They all wrote the parts for their OC's, just so that's clear.(or "What Could Have Been")
Enigma flew to the town square, still wondering at the letter on his dresser. What kind of pony sends a vague message like 'come to town square, and bring the mics!'? He landed on the orchestral stage, stretching his wings a little to keep them from getting too stiff. I really need to work out more. He glanced around the large stage, arching an eyebrow. And we need to return this stage. He took notice of the rolled-up cloth attached to the catwalk, as well as the turntables near the back. "Vi? Are you here?"
A blue-maned head popped up from behind the equipment, her eyes wide in surprise. She fumbled for her shades next to a stack of records, quickly putting them on and moving around the electronics. She grinned at him, motioning a hoof towards the stage. "What do ya think, E?"
He looked around once more. The same hardwood flooring. The same walls that amplified sound. The same setup for the disc jockey. What was different? He turned to her, an eyebrow raised questioningly.
Realizing that he didn't see it, Vinyl looked up, seeing the rolled-up cloth high above their heads. She facehoofed, pulling on the strings holding the cloth shut with her magic, which let the banner unravel. The words 'Epic Rap Battles for Charity' were written across it in bold, bright red letters. She spread her hooves wide, grinning once more. "Ta-da! I invited a bunch of ponies from your address book, my address book and 'Shy's address book, as well as had Ditzy put posters up in multiple cities, to challenge us - you, 'Shy and I - in rap battles. For charity! Everypony who watches is asked to donate to the Charity for Homeless Fillies and Colts!"
Before he could respond to this, he noticed a pony approaching them. He raised an eyebrow, looking at the small pegasus. Why does that filly look familiar?
The filly didn't seem to notice his stare and continued to walk towards the stage. "Is this the rap thing, 'cause I'm-"
As soon as she looked up she recognized that red coat. "Enigma? Is that you?"
He blinked, realizing she was looking right at him. " ... yes? I-I'm sorry, I'm terrible with faces. Do I know you?"
She jumped up, hugging his neck. "It's me! Broadway, ya silly filly... I mean colt! Sorry, remember I had that same reaction when we first met!"
She jumped down to continue her conversation, "Speaking of first meetings, did you pursue your art career?"
He chuckled, sheepishly smiling at her. "N-not really. I kinda ... well, it didn't work out. Someone else took the last opening at the gallery." He sighed, looking down at his hooves. " ... that painting kinda looked familiar, too ... "
"Oh my goodness! Enigma! I'm so sorry!" She took a quick look at the pony standing on the ladder and smirked. "I can see you're settling in."
He stared at her for a bit, uncomprehending. "Settling in?" He glanced to his friend, a smile growing on his face. "Oh! Yeah, Vi here is a great friend. She let me stay at her house while I look for my own!"
Vinyl winced, looking away. " ... friend ... why is it always friend?"
Broadway tried not to giggle uncontrollably, "Yeah, I bet she's a GREAT friend!"
She then turned to Vinyl. "Please tell me he's a good coltfriend! He was not very nice when I snuck one of his paintings in the art museum. Oh well, you two look like you make a cute couple!"
She blushed profusely, stumbling over her words. "H-he's not my c-coltfriend!"
Enigma chuckled, playfully elbowing his unicorn friend. "She's beautiful, I'll admit, but I don't think either of us feel that way about the other, Broadway." He completely missed the pained look that flashed across Vinyl's face. "So, you're here for the charity event, right?"
"Yup! But first I need to do some information! You can't rap against somepony without knowing their weaknesses! Who am I rapping against anyway?"
"Well, you can rap against Vinyl, myself or ... " He looked around, suddenly realizing something. " ... hey, Vi? Where's 'Shy?"
She put a hoof to her chin, thinking for a bit. "She said she had to take care of her animals, but she should be here at any moment."
"Hmmm," Broadway pondered, "I guess Vinyl since I don't know much about her!"
"What?" Vinyl chuckled, shaking her head. "You don't know about me, the number one disk jockey of Equestria?"
"Well, I did hear that you played at the royal wedding and stuff like that, but I need DETAILS!" She pouted, flapping her wings.
Enigma draped a wing over the little filly, pulling her to the side. "I'll tell you a few things, but not in front of her. Or the audience." He glanced at the few ponies that had shown up. " ... sparse as it may be."
"Coolio! Let's go!"
He led her behind a curtain to talk. A few minutes later, they walked back out. Broadway was giggling a little and muttering something about a record.
Vinyl blushed, staring at Enigma in shock. " ... you didn't."
He shrugged, an innocent smile on his face. "She asked for details, and I gave them." He laughed playfully, ignoring the punches she gave his shoulder.
"Don't worry about it, when I was little, I would always wear a ladybug costume I got in my first play. Now that I think back to it, I can't believe how weird the costume looked."
They both looked at the filly, confusion in their eyes. With a quick glance at each other, Vinyl stepped forward with a headset, smiling softly. "Hold still. I need to put this on you before we can start."
Meanwhile, Enigma moved behind the turntables, but stopped in his tracks when he saw a pink tail poking out from behind them. " ... 'Shy?"
A pair of teal eyes peeked out at him, framed by the pink mane. "Oh. Hi, Enigma. I was just wondering ... I mean, if it isn't too much trouble ..."
