I Am a Monster

by J3sterking

Awoken

As Fluttershy returned to the main group, she forced herself to look calm. She’d done so before, right? Besides, she could easily manage her bloodlust for a single night. Her teacher had said that a vampire who couldn’t was nothing more than a walking corpse. The expression could have been taken literally or figuratively.

What Fluttershy couldn’t figure out was why friendship magic had decided to destroy the dampener. It didn’t make any sense! Was...was it alive, or was it just following what it did? Code like, ‘if magic relic is hampering friend A, destroy magic relic’?

To what extent would that even work?

Applejack and Rainbow Dash turned to look at her, both of them looking perplexed. Rainbow Dash said, “Fluttershy, I know you used to sing occasionally, but...do you still play instruments?”

Briefly, a memory of her singing a cappella on a stage in front of a crowd of vampires wearing masquerade masks flashed before her eyes, before she realized Rainbow Dash was talking about when she was a kid and Fluttershy looked like one. “Yes…” Fluttershy said tentatively.

“Do you...grow an extra foot of hair and pony ears?” Applejack asked slowly.

“Maaaaaybe?” Fluttershy drew out. She hadn’t known what that was about. She’d assumed it was the magic of friendship being weird with her vampire-ness, but if they had it, too…

“Awesome!” Rainbow Dash said. “I mean, I was kind of wanting to show off with it sometime, but...if all of us have it, we could, like, start a band or something!”

“We need to see if Rarity and Pinkie do the same,” Applejack said. “This still wouldn’t explain the weirdness in the car, but it would help ease my mind a little.”

Equestrian magic, on the loose? None of them know what it is, or what it was doing? Yeah, probably fine.

Sunset looked like she was about to say something, but decided not to. Fluttershy almost called her on it, but decided to let her be.

After all, I’m going to have enough problems of my own… Sunset could, and would already have to, work out a lot of her struggles on her own. Fluttershy had to believe in her.

“Rarity gets the pony ears!” Sweetie Belle chimed in. “I saw her when shew as playing that...um...the thing with the keys? Like a guitar-shaped piano?”

“A keytar?” Rainbow asked slowly.

Applejack frowned. "Is it really called that?"

The rest of the time waiting for Rarity and Pinkie Pie, which wasn’t long anyway, was filled with inane chatter that Fluttershy couldn’t bother herself to focus on.

Breathe in, breathe out. Accept the hunger. Accept the thirst. It is part of you.

But it shouldn’t have been.

Breathe in, breathe out. Accept the hunger--

BUT I DON’T WANT TO!

Her eyes opened, and she found herself drawn to the movie. She’d watched the occasional vampire flick over the past couple of decades, and they all got most of the details wrong, but she’d always disliked the ones that painted vampires as more monstrous. My Roommate is a Vampire certainly had some monstrous sides to the vampires, but they were almost romanticized, and most of the things the main vampire did were mostly just her doing something wrong, with those decisions being completely unrelated to her vampiric nature.

At the same time, the red eyes was pretty spot-on accurate...especially with when they came out…

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out…

“Fluttershy, is the movie bothering you?” Rarity asked quietly, hoping not to disturb the other movie watchers.

“Not really that much,” Fluttershy lied. “Besides, it’s your movie turn, so I’ll stay here.”

Perhaps it was good that the vampires in the movie weren’t as monstrous as real vampires were. At least Rarity hadn’t chosen one of the darker ones, though Rarity rarely chose things without a happy ending.

Though, Rarity’s interruption seemed to help. She had friends, and if friendship got her into this mess, then thinking about her friends would get her out.

She managed to control herself for the rest of the movie, listening to a few of her friends talk about their favorite scenes or characters.

“When she punched the disapproving mother--” Rainbow Dash laughed her head off. “It was awesome! Like, take that, snooty rich person!”

“Rainbow, that was aggravated assault,” Applejack pointed out.

“Well, yeah, she certainly looked aggravated,” Rainbow said. “These actresses did a really good job. I wonder what I’ve seen them in before? I swear they looked familiar…”

Sunset let out a loud snort of laughter. They turned to see her, staring at the back of the DVD case, and she looked up, suddenly blushing as she saw their attention. “Well, uh, I know why the night princess looked familiar at least.”

“Go on,” Pinkie Pie said, tossing one of her ‘marshmallow popcorn’ things into her mouth. How she threw it when Fluttershy’s fingers were still stuck fast together from the syrup, she'd never know.

