A hesitant breath was taken as the young sturdy earth pony stepped onto the ship. With a small smile he looked around, taking in a deep whiff of the salty air. Around the ship a flock of seagulls flew about and let out small cries. He had finally made it; the pink striped terror of the seven seas, the Wave Crester, sat just beneath his feet. He had come to the docks seeking employment, yes, but the Wave Crester? What were the odds such a famous ship would have docked at his little town? Well, perhaps famous was too strong a word, but it was known among the local sailors in the coastal towns he visited, and that had to count for something.
Briskly he made his way to the captain’s quarters and rapped his hoof against the door, this was where he was told to come for assignment. The fresh young face was met with an older weary one with an eye patch as the door slowly opened. The captain looked about carefully before asking “Are you alone?”
The young sailor paused, tilting his head slightly at the strange question, he even looked about to be certain. “Yes captain.” There was a longer pause before the door finally swung open and the captain ushered him inside, a regal blue suit adorning his body. Confused the young pony trotted in, listening to the door shutting behind him.
The captain quickly sat back down on a plush pillow and sat a glass down on the table, pouring scotch into it from a crystal bottle. Hastily he took a gulp, then set it down and looked to the new pony, “What is it?”
The sailor blinked a few times before resting his haunches on the other side of the table, looking over the haggard captain slowly. “I’m a new member of your crew sir, I was told to report here…”
The captain instantly started shaking his head, “Yes yes yes, it’s nice to meet you. I suppose I should tell you the basics. This is the Wave Crester, do you know what it is we do?” The captain’s good eye stared out from behind the glass to look at the recruit.
The pony hesitated as he scratched the back of his head with his hoof “Um…actually no. I think you’re a transport carrier, but-”
The glass hit the table as the captain cut him off “Wrong. I don’t know what it is we do, it changes all the time without any rhyme or reason. It’s utter madness.” he shook his head quickly as he set a hoof down on the table.
A casual look was thrown to the door as the young sailor pondered the worth of this job. “But you’re the captain…don’t you, you know, decide what to do?”
A hoarse, bitter laugh pulled its way our from the old captain “I’m the captain because I made friends with a crazy little girl a long time ago. I decided something once…that’s how I got this.” he held his hoof up, tapping the bottom of his eye patch. He let out a bit of a shudder, “Remember this, boy. More than anything else you need to remember, Pinkie Pie owns this ship, and she holds all of our lives in her hooves.”
The young stallion’s mouth fell open as he stared on in horror “She cut out your eye?” he muttered in incredulous shock.
“No…” The old salt admitted. “Miss Pinkie thought we should haul stout from one port to another, but I thought we should haul pepper to a different port. The difference in money was…quite noticeable. I decided not to listen and haul the pepper, raiders killed six of ours that night, and I took an arrow to the eye.” shaky hooves moved to pour another drink “We never spoke of it again…but…” his voice trailed off.
The young sailor’s head cocked to the side “Captain? Maybe it was just a coincidence?” He offered hopefully.
“No…” His aged face swing from side to side “She’s brilliant, and completely insane. She refuses to admit that this is real life and insists that reality is a game.” An exaggerated hoof swung up to motion to the surrounding room “Everything is just a game. You know, whenever we talk about the past she just calls it backstory. Backstory!” Aged lips brought the glass closer so he could have a sip. “Then she tells me things because she sees patterns in the plot.”
The younger man lowered his head, finally realizing he’d been assigned to a ship with a senile old drunk who listened to his overactive ship storyteller as a prophet. “Patterns sir?” He questioned, resignation evident in his voice.
“Yes!” the captain called out “Patterns! When I ask her to explain it to me she tells me a bunch of unrelated nonsense and acts like I should be able to understand it!” He downed his drink and let out a rough cough, putting his glass down to bang on his chest. “We’ve had three captains, and every one that-”
The captain’s voice was cut off as the door exploded open “Hello!” a cheery voice called out to them as a pink pony bounced into the room. “I’ve finally figured out what we need to do next!” There was a short pause as Pinkie sat down next to the table, looking over to the new recruit “Were you talking about me?”
