//------------------------------// // 7. Those Bickering Crowds // Story: The Witless // by Reviewfilly //------------------------------// The Sun hung low in the sky, illuminating the early morning mist on the cold streets of Canterlot. Few were up this early, so the road yawned empty. Almost empty, that is, as a single pony marched across it. Applejack frowned as she hurried to her new workplace. Just like the street, she too was yawning, still tired and cranky from her insides being stirred up by the early train she’d taken. Beats being foalnapped in the middle of the night at least, she supposed. The sounds of her hooves hitting the cobblestone path rang loud as she cantered through the otherwise silent street. She was never quite a massive fan of the city, it was far too big and far too artificial for her. The winding avenues confused her and the tall walls all around made her feel cramped and uncomfortable, like she was navigating a gilded cage. In fact, she only ever felt herself in her element at the farm, where she was surrounded by the same trees and the same old earth as generations past, both of which cared very little for who was supposedly ruling over the lands. Lost in her thoughts and still quite a bit sleepy, she hardly even noticed that she nearly stormed past her destination. To her, all the artisan-crafted buildings with their white arches and pompous decoration looked exactly the same; gaudy and ridiculous. What got her attention, instead was the long, snaking line in front of the spa. Nobles and wealthier citizens alike whispered to each other and looked with worry and irritation on their face at the closed door in front of them. Standing atop the stairs leading inside, was a burly, dirty-brown earth pony standing in front of the gate. He wore a scowl on his face, discouraging any and all from stepping closer. “What the hay is goin’ on here?” Applejack asked as she stepped closer. “Asks who?” the bouncer replied gruffly, hardly even giving her a glance, evident that he likely answered this very question a hundred times before today. “Your new boss, apparently,” Applejack replied with an awkward chuckle as she produced a small paper stamped several times, supporting her claim. “So,” she asked again, “What’s going on? Why isn’t the spa open?” “This better not be some cheap trick,” he growled as he tore the paper out of Applejack’s hooves. He gave it a quick read and with each word his eyes went wider. By the time he reached the end of the paper and saw just whose seal it held, he jumped to attention. “For Her Ladyship I report, a pony is being pampered inside,” he replied in a hushed tone, putting particular emphasis on ‘pony’. Applejack, however, didn’t quite grasp the import of his words. “Well, duh, it’s a spa.” She snorted. “I dunno what you city folks believe about us, but even if I might be from the countryside, it ain’t like I don’t know what goes on in a spa.” The behemoth winced at her words and leaned closer. “No, boss, you don’t understand,” he whispered pleadingly. “She is a very important pony.” Those last three words came out like gravel. “Tch! An’ who are you to say these folks here ain’t? I bet some of them got horseshoes worth more than half my orchard,” she replied just as loud as before, flicking her head towards the anxious masses, which slowly began to pay attention to the exchange between the two. “Do these ponies have tickets?” “Yes, ma’am, they do, but still…” he answered with visible discomfort. The front of the crowd erupted in boos. Applejack smashed her hoof against the stairs. “Well then what’s the darn issue?” Loud cheering followed her words. “Look, it’s…” Something stopped him from finishing his answer. He looked at the sky and sighed. The look on his face could be described as Why does the new boss have to be even denser than the last? as he then cracked the door open. “Please follow me,” he said, motioning the mare inside. It was far more quiet in the spa and the air was wet and stuffy, but pleasantly warm. The thick walls of the building completely blocked out the droning of the nervous crowd outside. Applejack’s hooves clacked against the polished tile floor. While the duo silently made their way through the lobby, Applejack was slowly getting more and more furious as she realised the building—despite being large enough to accommodate everypony outside and more—seemed to be nearly empty save for the white dress-clad staff which kept glancing in really weird ways at her as she passed them. It was probably the hat, she supposed. Applejack huffed indignantly at the empty tables and idle hooves, making a mental note to chastise whoever was responsible for the appointments for letting things get so sloppy—unless that was meant to be her. In which case, she really wanted to get to the end of whatever the bouncer wanted