“Because the actress was Vice Principal Luna, Sunset said, pointing to the back of the box. “Luna Regalia.”

Rarity took the case, squinting at it. “My word! I almost didn’t recognize her!”

“This movie was made almost ten years ago,” Applejack breathed. “Hoo-wee, she was an actress?”

“I wonder if we could find other movies with her in it?” Rarity said.

“I’ll see if maybe I can track a few down,” Sunset said. “I’m good at finding things out on the web.” She sobered up immediately after she said that. “Um...I mean…”

“It’s okay, sugar. This is quite a bit different from what you used to do, and some of those skills are certainly gonna come in handy.”

Fluttershy managed a fake yawn, hoping it sounded realistic. “Oh, dear, it certainly looks quite late,” she said. “I should get on home now."

“Is it—my word! Sunset already!” Rarity leapt out, looking out the nearest window. “I always forget how short the days get…”

“Fluttershy, I’ll give you and Sunset a lif--” Applejack cut off. Fluttershy was gone. “Uh, where’d she go?”

Luna yawned a bit, finally coming down to the kitchen, seeing Celestia hard at work making pancakes while humming softly. One of the good things about immortality—her body burned a lot of energy, and most energy was stored safely away without causing her to put on large amounts of weight.

That meant a lot of pancakes.

“Do we have syrup?” Luna asked, opening the fridge and looking for the milk.

Celestia let out a mildly indignant sound. “Well, princess, I’m sure we have some in the pantry. After all, I wouldn’t want all your pancakes going to waste again because you wouldn’t eat them without syrup.”

Luna scoffed. “’Twas two centuries ago. I would assume that you would have gotten over a joke.”

“Well, since you’ve kept asking me every single day, it would be hard to forget,” Celestia said. “And I would assume that the four hundred years since Shakespeare was alive would allow you to drop the ‘thee’s and ‘thou’s.”

“Well, I would assume--” Luna closed the fridge door, then jumped back, seeing Fluttershy standing right behind it, barely managing to cut off a curse.

Celestia looked up from her pan, eyes widening in surprise. “Hello, Fluttershy. Is there something we can do for you?”

“The dampener,” Fluttershy said, a somewhat gaunt look on her face. “It broke last night. What happened?”

If it had been in one piece, Luna thought, then Fluttershy wouldn’t have been able to sneak into their place so thoroughly. She looked to Celestia, who opened one of the kitchen pantries. She frowned, then pulled out a few, brown shards of a material that wasn’t quite ceramic. “I’m not sure,” she said. “What exactly happened?”

“The bucking magic of friendship happened,” Fluttershy said, almost a growl in her throat as she sat down in one of their spare chairs.

A moment of silence passed. “’Bucking’?” Luna asked, naturally focusing on that part.

Fluttershy blinked, then sighed. “Blame Applejack,” she muttered. “I think Equestrian magic between me and my friends destroyed the dampener.”

“Why would it do such a thing? And how? We must admit, that though we’ve seen our fair share of otherworldly things, the magic of friendship is somewhat new to us.”

“I’ve only had friends the past…” Fluttershy let out a breath through her teeth. “...ten years? Fifteen? Times flies. But since we helped Princess Twilight blast Sunset Shimmer with the Elements of Harmony, the friendship magic has apparently not gone away, even with the portal closed.”

“Perhaps because the portal was closed,” Celestia mused, setting two plates of pancakes in front of her sister and their guest. “Maybe without the portal, the magic can’t return to Equestria.”

“We could theorize all day about what happened, and why,” Luna interjected, “most of it would be conjecture, and only one of said theories would be truth. So, rather than spend an entire day coming up with falsehoods, let us discuss what we should do.”

Fluttershy let out an obnoxious giggle, then said in a fake aristocratic tone, “Verily.”

Luna raised an eyebrow at her.

Fluttershy suddenly seemed a lot more interested in her pancakes, cutting off a piece of them and eating it.

Without syrup.

Celestia put the prerequisite condiment on the table, and Luna began drenching her pancakes in it. “The chief thing that must be addressed is that, since we can’t figure out why it happened, simply acquiring another dampener is out of the question. The likelihood of it shattering again makes it not worth the considerable effort it is to acquire a new one.” She took a bite of her pancakes.

Fluttershy nodded. She’d most likely already had that same thought.

“Have all your vampire powers returned?” Celestia asked, sitting at the table with her own plate.

Fluttershy nodded. “I believe so, though there’s a number I didn’t test. My wings, the stare, and a few others.”