He chuckled, gently nudging her side. "It's fine, 'Shy. You can DJ." He glanced at the other two ponies, realizing they were both ready. "You might want to begin soon, though." He grabbed a wireless mic and tossed it to the white unicorn, watching as she easily caught it with her magic. He thought of something, and turned back to Fluttershy, whispering in her ear. "Oh, and the filly's name is Broadway Bound. Just so you know."
Fluttershy nodded, then, making sure her own microphone was adjusted enough to let herself be heard, she started the music.
EPIC RAP BATTLES FOR CHARITY!
BROADWAY BOUND
VS.
VINYL SCRATCH
BEGIN!
... I MEAN, IF YOU WANT TO ...
Lookie here! It's Vinyl Scratch!
What's wrong with your hair? Had sex with a bat?
This will be easy! You cried when you lost your stupid Cloudsmith album!
By the end of this you'll be having a spasm!
I'll school ya Scratch! Cause I bet ya dropped out!
Top of my class! You're gonna fail this try out!
Octavia left to get away from you!
It's about time I bid adieu.
Wow, Broadway, you're really a great actress!
I almost thought you were good, but I digress.
You think I'm a dropout? Don't make me laugh!
I have a doctorate in music and whooping your ass!
Tavi and I are just friends, nothing more.
You act worse than Tiara, and that's quite a chore.
I don't care if you're a filly. You're old enough
To know when I say I'll beat you, it's not a bluff!
If you guys aren't a couple, why do you live together?
I can hear y'all's satisfied screams for an acre.
And If I'm like Diamond Tiara, it's cause all the colts are beggin' to see me.
If I'm the beauty, then you're definitely the beastly.
The only thing that you've got is your silly little turntable!
I hope Pinkie has her sense soon so you get hit by an anvil.
You think you can beat me?
Later whore, don't wanna see ya get weepy.
Oh, the horseshoes are off now, you little brat.
I'll have you know I'm a virgin, and damn proud of that!
I've beaten multiple villains. What have you got?
Just a mark on your flank and colts in your plot!
If I'm a whore, then you're the sluttiest of sluts.
You imp, I'll tear the cotton candy tail off your butt!
You try to rap, but your damn flow and rhyme's rough.
Kiss my ass, Bound; you've done plenty of that stuff.
WHO WON? YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLES FOR CHARITY!
The music ended, and the crowd that gathered during the performance cheered, stomping the ground enthusiastically.
Broadway smiled as she slowly took off the mike. "You were awesome Vinyl! I regret nothing... except for the part about Octavia. I'm really sorry about that. I hope I win but you did well!" I'm so going to win, she thought with a smirk as she trotted off of the stage.
Vinyl moved over to the turntables, a semi-forced smile on her face. "So, who's next?" She picked up a clipboard, glancing at the second name on the list. "The next one better be a pony rapping against somepony else. I'm emotionally drained from that last one... " She sighed, lowering her head to rest against a nearby speaker, enjoying the feeling of the cool plastic against her cheek.
"Uh...is this the right place?" a new, quiet voice asked. "...well, there's that giant banner, so I guess it is...how'd I miss that?"
Enigma turned to the unicorn approaching the stage, blinking in confusion. He looked at his yellow mane with hints of brown, the glasses on his face, even the silver shield on his flank. After inspecting him for a few moments from a distance, he came to a conclusion: he didn't know who this stallion was. "Pardon me, but who are y-"
"Hey! Filter!" Vinyl popped up, grinning widely. "It's been awhile, dude! How ya been?"
Filter, as his name seemed to be, smiled lightly at the familiar face. "Oh, hey Vinyl! Pretty good, aside from the typical Ponyville shenanigans." He trotted towards the alabaster unicorn. "How about you?"
"I'm doing great, Poppy!" She grabbed his hooves, positively beaming. "You wouldn't believe what I've seen!" She glanced over her shoulder, frowning at the snarling statues still on the stage that Filter hadn't noticed yet. "Or some of the things I wish I could forget."
Filter struggled a bit. "Please let go of my hooves...and don't call me 'Poppy'."
"Sorry!" She let go, sheepishly smiling. "Anyways, this here is Enigma!" She dragged him over, her forelegs wrapped around one of the pegasus'. "E, this is Pop Filter. He prefers to be called 'Filter', though."
He extended a hoof to the royal blue unicorn, smiling genially. "Nice to meet you, Filter. You must be somepony special for Vi to be so enthusiastic." For a moment, a frown flickered across his face as he felt an unusual feeling, one he'd never experienced before.
Filter averted his gaze as his face took on a slight shade of red. "I'm...really not that special..."
Enigma deeply frowned at that statement. "Never say you aren't special." Turning, he moved to the side of the stage, grabbing one of the headsets and putting it on.
Vinyl blinked, staring at the pegasus. She'd only seen him act like that once before, and it actually pained her to witness it again, memories coming to her unbidden. She turned to the other unicorn, sheepishly smiling. "So, you're here for a rap battle?"
"Yeah, I heard about it, and...well, I couldn't exactly pass up the chance. Even though rap is my special talent, I don't exactly get a lot of chaaaAAA WHAT THE HAY?!" He pointed at the statues behind Vinyl in fear.
She sighed, using her magic to put the statues in a luminescent glass box from backstage. "Trust me, it's better not to think about them. Anyways, it seems E wants to rap against you." She ducked, avoiding a headset as it was soaring through the air, somehow perfectly landing on the royal blue colt's head.
"You think?" Filter asked sarcastically, allowing a smirk to cross his face. "Though I don't exactly know a lot about him..."
