go. I mean, it's not like there's anything dangerous between here and our house in Ponyville. Er, knock on wood."
"Are you sure Twilight is going to be okay with that?"
"Well, if she isn't, we can just tell her that we're making sure its enchantment hasn't worn off. Plus, if it doesn't work, it may as well go to the Canterlot Museum, don't you think?"
"I think you're just looking for a way to justify using the darn thing. But... I'm certainly not complaining."
"Hmhm, well then, why don't we wrap up our business here and get going?"
"Sure, Tia. Anyway, next up is the 'Colon Eviscerator 3000.' I... wha-"
"I already found that one earlier what are you looking at me like that for don't ask me any questions let's just move on haha-"
The two of you stand on a balcony sticking out from one of Canterlot Castle's many towers. The sun is high in the sky, and the breeze up here feels nice on your skin. Tia's already flowing mane gently moves with the wind. You hold the Return Scepter gingerly in your hands as you look at the distant sight of Ponyville. After a hesitant sigh, you turn to your wife.
"Well, are we ready?"
"Whenever you are, sunshine." She drapes one of her wings around you as she wraps a hoof around the bottom of the scepter. "So long as we're both touching it when you press the button, we should be transported together. Now then... care to do the honors?"
"...Well, here goes nothing."
After taking a deep breath, you reinforce your grip on the scepter and press your thumb to the small, golden button. There is a brief moment where your vision is clouded by a sudden burst of yellow light. You hear a high-pitched ringing noise in your ears, and suddenly it feels as though a great wind is spiraling all around you. A force presses against your body from every conceivable direction, and you have to close your eyes. While not exactly painful, it's far from a comfortable experience, and the sudden attack on your senses fills you with dread.
Suddenly, even through closed eyes, you can tell that the lighting has changed somewhat. More noticeable than that, however, is the sharp pain in your arms. In fact, they feel as though they're about to get ripped off! Instinctively, you release your grip on the scepter, and you notice that Tia does the same. The wind dies down all at once, and you gather the courage to finally open your eyes.
First and foremost, Tia is still with you. She looks frazzled, and her mane appears to have gone from graceful to a complete mess. She gives you a look of shock, which quickly turns into a sheepish smile that practically screams "my bad!" You roll your aching arms around before taking in your surroundings. How close to Ponyville did you get?
...
This is not Ponyville.
Heck, this isn't anywhere near Canterlot, either.
The two of you find yourselves along a treeline, with thick woods spreading out all around you. The sun is still above you, and blue skies at least provide some sense of familiarity. Strangely, the air feels... different. It feels heavier. It feels somewhat... sour? Gross? Also, it's a lot hotter than you remember. And these trees... don't look like any you've seen in Equestria.
"S-sunshine? Do you know where we are? It feels... gross... to breathe."
"I agree, Tia, but I have no idea where..."
You cut yourself off as you take a few steps forward. The ankle-high grass comes to a complete stop as your foot hits a hard surface. Looking down, you can see the unmistakable shape of an asphalt road. This would already be a strange sight in Equestria, as roads like these are pretty much exclusively used in big cities like Manehattan. However, what catches your attention most is not that the road is made of asphalt, but instead two other key details about it. First, the road seems to extend very far in a straight line in both directions, essentially bisecting the woods on either side of it. Second, in the center of the road, two yellow lines are painted that extend about as far as the road does. You've seen a road like this before.
But not in Equestria.
With your jaw agape, you turn to your wife. A thousand thoughts are racing through your mind, and none of them are positive.
This... this is a dream, right? This can't be real. There's no way that-
Your thoughts are interrupted by a rumbling sound. From the distance, a large object barrels down the road at a high speed on the opposite side of the yellow lines. The two of you can do little but stand there in shock as the object speeds by. Unmistakably made of metal and operating on wheels, you recognize a truck when you see one.
And there, in the driver's seat, is a human. With tan skin and a head of dark, shaggy hair, he looks at you quizzically through the side window in the brief moment that you both have a decent view of each other. Then, just as quickly as it arrived, the truck continues to drive off, never slowing down for an instant.
You feel yourself begin to tremble as you instinctively take a step towards Tia, who notices the state you're in and wraps her wings around you. While you try to collect your thoughts, she tries to reason out what she just saw.
"S-sunshine? W-was that... was that a human?"
"..."
"Sunshine?"
"..."
"...Anon?"
"...Yeah. I guess... I guess I'm home, after all..."
The two of you stand there for a long, silent moment as the gravity of your situation finally begins to set in.
You were so ready to leave this place behind. You have a new life now, darn it. You... you didn't want this. And yet, there can be no mistake.
You're back in the human world.