//------------------------------// // Wardrobe Malfunction // Story: Maternal Mayhem // by Some Leech //------------------------------// “Anon? Anon, honey, are you home?” an all too familiar voice called out, prompting Anon to clamp his eyes shut. Waking up in a world of talking, occasionally magical horse people had been weird enough, but winding up in Equestria had only been the start of the most bizarre chapter of his life. Staying seated on the couch, turning a page of the comic book in his lap, he snorted petulantly to himself. While it was bad enough that he’d been assigned a chaperone, a unicorn to watch over him and help him integrate with society, the pony he’d wound up living with had been nothing but a tremendous headache since the day he’d arrived. A long silence followed, broken by the sound of occasional indignant grunts and soft cursing, before the grief-stricken voice sailed to his ears. “Please tell me you’re home, Anon. I really, really could use some help here…” He debated ignoring her, leaving her to whatever sticky situation she’d put herself in, yet his conscience gradually weighed upon him. Rolling his head back and staring at the ceiling, he groaned in consternation. “Why? What’d you -” “I’m stuck,” she pitiably replied. “Stuck?” he repeated. “How the hell are you -” “I…actually, no, nevermind…” she quickly yelled. His concern grew mingled with curiosity, leading to him throwing his comic onto the coffee table. Screw it - he hadn’t been doing anything important anyways. Pushing himself up, he got to his feet and trudged away from the couch. She was probably fine - probably, but he wasn’t about to let her languish in whatever moronic situation she’d tangled herself in. As he marched through the house, down the hallways which led to her room, he shook his head. “Alright,” he sighed, pushing open her door, “what did you…” The words died in his throat, he froze in place, and his cheeks darkened at the sight which awaited him. It wasn’t the fact that he was looking at a tall, rubenesque woman that took him by surprise, and it wasn’t because she was covered in fur and had a horn protruding from her forehead - no, it was what she was doing that caught unawares. With her thumbs hitched into the waistband of her jeans, jeans which appeared to be several sizes too small for her, she wriggled and tried to free herself from the stifling garment. The majority of her coat was a dusty black, yet her face, mane, and tail were all a snow-white.  “Thank Celestia,” she muttered, glancing and affixing him with her amethyst, cat-like eyes. “Can you help mommy get out of this?” Pinching the bridge of his nose, he grimaced. She wasn’t his mommy - for fuck’s sake, they weren’t even the same species - nevertheless, she’d essentially adopted him and began caring for him as though he was her son. It was a particularly bizarre dynamic, not for the least of which reasons being she towered over him like a curvaceous colossus, but it wasn’t the worst thing in the world - at least it wasn’t most of the time. Coming to stand before her, he waved a hand for her to straighten up. “Stop fidgeting so I can see what’s wrong.” She did as he asked, freeing her hands and rising to her full, imposing height. “I think the zipper broke…” she pouted. Leaning slightly to one side, peering past her considerable rack, she glowered down at her crotch. “Can’t you use magic to fix it?” he huffed, staring up at her face. Hanging her head, she dejectedly turned her eyes down to the floor. “Anon, you know I’m not good with magic.” “Yeah,” he murmured, rolling his eyes, “I almost forgot. Leech, come on, do you really think this is something I should be helping you with.” Looking like a kicked puppy, she turned her back to him. “You know I don’t like when you call me that,” she moaned. “If it’s that much trouble, don’t worry about it…” He drew his palm over his face, exasperated beyond all reasoning, and bit back an annoyed growl. Damned if he could explain it, but she was somehow able to play him like a fiddle. Maybe it was because she’d admitted that she’d always wanted a family while in a wine-fueled sob fest, perhaps it was due to her laundry list of failed relationships, or it might have been a result of her having spent most of her life homeless and destitute - regardless of the specifics, he’d be lying if he didn’t feel truly, genuinely bad for his self-described adopted mother. Leech really wasn’t a bad mare - hell, she was actually sweeter and more selfless than almost anyone he’d ever met, pony or otherwise, but there was a catch. While she was kindhearted to a fault, she was easily one of the most naive creatures he’d ever come across - a drawback that was