//------------------------------// // 8. The Lunatic Ride // Story: The Witless // by Reviewfilly //------------------------------// Once again, Applejack found herself at the humble abode of Colonel Pinkie Pie for lunch. Pinkie met Applejack in front of her house and immediately pulled her into an uncomfortably tight hug before leading the way inside, bouncing as she did. Applejack followed her with tense, heavy steps. Once inside, she stood in front of her host and took off her hat. “I am tremendously sorry, Miss Pie,” she began. “But, as I’ve told you, I’m simply too simple for these tasks. If Her Majesty was, say, wearing her tiara or something, I would have certainly realised it was her from all the Moon-stuff an’ would have protected her from those bickering crowds. But as she just laid there?” Applejack reached back to scratch her neck, before shrugging. “I dunno, thought she was some unicorn with a big flank.” Pinkie merely giggled in response and beckoned Applejack deeper into the room. “No biggie! Her Majesty felt super forgiving,” she said as the two walked inside. “And you don’t have to worry about that mean bouncer anymore, we put him away. He’s responsible for the whole thing anyways.” “T-The bouncer?” Applejack asked in shock. “But he didn’t do a darn thing!” “His grandma harbored Sun-loving beliefs.” Pinkie turned to stare at Applejack, who noticed that Pinkie’s mane began to hang surprisingly limp compared to its usual puffiness. “He confessed it,” she finished her sentence slowly and with her usual smile absent. A second passed in silence. “I see,” Applejack replied quietly. The room felt very cold and the light of the chandelier seemed to fade into darkness around Pinkie. Applejack gulped a little, then continued, even quieter. “In any case, it’d be mighty nice of you to allow me to go back to my farm. Any day now the trees could fall ill or somethin’!” “Nuh-uh, can’t do!” Pinkie’s mane was as bouncy as ever again as she answered with an energetic shake of her head. She took Applejack’s hat out of her hooves and placed it back on her head, before spinning around and trotting deeper into the bright room. “Say, do you like Canterlot cuisine?” “To be honest, I like most everything.” Applejack felt helpless as Pinkie guided her to the table and motioned her to sit down. Pinkie then blew into the small trumpet again and moments later Maud appeared with a great hay-burger resting amid a heaping helping of fries. Instead of the usual dark blue smock, however, this time she was wearing a light cream one. Applejack gawked as the plate was effortlessly placed in front of her and she awkwardly reached for a fry. Pinkie meanwhile continued to stand next to her and stare at her intently. “Enjoy,” Maud droned. She began to leave, but Pinkie stopped her. “Maud, just a sec.” “Yes, Pinkie?” she asked, turning back. “Is that smock new?” “Yes, Pinkie,” came the flat reply, tinted with the slightest hint of pride. Applejack rubbed her eyes, it almost seemed to her like Maud’s lips were curling ever so slightly upwards. “It is new.” Pinkie shook her head. “I don’t like it one bit. It’s far too bright,” she said with a frown. “Let’s leave these glowing things for the Solars to blind themselves with.” Maud’s grey face turned a shade redder than usual and any hint of a smile Applejack might have noticed before was completely and utterly gone. She quickly hurried out of the room through the secret door, which she slammed behind herself. “Ah, it isn’t easy, not one teensy-weensy bit easy.” Pinkie sighed theatrically and trotted over to Applejack. “You know, AJ, one day, we will ask something of you,” she mused mysteriously. Applejack shuddered at her nickname being used. She placed the half-chewed fry back on the plate and turned to Pinkie. “Just please ask already!” she groaned in exasperation. But once again her tormentor remained steadfast. “Nope! Not yet!” Applejack turned back towards the table bitterly and stared at the hayburger. “I miss my trees. I miss my siblings. I can’t bear this,” she grunted. Her words didn’t fall on deaf ears as Pinkie slowly placed a hoof on her shoulder. “Oh, come now, lighten up. If you don’t wanna work in this sorta place, I understand. It was really my oopsie to give you a job that didn’t fit ya.” Applejack carefully cocked an eyebrow and glanced towards Pinkie with a hint of hope in her eyes. “That’s why we’re placing you in another post. It’s gonna be a lot more exciting than some musty old spa too!” The little hope that had accumulated in Applejack’s eyes was gone. With a heavy sigh, she slumped even deeper into her chair. Pinkie’s smile, however, went even wider as she swept her hoof through the air in front of Applejack. “You’ll be helping us convince ponies that things are much better off with Her Majesty!” “Me, of all ponies?” Applejack couldn’t help but blink incredulously. For a moment she suspected