Friendship is Messing With Evil Unicorn Heads (Or How Sunset & Starlight Learned a Terrible Truth)

by Leondude


Why’d Ye Spill Yer Beans?

After a long afternoon of removing the spells Starlight had cast on Spike, Twilight trotted to the throne room in order to kick back and do some reading. Before a copy of the Friendship Journal landed on her head, she had found an interesting book that was set in the future and focused on a historical revisionist who fell in love with a rebellious mare as they seek to resist the rule of their government. While Twilight did have a soft spot for romance novels courtesy of Princess Cadence reading her love stories before bedtime back when she was just a filly, the romance wasn't what got her interested in the book. If anything, a mare encouraging somepony to rebel against the utopia they live in because of their attraction to one another made her hesitant to even think about rooting for them. Instead, she was more interested in how the Republic of Hoofeania ran things. Around-the-clock surveillance that was always watching everypony's moves. Physical relations restricted to procreation and procreation only. Foals and fillies reporting their parents before eventually having them arrested for even thinking of disrupting the harmony of the government. Even though she only read the back of the cover, Twilight couldn't help but think those things sounded good on paper. Given the divisive reception of the Friendship Journal, perhaps she could take notes from the Republic’s example in getting everypony to understand the magic of friendship.

When she arrived at the throne room, she saw Starlight and Sunset sitting on two of the chairs surrounding the Cutie Map. While Twilight knew her faithful student would eventually return to her, Sunset's presence immediately caused a flood of anxiety to well up inside of her. Especially since she, much like the mare that was sitting at the side of her, was staring daggers at Twilight. It was difficult to tell what was more frustrating. Starlight reacting exactly how Twilight predicted she would if she ever found out the truth about her reformation or the fact that she told Sunset about it. Or the possibility that Spike told Starlight about how she changed Sunset for the better. While she could just alter the memories of the two mares before her and pretend this whole affair never happened, she wondered what would happen if one of her friends caught her in the act. They were less likely to keep her secret the same way Spike did. And Celestia forbid Discord ever found out about her friend-making methods. At best, he would never let him live it down and at worst, he would blackmail her into allowing him to do whatever he liked. Well, whatever he liked within reason since she knew Fluttershy is the only pony that can keep him on a leash. On the subject of Celestia,  how would she react when word gets out about what Twilight had been doing? She was furious when Twilight used the 'Want-It, Need-It' spell to create a friendship problem. If she ever found out about what Twilight did to Sunset, she would never trust her with mind-altering magic again. Or any magic for that matter.

As tempting as it was to teleport out of the throne room and breathe into a paper bag, Twilight remembered the lessons Cadence gave her in managing her anxiety and breathed in through her nose before calmly breathing out through her mouth.

“Sunset,” Twilight said in an unconvincing attempt at sounding casual, “How good to see you? I was just about to ask you if you had seen Starlight anywhere since she kinda disappeared on me but here she is and so are you so…uh…problem solved. Hehe.”

Both Sunset and Starlight continued glaring at Twilight.

"Did she tell you that I published the Friendship Journal recently?" Twilight asked, "I thought it would make life as the Princess of Friendship a little easier if I gave everypony a copy of everything my friends and I have learned over the years. But instead of everypony learning about friendship, they uh...well, let's just say the Smartypants incident is no longer the worst thing I've ever done."

"You can say that again," Sunset deadpanned.

Twilight's anxiety lowered significantly as her expression shifted from smiling nervously at the former ne’er-do-well unicorns to bearing her teeth at them and staring daggers right back.

"If you're implying that changing you and Starlight for the better is worse than a friendship problem I myself caused, need I remind you that you tried to take over Equestria with an army of mind-controlled slaves?" Twilight growled before pointing at Starlight, "And that you enslaved an entire village, robbed them of their individuality, and tried to stop the Sonic Rainboom from happening!"

“Don’t lecture me, Twilight!” Starlight spat, “You lied to me!”

“You lied to your followers!” Twilight retorted.

“About the Staff of Sameness!” Starlight shouted, “Everything else I said was true! At least I didn’t pretend to be holier-than-thou and preach about how being different is the best thing ever and then ‘reform’ ponies BECAUSE they’re different!”

While Starlight’s words were starting to get on Twilight’s nerves, she calmly breathed in before making a defence as to why she had to alter Sunset and Starlight’s personalities for the better.

“That’s different,” Twilight stated, “Your special talent was in the removal of cutie marks.”

Starlight galloped on top of the Cutie Map and pointed her hoof directly in front of Twilight's face, "So you admit I was right!"

