WEDNESDAY, JUNE 21
The summer solstice is upon us, meaning my thaumic connection to the sun is at its strongest, but something is amiss. The link is too strong, and beyond that, the connection feels tainted. Warped somehow. I have no words to properly explain what I felt, but it made the process of raising the sun more difficult than it ought to have been. Worse still, is that when I finally did manage to pull the sun into the sky—when I laid my eyes upon that blazing star—I wasn't quite certain of what I was looking at.
That alone was unsettling enough, but upon reaching out to the star that should have been as familiar to me as my own magic, I could swear I heard a voice. A sibilant, sinister susurrus somewhere in the back of my mind. I may have imagined it. Perhaps I did. That is my hope in any case, but experience tells me this might be something to worry about. I've yet to tell Luna beyond a vague inquiry regarding the sun itself.
Still, my sister is perceptive to my moods and has suggested I take some time for myself. After giving it some thought, I chose to take her up on that suggestion. Rather than relax in my bedchamber, however, I've decided to stay here in my private study to document this morning's experience. While I feel it's too soon to start jumping at shadows, I also feel that this is too portentous to ignore completely.
Maybe Luna is right, and perhaps I have been overworking myself lately. I pray that is all it is, but it never hurts to prepare for the worst should it come to pass. I will keep the record of what transpired this morning, should I need to refer to it at a later date for any reason. I will also continue to document any further oddities should they occur.
MONDAY, JUNE 26
With nearly a week gone by, I feel I have plenty of reason to believe my previously documented events were no mere exhaustion or any other trick of the mind. While I lack tangible proof of my claims of what transpired, I'm beginning to doubt the proof will be necessary. For the past week, I've studied my connection to the sun, and I can say with absolute confidence that something is interfering with the link, corrupting it in a way I don't understand.
Upon closer inspection of this corruption, I've come to realize that whatever is affecting my solar link is less like some recent infection and more like an old wound re-opened. Once again, my explanation fails to encompass the entirety of what I mean, but I believe that this corruption may be something old. Something that was already present and hidden until now.
With each passing day, my connection grows stronger, and the whispers grow louder. Clearer. I feel I can almost understand what's being said, but I'm not quite there yet. The voice unsettles me, but perhaps I can use it to gain an understanding of what's happened to my precious star. I've yet to explain the situation to my sister for fear that she will deny my claims as ridiculous or perhaps, even mad.
Maybe I am being ridiculous. Maybe I should tell Luna, but no. Not yet. Not until I've learned more about what I'm dealing with. Now that I know there might be more to this, I can start doing some real research. Perhaps the answer lies somewhere in the past.
TUESDAY, JUNE 27
I've spent every bit of spare time afforded to me searching the Royal Archives for any information regarding the sun. Specifically, I've been trying to uncover any information related to the time before I inherited my role in raising the sun. I gathered a number of promising texts, but so far, I've only come across details already known to me and much of the Canterlot Historical Society.
I was not granted much time to sort through all of what I've collected, but I don't think I'll find the answers I'm looking for in these particular tomes. I doubt I'll find anything of use in the Public Wing of the archives at all, in fact. I know of the Celestial Cycle ritual enacted by the Church of the Astral Wheel. The inheritance of that ritual was the basis for mine and my sister's rise to the throne.
It was a burden neither of us wanted. It was a burden Star Swirl tried his best to protect us from, though we never knew at the time. Once our talents manifested, it was only a matter of time before the Church sought us out, believing my sister and I divine beings born to rule the land. Alas, when Star Swirl left to fight a great evil alongside the other Pillars of Harmony, Luna and I were left alone, and responsibility found us soon after.
We agreed to take the throne, but only if the faithful renounced their faith and disbanded the Church entirely. They were all too happy to do so, but as the Church of the Astral Wheel vanished from history, they took a great deal of their records with them. Most of the Astral Wheel's scriptures are lost to time, but some documents yet remain, buried somewhere deep in the restricted section of the Royal Archives.