she misunderstood the sentence, but the certainty in Pinkie’s eyes said otherwise. Applejack put her hooves together. “Miss Pie, I told you already! I’m totally useless when it comes to this stuff.” “Of course you of all ponies!” came the cheerful, yet firm answer. “You’ve been there, after all. It was your family who got harassed by those yucky Sun-loyalists, who wanted to take all your apples for the war effort.” Pinkie sucked in air through her teeth and shook her head in sympathy. Applejack pushed away the plate and pushed her forehead against the table. Then, having assumed the appropriate position, she admitted her defeat. “I’spose that’s true,” her grumbled words echoed from below the table. “See, that’s the spirit! Where the Moon doesn’t shine, the Sun does and we can’t have that now, can we? From tomorrow, you’ll be the new director of Canterlot’s Sun-park!” Applejack raised her head and looked at Pinkie with slight confusion written on her face. “Sun-park? Huh. Never been there before.” She hesitated before continuing, but as much as she tried, she couldn’t put two and two together. “What’s the place about? Why is it called ‘Sun-park’?” “Dunno!” Pinkie shrugged, her mane a bit less puffy than before. Whatever beat she had, Applejack’s unexpected questions shook her out of it. “Not my job to know. It’s just a park with some attractions and covert praises to the Sun Tyrant. We simply never got around to fixing it, y’know? I need you to sort it out,” she rattled off. “Does its name matter at all?” “I’m sorry, Miss Pie, but yeah. It does.” At this point Applejack had enough of being dragged around in the dark. “Why is it named after the Sun, when everypony’s off their rockers about that fiery ball these days? If y’all are so worried about the praise, why not focus on the attractions instead an’ call it Game-park or Fun-park?” The word ‘fun’ had an electric effect on the eccentric host. Pinkie rocketed into the air and, as she landed again, she took Applejack’s cheeks into her hooves, pulling the shocked pony’s face closer towards her own. “That’s exactly it!” she yelled. Pinkie was positively beaming. Her words almost blew Applejack’s hat off. “You grabbed the problem by its ugly neck. Why call it ‘Sun-park’? To let the white menace and her light-loving cronies have the last laugh? No sir-ee! Fun-park, that is what our humble and hard-working ponies need!” A tear gleamed at the edge of her eye, which she gently wiped away. “Ah, I always knew you had it in yourself, Applejack. You’ll make a fine director for our Fun-park!” Seeing her plan rapidly derailing, Applejack threw out one last desperate attempt at stopping Pinkie. “I appreciate the kind words, Miss Pie, but I still don’t think I’m right for this job.” Her meek complaint, however, proved futile. “See, you’re already good at making jokes! Do you love our Great Princess?” Pinkie asked, without missing a beat. Applejack gave a very long nod. The next day she woke to the letter congratulating her on becoming the director of the newly rechristened Fun-park. Even if she wasn’t too pleased with her current situation, nopony could have admonished Applejack for taking half-measures. From the moment she arrived to the lush green meadow, which housed the park in the outskirts of the city, she wasted no time standing around idly—except to take a quick approving look at the new sign of the establishment. The previous plaque filled with stylised icons of the Sun, including—undoubtedly to the outrage of many—the Sun Tyrant’s own cutie mark, was hastily covered up with a slightly crooked wooden plank nailed in front of it with balloons and text painted on it. It announced in curvy colourful letters that the pony reading it was entering the Fun-park—courtesy of the Colonel herself. Still feeling quite a bit guilty for the bouncer and not wanting to get anypony else in trouble, Applejack decided that she wanted to do things right. So instead of playing it loose and delegating jobs, she took things into her hooves from the get go. First off she had the old wooden Windigos used for throwing balls at replaced with the facsimiles of various Sun-loyalists and other undesirable figures. It was, after all, time to focus on the real enemies, not on some silly foal’s tale everypony could sing about by heart to utter boredom. She also threw out all the trinkets and toys one could win at the various attractions and races, and had small figurines of the Night Princess ordered in their stead to serve as far more decent mementos. Her best work, however, was definitely renovating the old boat ride. It was a favourite of the crowds, a small circular stream going through a small hill in the middle of the park. One could find several little wooden boats inside, that were slightly enchanted to be able to make laps on their own, allowing the passengers to enjoy the scenery and the many statues of the