The awkward silence was broken as Captain Anjin responded, sarcasm dripping from his voice “Oh no, no, no, we weren’t talking about you at all.” His blatant lie was swept to the side as he moved his alcohol off the table and motioned to it. “Why don’t you let us know what we need to do next?”
Pinkie smiled broadly as she lifted a hoof to the table, a long map rolling down the length before she drove a dagger home in one spot. “Apple Springs!” She announced triumphantly, leaping up on her hind legs for emphasis, leaving the other two dumbfounded.
Captain Anjin cleared his throat before nodding his agreement. “Oh I absolutely agree! But just for fun, why don’t you explain why you’ve come to that conclusion?”
Pinkie dropped to the ground with a confused look on her face. Hastily her hoof reached out and tapped the map a few times “It’s Apple Springs, this is where the plot hook is going to be! The game is going to finally start, here.”
The two sea ponies leaned forward and looked at the map carefully. The captain was the first to sink back to his seat “But why is the game starting there? What’s the plot hook?”
Pinkie let out an exasperated sigh as her head hit the table “I don’t know what the plot hook is yet, they don’t tell you before the game starts, that’s metagaming!” Her head lifted as she resolved to explain the obvious to them. “Ok, it’s called Apple Springs, there’s a big apple farm there, run by a family of apple farmers, right?”
A hoof drunkenly swayed up to scratch the captain’s mane “But there’s lots of apple farms in Equestria, why this one?”
Pinkie’s hoof moved slightly, “There’s a monastery right here, and rumors of a barbarian tribe in the area. I’ll bet Rainbow Dash decided to change classes before the game started.”
The captain looked across the table to the cadet. Their eyes met for the briefest of moments before the captain turned his gaze back to Pinkie Pie. “Who is Rainbow Dash and why did she change…class?”
Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes, “Rainbow Dash is my friend, we haven’t met yet, but she’s too free spirited to be a monk silly!”
The captain threw his forelegs into the air as he let out a stifled “Of course!” before passively collapsing to the side and giving up.
Apologetic eyes looked down at her captain as she tried to help him through it, but he wasn’t making it easy. “It makes sense!” She insisted “There’s rumors of druids somewhere in this area over here! That can’t be a coincidence!” Her eyes moved from the captain to the newcomer; sad that she had to go soon. It was a shame she wouldn’t have time to throw him a party, even if he was just a random NPC. His eyes met hers, but his mouth still hung open in confused bewilderment. Pinkie’s head sunk low, “I’m sorry if you don’t understand, but I have to go. I’ll miss you captain…”
That got his attention, instantly Captain Anjin pulled himself up from the ground and moved over to her. “You’re leaving? But you’ve spent your whole life on the Wave Crester, ever since we picked you up…” His jaded face softened somewhat. “Pinkie, everyone’s going to miss you if you go…”
With a reassuring smile the pink pony threw her forelegs around the scraggily pony and gave him a firm hug. “I have to go captain, I’ll miss everyone here too…except that guy…I don’t know him.” she said wistfully, pointing a hoof at the recruit standing at the side.
A soft chuckle was brought forth from the old scotch scented captain as he shook his head. “You’ve been a pain in the ass sometimes you know, but you’ve always been there to make us smile. You’re family here, and there’s always a place open for you if you need to come back.” He paused for a few moments in thought “Go on, take anything you’ll need for your journey, you’ve earned it, I think.”
A slow grin spread across her face as a mischievous twinkle peeked out from behind her eyes “Anything?”