to show her and get to work as soon as she could. After passing a dozen rooms yawning just as vacant, they finally got to the end of the hallway. There the bouncer looked back at her, raised a hoof to his mouth, and then quietly and with some tenseness opened a gold-rimmed door. The room behind was even more luxurious compared to the already gaudy decor of the spa. Great paintings depicting allegorical scenes covered the walls, showing ponies lounging around on green hills, stuffing their faces with grapes while looking terribly satisfied. These, along with the rest of the room, were illuminated by a great chandelier on which a hundred little gemstones hung. Two desks on the sides were groaning under the weight of an unbelievable variety of pampering products, while on their sides huge mirrors duplicated the room a thousandfold. A small fountain babbled quietly in the back, breaking the eerie quiet with a lulling splash. It was a shameless display of opulence. And yet, none of its splendours were what got Applejack’s attention. No, that was the huge, black mare lying in the middle on a lavish, elevated bed. Her mane was wrapped up in a large, fluffy towel, while her eyes were obscured by slices of cucumber. Her body was snugly covered in an embroidered bathing robe. She rested her chin on a thick purple rectangular pillow, snoring gently. As she made no move upon the door’s opening, Applejack surmised she had to be asleep. For a moment she hesitated, not wanting to disturb her slumber, but then she figured she had a duty to fulfill so she entered the room properly. Behind the mare keeping polite distance sat a pair of batponies, previously obscured by the door. Their leathery wings held great half-moon-shaped halberds, and their pale purple armour contrasted strongly with the overwhelming white and gold colours dominating the room. Their slit-like pupils narrowed as they eyed the new arrivals with open suspicion, but they remained in place. “There… You see now?” the bouncer whispered behind her, his voice barely louder than a breath. Applejack, however, did not. She turned back and asked, far louder, “Do they have tickets?” He looked at her and blinked a few times in disbelief, as if trying to wake up from a bad dream. No words came to his mouth and he just grunted meekly, twitching his head towards the guards and the mare in the middle in one desperate final attempt to make her realise the situation. “So I can’t even get a straight answer, huh? No wonder Colonel Pie sent me here!” Applejack huffed as she ran a hoof over her face. “This place really does need somepony to sort it out. Do you ponies not realise we can’t run this place by lettin’ in only one pony at a time?” she smouldered, before regaining some composure. “Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do. You go an’ let the others in, I’ll go have a firm chat with these three in the meantime. Alright?” The bouncer shot one last hollow stare towards the mare, opening and closing his mouth a few times, before turning around to oblige her request. Applejack meanwhile walked up to one of the guards. “Howdy! Beg pardon for bothering ya, but do you know if she has an appointment?” she asked loudly, pointing at the mare who stirred from her voice, before going back to a visibly lighter sleep. The guard’s face remained set in stone, giving her no reply. Instead she aimed her halberd towards Applejack, the blade hanging mere centimeters from her face. Applejack laughed as she batted the menacing weapon away with ease. “Come on now, partner, very funny, but I really don’t have time for jokes right now. I was askin’ for a ticket, not a weapon.” Before the guard or her fellow could make another move, the sounds of excited chatter filtered into the room from outside. Ponies flooded into the building, loudly discussing everything from the latest rumours to the weather. The two bats immediately leapt towards the door and slammed it shut, standing ready with their weapons to strike at anypony who dared to enter. But it was all for naught. The mare on the table violently shook and her head shot up. The cucumber slices fell from her eyes, revealing thin cat-like pupils stirring in fierce teal lakes. The towel on her head ignited and burned away in blue flame. The robe slid off, revealing a white, crescent Moon amidst dark spots. A shifting, ethereal mane began to unfurl from under it, coloured like the cold emptiness of space, and flowed outward to its full length, peppered with endless stars and supernovae. “Who dares to disturb Our beauty sleep?” she boomed with a voice that made Applejack shiver and the mirrors on the wall crack. The guards turned around, clear horror written on their faces. They gave haphazard messy salutes and pointed at Applejack with shaky hooves. “Her, Your Majesty,” one of them managed