recently-crestfallen Solar heroes and nobles at their own leisure. But where once these statues stood, the crew placed art and freshly commissioned statues depicting Her Majesty’s various deeds, to make it obvious even to the simplest souls around just what exactly they gained under their new ruler. And so the old Solar Ride became the Lunatic Ride. The only things that weren’t touched were the finely carved columns of stone which stood between the statues, enchanted to light on fire when a boat passed nearby. These used to represent the mightiness and immortality of the ruler of the Sun, yet Applejack insisted on keeping them, seeing a prime opportunity to turn a potent weapon like that against its owner. As the fiery ball began setting and the darkness slowly enveloped the park, one of the workers, an aging stallion who had worked at the park even before the change of power, couldn’t help but question her decision. “Miss Applejack, with all due respect, why are we keeping these old things?” he asked meekly. “Aren’t they making the rest of the decor seem a bit…” He stalled for a few seconds, looking at the various paintings illuminated in the wobbly, haunting light of the fires. “Well, disturbing?” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “What if ponies get scared of Her Majesty?” “Ah, I see what ya mean,” Applejack replied with a smile radiating wisdom. “It’s pretty much the point though. Colonel Pie told me, the intercreatural situation just keeps on escalating. Ponies who hide some rotten apples in their closets should better feel a little on the edge.” With that the argument was settled. The days passed in high spirits. With Applejack’s experienced coordination and tireless work, the preparations progressed at an unprecedented pace and soon enough it was time to inaugurate the newly renovated—and, finally, ideologically sensitive enough—Fun-park. To win a point for the Lunar cause and whip up a bit of buzz around the not-so-popular park Pinkie made some arrangements and it was soon announced that Her Majesty herself would visit to be the first to enjoy the refurbished attractions. Indeed, even if the official opening of the park was only the next day and they weren’t allowed inside just yet—a matter of national security, Pinkie reassured Applejack—crowds gathered around the entrance, their loud cheering filling the late afternoon air. That is until the rapid beating of drums overpowered the ovation as a band of musicians suddenly began to play a marching song. Applejack, surrounded by her employees, watched from the side as their ruler slowly descended through in her batpony-drawn carriage. The Princess’s characteristic armor was completely absent, instead she wore a small ebony tiara and a simple chest-piece adorned with only the image of a crescent Moon on it. Her starry mane flew freely in the air, its dark surface occasionally interrupted by gentle constellations and the soft glow of cosmic dust. She smiled and waved towards the crowd, which screamed its elated praise towards her as a singular pony. Beyond her greater figure and visibly dignified stature, near anypony could have mistaken her as merely part of the nobility at first glance. One could wonder if the Princess truly wanted to appear approachable to the common folk or if this whole thing was merely a publicity stunt. Applejack, however, had a park to open, so she had far more pressing matters on her mind than to ponder such questions. After disembarking the Princess stepped in front of the purple-black-colored string strewn across the park’s entrance. With a flick of her horn the string’s middle lit up and snapped in two. Amidst loud cheering and beating of hooves, the Princess entered the park along with a few of her aides. Applejack and her workers remained at a polite but close distance, not wanting to lose out on any of the action. The Princess said few words as she passed game by game in the empty park. Only the few nods she deigned acted as flimsy reassurance that Applejack and her crew had, in fact, done a good job. To Applejack’s surprise a simple foal’s game about throwing rubber spiders into a comically large web proved to be particularly popular with the Princess. A stressful hour later the small group had finally reached around the park and to the workers’ relief, the Princess had so far approved of all the stations she had seen. Except for one she was yet to see for herself. It was finally time for the main attraction. Applejack bit her lower lip in wary anticipation, as Her Majesty elegantly stepped inside the first boat, her attachment taking the second. Applejack herself took seat in the third boat a bit further to the back, leaving the others outside to stew in their own sweat while they waited for their ruler’s final and most important endorsement. A moment later the spell cast on the boats activated and they slowly began to glide through