"I'll fill you in about him." Vinyl cracked her neck, smirking right back. "I already told him a lot about you, dude."
Filter looked at the other unicorn suspiciously. "How much is 'a lot'...?"
"Oh, you know." Her gaze moved to Enigma. Currently, the dark red pegasus was at the turntables with Fluttershy, setting up the sound levels and making sure the headsets were synced with it. A small smile formed on her lips, her eyes glazing over slightly as her mind began to drift to a daydream. "Your bisexuality, your history...and that crush you have on Pinks."
Filter's face went so red, the average bystander would think he had a sunburn. He glared at Vinyl. "I don't have a crush on her."
She rolled her eyes, chuckling playfully. "Sure, dude. Whatever you say." She glanced once more at her own crush, seeing that he was standing on the opposite of the stage. "Okay, so Enigma..." She spent a few minutes telling the other unicorn everything she knew about the red pegasus. Which, to be fair, was quite a lot. "Okay, so you got all that?"
"Probably won't help me much, but yeah, I got it."
"You'll do fine, Filter." She patted him on the back reassuringly. She turned and went behind the turntables, making sure everything was ready.
Before the music began, Enigma could be heard saying four words: "It's not too late."
EPIC RAP BATTLES FOR CHARITY!
POP FILTER
VS.
ENIGMA
BEGIN!
Partamos! Let's get this battle over with
I brought a can of whoopass, and I'm Popping the lid
Call me a detective as I unravel this Enigma
All broken and defective; on rap, you're just stigma
I'm Pop Filter, off-kilter; wreaking havoc like Discord
I'm a killer, a builder; while you're just abhorred
Sorry if I don't sound modest, but this is what you wanted
I'm just being honest; I'll shred you into sawdust!
I applaud your rapping skills, Pop Filter.
Maybe with practice they won't make flowers wilt, sir.
It doesn't matter how many cans you have, P.
You can stand on a tower and still be below me.
I can't help if that's the way you tend to think
You should be violet, considering how you shrink.
You're like Discord 'cause I'll beat you - turn to stone.
Just back off, Poppy. This here is my zone!
I've got rhymes to bludgeon you with 'til you're black and blue
You rap like a little filly – and you look like one, too
Mock me, a "shrinking violet", yet you're crushing on Fluttershy
It's clear you like my type; don't try to deny
Go cling to your plushies or your security saddlebag
I'm normally not one to brag, but you better wave the white flag
You've got no bite or bark; I'll leave you in the dark
And unlike you, at least I have my cutie mark!
A cutie mark? Who the fuck cares about that?!
I'm happy with my three degrees, you twat!
I'd take my words and shove them right up your ass,
But knowing you, it'd probably give you a sick thrill, sad sack!
You don't know the true meaning of strength, twit.
I'll use my math skills to split you in fifths!
Bitch, look at your watch as I send you through the sky.
It's the only time that you'll be seein' time fly!
WHO WON? YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLES FOR CHARITY!
Enigma huffed, trying his best to calm down. "...look. I apologize for saying all of that, but there is a nugget of truth in there. Stop being so down on yourself." He looked over at Vinyl, a small smile on his lips. "You may not think you're special, but there's always somepony who thinks otherwise."
Filter obviously wasn't convinced, but he didn't continue the topic. "And sorry to you too. I didn't know the whole 'cutie mark' thing was such a sore spot for you."
Enigma sighed, running a hoof through his mane. "Yeah, well, what's done is done. I'd appreciate it if you never bring it up again, though." He took off his headset, tossing it over his shoulder, landing perfectly on the stack offstage. He walked up to the other stallion, holding a hoof out and cheekily grinning. "You did great...Poppy."
The blue unicorn glared. "And I'd appreciate it if you never called me that again."
Enigma held up his hooves in the universal sign for apology. "Right. Sorry." He backed up, chuckling sheepishly. Sadly, he misstepped, falling right of the stage and onto a now-vacant spot in the crowd. "...ow...could've sworn the stage was a little longer..."
"E!" Vinyl rushed down the steps, her eyes wide in panic and her shades falling off in her haste. She carefully helped him up, not even bothering to hide her concern.
Fluttershy slowly approached the blue unicorn, a little concerned. "...um...if you don't mind...could we please have the headset back?"
Realizing he was still wearing it, Filter laughed lightly and pulled the headset off, passing it to the timid pegasus. "Sorry about that. Got distracted by...well, everything that just happened in the past ten seconds."
She gently took the device, smiling timidly at him. "...thank you..." With that, the yellow mare gracefully flew off, placing the headset with the rest.
Filter looked around. "Well, assuming Enigma's fine, I'd say that's about it for me." He smiled. "Seeya!" With that, he began trotting away.
Fluttershy waved, trying to catch his attention. "...um...Filter? I think you should..." Her already soft voice trailed off as she focused on her hooves, almost as if she were trying to find some courage there.
Vinyl glanced up, seeing Filter leaving. "Hey, wait, dude!" Helping Enigma back onto the stage, she let him sit down by her other pegasus friend. The disk jockey approached the retreating unicorn, gently placing a hoof on his shoulder. "Can we meet up somewhere, maybe catch up on things?" She offered a sincere smile, her eyes showing that same sincerity as her shades were laying still somewhere on the stage.
Filter returned the smile. "Sure! It's been a while since we talked."
"Awesome." She pulled her hoof off his shoulder, holding it out to him. "My club, sometime next week?"