------
Pinkie’s cloak flapped frantically in the wind for a few moments as she braced against the wind. The autumn months were upon them, and the chilling winds were certainly a testament to that. Pinkie breathed out once more; concentrating to see if she could catch her breath on the air. It seemed it wasn’t quite cold enough to worry about, but she did make a mental note to pick up furs of some sort to wear. The last thing she needed was to be playing when the GM hit them with fortitude saves for hypothermia.
Her attention was turned to the sign posted just outside of town. “Welcome to Apple Springs!” It announced cheerfully. Pinkie Pie smiled broadly at the happy little birds and the sun on the picture, it just made the place seem so inviting! She turned her head back to look at the wagon behind her, it was nice of Captain Anjin to offer it to her. The harness was hooked up tightly to her back so that she could pull it easier, but after all the travel it would be nice to not feel it pulling back on her all the time.
With a pleasant giggle the pink pony pushed herself onward, pulling her little wagon into the pleasant town. The streets were alive with many happy ponies milling about, just conversing on the everyday mundane stuff ponies did. Instinctively her ears perked up as she passed, learning nothing of importance. Finally she pulled the wagon up to the inn and tapped a hoof to the ground, waiting expectantly.
After a little bit a pony came rushing out of the inn with a worried expression on his face. “Sorry there miss. We don’t get a lot of ponies coming through here that need wagons stored.” He explained apologetically. “Should I store that for you?”
Pinkie’s head reached around the side to let her bite the pin that held the wagon onto her on the right side, pulling it free. She lifter her head to look back at the pony with a smile “Please do. I need to go in and consult the local rumor mill before I find the other players.” With that she pulled the other side free and shrugged off the harness.
The pony’s confused stare lingered on her a while, but it was his job to keep the guests happy. “Yes…Ma’am.” Pinkie pulled the sheets down a little tighter to cover her wagon more carefully before she left the stallion to his job.
Hastily the pink mare made her way into the tavern and looked about, several ponies were sitting about the room drinking. She noticed some furs and manes that were hidden under cloaks seemed like the right colours, but she couldn’t be sure. Well, it was time to get to work. She made her way up to the barkeep and sat down, quickly attracting his attention.
“Can I help you?” He asked politely as he made his way over to her, instinctively setting a glass on the countertop.
“Hi!” she greeted him with a polite smile “My name’s Pinkie Pie, I’d like to get a room here, I just put my wagon into storage.” The man nodded politely and took out a guest book and a key, setting them beside the glass. She set a few bits down to pay for the room as he opened the book with a smile, instantly Pinkie scanned the page, noting that one Twilight Sparkle had checked into room 302 yesterday. When he finished he handed Pinkie the key and put the book away. “Thank you.” Pinkie cooed “Such accommodations seem a -Rarity- nowadays.”
Pinkie’s eyes darted about as she looked the room over carefully, and on the word “Rarity” one cloaked figure perked up. Pinkie smiled, she had found her second friend already. “One last thing…” she said to the innkeeper over the chatter “The contents of my wagon are particularly valuable, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t send anyone to clean that area until I’m gone.”
“Of course miss, we understand being protective of our things here, can I get you anything?” Pinkie ordered a meal and settled in as though she were getting comfortable for the evening. At such prompting the figure whose interest had been piqued rose and headed out of the tavern at a canter, moving for the garage. After a half minute Pinkie followed.
Pinkie took a step out into the garage where her wagon was being stored. Carefully she peeked around the corner and stopped with a smile as she saw Rarity sitting on her haunches in front of her door. The mare was wearing a torn up cloak, but it was assuredly her, a lock picking set between her teeth as her delicate hooves operated on the door. Pinkie knew she had the surprise round, but she would try to fight non lethally, which gave Rarity an edge. Then again, if Rarity had turned rogue she would be garbage in combat.
With a determined nod Pinkie wheeled the corner and rushed the surprised pony, cracking her hard in the face with a hoof and sending her flying. The set of lock picks raining to the ground with scattered clinks between them. Pinkie smiled at her right hook, it seemed to have the desired effect. The dazed white mare struggled to her hooves, a line of blood streaming down onto her chin.