I would have likely burned the rest of those scriptures had I known some still remained, but it was a retainer who stumbled across the records and stored them away. By the time I learned of this, I had already outgrown my grudge against the Church. I left the documents to rot away in the archives, putting them out of my mind. I thought I'd never have to think about the Church of the Astral Wheel ever again, but it seems the time has come to unearth that mare's nest.
I'd never bothered to learn the secret behind the Ritual of the Celestial Cycle. With my innate ability to raise the sun and Luna's ability to raise the moon, there was no need to look into the matter. But now I need all the knowledge I can get before it's too late. I can hear the whispers clearly now. The voice pushes against my mind, whispering of flames and hunger. I see the sun, and it looks hollow, but not empty.
For the first time since the night I had to banish my beloved sister to the moon, I am truly and wholly afraid.
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 28
The Church of the Astral Wheel was nothing more than a lie. A cult of psychopaths giving obeisance to some ancient monstrosity from beyond the stars. All their holy scriptures, their teachings about the cosmic clock and the heavenly balance of the sun and moon, and that Ritual of the Celestial Cycle. All of it was nothing more than a front to hide the Church's true purpose.
Even after searching the oldest, deepest depths of the Royal Archive's restricted section, I was unable to find what I was looking for. I realized I wouldn't find the anwers in Canterlot Castle, so I chose to broaden my search. Unbeknownst to my sister or the rest of the castle staff, I made my way to the Old Castle in the Everfree via long-range teleportation, and it was deep within that antediluvian ruin that I finally found the answers I'd been searching for.
Not all records from the earlier days of our reign were carried over when my sister and I moved the Equestrian capital to Mount Canterhorn. Whether by design or simple neglect, some ancient documents were left behind, lost and forgotten. Among those lost and forgotten records of the past, I stumbled upon a tattered and mostly illegible codex and a threadbare bit of woolen tapestry.
The title of the codex reads Sè Mærsungæled, or, when translated from Old Ponish, the Great Conflagration. Even with my considerable thaumic knowledge and prowess, I was unable to fully restore the tome to prime condition. The book's age far exceeds what modern restoration spells can handle. I managed to keep the tome from falling apart completely, but much of the grimoire remains illegible.
What little of the codex I could read makes little sense without the proper context, but there is enough here to make some inferences. On the surface, the Church preaches of cosmic balance and the astral cycle we all must adhere to, but those teachings are a smokescreen perpetuated by the Church's inner circle. If the title of the codex isn't evidence enough, the Celestial Cycle Ritual in this ancient manuscript is instead referred to as the “Solar Ascension Ritual”.
I've had to piece together the rest from the remaining scraps of information contained within the codex. The rest of what I've gathered is essentially bits of some kind of creation myth, as far as I can tell. The tome speaks of some all-powerful cosmic being the Church calls the “Great Pyre”, and how it traveled across the stars to bring the gifts of light and life to this once dark and desolate world.
More context is missing, but, in essence, the Great Pyre grew weak after granting its gifts to the world. With the last of its strength, the cosmic being sacrificed a piece of its own incandescent flesh to form a vessel. Within that vessel, the Great Pyre is said to reside, fallen into a death-like slumber until the day it can be reborn anew—or so the codex claims.
The only other piece of information I could glean from the codex was regarding the nurturing of the vessel, but it doesn't say how or even what that really means. Given what I already know and what I've felt for myself, I can come to my own conclusions. As if the implications within the codex weren't horrifying enough, the Church tried to immortalize their solar deity in threaded wool.
The tapestry, time-worn as it is, doesn't depict the whole image, but what remains is, frankly, hideous. An eldritch amalgamation of flesh and fire and madness. I have some doubts and suspicions about what I've read, but if this is what their god truly looks like, then it is hardly a surprise that the Church chose to hide their true faith. Then again, the truly zealous would spread the word of their faith regardless of the consequences.