"I think I can find time for that," the male unicorn chuckled. He shook Vinyl's hoof before turning and heading off again. "Seeya!"
Fluttershy sighed, watching the royal blue pony leave, leaning herself up against the feminine stallion ruefully. "...I was trying to tell him about the flyer stuck on his tail..." She hid her face behind her mane, upset she was unable to warn the nice unicorn.
"Look, everypony!" A pink filly stood up on a brown stallion's back, pointing at the exiting unicorn. "What a loser!" She began laughing, everypony nearby joining in so they didn't feel left out. The stallion underneath her didn't seem that amused, but knew that he couldn't really stop his daughter.
Realizing that the crowd was pointing and laughing at him, Filter froze in his steps, looking over his body for what they were laughing at. Spotting the paper stuck to his tail, he winced and used his magic to pull it off and toss it a few feet away. Wanting to hide, he began slowly walking away again at a turtle's pace.
The filly had closed her eyes when she began laughing. Eventually, though she opened them to look at the scene.
Instead, she saw a red pegasus mere inches from her face, glaring at her.
With a shriek, she fell off her father's back and into a mud puddle, staring up at the menacing stallion.
He huffed, shaking his head. "Do you get some kind of sick thrill from humiliating others? How would you like it if everypony laughed at you right now, wallowing in that brown muck like a pig?"
Her mouth opened, but she couldn't find any words right away. Eventually, through the growing embarrassment overtaking her, she pointed an accusing hoof at him. "Why are you protecting him?! You were just angry at each other!"
Enigma, for that's who it was, rolled his eyes. "I don't care what you say, I will not stand by and watch someone make fun of my friend!"
She sniffed, slowly climbing out of the puddle. "W-who are you to say what I can do? You're a loser blank-flank and a weak-looking mare!"
Now, the red pegasus was perfectly fine until 'mare'. His eyes narrowed, every muscle in his body tensing. "You dun goofed." He glanced around for a few seconds, the gears in his head visibly turning. He flicked a rock up into the air with his tail and bucked it away, watching as it soared over the audience. "I'll have you know that whether one has a cutie mark doesn't matter, Tiara. What matters is the way one treats others. Oh, and heads up." He took a single step back.
Confused, the filly looked up, only to be covered in a large pile of manure.
From somewhere above them, a gray pegasus flew down, concerned. "Sorry! I just don't know what went wrong!"
Diamond Tiara, however didn't hear her. She popped out of the top of the pile, spitting out pieces of the fertilizer. "Manure! I HATE MANURE!!"
Enigma nodded his head, turning away with a stern look on his face. "Know your place." He flew back up to the stage, slowly approaching the previous center of attention. "Are you okay, man?"
Filter looked at Enigma, but his expression didn't change. "...thanks..."
He smiled calmly, holding a hoof out to his former-adversary. "Don't worry about it. I'd do it for any friend of mine."
The unicorn smiled lightly. He took the red stallion's hoof and shook it. "I should probably get out of here now before something else happens, huh?"
Enigma shrugged, the same calm smile on his face. "Probably. I hope we meet again, Filter."
"Same here, Enigma." For the third time, Filter began walking away. "Seeya! ...again!"
"Bye!" Enigma started to walk towards his other two friends, but paused, calling over his shoulder. "And call me E."
Vinyl gawked, watching as the red pegasus approached her. "...dude, how did you do that?"
The feminine stallion just shrugged, a cheeky grin on his face. "It pays to have a doctorate in physics." He grabbed the microphone, calling out to the audience. "Alright! Who wants to go next?"
A grey pegasus, sleeping on the stage lights, turned his body to get into a position where his wings wouldn't be in the way but fell off and landed in the giant banner. The ropes holding the banker in place snapped off, causing the winged pony to fall hard onto the stage. "...oowww..." He looked up at a red pegasus standing in front of him.
Enigma stared down at him, shock clear on his face. He had no idea what to say about what he just saw, so he kept quiet to keep from embarrassing himself.
Vinyl stepped up next to him, raising her shades in surprise. "...yo, dude...ya alright?" They both held a hoof out to help him up.
He gripped their hoofs, pulling himself back up. "Yeah, I'm alright...I think." He stretched out his hooves, nothing, right wing, ok. He stretched his left wing only a little and a shock of pain shot through the left side of his body. "OW!"
Enigma leaped back, eyes wide in surprise at the sudden exclamation. "I-I'd better go find-"
"Oh my goodness!" The red pegasus and his disk jockey friend were knocked aside as the normally-shy yellow mare rushed over to the injured stallion, a medical kit on her back. She tenderly lifted the wing, making sure not to extend it. "... um... does this hurt, Night?"
He winced at the slightest touch. "Y-yeah!"
Fluttershy immediately lowered the newcomer's wing, pulling some gauze and a couple of splints from her kit. "Don't worry, Doctor Fluttershy will help you!"
Vinyl turned to Enigma, whispering in his ear. "Dude, I thought she only took care of animals."
He copied her movements, trying to be as quiet as possible. "To be fair, I hear we have the same bone structure in our wings as eagles do." They watched in silence as the timid mare gently wrapped the gray pony's wing.
She was soon done with the binding, placing a kiss on the bandaged limb. She froze, eyes wide in shock and a faint blush on her cheeks. " ... s-sorry ... h-habit ... "
Night smiled. "It's alright, thank you Fluttershy". He lifted his injured wing, still hurting but not as much as before.
