//------------------------------//
// The Best Kind of Diplomacy. 
// Story: Bros in Equestria 
// by Mandroid 
//------------------------------//


 Year 268 in Equestria.
	


You stomped your way through the embassy. Why did she have you do this? There had to be somepony better qualified for this. 
Dammit Celestia, I'm a logician, not a diplomat.
Are we really a logician?
It sounds better than "Royal problem solver".
"They in?" you ask the receptionist.
"Third door on the left, sir." she says.
Brilliant.
You walked down to the number room you were instructed. You opened the door and spotted three Griffins sitting at the table inside.
"Gentlemen, how do?"
The lead Griffin grunts. "We have been waiting here for over an hour."
Idiot meeting planners.
"Yes, bit of a clerical mix-up. At least you had a good view." you say.
You motion to the large window overlooking the valley underneath Canterlot. If you squinted, you could see Ponyville in the distance, expanding after all these years.
You throw your file onto the table and flip it open. "Now let's see what we're here for, huh?"
The Griffins glare at you as you peer over the file. The idea that a diplomat wouldn't come to a meeting fully prepared with the information about what he's there for was inconceivable to them.
Well screw the lot of them, you weren't planning on behind here.
"Increased troop deployment along the border? That won't do at all."
The Griffins feathers shift as you pull out a seat.
"Alright gents, let's chat."

Cut to FOUR DAMN HOURS LATER.
These Griffins were being right assholes about all this. 
You asked nicely, they shot you down. You offered to ease trade tariffs, they refused. You told them you killed Discord and they laughed in your face.
The chair you were leaning in was balancing quite well as you leaned back on it in silent contemplation. These Griffins were stone cold serious. Each of them was wearing solid armor across their chest, as well as a plumed helmet and a single gauntlet on their right talon.
Wait, single gauntlet?
"What's with the gloves?" you ask.
The Griffins snort. "You're asking about our apparel now?"
You nod. Not in the mood for questions.
They all three hold up their talons. "We are each a member of the Wind Raiders. The founder of our organization lost his talon in a raid by an anonymous chariot many years ago, and spoke of a creature he had never seen before doing it. Now, all Wind Raiders wear a gauntlet over their talon as testament to his sacrifice."
Griffin lost a talon. Chariot attack. Mystery attacker.
Well, this isn't weird at all...
One of the Griffins snorts. "This ape wastes our time. Better to simply leave then to spend the entire day asked about what we wear by Celestia's lapdog."
'Lapdog'?
Okay, that was it.
You lean forward and let the chair slam against the floor.
"Alright birdies, let's talk."
The lead Griffin speaks up. "I think we're don h-"
You interrupt him. "When I said "let's talk" I meant "I'm talking". Besides, you're gonna want to hear this." 
The Griffins sit back down, placated a bit.
"You Griffins are the masters of the sky, right? Surely you've had to deal with dragons every now and then."
The lead Griffin nods. "Of course."
"And surely you've heard of the oldest and angriest of them all, Grougaloragran, right?"
The Griffins exchange glances before they nod. You reach into your file and pull a map of the Griffin kingdoms out.
"Well, here's the deal. We stole his egg. And we hid it in one of your cities." you say.
The Griffins eyes go wide as you point to the map.
"Now, we have it hidden from his senses by a spell, but that spell can be turned off at pretty much any time."
You meet the Griffins eyes as you drop your voice down. "If you walk out of here without promising to remove your troops from the border, or breathe a word of this to the High Jarl; that spells goes down, Grougaloragran senses his egg, and he burns half your kingdom to the ground to get it back."
You swear you could see sweat dripping through their feathers. "You have no honor." they say.
"I also don't have something a very large, very old, and very angry dragon wants hidden underneath a couple hundred thousand of my citizens lives."
You rise from your seat and head for the door, leaving the Griffins to contemplate your words. "Get your troops away from my border, or I just might lower the spell anyway."
You slammed the door behind you and walked down the corridor.
Ha. Idiots.
Griffins were too honorable and Klingon-esque to consider the fact that the diplomat they were speaking to might in fact be lying through his teeth about a threat too big to ignore, even if they had never heard of the dragon before.
They'd fly home and get the troops away from the border before spending a ridiculous amount of time trying to find an egg that didn't exist.
You stepped out into the sun and thought about what to do next. Might as well give Celestia a report on the meeting and then...you don't know, spit off the wall or something.
You walked down the street towards the castle. The years had been...decent to you. You hit a rough patch for a long while after Lotus died, you admit that. Anon had eventually helped you drag yourself out of it and do something with your long life.
You walked down the road and saw a light show from the Arcanium that would put Pink Floyd to shame.
Speaking of Anon...
Anon had taken to the Grand Magisters position like white on rice after Twilight had died. Even now the city was running more efficiently as he reworked the leylines.
Thought's of Twilight brought you down the path to the rest of the old gang...
Pinkie had been the first to go after Rainbow, all those years of partying finally catching up to her. She had made you all promise to wear party hats to her funeral.
Fluttershy went after her, passing away quietly in her sleep.
Rarity had lived with Blueblood for a while before she became a household phrase in the world of fashion. You think you were wearing one of her coats...
Applejack had opened up her own orchard out west. The last time you had seen it, it had gone on past the horizon.
Twilight had been the last to go; as the Grand Magister of Canterlot, with a special gravesite in the royal gardens.
You looked down a familiar path in the park. 
Well...maybe not the last one.