“The dampener...it was supposed to be for vampiric fasting, right? In times when it was too dangerous to go out and feed?”

Fluttershy nodded. “Very rarely used, but yes.”

“But you also said it wasn’t safe to use long-term, like you’ve been doing,” Luna said. She popped open her milk carton, then took a swig straight out of it.

Fluttershy didn’t comment on Luna’s table manners. “Yes,” she said slowly. “It could cause damage if used for more than two or three decades.”

“How long have you been using that one for?” Celestia asked.

“Roughly twenty-three years.”

“Then it stands to reason the magic of friendship might have been trying to keep you safe,” Celestia thought. “Besides, have you considered that you really don’t need it to keep yourself under control now?”

Fluttershy raised an eyebrow.

“Well, what I’m saying is you’ve come a long way, Fluttershy,” Celestia said gently. “From who you used to be, to someone who functions as a physical embodiment of kindness. You have friends who care about you, and who wouldn’t want to see you hurt yourself with the dampener. You’ve hidden away your anger, but you’ve also hidden away a part of yourself, Fluttershy. One that maybe you don’t like, but hiding something like that away won’t help you any.”

“Are you...seriously saying...that I go around...without any sort of dampener?” Fluttershy asked, incredulous.

Celestia nodded. “I should have talked you into dropping it years ago, Fluttershy. It’s been obvious to me that you don’t need it to control yourself.”

“Yes I do!” Fluttershy burst out. “You remember what I was like! I was a monster, Celestia! I hurt people! I threw a car at you!”

“And I forgive you for that,” Celestia said, “just as you and your friends forgave Sunset Shimmer for all her actions.”

“Cease this for one moment!” Luna pointed a finger at Celestia. “You’ve forgiven her for throwing a car at you, but you haven’t forgiven the pancake incident a scant two years prior?”

“Of course. Fluttershy changed her savage ways,” Celestia said coldly. “Yet, anytime I even think about making pancakes when we don’t have syrup…”

“Pancakes needeth the sweetness!” Luna said, banging her fork into the table. “The sweet gifts of the maple tree are practically made for the ingestion of--”

“A-hem,” Fluttershy interrupted pointedly.

“Ah, right. Forgive me, Fluttershy. You simply prodded an old wound between the two of us.” Luna glared once more at Celestia, then continued. “The fact of the matter either way is that we don’t even have a way to give you another dampener. The vampires that are left in America stay far away from us. And none of the living ones would even think about selling such an item to us—nor you, either, given your reputation.”

“You will need to start feeding normally again,” Celestia said. “But as long as you do so regularly, there won’t be any troubles, right?”

Fluttershy bit her lip, not answering.

“I’m thinking we have an opportunity here, as well,” Luna said. “If you remember, dear Fluttershy, Vinyl Scratch doesn’t know much about her powers. If you would consider it once more, perhaps you could teach her?”

“I’ll consider it,” Fluttershy said slowly.

“Of course. It can wait until you come to terms with this,” Celestia said with a smile. “For now, you should finish your breakfast and head to school. Were you going to tell your friends?”

“Not unless I have to,” Fluttershy said slowly. “We’re still trying to figure out why we all grow pony ears when we play instruments, and helping Sunset adjust. It would be awful of me to just drop that in there as well.”

Celestia looked like she didn’t believe that was the whole problem, but she didn’t press the issue. “Was there anything else you’d like to discuss?”

“We watched My Roommate is a Vampire last night. They liked your acting, Luna.”

Luna coughed on a syrupy, sticky lump that inexplicably lodged itself in her throat. She quickly washed it out with some milk, then after done coughing, spoke up. “Well, I’d quite forgotten about that. We came up with a fake name for Vinyl for the movie, right?”

Celestia nodded. “We needn’t worry about that, Luna. Her stage name was different from the name she’s enrolled under.”

Fluttershy hadn’t caught that the main vampire had been Vinyl. Granted, she spent a lot of time purposely avoiding the other vampire, so she wouldn’t ask...awkward questions.

“But...isn’t there anything you can do?” Fluttershy asked.

“We’ll be here for advice, if you need it,” Celestia responded. “Keep in mind, Vinyl gets by without a dampener just fine.”

“Vinyl isn’t a murderer,” Fluttershy countered.

“You killed plenty of people, yes, but I believe you to be far past the point of killing thirty people because of a missing brooch, and you’re never going to be like your mentor," Luna said firmly.

It had been her mother’s—the only item she’d been allowed to keep from her. She’d never found it.