She blushed even more, opting to hide behind her mane. " ... y-you're welcome ... "
Vinyl sighed, fiddling with her microphone. "Glad he's better. Now, if you don't mind, we kinda have a charity event going on." She took the banner in her magic, as well as three new lengths of rope. She tied the sign back up, nodding at her work before turning to the audience. "Who is our next volunteer?"
The red pegasus gently bumped her side to catch her attention. "Maybe we should ask him." He pointed to the gray pegasus, who was currently being offered a painkiller by their doting friend.
He thanked Fluttershy again and looked at the other two. He raised a hoof like a colt would to a teacher. "So when is this rap battle thing starting? I've been waiting all morning."
All three of the ponies stared at him, unsure what to say.
Enigma was the first to snap out of his stupor. " ... you ... realize they've been going on for a while, right?" He glanced at the sun, noticing it was halfway to where it peak in the sky. He momentarily wondered why he wasn't being blinded. "About two hours, now, to be more precise. Oh well, I'll go get a headset for you." He turned, going to get one from the box next to the illuminated case with the statues.
Vinyl placed a hoof on the gray pegasus' shoulder, shaking her head. "He ran out of his medicine yesterday. He's always like that without it." She grinned, readjusting her shades by the edge of the frame. "So, who do you wanna rap against, dude?"
Night flashed a confident smile at Vinyl. "I'm here to go against you! ... and that mare's a he?" He pointed a hoof at the red pegasus.
The aforementioned stallion, almost back with the headset, fell flat on his face in shock, hitting the stage hard enough to crack a few boards. He immediately stood up, glaring daggers at the gray pegasus. "Not. A. Mare!" He rolled his eyes, tossing the headset so it landed perfectly on the target of his ire before trotting offstage. "You think they'd know by my voice, or something ... "
Night looked back at the DJ in confusion. "Soo...are you his marefriend then?" he said as he adjusted the headset just right. Checking to see if it was working he tapped on the speaker. "This is Mr. New Pegas and you're listening to to Radio New Pegas, your little jukebox in the Pojave Desert. " Night let out a small chuckle. "And if you're wondering if you came to the right place, you have...this is awesome!"
Vinyl blushed deeply, her face taking on a scarlet tone. "N-no! I'm not his marefriend!" She quickly took her place on the opposite side of the stage, grinning slightly to hide her embarrassment. "Ya ready for this, Night Light?"
Night glared at Vinyl with annoyance. "Night Light? The only pony who can call me that is my ... my ... " He looked down at the wooden stage for a few moments, smacked himself in the face and looked back at Vinyl "Ok ... let's do this!"
Fluttershy, now behind the turntables, started up the music, doing her best to keep from nervously shaking.
EPIC RAP BATTLES FOR CHARITY!
NIGHT FLYER
VS.
VINYL SCRATCH
BEGIN!
Listen up Vinyl Scratch cause the challenger's here,
And I hope you'll like what I have to say, my dear
So I heard that you're the town's DJ; that must be nice,
But I wonder, why do you sound worse than a dozen screaming mice?
I mean seriously, go out and repair your equipment
Unless you spent all your bits on all those cello replacements
Or maybe if you stop drinking you'll have a decent desk
You'll also act more like a proper mare than being so grotesque
I'll have you know that my music is best.
Just like my rapping skills; this is no contest.
Of course, what would you know about my sound?
Loud noises turn you into a whimpering hound!
It says here you're a fast flyer. I have to wonder, dude,
Why you can't beat my friend, E, in terms of attitude.
I'm sad to say that, for you, this just turned dire.
I'll take your sad sack of raps and kill it with fire!
I should've known you would bring Enigma into this
So let's see how long it would take for you to get a kiss
But I have to wonder what exactly you do backstage
Either giving head or massaging somepony's package
You'll do anything just to get a few bits
Whatever it is you're doing, just call it quits
If I win or lose here, I don't really care
I'll be leaving here satisfied knowing that you're in despair
At least I have a chance to be with E.
I know you'll never be with the queen of parties!
What, did you think your crush was a big secret?
You follow her around like you're a lost pet!
You can go on thinking that you won this, whelp.
You're only hallucinating - foolin' yourself!
You never stood a chance of winning this fight.
Sorry, Flyer, but it's time to say Night!
WHO WON? YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLES FOR CHARITY!
The grey pegasus looked at Vinyl with shock, a shade of red forming around his cheeks. "How...did you know...about that?"
The disk jockey shrugged, a small smirk on her lips. "Who else would come up with the nickname 'Night Light'? Frankly, I'm surprised she doesn't call you 'Nightie Wightie'!" She giggled, holding a hoof out to him. "You did well, dude."
Night blushed furiously. The pegasus put his hoof out to shake hers. "Y-you did great, too."
Vinyl grinned, turning to look over her shoulder. "I should check on E." She trotted off the stage to find the red pegasus.
Fluttershy cautiously approached Night, nervous. "...um...would you like me to...take you to a hospital?"
Night looked at Fluttershy and smiled. "Sure, I could use the company."
With that, the yellow pegasus trotted away with the gray pegasus, accompanying him to the hospital.
Soon, the yellow mare returned, but she wasn't alone. In her forelegs she held a tiny, black-and-white kitten. On her face was a brilliant smile, and she approached Enigma, holding said feline gingerly in front of her. "Look, E. I found her on my way back from the hospital. Isn't she just adorable, with these cute little stripes all over her?" The shy pegasus nuzzled the tiny cat, which purred in response.
