Anon had come to the magical land of Equestria less than a year ago. In that time he had his home blown to bits by a princess returning from her thousand year time-out, been trampled by stampeding cows after he introduced the concept of steak on the Apple family farm and been constantly stalked by the pink eldritch force known as Pinkie Pie. Just when Ponyville’s resident human thought he had weathered the storm it got weirder.
He’d been turned into a thestral, otherwise known as a bat-pony. Thanks to one of Twilight’s experiments gone horribly wrong Anon was now a dark green pony akin to the rest of this pastel coloured planet’s population. The main differences being leathery bat-like wings, slitted irises and a bad habit of being set on fire by the sun.
Sat in his stone cottage on the edge of town Anon brooded as he did everyday. With the curtains drawn and blankets tucked over the top of the rods to further block out the light “data log number 365. I remain stranded on this hostile alien world, my resources are still mostly dependent upon the generosity of this land’s leader Princess Celestia, I remain confined during the day due to my mutated form, the questions stay the same, will I ever return home? How was I brought here? And for whom am I writing these?” Anon thought out loud as he wrote.
“Morning Nonny!” Pinkie sang as she threw the door open, holding a cake in one hoof and a party popper in the other. Once the sunlight hit Anon’s fur he could feel a burning sensation spread across his body “Pinkie for fucks sake close the door!” He hissed out in pain. Using her flank to push the door shut behind her Pinkie let herself in “happy arrival day Nonny” Pinkie said, putting the cake on the coffee table and setting off the party poppers.
Too busy rushing to the fridge and pressing a bag of frozen peas against the burn marks covering his shoulder Anon all but ignored his self invited guest. Moving closer Pinkie cocked her head before she saw what had happened.
“Nonny-I-“ Pinkie started “Pinkie- just leave it, what are you here for?” Anon said as he moved the bag about in a circle “well, it’s been a whole year since you came to Equestria so I put a party together at Sugarcube Corner tonight. Everypony in town is showing up to let you know we’re all glad you’re still here” she explained, moving her eyes to the floor.
Anon raised an eyebrow, in his own head he didn’t interact with the ponies of Ponyville much. He did a bunch of handyman work before he got turned into a thestral, after which he mostly did night work. But knowing Pinkie she managed to snowball everypony into the event “but if you don’t feel like a Pinkie Party then I can still call it off, the Cake twin’s birthday is a month away so a lot of the stuff can be reused” Pinkie explained, her usually gravity defying pink mane starting to deflate like the party balloons she could usually materialise out of nowhere “actually Pinks, I’d love to attend, it sounds like fun” Anon said putting on a smile for the pink mare.
Doing a complete 180 Pinkie returned from her upset state back to the sugar fuelled joy she displayed throughout her daily life. Before he could say anything else Anon found himself pinned to the ground, his face being smothered by Pinkie’s mane as she hugged him with vice like strength “thankyouthsnkyouthankyou! I promise Nonny it’s gonna be the most epic party ever!” Pinkie said before vanishing out the door, leaving a white cloud in her likeness to slowly fade away.
“Why do I feel like I’ll regret this?” Anon asked himself.
Much to Anon’s surprise the party wasn’t nearly as overboard as he thought it would be. Sure every adult in town showed up, with it being way past their bedtime the child population was tucked away in their beds.
There were snacks, drinks and party games. All the hallmarks of one of Pinkie’s parties. Anon was sitting enjoying a large glass of cider while watching everyone socialising around him. His closest associate Big Mac sat next to him with a similar beverage “you know Mac, I know sounds crazy but I think I’ve had too many of these” Anon said pointing to his drink. Looking over to the pile of empty glasses Big Mac nodded “eeyep” he said bluntly.
Finishing off his drink Anon’s eye caught a skinny yellow stallion trot up to his table “evening Mr Cake” he greeted “shucks Anon you’ve known my family for a year now you can call me Carrot” the older stallion said putting a tray with two more glasses of cider on the table “anyhow, I know you’ve been reclusive since… this happened to you but Cup and I wanted to know if you wanted a present or something to mark the occasion” Carrot asked “Carrot, it’s not my birthday you don’t have to” Anon dismissed the Idea.
“Nonsense, you’ve done a lot of help around the place since getting here and you're still the twin’s second favourite foal sitter, something to let you know we appreciate you is no small feat. So come on then, what do you want?” Carrot insisted.
“Well, a night with your milf wife would be cool” Anon chuckled as he took another swig of his cider.
Seconds later Anon realised what he said. Desperately trying to backpedal Anon tripped over every excuse in the book“I-I what I meant to say was- I’ve had too much to- I didn’t mean to say that out loud-“ Anon stuttered in panic “ok” Carrot said. Naturally stunned Anon tried to figure out where the trap was “what?” He asked “I said ok, Cup and I haven’t done it with a thestral before, come up stairs in ten minutes, first door on the right” Carrot said trotting upstairs out of view leaving Anon bewildered.