Carefully she looked up at Pinkie, letting out a grimace at the off putting smile. “Do…do you work for my husband? Please…what he did wasn’t right, don’t hurt me…” Rarity turned pouted lips away with a stifled whimper.
Confused, Pinkie tilted her head to the side, her smile dimming as she looked upon her crying friend. “W-what?” She stuttered, moving closer to Rarity, quashing the voice inside that told her to console her friend immediately.
Rarity turned her face back to Pinkie, tears marring her white fur as it carried black eyeliner through it. “M-My husband…” she sniffled “He took everything and left me, you’re one of his thugs right? Protecting his wagon? I was only going to take back my things, I swear…”
Pinkie blinked in confusion one or two times, then her smile returned “Wow Rarity! That’s a really good bluff check! I’ll bet you can bluff your way past anyone with that!” She complemented her friend. Pinkie had seen Rarity’s sheet before they played, and even as a sorceress her bluff skill was high, but to see it in action! Simply superb!
Rarity’s features hardened as she stared down the pleasant pony, brushing a few lockpicks to the side. “So, you know who I am then? I suppose you’re a law pony come to track me down?” She let out a dramatic sigh as she walked forward “Very well, I suppose I know when I’m beaten. I surrender.” She casually marched a few paces closer, then the minute she was in striking distance she moved her hoof to pretend to adjust her hair and went for a knife. The dagger was pulled clean from its sheath and traveled upwards, but then staggered back as Rarity stumbled backwards.
Pinkie was up on her hind legs with a hoof extended out to where Rarity’s face was once. With a silly grin she hopped up with a smile “Yay! Rarity! Did you see that? I won initiative!”
Rarity’s eye throbbed painfully as it started to swell, accentuated by the feeling of blood trickling down her nose. Her resolve tightened as she drew a second dagger and glared at the newcomer “I tried playing nice, get out of the way or I’ll end you.” she threatened through grit teeth.
Pinkie dropped to all fours once more and shook her head “Rarity. You can’t beat me in a fight, I saw your character sheet, your will saves are...terrible.”
Rarity blinked a few times in confusion, what was wrong with this pony, she had to be insane. “What are you talking about?” Rarity demanded in exasperation.
“Watch!” Pinkie Pie announced, raising to her hind legs and putting her hands out in front as a current of blue swirling energies flooded around her. A look of fearful comprehension came across Rarity’s face as she dropped a dagger, propelling herself forward on three legs to try and reach her target. “Sleep.” Pinkie pie muttered, her eyes lighting up with arcane energies. With that Rarity hit the ground as she skidded to a halt in front of pink hooves.
Rarity’s eyes fluttered back open to the feeling of a wet rag pressing the fur on her face. With a cry of panic Rarity tried to move, but only succeeded in falling sideways to the floor. “Hey…” an cheery voice said indignantly as a hoof took hold of her and pulled her back to her haunches. “Would you hold still?”
Blue eyes focused to see the pink pony looking at her with a hint of irritation as the rag game down again. Rarity’s muscles tensed, wincing in expected pain, but none came. Carefully she tried moving her forelegs a bit, finding them fairly snugly tied. She let out a careful sigh, she was going to have to talk her way out of this one. “Why doesn’t my face hurt?” she muttered dejectedly.
This brought about a smile from the fluffy mane mare, “My other first level spell is cure light wounds, your hit points are so low at first level it can pretty much fix up everything.” Her soft smile somewhat comforted Rarity as she worked, taking the cloth away. “There we go, I know how you hate to be messy, now we just need to work on your mane a bit.”
Rarity pushed herself back against the wall more carefully “Why do you keep speaking as though you know me?” She pushed. Her eyes darted about, they were still in the garage, she could probably just scream, this crazy pony would have a hell of a time explaining this. That’s when she noticed the pony toying with something, on the end of her goof sat a golden chain with a beautiful diamond on the end. Rarity’s heart froze in her chest, that was her diamond! She’d worked hard to steal that! “Hey! Give that back!” she snapped, trying to pull her forelegs free.