The red pegasus, on the other hoof, just stared at her in shock. " ... 'Shy?" He pointed a shaky hoof at it, nervous. "T-that's a tiger cub ... "
"I found him first!" shouted a previously unseen mare, whom had apparently been following after Fluttershy.
Fluttershy yelped in surprise, looking at the mare from behind her red friend. She kept the kitten on her back, using her wings to make sure it didn't fall off. "...um...w-who are you?"
The stallion just stood there, silently wondering which pony was correct about the gender of the tiny feline.
"I'm Catnip, but that's not the point! I found that cub, and then as soon as he's five feet away from me you take him!" fumed the tan and blue pony. "I want him back!"
The timid mare hid completely behind the red pegasus, squeaking in fear.
Unable to bear seeing his friend like this, Enigma spoke up. "I'm sorry, but could this little spat happen later? We're kinda in the middle of a charity event." He sheepishly grinned at the blue-maned pony.
"Not until she gives Baron Humbert von Gikkingen back to me." says the pegasus mare firmly.
The two pegasi behind the turntable stare at the other one, unsure about what to think of that.
"Here's an idea." Vinyl came back onstage, a sly smile on her face. "How about a rap battle to decide who keeps the cat?"
Catnip looked at Fluttershy, then the cub, before nodding. "I'm in."
Fluttershy gently moved the cub onto Enigma's back, looking over at the other pony. "...okay..."
Vinyl nodded contentedly, levitating a headset to both of the other mares. She then turned to situate herself behind her turntables. She began the music, making sure that the red stallion was safe behind her.
EPIC RAP BATTLES FOR CHARITY!
CATNIP SPRINKLES
VS.
FLUTTERSHY
BEGIN!
Fluttershy, you're obviously timid and weak;
You've taken things far beyond simply meek.
Pathetic little whispers and itsy bitsy glares;
you won't even come out from behind your hair!
You have only two settings, wimp and monster;
Only ever tough because of another.
You call yourself a pegasus, but you're scared of the sky!
Perhaps you left Cloudsdale because you couldn't fly!
You really should try and calm down, Catnip.
It's not fun when you're angry before you're whipped.
You're a mess, a swathe of tan, brown and blue.
Any of my animal friends can best you.
I don't mean to be rude - no, that's not me.
You paid for this battle, but this lesson's free.
Though it's clear that I'm a very sweet mare,
You'd need a Sprinkle of common sense to be aware.
Oh wow, such originality!
Having my own name used against me?
I'm not losing my cool, just driving a point;
By the time I'm done, you'll run from this joint.
Not that that's the first time for it to happen,
Tornado training, you couldn't get your wings flappin'.
Give it up, Flutters, and don't you whine;
We both know victory is soon to be mine.
You know, it's ponies like you who make me mad,
Thinking they can win with rhythm so bad.
I'm not gonna run; I'll stand my ground
And make you wish that you were in the pound!
You're gonna take a licking, but not from a cat.
Hitting so hard, you'll be knocked flat!
It's not me, it's you who is going to cry!
What, you couldn't handle little Fluttershy?
WHO WON? YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLES FOR CHARITY!
Catnip smiled lightly. "Good job, Fluttershy. I do intend to have Baron by the end of this, though." she said in a light manner.
Fluttershy smiled back, nodding slightly.
"My name is actually Alagan Dhiren Rajaram." The ponies behind the turntable stared at the tiger cub speaking into the special microphone. Its eyes flickered to Fluttershy, traces of a frown on its muzzle. "And I'm male."
The timid mare blushed brightly, staring at her hooves in embarrassment.
Catnip thought for a moment before replying. "Can I call you Baron Alagan Dhiren Rajaram?" she asked the cub.
The tiny feline looked at her for a moment, apparently deep in thought. "...you can call me Baron Ren. The other thing, I'll admit, is a mouthful."
The tan pegasus smiled in agreement. "Wait," she said, realizing something, "Do you have any qualms about a rap battle for your custody?"
He thought for a moment, looking at the three other ponies on the stage, noticing they were largely still stunned from him speaking. "Truth be told, it was rather entertaining." He purred, eyes narrowing in his mirth.
Taking that as an okay, Catnip grinned. The tan mare looked like she was about to say something, before realizing how many other ponies were waiting for their rap battles. "Oops, it looks like we're causing a line," she said, giving her headset back to Vinyl. "I'll be in the audience if you need me!" With that, she quickly placed Baron Ren on her back, flying to a convenient place amongst the other spectators.
Enigma blinked, following the unique mare as she sat down, a confused look on his face. "...I thought we were going to have somepony else take care of that white tiger cub until the results are in?"
The DJ next to him shrugged, lowering her shades to look directly into his eyes. "And just who would be willing to take care of a tiger?"
He thought for a minute, the gears visibly turning in his head. "...Pinkie?"
"Maybe," the unicorn conceded, sighing, "but do we really want a hyper predator with teeth running around?"
"...um...Vinyl?"
The white mare turned to her friend, smiling kindly. "Yeah, 'Shy?"
The yellow pegasus poked at the stage with a hoof, glancing around nervously. "...the microphone's still on..."
Vinyl and Enigma stared at Fluttershy, their jaws agape. The disk jockey looked at the tiger cub, but almost immediately averted her eyes in embarrassment. "...sorry for what I said?"