compounded by just how attractive she was. The only reason she wasn’t a god-tier MILF was because she’d never had children, though that hardly mattered to Anon’s libido. Her hushed, melancholic sniff snapped him from his stupor, causing him to throw in the metaphorical towel. “Fine,” he defeatedly grumbled, “turn around so I can see what the problem is.” Wheeling around and shooting forward, she beamed as she buried his head in her mountainous cleavage. “Thank you so, so, so much, Anon! I knew I could count on you!” He allowed her to hug him, having learned that attempting to resist her was like fighting the tide, and was gently rocked from side to side. To say their relationship was bizarre would be an egregious understatement. Though she treated him like her child, it would have been impossible for him to look at her like a mother - not because she wasn’t motherly, but because a part of him found her irresistible. He knew it was wrong, that having unsavory thoughts for his caregiver was at the very least uncouth, yet he had no control over his subconscious. With her scent lingering in his sinuses, he was set down and freed from her embrace. “Done now?” Nodding and smiling down at him, she placed her hands on her hips. “Yup!” He said nothing as he squatted down, bringing himself eye level with her groin. He hadn’t the slightest idea where she’d gotten the jeans, nor what had compelled her to squeeze herself into the undersized piece of apparel, but that was of little consequence. In the three short months he’d been living with her, he’d had to step in and assist her with several problems - all of which were due to her own ignorance or poor judgment. Seeing the pull tab was missing from her fly, he peeked up at her. “Your zipper is busted.” “Can you fix it?” she bleated. “Without a paperclip, no,” he groused. “Where did you even get these pants anyways?” As she bashfully glanced over to her closet, she scrunched her snout. “They’re an old pair that I’ve had for ages.” “And you thought you’d still fit in them?” he countered. “W…well,” she uneasily began, twisting in place and twiddling a lock of mane around her finger, “I didn’t think I’d put on that much weight…” Standing back up, he rubbed his chin. “If you can get the button undone, I think you’ll be able to get them off.” “What do you think I’ve been trying to do?” she lamented. Pulling up her shirt, she shamelessly revealed her soft, doughy abdomen. “It’s not like I can see what I’m doing that well anyways.” She was right. Between her bust and her belly blocking her view, the only way she’d be able to see her fly was if she had a mirror. Presuming she wanted to keep her jeans intact, he put his mind to work. There was only one thing he could think of to remedy the situation, though he was reluctant to mention it. “Turn around,” he instructed. Hesitantly turning away, she peered over his shoulder at him. “What are you going to do?” He lifted his hands and stepped forward, slipping his hands around her broad, foal-bearing hips, and gripped her waistband. “Now try to unbutton it.” Flexing his arms and pulling with all his might, he fought to get her a bit of slack to work with. If she’d been anyone else, the endeavor wouldn’t have bothered him in the slightest - unfortunately for him, that wasn’t the case. Drawing in her delicate bouquet with every breath, feeling her soft, succulent tush squished to his torso, he clamped his eyes shut and did his damnedest not to have impure thoughts. “Almost…” she whispered, straining and fumbling with the stubborn button. “There!” He withdrew his hands and leapt back, thanking his lucky stars that the affair had only lasted a few seconds. “Glad I could help…” Not waiting for a response, he wheeled around and marched out of her room and into the hallway. It would have been impossible for her to know it, but the close contact, while fleeting, had put a monumental strain on his composure. He may have been a different species from a different planet, but he was still a healthy young man - a healthy young man who’d gone far, far too long without intimacy of any kind. “Anon…” she quietly called, bringing his departure to a shuddering halt. “What now?” he blared. After a long, pregnant pause, peeked out of the doorway at him. “I’m still stuck…” He scowled, whipping around to face her room. “How are you still stuck? We got the damn things unbuttoned, so why can’t you just pull them off?” Stepping out and into view, the parted fabric of her jeans revealing white cotton of her panties, she sniffled to herself. “Please don’t be mad,” she breathed. “If you really don’t want to help, I’ll keep trying to do it myself.” The doleful look in her watering eyes, the