The diamond twirled about as Pinkie wheeled on her accusingly “Really? Because this isn’t exactly standard for first level adventurers.”
White teeth grit as Rarity struggled “This isn’t a game Pinkie, it’s my life and that’s my diamond!” Rarity immediately stopped struggling as she sat back with her mouth opening. Thoughts she had thought long suppressed flooded her mind. Slowly her lip started to quiver and her eyes became misty. “Pinkie…Pie. Pinkie?”
Immediately Pinkie made her way across the garage and put a hoof on her friend’s shoulder “No…I just cleaned you up, don’t start that now.”
Rarity smiled as she looked up into her friend’s eyes and leaned into her “I’m sorry I tried to take your things…and stab you.”
Pinkie held her for a moment before pushing her away and cutting the rope away. “Don’t worry about it, stealing and stabbing are what rogues do.” She reminded her friend with a smile, tossing the gemstone back to her friend. “I’m surprised the GM let you get something so expensive before we started though.”
Rarity caught the gem and took a long look at it, the faces reflected in it held a deep shame now. She’d actually been proud….of theft. That wasn’t her, she never had to steal before all this started. Slowly her eyes turned upward “Please don’t tell the others I…wait, where are the others?”
Pinkie turned about and went back to gathering Rarity’s lock picks “Well, Rainbow Dash was a monk, just like you were a sorcerer…” Rarity looked away in shame again, the less they said about her career as a sorcerer the better “So I’m guessing she’s a barbarian now. Probably in the barbarian tribe that’s been harassing the Apple Clan and their farm.”
It took a few moments, but eventually the connections clicked as a hoof pawed at her face. “Applejack’s part of the Apple Clan, isn’t she?” Rarity muttered in irritation.
Pinkie Pie smiled “Yup! I’m going to walk into their camp and tell them all they’re being meanies and they need to stop fighting. Then Rainbow Dash and Applejack can come with us!”
The thought hit Rarity like a brick, Pinkie Pie was going to walk into a barbarian meat grinder making demands like that. “Umm…Pinkie?” She questioned “Perhaps I can take care of letting those brutes know they should make peace, and you can….go get Applejack!” The civilized apple orchard was probably more Pinkie’s speed anyway.
Pinkie picked up the lock pick kit with her teeth and passed it over to Rarity. “Are you sure? Because I’m sure I could teach them something, just like I taught the buffalo to share at Appaloosa!”
Rarity’s body stiffened as she gave a nervous laugh “No no no, I’ve got this one dear. You just let Applejack know what’s going on, okay?”
Pinkie seemed satisfied, and after a few more exchanged words they parted ways, agreeing to meet soon. Pinkie moved back into the tavern with a smile on her face, that was one pony taken care of. Next she needed to discuss things with Twilight, hopefully that would be a bit more peaceful. Slowly she made her way upstairs to room 302 and rapped her hoof against the door. It wasn’t long before the familiar face of Twilight emerged. “Yes, can I help you?” she asked.
Pinkie fought the surging flood of emotion that made her want to jump onto her old friend and throw her forelegs around her, things with Twilight had to be handled…delicately. Pinkie cleared her throat and tried to sound serious “I am a traveling bard, and I’ve come to pose a theory to a brilliant mind, might I use yours?”
Twilight’s face lit up, she enjoyed having her ego stroked, and her intelligence was a particularly sensitive area. “Absolutely.” She said with earnest, opening the door all the way so that Pinkie could come inside. As the pink mare set hoof inside the room she took a quick look around, everything was neat and tidy. A set of quills and ink were set up on the table, and a small stack of textbooks lay next to them. That was Twilight though, even traveling she kept up on her studies.