The red pegasus began to console her, but the white unicorn was distracted by a familiar face...or, rather, a familiar hoodie. She grabbed her microphone and shouted at the figure. "Hey, Lyrical! Come up here!"
Enigma's ear twitched, that one word catching his attention. "...Lyrical?" He looked up, surprised to see him. "Hey, it is!" He turned to Fluttershy, trying his best to convince her to look.
"Enigma! Vinyl! Fluttershy! How have all of you been?" Lyrical smiles gleefully as he approaches the front of the stage, smiling at the three in front of him. "What's this about a charity?"
"It's a charity event for homeless fillies and colts!" Vinyl pointed up at the banner, grinning widely. "Rap battles for a better future! Impressive, right?" She puffed out her chest, acting as if it was her own idea.
Enigma chuckled, knowing that the disk jockey's father had asked her to form this event. He looked up at Lyrical, keeping a reassuring hoof on the timid pegasus' back. "So, do you want to try it out?"
Lyrical smiled at the act of both Vinyl and Enigma hosting a rap battle concert, using the bits to help little homeless colts and fillies."Course I do! Oh, by the way, I brought this." Lyrical digs into his hoodie's pocket and plops a bag on the ground, making it create a metallic noise."Open it and see what's inside."
The two ponies looked at each other, confused, before opening the bag. Their eyes bugged out, even making Vinyl's shades to pop off at the number of bits. "...dang, dude." She looked up at her friend, but he didn't seem to respond. She waved her hoof in front of his face, but he still didn't react. "...Lyri, I think you broke him."
Lyrical chuckled at Enigma's shocked look."It's okay, Vinyl. He'll be fixed up later..I think.." Lyrical walks over to his pal and shakes him. "Besides, being an underground rapper has it's downs...greed can corrupt you, you know."
"That's true." She sighed, grabbing two headsets from offstage and handing one to Lyrical. "I'll assume you're rapping against me, since E's out of commission right now?"
"Yea...I took a one year tour and recently came back. I missed you guys. Heh, I even miss Gilda." Lyrical chuckled at memories when Gilda tried to...have happy endings with him, though Lyrical did not want to. Not because she's a griffon, but because he already has his eyes on another pony. One that wore his blue hoodie one year ago from today. "So, hows business been going? I like to have small talk before I perform."
She sighed, looking around a bit. "It's been fine, but some strange characters decided to use them for their own gain..."
Lyrical nodded. "Well, I'll be staying in Ponyville for about a month, so I'll come by the Basement and who knows? Maybe me and E can collab on a song." Lyrical smiled at Vinyl, then chuckled at Enigma's passed out body. He looked back at the stage he was standing on, levitated the headset and placed it over his head, covered his head with the hood and closed his eyes. He walked over to the other end of the stage, opening his eyes again, slightly serious.
"Lets do this, Vinyl."
Almost immediately, Fluttershy started the music, starting to get used to her role.
EPIC RAP BATTLES FOR CHARITY!
LYRICAL
VS.
VINYL SCRATCH
BEGIN!
What up E, what up Vinyl Scratch,
I'm here to chill, give out some bits to the foals and whoop your ass.
Buck with me and you will see why they call me MC who raps deeply,
Spit a bit quick, don't get sick from all the lyr-ics I drop more than all your Wubstep beats,
Rapidly, I spit more rhymes as I pass the time multiplied more than Pinkie's clones,
Yea I know about that, but what I don't know is that are you still in the friendzone?
Whip out that bass cannon filly, give me your best shot,
It'll take more than a few lights and Wubstep to take out this colt from Southwest Detrot!
I will have to admit, Lyri, you are quite fast,
But trust me, fillies prefer colts that can last!
Your rhymes may as well be bad fruit in the sink.
They stink, and with them, you'll never win Pinks!
Seriously, you are the third colt crushin' today, dude.
You should stick with the griffon - make her a brood!
You're not Bad Wolf, you're sad wolf, howling at the moon.
With the way you're rapping, this will all be over soon.
Fruit? Naw Vinyl, I'm more meat than juice,
I might howl at the moon, but you'll burn up as soon as you're in the sun not under a roof.
Dude, third colt today? Just what the buck you've been doin?
You're not gonna win E's heart with all that partyin and maybe filly foolin'.
Over? Filly please, I'll still be rapping till the day of my death.
You? You'll be holding your breath and will always be to E just a friend!
And as for your plushie? Ha, don't take this the hard way,
But it gets more love than you will any day!
What do you know? You have too much pride!
Not to mention your friend and his buckin' dark side!
I don't need to move from this spot to whip your sorry plot.
I'm on my way to true love - that's more than you've got!
I'll take a lesson from Tavi and slice you down to size.
It'll teach you for spreading around such awful lies!
Take a look at that glass box right behind me.
You're about to join them in eternity!
WHO WON? YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLES FOR CHARITY!
"Ow, my lungs." Lyrical gasped. He took notice of the statues behind Vinyl, a slight shiver sending through his spine as he turned away."Nice statues, Vinyl. Is Enigma up yet?"
She glanced over at the pegasus, blinking in surprise as she saw him with the bits that Lyrical donated stacked neatly in a metal box. "I think he's conscious." She walked over to the red stallion, gently tapping his shoulder. "Dude, how much do we have so far?"