Twilight was taken aback by Starlight's sudden interruption before quickly composing herself, "Not…necessarily. As I've said to you before, the differences between me and my friends are what make our friendship strong."

"But what if I had a friend who was totally different from me and stood by my side in freeing everypony from their cutie marks?" Starlight asked, "Would you have messed with that friend's head too and forced us to give everypony their cutie marks back or would you have left us alone?"

"If your friend was 'totally' different from you, I'm pretty sure they would have talked you out of enslaving an entire village," Twilight dryly replied.

"Eh...Not really," Sunset butted in, "Like you said, the differences between you and the other Element bearers are what made your friendship with them strong. If Starlight had a best friend who was different from her in every way but was loyal to her no matter what, why wouldn't that friend help her in making more friends?"

"Because what Starlight did was wrong," Twilight matter-of-factly replied.

"So is messing with our heads!" Sunset exclaimed, "Besides, if I was Starlight's friend and I saw you and the other element bearers shooting rainbow lasers, I'd want some of that friendship magic myself. All I gotta do is find a bunch of kind, generous, loyal, honest and/or hilarious ponies to make friends with."

Twilight stared at Sunset with bemusement, "Do you really think the Elements of Harmony would work for you if you only made friends specifically to use the Elements?" 

"It worked for you," Sunset snarkily replied, "Why not for me?"

Twilight let out an aggravated sigh as she slowly put her hoof to her forehead, "Okay, let's get one thing straight. I did not make friends just to use the Elements! In fact, I didn't even know my friends and I could wield the Elements! I only made friends with them because Celestia told me to!"

Twilight quickly covered her mouth with both of her hooves as her eyes widened at what she just said and who she said those words to. Whatever fury she felt at that moment for her predecessor and her student questioning her methods was quickly swept away by another flood of anxiety. While she knew Sunset wasn’t in any position to judge her, she saw Starlight’s fillyhood friend with her own eyes. And as twisted as Starlight’s idea of friendship was, there was no ulterior motive behind her making friends nor was she forced to make friends by somepony with greater power than her.

"That's it?" Starlight asked incredulously as she glared at Twilight like a rabid animal, "That's how you became the Princess of Friendship? Because somepony told you to? Not because you wanted to make friends?!"

"Well..." Twilight squeaked.

Starlight whipped around to face Sunset again before once again pointing her hoof at Twilight.

"The Princess of Friendship, everypony!" Starlight shouted, "Didn't even want to make friends in the first pla-"

A flash of light illuminated the room before quickly dissipating. Like a photograph of a powerful figure, Starlight was frozen solid halfway through her sentence, encased in a big block of ice. And right beside her was the equally frozen Sunset Shimmer. Twilight didn't care if she got caught. She simply had enough of arguing with her predecessor and her prized pupil. Unless they took turns removing the spell from each other, Twilight knew her hold on them had worn off and yet she thought she could get them to continue their friendship lessons without having to force them back to their more ideal versions. She didn't even know why they were so mad at her. She nudged them into being better ponies and this was how they thanked her? And for them to even have the gall to question the strong bond she shared with the rest of her friends. One was what she could have been if she was a megalomaniac while the other just wanted a bunch of yes-ponies. Who were they to judge her about friendship? She is friendship. Despite this, she couldn't help but feel Starlight might have had a point in her former philosophy about how everypony would get along if they were all the same. Not entirely right, since Starlight after her reformation reminded Twilight too much of her younger self, but Equestria would certainly be a much better place if everypony had the same opinions as her and were rational enough to not allow their emotions to cloud their judgement. Equestria could also be a much friendlier place if some ponies, such as a certain blue unicorn, were to be given an ego check. If she could serve some much-needed humble pie to Celestia’s student before her, how hard can it be to do the same to Trixie? It would be tempting to get Starlight to do it but the last Twilight wanted to do was have her faithful student learn the wrong lesson.

Looking at the frozen unicorns before her, Twilight calmly breathed in before calmly breathing out. She needed to be calm lest her anger was to get the better of her and cause her to accidentally damage their minds. As Starlight was the one closest to her, she was the one Twilight applied her reformation spell to first followed by a simple memory spell to help her forget their little friendship problem ever happened. Although how Twilight was going to explain why Starlight was frozen today, she did not know. Next, she did the same with Sunset before trotting away to somewhere private. After the stressful day she had, she was looking forward to reading Nineteen N-eigh-ty Four.

“Could be worse,” Twilight said to herself, “I could be the only princess of Equestria and have to teach every other crazy pony how to be friends.”