You decided to cut through the park on your way to the castle. You came here often.
Sequestered just off the main path was a statue that you had commissioned.
But it wasn't a statue. It was an antenna.  And it was sending a message.
Derpy and Dinky hadn't been at Rainbow's funeral. They hadn't been around for years. 
A little after Dinky graduated from school, the entire family had just vanished. Dinky, Derpy and Mr. Hooves.
It didn't take an idiot to figure out what had happened, you probably should have just been glad he held off as long as he did.
You were rather choleric for a few weeks until you came up with the idea for this antenna. It was off the main path, sitting in the middle of a small clearing with a straight line of sight into the sky.
Anon had helped you rig it up to broadcast a message into space every ten minutes. Every ten minutes for the last 200-sum-odd years.
Anon was the only one who knew why you did it. He had assured you that a couple of mana batteries would keep a short message broadcasting for millennia.
"Take care of them." That was all you had the message say. A simple request of the one who had taken over protecting them now.
You popped the cover off the antenna base and ensure that everything was in working order. Satisfied, you rose to your feet and looked into the sky.
"They better still be there, Time Lord."
You turned back and headed for the path. You'd come back next week to check on it again.

You walk through the castle to Celestia's room. The door opened before you reached it and a mountain of a stallion stepped out. He made Big Mac look like a colt.
Fucking hell...
You recognized him as one of the guards who patrolled the North wall at dusk.
"Soldier." you say as you pass.
"Sir."
You stepped into Celestia's Bastion of Horror's to find her sitting at a beauty desk in the corner.
You peer back at the stallion as the door closes. "So, can you just unhinge your jaw or something? Or is there magic at play here?
"I'm willing to bet that magic is the reason you aren't gagging on the smell of musk right now, if that's what you're asking." Celestia turns her head to you. "How did it go?"
"Despite being seriously out of my element, I was able to lie to the diplomats. They'll probably be pulling their troops out within a week." you say.
Celestia eyes you. "You heard them say that, did you?"
"I inferred from their faces."
Celestia grunts and turns back to her mirror. "I hope you're prepared to stake Canterlot's security on that Mous."
"Nothing a little assassination of a High Jarl can't fix. We can use that crossbow I stole once."
Celestia pulls the comb through her hair. "Let's exhaust diplomacy first."
Right...only a matter of time before the High Jarl is the one you catch walking out of here.
"Well, I've got a lot of nothing to do. Don't hurt yourself, Sunshine." you say on your way out.
"Send in the next one~!" Celestia calls behind you.
Gross...
You meet a stallion headed for Celestia's room on your way out.
"Here to see the princess?" you ask.
He silently nodded.
"Something came up, she's busy for the rest of the day."
The stallion looked disappointed and trotted away.
Ha.
You were such a dick.