the peaceful waters towards the first exhibition. As they drifted through the dark canal, two of the pillars suddenly ignited and a great painting revealed itself to the ponies. It depicted a burning town surrounded by red eyes peering from the suffocating darkness all around. Under the violent oranges and reds, the burning roofs and chaotically scrambling black figures against the backdrop of the flames, the text “Liberation By Our Virtuous Bats” could be read. The Princess shifted on her hooves, but didn’t comment. Applejack allowed a small smile to grace her lips—things were going better than expected. The next painting was of the Moon in great detail. The Mare in the Moon’s dark blotches gleamed from the fire-light, staining the pale globe hanging in the star-sprangled sky. Even with the pillar’s flames, anypony looking at the art couldn’t help but feel cold and shiver from the lifelike depiction of the lunar wasteland. “Her Majesty’s Previous Glorious Domain,” the painting’s caption stated. The alicorn visibly shuddered, her wings beating involuntarily, rocking the boat slightly left and right. For a moment the notion of this not being that good of a sign flashed through Applejack’s mind. But surely, Her Majesty just can’t contain her giddiness, she reassured herself, smiling at the wholesome scene in front of her. The next painting depicted a small cell or perhaps cellar. As before the artist spared no detail. Dingy torches illuminated the room dimly, their light reflecting from the small puddles of water dripping from the ceiling. A rickety table was placed in the middle with a young stallion sitting behind it. His white body was stained with grime and dirt, while his once wheat-yellow mane stuck to his head in wet strands. The hints of shackles could be seen on his hindlegs, hidden between the table’s legs and the chair. He was leaning above the desk, holding a quill. His face was contorted into anguish, as his tired, reddened, and wet eyes read the end of a lengthy parchment, which reached down far beyond the table. Several batponies surrounded him, their sharpened halberds aimed towards his throat. The weapons’ blades glinted treacherously in the torchlight. “The Cowardly Regent Yields Canterlot To Our Glorious Liberators”, it said. Applejack frowned a little when she noticed the Princess wasn’t looking at the painting and was instead busy staring at the floor of the boat. Applejack wondered what could have been so interesting as to take away her Princess’s attention like that. Soon she forgot her worries, as after a few more small stations, they finally arrived to the centerpiece of the ride. The columns all fell dark and the three boats continued their journey in pitch black. Applejack crawled to the front of her boat in anticipation, so that she could see the Princess’s reaction. Suddenly four fires ignited simultaneously, revealing a great statue in the middle. As the harsh lights illuminated the massive marble masterpiece, the image of Nightmare Moon in all of her glory revealed itself. Applejack commissioned one of the most fervent supporters of the new regime, who went to the furthest lengths he could to give the Princess’s image its due grandeur. Reflecting the angry flames of the pillars, the statue’s ruby eyes blazed red, appearing as if they themselves burned with the fires of Tartarus. The statue wore a conqueror’s armour, fashioned from black marble, hiding most of its mane and giving its face a feline, predatory look. Its hooves, clad in heavy armoured horseshoes, were raised high into the air, ready to trample a tiny, frail alicorn laying on the ground, who stared up at the victorious Princess with tear-soaked, despondent eyes, while clutching a tarnished, beaten emblem of the Sun. For a second Applejack basked in her victory. The statue was perfect. It was glorious. It radiated power, absolute power. There was no way the Princess wouldn’t appreciate it. The thought of Pinkie finally letting her go home played in her mind, only to be torn to shreds as the statue’s likeness let out a single tiny anguished yelp before collapsing unconscious. Her attachment sprang out of their boat in a panic, grabbing her barge’s sides and quickly dragging it outside. Applejack spent the rest of the short journey in darkness and silence, wondering what went wrong. By the time she reached outside the Princess was already coming to. “Is that how you still see Us?” she bleated towards one of her guards, who did his best to violently shake his head. Upon spotting Applejack, the Princess shot a deadly glare towards the farmpony, not unlike the one seen on the statue, except for the trail of tears staining her cheeks. “Seize her!” she screamed. “Huh, who?” Applejack asked, looking behind herself, trying to find what hidden enemy was able to infiltrate the tunnel. As she turned back, a hoof connecting with her face answered her question.