Pink haunches found a nice spot and sat themselves down, allowing the two to look each other over. “My theory…” Pinkie mused “Is that all our lives are lies and we are stuck in a simulation of reality.”
Twilight’s demeanor sank, this wasn’t going to be an interesting debate on some scientific or magical principle. This was going to be one crazy pony spewing nonsense to try and muddle the air with technicalities. A farce of a debate if ever there was one. The pink pony stood up triumphantly and started towards the door “I see you can’t manage an answer to that, I’ll just tell everyone…”
“No!” Twilight cut her off stepping quickly between her and the door. “You wanted to pose a theory, sit down and we’ll examine it.” her irritated tone matched her eyes perfectly. “For starters, all we are is the sum of our experiences. If we’re in a simulation it’s still -our- reality since all our experiences came from here.”
Pinkie sat once more as she looked over Twilight, crossing her forelegs in front of her “But what if we have more experiences, but we simply forgot them before we were put in the simulation, replaced by false ones. Perhaps by magic!”
Twilight sighed indignantly “No magic is good enough to simulate every aspect of our childhood. There would be specific memories that were put there, and then gaps we’re simply ignoring. I think I would have noticed if I suddenly stopped remembering portions of my life.”
Pinkie’s head turned to the side defiantly “Yeah, well I don’t even remember my mother’s name!” She announced proudly “Perhaps it’s a missing memory.”
Pink eyes rolled as the pony who was just being stubborn now “Or maybe you’re an idiot. Everyone else remembers their mother’s name. Hell, my mother’s name is…” Twilight paused, she knew this. It started with….a… “Well that’s a bad example.” she concluded.
Pinkie raised an eyebrow “Oh, certainly. What did your neighbor’s house look like when you were little?”
Twilight’s brow furrowed as she closed her eyes, trying to visualize it. “I was young, the memories fade over time.”
Pinkie stood up and moved closer to Twilight “Who married your brother?”
Twilight opened her eyes and stood triumphantly “Princess Cadance!” Then she happily strut towards the doorway, “See, I-”
“That was in the real world, the one where I was a bridesmaid…” Pinkie interrupted, looking to the ground, knowing the truth would hit Twilight hard. “In this world you don’t have a brother. You wrote only child on your character background.”
Twilight froze for a moment, trying to remember her brother’s wedding more clearly, then it all fell into place as she whirled about on her friend “Pinkie, Shining Armor is my brother…what….” Her eyes got wide as she backed up to the door, her tail curling beneath her “He’s my BBBFF…What happened to him?” Her gaze turned to Pinkie.
Sad eyes turned away from Twilight’s stare “I don’t know Twilight. But if the GM is doing this maybe he’ll come back when we beat the game.” There was a long pause before Pinkie broke the silence again “Twilight, you can’t have a breakdown now, I need you to fix this.”
Twilight finally shook herself a bit as she was shakily brought back to her senses. “R-right…we need to…to…to get the others. They had character sheets too, so they should be in this world with us. Where are they?”
Pinkie shook her head a bit before looking to the side “I don’t know, it took me this long just to find you.” She lied through her teeth.
Twilight sat in thought for a while before her eyes lit up “We’re in Apple Springs, I think there’s a family that runs the orchard. I’ll bet that’s where Applejack is!”
Pinkie bounced up to her hooves “I’ll go over there and make Applejack come with us. I’ll just tell her family that they’re living in a fake world and-”
“No!” Twilight cut Pinkie off again before putting a hoof to her head “Look, Pinkie. I’ll go get Applejack okay?” She took a pack and started piling things into it “You just wait here for a while okay? When I get back with Applejack we’ll find the others.”
“Okay! I’ll plan a welcome back Applejack party!” Pinkie said with glee, bouncing out the door. The moment she was out of Twilight’s range of sight she stopped. It was time to go turn the druids onto their little werewolf problem…she had time to stop for food right?