//------------------------------// // Road Trip, Pack the Vodka // Story: Nikolai Berlinski and Equestria, with no Zombies?!?! // by Awesomedude17 //------------------------------// Nikolai Berlinski and Equestria, with no Zombie?!?! By Awesomedude17 Dempsey was sure that Celestia was going to take him to the Cave of Vagueness, "Hmm, I bet the princess will take me straight there." "Actually, no." "What?" "The princess wrote that you must meet with some of her advisory members first before going there." "I thought this was a monarchy." "A limited monarchy, one that the princess signed into 500 years ago." "Does Luna know?" "Yes, but her reaction was... not very positive." "I guess..." KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! Twilight went over to the door. "Coming!" When she opened it... "Princess!" Twilight bowed, while Celestia chuckled. "Rise my faithful student, I'm just here to pick up Dempsey." "Here I am. Where to?" "Canterlot." Nikolai was running around when he saw three fillies looking thoughtful. He decided to see what the were thinking of, after a swig from his vodka of course. "Apple Bloom, that is not a good idea for a cutie mark." "Well who knows, Scootaloo? We could be musical geniuses, and not know it." "Well I say we look for that thing that has been in Ponyville for a few days. My sister didn't seem to like it." "How would Rarity know?" Nikolai went to the table and said, "You know, I really don't like Rarity, she is annoying." The three startled fillies looked at Nikolai and noted how... ugly he was. But he smelled good too. "Hey, Nikolai. What are ya doin' here?" "Oh you know, trying to find a monkey and kill it for attacking me this morning." "Wait, you don't like my sister?" "And you are?" "I'm Sweetie Belle, and you must have been the monster who blew up her toilet." "I didn't mean it, I had to... use bathroom for... when nature called." I hate being near children, makes Nikolai repress regular way of speaking, and drinking. "Uh, huh." "I tried to fix it! You know what, never mind, I'm leaving. Goodbye!" And Nikolai ran off. Scootaloo wanted to know what was so important to him. "What was that all about?" "Oh, girls. Ya seen Nikolai?" "Yeah sis, he went that-a-way." Apple Bloom said pointing towards where Nikolai ran off to. "Thanks Apple Bloom, he's faster than he looks. WHOO!" And then Applejack ran after him. Apple Bloom just stared at the running mare. "Well that was interesting." "Yep." "Yeah." "Wait!" Apple Bloom had an idea. Her friends looked at her. She then whispered into their ears, which made them smile, then nod. "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MARATHONERS!!!" "So, any questions, Dempsey?" Asked the member of the advisory. "Just one, Can I bring a gun?" The members discussed among themselves and finally decided, "One gun only." "Thanks, I guess." The Skullkrusher is almost dry and the Resonator is too heavy for my time, that means my AUG-5om3 is coming along. Dempsey left the court and was met by the princess. "What did they say?" "That I can bring a gun, and that I'm green-lit to go." "Excellent, we leave in 1 hour." "Just drop me off." "What, why?" "My dream must be exact if I want to move on in this story." Celestia still was confused about Dempsey's 'talent', but she let it slide. "Very well, we'll instead leave in 15 minutes." "That's all I need." Dempsey said while checking his bags for his AUG-5om3. "Ahh, found it." "You ready?" "Yes. Let's go." Happy Discord? Very... Holy shit! You can read my mind? Yes, trust Celestia and trust me. The cave will tell the vague truth. Alright, but stay out when I tell you to. Ugg, you're no fun. You are just, pathetic. That's what she said. HAHAHAHAAAA! Oh I misjudged you human, three more chapters. Three more. Right. And so, the two went off to the Cave of Vagueness. Nikolai was at Carousel Boutique and ready to kick in the door, in fact, he did. "Rarity!" "AHH! Nikolai, what are 'you' doing here?" "You sent fucking monkey to kill me!" "I did no such thing." "I learned few things about cutie marks while here, your lesbian lover had butterflies on flank. You could have told her to sic the monkey at me!" "I'll have you know, Fluttershy would never do such a thing. But is there somepony else capable of that." "Oh yeah, that is good thing. Then who?" "I don't know, Dempsey maybe." I'd hate to shift the blame to him but he did have the idea, and sic the monkey on him. "A likely story, I'll drink first then go to where Fluttershy is... is..." Nikolai was below a falling piano. "OH SHIT!" Nikolai rolled away from the crash zone, narrowly missing the piano crash. "What the hell was that?" "Oh no, we almost dropped that piano on top of that monkey man." "Well Ditsy, I can say it was my fault, sorry." Heavy Lift was the one carrying the piano, even though a boss should be the example of a company. "Well you almost squashed me! Get away from me!" "We're sorry sir, we just need time to clean up." "Good, because I am leaving." "NIkolai! There you are!" "Applejack?" Nikolai turned to see a running Applejack. "How come... yer... so fast?" Applejack managed to say in between breaths. "I... don't know. But do you know where Fluttershy lives?" "Yeah, why?" "I think I know where monkey came from." "There you go Angel, be sure to eat slowly, or you'll get a tummy-ache." Angel merely rolled his eyes, and began to dig into his carrot quickly. "Oh dear." KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! "Huh, who could that be?" Fluttershy opened the door to see Applejack and Ni...ko...lai! "EEP!" Fluttershy slammed the door shut. "I'm sorry Nikolai! Dempsey came here wanting to borrow Bo Bo-bo and..." "Wait, Dempsey?" Fancy Pony was right, I own her an apology, but I'm not giving it to her. The door opened slightly to reveal Fluttershy. She walked out slightly and looked at the Russian. "Umm, Nikolai?" "Applejack, we are going to see Dempsey now." "You know where he is?" "We'll check library." Dempsey and Celestia were flying through the skies. "We're almost there." "Alright." They landed and Dempsey jumped off. "So this is the cave from my dream, I'd probably think it's weird that I'm saying this in my dream. No, I did think it was weird. The music was fitting though as it worked its magic." Dempsey turned to the chariot "Thanks for the ride Celestia!" "You are welcome, Tank." Celestia then flew away. "Alright, what's inside this dream cave." Dempsey walked in and was consumed by darkness.