Alt: A drawing of an anime character with blue skin, silver armor, horns, wings, and long blue-black hair. The words "I AM GOING TO THROW YOU OUT A WINDOW" are superimposed on top of the character.
I have a bad back. And although I could make up all sorts of excuses — heavy backpack, big boobs, brutally morphing my body between pony and human forms — even I have to admit the truth: I sit on my couch like a total asshole.
Right now I’m laying on my back with my head propped up on a pillow, while I’ve got one leg hanging off the couch and another stretched over the back cushions. I can quite literally feel my bones creaking every time I breathe.
But it’s okay! I’ve got the TV on, pants off, humidifier blasting, and a half-eaten bowl of microwaved mac n’ cheese with wheatgrass and blended radishes mixed in — yes, it tastes great — no, don’t ask Flash Sentry — sitting on the coffee table. Life is good! Future Sunset can pay for the chiropractor.
Next to the mac n’ cheese, my phone pings with a text message. I reach for it, but I can't grab it. Reach a little farther. A little farther.
The cushions give way under me and I slip off the couch, yelping as I go down. Hitting the hardwood floor sends an achy jolt up my back, and I just lay there groaning for a few moments, thankful that no one’s around to see this.
I mean, except for the government agent that watches me through my webcam. But they’ve definitely seen way more embarrassing stuff than this; we’re basically married at this point.
Still murmuring curses, I eventually sit up and grab my phone.
It’s a text message from Twilight.
Twilight’s never texted me directly before. Group chats, sure, every day, but never me alone. Is she okay? What’s wrong? I tap the notification and jam in my passcode.
Alt: A drawing of an anime character with blue skin, silver armor, horns, wings, and long blue-black hair. The words "I AM GOING TO THROW YOU OUT A WINDOW" are superimposed on top of the character.
Something escapes my mouth — some freak combination of a sigh and laugh. It hurts.
Now I know what’s wrong: We’re both total dorks. I tap out an eloquent response.
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
After a moment, Twilight gives my message a ❤️ react. I smile wide and start thinking about all the horribly cursed Torn World memes I’ve got ready to barrage her with.
And how the couch is so high up. And how my butt still aches. And how the floor is nice and warm…
I think I’ll stay here for a while. The dust bunnies and cookie crumbs won’t mind, right?