to squeeze out in a squeaky voice. “Treason! Conspiracy!” The Princess’s voice became increasingly frantic and high-pitched with each word. Her wings flared open and her eyes shot lightning bolts. A small dark storm cloud gathered around the ceiling of the room and the temperature quickly turned from warm to icy. “Sun-loyalist scum! You two, don’t just stand around! Away with her! Immediately!” “Yes, Your Majesty!” the two guards whinnied with visible relief that their Princess’s wrath wasn’t directed at them and, with a vicious hiss for a battle-cry, tackled Applejack to the ground. Mere minutes and a few bruises later—these bats really did express work after all—she found herself in a cell that was already very familiar to her. As she was led inside, she came face to face with Blind Devotion, who was quietly looking at the window-bar-shaped shadows on the floor. At Applejack’s entry she looked up. “Thank the Sun I’ve met with you again, Sister,” she greeted Applejack with a warm smile. “Thank a black carriage instead,” Applejack grumbled with far less enthusiasm. “Oh, hello Applejack!” Flim called out to her with feigned surprise from the bed. “How come you’re here again?” Flam sitting next to him continued his words with blatantly false worry. “You two shut your pieholes,” she replied scornfully. “All’s well in Equestria, even with me in here.” “Oh, we wouldn’t be so sure.” The brothers looked at each other meaningfully. Applejack would have paid many bits to see their smug smiles gone. “Yup, the Griffons are coming soon.” “King Grover himself with a thousand birds, huh?” Applejack chuckled humourlessly. “The only birds I see here are you two cuckoos. I guess it is for the best if you two just sit here an’ wait for him.” The brothers folded their hooves. “Well, believe what you want.”, “Just don’t say we didn’t warn you!”, “Speaking of, there is something you should know.” Applejack cocked an eyebrow. “Oh really?” “Let’s just say we heard it through the bars that your little friends are throwing each other in prison,” the two sang in unison. A moment later their song had its explosive finish when their heads smashed against the wall with loud bangs as Applejack pinned them by their necks. “Now, listen here, my question will be a very simple one an’ I’ll ask this once an’ only once,” she said with little patience to the croaking duo, who stared back at her with fear and surprise in their eyes. “How exactly did two slimeballs like you figure out such a thing?” she hissed as her voice dropped deathly low. All the commotion caused Blind Devotion to stir from her trance and trot next to Applejack. She put a calming hoof on her foreleg, smiling gently. “Peace, sister, peace. Remember the old tale, ponies should not fight amongst each other. Such would invite a darkness even more terrible than the Usurper. Don’t seek justice by your own hooves. Our Radiant Princess will rise again and claim her rightful throne once more. Under her there shall be no such injustices.” Applejack reluctantly let go of the sputtering brothers, who slowly slid down to the mattress, gasping for air and rubbing the backs of their heads. She turned towards the mare. “I’m mighty sorry, but I simply don’t see her returnin’ anytime soon.” “Look, Her Radiance raised the Sun and Moon for a thousand years and she spent nopony knows how many more centuries before just raising the Sun. Meanwhile Nightmare Moon has been here for…” She didn’t finish the sentence. Applejack shrugged, untouched by her words. “Eh, I see what ya mean, but you should really give Her Majesty a chance. No ruler starts with a thousand years in the barn.” “You’ll learn the truth in time.” Blind frowned a little, but then immediately regained her smile. “Anyway, what’s for lunch today?” she asked without losing a beat. Applejack shrugged once more, prompting the other to trot over to the far-side wall and gently tap on it. As she listened to the quiet knocks from the other side, the smile wilted from her face. “Dry oats, again,” she said grimly. “Dry oats…” Applejack echoed with sourness in her voice. “I know we can’t eat the apples of our golden tomorrow, but consarnit, I’d love to have a bite,” she muttered under her breath. Even the two brothers, who in the meantime regained their mojo and watched the two mares’ exchange with wide grins, seemed to deflate upon hearing the despicable food’s name. Suddenly metal scraped against metal in the lock and the cell door opened. A batpony guard stuck his head inside. “Prisoner Applejack,” he called in a bored tone vaguely towards the center of the room. “Huh?” she replied, cocking her head to the side in confusion, before the realisation hit. “Oh! Present.” The bat’s pupils shrank as he stared at her, though his voice remained just as flat. “Gather your belongings. You’re coming with me.”