-1 month after Cake threesome-
Eating a plate of salad, Anon enjoyed yet another peaceful breakfast “ah, even halfway across the multiverse I can still enjoy a nice quiet morning” he sighed before taking a sip “now what were you saying Twi-mama?” He asked the purple unicorn sitting on the opposite end of the table, glaring at him “Anon this is serious. You slept with a married mare and now she’s pregnant” Twilight stated in a disappointed tone.
Pinkie found out about Anon’s sexcapades with the Cake couple. And Pinkie being Pinkie told all the Elements of Harmony. Twilight being Twilight was beyond pissed about it “yeah, and?” Anon asked “what are you planning to do when the foal is born? You need to take responsibility” she stated “Carrot was there too, I’m not the only one who’s pumped foal batter into that bankary” Anon defended himself while Twilight’s face went red and green “but if it is your child then. You need to get a real job to support them” Twilight stated.
“Job? I have a job!” Anon stated “occasional night shifts is not a real job Anon” she stated “and 90% of your income comes from Princess Celestia” she added.
Rolling his eyes Anon put his fork down “listen Twilight, I still don’t know if the foal is even mine yet. If it comes out with bat wings and spontaneously combusts in the sunlight, and assuming that the Cakes don’t have a thestral ancestor then I’ll get a full time job. But until then I have enough bits to enjoy my solitary lifestyle” Anon stated.
Twilight’s glare only hardened at his lack of care “don’t you feel just a little bit of remorse, violating the sanctity of marriage?” She asked “hey love is love my Twiggle-Tart, so what the Cakes want me in on it. Polyamory is as valid as monogamy” Anon stated “poly- what?” Twilight asked “polyamory, it’s when a small group of people all love each other the way couples do” Anon explained.
Tilting her head Twilight gave a look of confusion “is that a thing in your world?” She asked “yeah, it’s pretty common in some regions of my world,” Anon explained.
Thinking for a moment Twilight stood up from the table before making her way to the front door “thank you for this information Anon, I have a lot to think about” she thanked. Using her magic to lift a blanket over Anon shielding her from the open door “also why do you have so much for breakfast?” She asked as Anon helped himself to another bowl of salad “Cup Cake wants to get frisky every night until her first trimester is up, I need my strength” Anon explained stuffing another lettuce down his throat.
Returning to her library Twilight began to write a letter.
Dear Cadance
I dearly miss you here in Ponyville, but I am writing to you in order to ask a favour.
Recently a friend of mine Anon has entered something called a polyamorus relationship’ with a married couple. He claims it is a valid form of love.
I know you must be busy but as Princess of Love I would appreciate your advice on the matter.
I hope to visit you in Canterlot soon.
Your friend, Twilight Sparkle
With a puff of his breath Spike sends the letter off to Canterlot.
Back with Anon he was enjoying a midday nap when a bright flash of light startled him. Jolting awake Anon looked around, tired eyes blinking awake.
“You can take my mother in-law just don’t touch the TV” Anon groaned out in a tired voice “Twilight what is a TV?” An unfamiliar feminine voice asked. As his vision started to adjust Anon made out the shape of two ponies. One was Twilight, but the other he didn’t recognise. She was taller, a brighter shade of pink and appeared to have wings as well as a horn and was dressed in a tiara “Twilight why is there a pretty pink pony princess in my bedroom?” Anon asked.
Taking a step forwards Cadance introduced herself “I am Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, by please call me Cadance”
Anon blinked, still not having a clue what’s happening “what in the literal fuck did Mrs Cake put in that wine?” Anon asked out loud “Anon this is Cadance, the Princess of Love, she’s an old friend of mine” Twilight explained.
“Wait… so your name is Mi Amore, and you’re the princess of Love” Anon said “this is correct” Cadance confirmed.
“… ok, what is it you want?” Anon asked “Twilight wrote to me about a new form of love you claim to have discovered, polyamory was it? I was wondering if you could explain it to me in greater detail” Cadance explained.
“Oh, well that’s good. I was worried you were going to slut shame me like Baron Von Twigglesworth over here” Anon said pointing his hoof at Twilight “hey I didn’t try to shame you” she defended “you showed up at my house uninvited and kept telling me I should get a job and feel bad for possibly knocking up Cup” Anon reminded her.
“That’s because you can’t just sleep with other stallion’s wives! How would you like it if I slept with your mother?” Twilight asked “well to do that you’d have to find a portal back to my home so I wouldn’t be too pissed” Anon explained.
Cutting through the argument Cadance put a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder “don’t let him get to you Twilight I’m sure he’s just upset because we woke him up” Cadance said with a mothering tone “yes don’t listen to the bad man” Anon said in a mocking tone.
Unlike Twilight, Cadance didn’t seem upset at the sheer dickishness Anon was displaying.
“Now Anon, could you tell me more about this ‘polyamory’ please” Cadance asked “sure” Anon said reaching over to his bedside table. Reaching into the drawers he pulled out a small pouch tossing it to Twilight “Twily go get yourself an ice cream, I’m better at teaching practical lessons~” Anon said giving Cadance a smirk.
Twilight quickly guessed what was going through Anon’s brain “oh no, OH CELESTIA NO! Anon if you sleep with my goal sitter I swear to Celestia I’ll-“ Twilight stated, her horn starting to glow with magic before Cadance put a hoof in front of her “Twilight it’s fine, I think I can resist his ‘charms’” Cadance said chuckling slightly.