With that mind, what reason would they have to hide the existence of the Great Pyre? Does it have something to do with “nurturing the vessel”, or is the answer somewhere in all the unreadable text? As I ponder these questions, there are more that come to mind—more questions that leave me ill-at-ease. The question of why Luna and I can raise and lower the sun and moon has long gone unanswered.
I had always assumed it had something to do with our powerful magic and all around alicorn nature, but now I'm wondering if that's true. With what I know now, I find the behavior of the Church upon discovering our talents even more suspicious and unnerving. Looking back, it was almost as if they'd known. Not about us, specifically, but about the birth of somepony who could manipulate the movement of celestial bodies.
It was like they'd been waiting for that day to come.
And what of Star Swirl? What did he know about the situation? I only realized through his interactions with the Church that he was trying to protect us in hindsight, but somehow I never stopped to ask myself why or what he was protecting us from. None of what I've found gives me an answer to these questions. But more than that—more than anything—why does the creature depicted on that tapestry evoke such a strong sense of familiarity?
Clearly, there's more research that needs to be done. More truths to uncover. But I'm at a loss as to how to continue. Perhaps I should try to go about this from a different angle entirely. Whatever I decide to do, I need to keep myself focused. Busy. If I don't, I find it much harder to ignore the whispers. And I'm going to burn that tapestry to cinders. Not only is it horrendous, but the whispers grow louder whenever I so much as glance in its direction.
Think of it as an offering if you like, but either way, I can't stand to look at that thing anymore.
THURSDAY, JUNE 29
I try to block them out, but the whispers are getting harder and harder to ignore. They're getting louder, more insistent, more impatient. TheGreatPyreiswakingup. I can feel it through my connection to the vessel. I can see it when I turn my gaze to the sky. My subjects have taken notice, and even Luna senses its presence within the Realm of Dreams. We all see it just as it sees us. It wants to feed, and I'm not enough anymore.
I've tried to focus on my research. I've tried so hard, but I can't concentrate, not like this. My research has hit a dead end, and I feel as though my sanity is waning by the hour. The Great Pyre is in my head, promising me answers. Promising me the truth. Promising me salvation. I just need to feed it. Nurture it. Just needtoaddmorekindlingtothefire and it will give me everything I want and more. It's a tempting offer, I have to admit.
So tempting. Too tempting.
I've exhausted every other resource I have at my disposal, and I need to know. I need to know. But I won't listen. I can't. My little ponies are already suffering as it is. If I give in, it won't make things better. The suntheheatthevessel is already doing so much damage, and it's getting harder to resist just leaving it up there in the sky. But no, I can't do that. The world will burntheworldmustburn.
Maybe I should cut myself off from the sunvessel completely. Let Luna take full control. Bring about that night eternal she so desperately wanted upon her return. But I can't do that either. Temperatures will drop. That would be bad for the environment. Ponies woulddiewastedkindlingtheworldmustburn. I don't know what to do. I can't think with all this noise. Sleep does me no good. Every time I close my eyes I see it. That thing.
It watches me. It won't let me go. It won't stop, not until I give up. Not until I give it what it wants. I'm tired. I'm scared, but I'm holding on. It's taking everything I have, but I'm holding on. I'll find out how to stop this madness without its help. It has no control over me. It has no control over me. I am my own mare. I am Princess Celestia. I am not fuel. I am not kindling. I wasn't born to feedthepyrethat is not why I exist. That is not my role. It can't be.
FRIDAY, JUNE 30
It's like an egg.
I can see all the little cracks.
Like a chick slowly poking out the brittle shell.
SATURDAY, JULY 1
SUNDAY, JULY 2
MONDAY, JULY 3
THERAVENOUSCONFLAGRATIONCOMESTOBATHTHEWORLDINFIRETHEPYREMUSTBEFEDTHEWORLDMUSTBURNTHETIMEISUPONUSTHEPIECESARESETITSTIMETOFEEDFEEDFEEDFEEDFEEDFEEDFEEDFEEDFEEDFEEDFEEDFEEDFEEDFEEDFEEDFEEDFEED
I will fulfill my role.