“Did… did I just get invited to a threesome?” Anon thought to himself “eeyep” Pinkie said popping up out of nowhere “how do you always know what I’m thinking?” Anon asked “oh Nonny, you should know by now I hear EVERYTHING” Pinkie explained.
-10 minutes later-
With the sound of parting downstairs Anon stood facing the door to the Cake’s bedroom “this has got to be a trick, those two aren’t swingers… right?” He thought to himself “don’t be a bitch Anon, go in there and get some plot!” A small voice told him.
Looking around Anon saw a small version of Rainbow Dash wearing devil horns pop onto his right shoulder “ok I’m definitely drunk” Anon told himself “even if there’s a 1% chance you’re gonna get some action isn’t that worth trying?” Devil Dash argued “that is a good point” Anon said “don’t listen to her Anon!” Another voice called out. On his opposite shoulder a tiny Twilight in a toga with a halo above her head appeared “adultery is a sin! A mare’s nether regions belong to her husband!” Angel Twilight said “little outdated don’t you think? It’s the current year, now go split that mamma in two!” Devil Dash encouraged “you’ll go to Tartarus forever” Angel Twilight warned.
“Hmmm, sex with a milf but I go to pony hell, or no milf sex. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm WORTH IT!” Anon said, weighing his options before opening the door.
With an almighty thud Anon’s jaw hit the ground. The sight before him was that of Mrs Cake in all of her plump glory laid seductively on a queen sized bed. Her large flank facing towards the door, tail brushed to the side and her marehood hidden only by a set of ribbons topped by a bright pink bow over her entrance.
“Happy anniversary Anon~” she said in a sultry tone. Frozen in awe Anon didn’t answer back, his expression causing the mare to giggle “I think Anon likes his gift sweetie” she said to her husband, who had been standing at the side of the bed.
Not that Anon gave a shit about that.
“So Anon, are you going to join us or what?” Mrs Cake asked “I-erm, yes ma’am” Anon said as he started to approach the bed.
“So… how do you want to do this?” Anon asked “just come give us a cuddle, then we’ll see where the night leads, oh and please Anon, call me Cup~” Mrs Cake said licking her lips.
-Pinkie-
From her room in the loft Pinkie heard commotion coming from downstairs. The sound of bumping and springs bouncing was coming from the Cake’s bedroom.
“Damn Anon you’re huge!” Mr Cake called out “he FEELS huge” Mrs Cake followed with a moan.
“Weird, Nonny isn’t that tall” Pinkie thought to herself.
-Ten months later-
Time flew by for Anon, he went on to take up a project or two but he continued to check in on the Cake family every hour and then after that night.
Cup Cake had gotten pregnant from their… activities. Then the day came that she went into labour, the ambulance wasn’t coming due to a sudden migration of timber wolves so she gave birth in their home atop Sugarcube Corner.
Thanks to Twilight’s magic creating a large umbrella Anon could be there, he and Carrot worked together making sure Cup had everything she needed for the birth. Thirteen hours of work went into bringing that little filly into the world.
“Well golly, guess I’m more of a stallion than I thought” Carrot chuckled as he looked down at the yellow earth pony foal in his wife’s arms “well, congratulations you two” Anon said, multiple emotions going through his system at one.
Cup Cake noticed this “I hope you’re not disappointed Anon” she said snapping the bat-pony out his thoughts “oh no no no, I really am happy for you two, that and I’m happy I don’t need to pay child support” he said chuckling to himself while the Cakes just looked at him in confusion “oh sorry I mean foal support” Anon corrected himself “what in Celestia’s sun is foal support?” Carrot asked.
Realising that he may have doomed thousands of single fathers across Equestria Anon tried to move on from the topic “so what are you going to call the little one?” He asked “well, I was thinking about Chocolate Cake” Carrot suggested “ooh I love it, our sweet little Chocolate Cake” Cup cooed as she nuzzled her daughter, the newborn giggling as a result.
Passing their daughter to her husband, Cup leaned closer to me “if you change your mind Anon we can always try again in a few months~” she whispered in a sultry tone making Anon blush. Almost as if he could tell what his wife had said Carrot rolled his eyes “give the poor colt a break honey, you almost snapped him in half during your first trimester” Carrot scolded. Unfortunately for Anon it didn’t discourage the mare from teasing “oh boo sweetie, Anon certainly wasn’t complaining~” she dismissed fluttering her eyelashes at the thestral.
“The doctors said I lost a third of a centimetre to friction burns” Anon said with a deadpan expression “Zecora grew it back, although I still think her potion added a little extra” Cup said while licking her lips.
Outside 5 of the Mane 6 had to hold Pinkie at bay “Pinkie you need to give the Cake’s some privacy!” Twilight said while clinging onto her friend’s rear leg “but Nonny gets to see it why not me! I’m basically family after all these years!” Pinkie grunted as she managed to take another step forward “maybe the cake batter addicted aunt who lives in their attic! Buck Pinkie how are you this strong!” Rainbow Dash grunted while being all but dragged along the floor by the mare.
AN: Nonners exists just to cause chaos no matter what form he’s in doesn’t he? Any suggestions on future chapters are welcomed.