Sending a death stare towards Anon Twilight begrudgingly left the room, making sure to slam the door on her way out.
“Alone at last” Anon stated, moving into a position on the bed that would have been a lot more seductive if he were a mare “indeed, now about this new form of love” Cadance said ignoring how exposed Anon’s flank was.
“Oh, eh ok. Basically when three people-ponies all love each other they form a three way relationship akin to a couple. That’s basically polyamory. You can have more than three if you want but I’ve never done it. Then there’s polygamy which is the same but you’re married to two or more partners” Anon explained “interesting, in my experience most ponies prefer to share their romantic love solely with a single partner” Cadance said “well everypony is different I guess. Some will work well with it and others won’t” Anon said.
“So are we gonna buck like high school students or what?” Anon asked, making Cadance giggle “no Anon, I didn’t come here to sleep with a random stallion I just met” she said, maintaining a calm and caring tone “oh… you’re not married are you?” Anon asked “no, I’m still looking for that special somepony” she said “well… I’ve been told I’m special, although now that I think about it that doctor probably didn’t mean it in a good way” Anon said as less than fun memories started to flood back into his mind.
“I’m sure it is in a very good way Anon” Cadance said “good. So you got anyone in mind for your special somepony?” Anon asked. If he’s not getting laid he’s at least getting gossip. Moving her eyes away shyly Cadance gave Anon the information he needed “oh you do have someone. So what’s his name? Don’t try lying I can see right through you” Anon said laying down on his stomach, head resting in his front hooves “well… If you promise not to tell Twilight” she said “ooh, don’t worry princess, if it’ll piss off Twiggles then I’ll keep my trap shut” Anon promised.
“It’s her brother. Shining Armor” Cadance said “wait, Twilight has a brother? How come I’m always the last to hear these things?” Anon said “is he nice?” He added “he’s great, he’s not just nice he’s charming, brave, handsome” Candance listed off “does he have a big dick?” Anon asked, making Cadance blush.
“W-why would I know that?!” She stuttered “just saying you should know these things, small dicks can be a real deal breaker if he doesn’t know how to use it” Anon warned.
Her pink cheeks now a bright red Cadance unfurrowed her wings, using them to cover her face “why did I even tell you this?” She groaned in embarrassment “because you clearly like the guy and you’re tired of hiding it” Anon suggested.
Thinking for a moment Cadance started to fold her wings back in “I suppose that’s the case, it’s just. I’m so used to being everypony’s matchmaker that I don’t know how to do it for myself. Whenever I see him I just freeze. How can I tell Shining how I feel if I can’t talk to him?” Cadance asked, lowering her head slightly.
She was supposed to be the Princess of Love yet she struggles with stallions herself.
“Just be yourself, get him alone and tell him how you feel, you should never be afraid to speak your mind, I never am” Anon advised.
“That, that’s actually fairly good advice Anon” she said.
“And if that doesn't work suck his fat stallion cock” He added making Cadance’s face go even brighter “love isn’t all about sex Anon! Sex is the result of a couple’s love for each other” Cadence chided “well if that’s the case I want to be in love with half the mares in town” Anon said, maintaining a cocky smirk.
“But seriously, just believe in yourself. You’ll never get anywhere in life if you’re too scared to take that leap”
Seeing the cocky smirk turn into a more sincere smile “ok, I’ll try” Cadance said, smiling back.
The two talked for another hour, both swapping stories and experiences with the concept of love. Eventually Cadance left, promising to write to Anon in time.
And two days later Anon received his first letter from the princess via Derpy the Mailmare.
Dearest Anon
I have to thank you for your advice. Last night I managed to get Shiny alone and tell him how I feel.
He said he shares my feelings, we’re going out again tonight once his guard duties are finished.
I don’t know how I can repay you for your help.
But I must ask you to keep our ‘lesson’ a secret. As Princess of Love it would put my position into question to have needed advice on the subject.
I truly do owe you a great debt.
Love, your friend Cadance
“Stud, handyman, matchmaker for royalty. Is there anything I can’t do” Anon chuckled to himself.
“I should write back”
Grabbing an ink pot and quill Anon starter writing a response.
Dear Cadance
I told you, and when did I tell you? A long time ago. And what happened? E partly what I said would.
Also did you suck his dick? If not I’d recommend doing it after your date. Stallions are very easy to control once their balls have been drained.
Believe me, Cup Cake has tricked me into cleaning the entirety of Sugarcube Corner and staying up all night restocking their goods on multiple occasions.
But I digress.
Glad it’s working out, send me regular updates and I’ll teach you about the art of swinging next time you visit.
Love, your main stallion.
PS: I’m up for a threesome if this Shining guy is. You wouldn’t be the first mare I’ve spit roasted.
PPS: that’s a sex thing, not a good thing.
“If that isn’t a letter fit for a princess I don’t know what is” he said putting the letter to the side for later.
Before he could do anything else the front door flew open “NONNY MY SISTER’S HERE TO VISIT YOU'VE GOTTA MEET HER!” Pinkie squealed in excitement “FUCKING SHITTING GOD IT BURNS!” Anon screamed as the light hit him.