touch of blush in her cheeks, and knowing she had nobody else to rely on proved too much to bear. His shoulders wilted as he turned. She’d done more for him than anyone else in Equestria had, even if she was a handful at times, so he felt obligated to help her extract herself from the stifling garment. “Just hold still,” he noted, falling to his knees before her. With his face mere inches from her crotch, he grabbed her waistband with both hands and braced his legs. He couldn’t say how she’d managed to get the damn pants on, but he was going to make sure she got out of them without tearing them asunder. He screwed his eyes shut, sparing himself from the temptation of looking at her nethers, and set his jaw and heaved. He had no need to see what he was doing, mostly because of the smallest bit of her fluffy white bush peeking from over the top of her panties, while he struggled against the obstinate article of clothing. From what he’d gathered, aside from her being a unicorn who was woefully unskilled in magic, she was somewhat unique in the world. Most ponies grew comparably to humans, having a growth spurt that stretched into their late teens, but Leech was an exception. Being a veritable amazoness, taller and more heavily built than all but her most colossal country-mares, she was practically a giant. If what she’d said was true, she’d only stopped growing after she was well into her thirties, leaving her as big as most minotaurs, which explained why her home and most of her clothes had trouble accommodating her. As he attempted to distract himself, keeping his eyes firmly closed, he made an egregious error - he grunted. The small breath was enough to assault his olfactory scent with her natural scent. While he hated to admit it, feeling a bit dirty about the concept, she smelled absolutely fantastic. Feminine, floral, and with just the slightest bit bestial, her exotic fragrance was unlike anything he’d encountered before. He shook his head and centered himself, willing blood not to flow to a very specific portion of himself, while he continued his efforts. “I…I think I felt it -” She fell silent, Anon toppled forward, and the world went still, as his hands carried the jeans around her ankles and to the floor. His face sank into something soft and unbelievably warm, sending a thrilled shiver up his spine. Though it took his brain a second to realize what had happened, a certain part of his anatomy took instant notice of his predicament. “A…Anon,” she sputtered, “a…are you alright?” His id compelled him to stay, to bask in the sublime, balmy heat that radiated over his countenance, yet his higher functions screamed for him to flee. It was only with an exertion of absolute self-control that he rocked back, freeing his face from between her thighs to gaze up at her. Her face had gone beet red, she slipped a hand down to cover herself, and she averted her gaze. He’d fucked up - he’d fucked up bad. Scrambling to his feet, he bolted away. “I’m going for a walk!” He needed to leave, to go somewhere - anywhere that wasn’t near her. His heart thundered in his chest, his breaths came fast and ragged, and sweat beaded his brow. Of all the possible things that could have happened, unintentionally smashing his face to her loins was by far the worst. He reached the front door in record time, having only stubbed his toe once on his hasty retreat, and only stopped to grab his keys. “Anon, wait!” she shouted. With one foot already out the door, he caught himself. “What?” “Dinner will be ready in an hour,” she yelled back at him. “I’m making your favorite, so try not to be late.” He’d seen the bag of tendies in the freezer earlier, wondering when she’d prepare the delectable, crispy chicken for him, and his angst withered at the thought of the meal. Most ponies didn’t eat meat, yet she always - always went the extra mile for him. Risking a glimpse back, seeing her head poking from out of the hallway, he tried and failed not to smile. “I won’t be late,” he begrudgingly relented. Her smile was that of an angel, warming the cockles of his heart, as she blew him a kiss. “Love you!” Hesitating for the briefest of moments, he looked away and stepped out. “Love you too, mom…” Jogging off the porch and into the yard, keenly aware of the tightness in his shorts, he hightailed it away from the house. He had an hour, an entire hour to clear his head from the sinful, wholly unwanted musings that tormented him, so he should be fine by the time he got home. As he ran through the cool air, moving in the direction of a park that lay just down the road, he couldn’t help but wonder if the flush he’d seen on her face was due to embarrassment or something else entirely…