Seeing that she touched upon a sore subject, Luna apologized. “I meant no disrespect, Fluttershy. I’m certain it was quite valuable to you. I simply meant that even if such a thing happened again, the current you would react quite differently to a slight of that sort.”

“If I had had my powers, Sunset Shimmer wouldn’t have made it far enough to be redeemed,” Fluttershy pointed out. “I would have killed her, Luna.”

“You could have have done so anyway. While she has some skills of her own, your skills certainly surpass hers,” Luna pointed out. "So, no, I don't believe you would have killed her because, simply put, you didn't."

Fluttershy still didn’t look convinced.

“I think we’ve said all there is to say, Fluttershy,” Celestia said. “If you need advice on something—like the best way to tell your friends, when you’re ready—then we will be here. For now, I’m certain you will be running late soon enough.”

“Thanks for the food,” Fluttershy said, sighing. She got up, but Celestia rose as well, grabbing a take out box from a cabinet. “You won’t exactly have time to stop at your house, and there aren’t a lot of vegetarian fast food options. Eat these on the ride into town.”

Fluttershy nodded her thanks, then strode out the door. By the time Celestia closed the door, she had disappeared.

Fluttershy climbed up the steps to school that day feeling dismal. The pancakes hadn’t filled her in the way she needed them to. They hadn’t satisfied a craving that was worse than any plain old sugar crash. There was something vicious inside her, and it had woken up last night.

She was so distracted that she walked face-first into Rainbow Dash and her other friends.

“Whoa!” Rainbow said, helping her catch her balance. “You alright there, Space Cadet?”

Fluttershy ignored the light-hearted jab. “Sorry, guess I just had some things on my mind.”

Applejack bit her lip, then said, “Well, I think I might know what’s on your mind Fluttershy.”

Fluttershy was absolutely certain that Applejack didn’t know, but said anyway, “You-you do?”

Applejack nodded gravely, then checked to make sure that the group of friends were properly alone enough, then said, “Have you gals noticed that Sunset’s been kind of down lately?”

A murmur of various agreements came through the group.

“Well, I’m worried that she might be...feeling overly bad about the Fall Formal,” Applejack said carefully, searching through her locker.

“I...was hoping she just had some blues,” Fluttershy said, actually taken aback. Truth be told, she’d somehow missed what Applejack was pointing out. “Goodness, do you think…”

“I hope not,” Applejack said slowly. “But...darn it! She’s my friend. I don’t want to lose her because even though we all forgave her, she couldn’t forgive herself.”

“That would be bad, especially as Princess Twilight specifically asked us to watch out for her,” Rainbow said. Her frown suddenly deepened. “Hey, she’s the Princess of Friendship, right? Do you think...other bad guys she’s reformed...well…offed themselves?”

“I think it might have been a possibility,” Applejack said darkly. “We should take turns keepin’ an eye on her. Just to be safe, you know? Someone should check up on her every day, and we should giver her plenty of support and encouragement.”

“Then I suppose we’re really lucky Vinyl decided to start hanging out with her,” Rarity said. “Vinyl asked her just a minute ago if it she was wanting to hang out.”

“Yeah, but, Sunset seemed kind of dodgy about the question,” Rainbow said. “Not today, not tomorrow, probably the day after?”

“Fluttershy and I were going to hang out with her once school was out,” Applejack said. “I can’t say for certain about tomorrow, but she already promised to hang out with the two of us today, so she can’t really go back on that.”

Fluttershy almost slapped her forehead. She’d forgotten about that. I really need to focus myself, she thought.

“Here, here,” Rarity said. “A promise is a promise, and it’s good to see that she has definitely made miles of improvement.”

“Still, no matter how much she improves, she could be worried about how she used to be,” Fluttershy said quietly. “You can never really know how much you’ve improved at something, you know?”

There was a moment of silence, broken finally by Pinkie Pie. “You know, I understand that, to an extent, but honestly? She wasn’t even the worst person I’ve ever met!”

“Maybe we could all get together and tell her that,” Rainbow Dash said. “Like, give her a card!”

“’You didn’t make my top five least favorite people’?” Rarity said pointedly. “I’m sure she’d love that, darling, but maybe we should consider something else?”

The bell rang in the distance. “Shoot!” Applejack muttered. “Well, we gotta run now, so I guess we’ll talk about this more after school.”

The girls rushed off to their classes. Fluttershy moved at a slower pace, feeling anxiety gnaw away at her sanity.

Or perhaps, if her past actions were any indicator, what was left of her sanity.