He glanced at the bits, smiling brightly. "In total, we have exactly nine thousand bits." Suddenly, a bit was flung at him, pegging him right between the eyes. Groaning, he calmly grabbed the bit off the wooden floor and put it in the box, rubbing his sore forehead. He noticed her staring at him expectantly. "No, I'm not using that ridiculous meme. It's nine thousand one."
Vinyl shrugged, turning to Lyrical. "Thanks for donating, and-"
"OH MY GOSH!" A pink mare suddenly appeared, hanging from the light fixtures by a rope and right in front of the brown unicorn's face. "It's really you, Lyri! I can't believe you're back in Ponyville! This is so exciting, I get to throw you a 'Welcome Back' party!"
"P-Pinkie!" Due to Pinkie Pie surprising him, he jumped back, panting due to adrenaline. Calming down, he blushed slightly and smiled widely. "I missed you too, Pinkie! How have you-"
Pinkie dropped from the dangling rope and brought in Lyrical into a bear hug. "I've been doing great, Lyri! Are you ready for another party? And possibly another performance at your party?"
While in the pink mare's iron grip, he did not hesitate to hug her back. "Yea, I'm ready for another party, Pinkie. Just let me go place my luggage in my old house, and then we can get started after the charity event."
The red pegasus and his white friend stared at her, smiling at the party-mare's antics.
"Great! I'll see you then!" She let him go and ran off, the rope somehow following her and tying the feminine stallion up.
Enigma groaned, trying to wriggle out of the unexpected bindings. "...Vi? Little help, please?" With the white unicorn's help (and a distinct lack of magic use), he was freed.
Vinyl turned to Lyrical, a smirk on her face. "You have a little blush on your face, dude."
Lyrical grinned. "Yea, like you didn't when Enigma wrapped a wing around you when you felt cold before we went to The Basement." Chuckling, he brought down the hood covering his eyes. In the distance, Lyrical thought he heard somepony say "Damn!" but ignored it, grinning at how Vinyl blushed and Enigma raised a brow.
Enigma raised a hoof as if to speak, but stopped himself. He turned to his best friend, whispering in her ear. Not noticing the blush this brought to the unicorn's face, but indeed seeing the gesture towards the turntables, he went over to the device and searched behind it.
Vinyl sheepishly grinned, rubbing the back of her head. "He forgot his meds today and just realized it."
Lyrical nodded. "I understand." Looking in the crowd, he smiled and sniffed that crisp, clean Ponyville air, then his eyes widened. "Oh shit! I almost forgot! Did Scootaloo and the rest of the C.M.C get their cutie marks, and did Scoots fly yet?"
Vinyl raised a hoof, but paused, carefully thinking those questions over. "No, they didn't get their cutie marks, yet...and do you mean flying with or without rune-wings?"
"Rune-wings? That sounds pretty badass." Lyrical smiled at the thought of scootaloo flying high in the sky, sourin' through clouds just like how he pictured it. "And they still haven't got their cutie marks? Guess I'll have to help em' out again. So, do you know where they could be?"
Before the white unicorn could respond, a noise distracted her. Looking to her right, she saw the source of said distraction.
An orange pegasus filly flew up the stairs and towards them, her fuschia-colored, luminescent rune-wings proudly displayed for all. She called to the mottled colt chasing her, not watching where she was going. "C'mon, Pip! We need to-" She finally looked forward, and not too soon, seeing the brown unicorn and screeching to a halt in mid-air, just inches away from crashing into him. She looked up at the hoodie-wearing pony, grinning widely. "Hey! How's it going, Lyrical?"
The smaller colt came to a stop next to her, slightly winded but otherwise perfectly fine. Having a fillyfriend who loved rushing around had its perks. He glanced at the white mare next to Lyrical, smiling brightly. "Hi, sis!"
She smiled back, looking at her little brother with a sisterly affection. "'Sup, bro?" She gave him a noogie, smirking playfully. "You miss your cool sis?"
The colt laughed as he squirmed in her grasp, blushing a bright pink. "P-please, not in front of Scootaloo!"
"Scootaloo?" Lyrical's eyes started to water, and he smiled widely. "Sweet Luna's Moon, SCOOTALOO! YOU'RE FLYING!" Then, his smile slipped away, replaced with a sad frown. "...And I wasn't there for your first flight..."
He turned his head to the lower left, and noticed a small, white and brown-spotted colt, with a wooden sword tied to his back. He turned to Vinyl, raising a brow. "So this is your bro. Well then.." He turned back to the little colt. "What up. Nice to meet you."
Pipsqueak stared up at the taller pony, tilting his head. "Nice to meet you, too. You’re Lyrical, right? Scootaloo told me a lot about you." He smiled brightly, leaning close to the brown stallion, speaking in a loud whisper to make sure the orange filly heard. "She thinks of you as a big brother, you know." This earned him an embarrassed smack on the shoulder from the young pegasus, but he just laughed, nuzzling her cheek.
Vinyl shifted her gaze away from the young couple, focusing instead on Lyrical. "You don’t have to worry about missing her first flight. She’s still just gliding." She gave him a wink, hoping he’d get the hint.
"Well would you look at that." Lyrical smiled at the two young ones in front of him. "Scoots got herself a coltfriend...why don't I have a marefriend?" Lyrical stared at all of the raised brows directed at him. "Oh, I said that out loud? Hehe, well, I missed you too, Scoots. I'll see you, Sweetie Belle Applebloom and your coltfriend later today. I have to go rest for a while back at my crib."
Lyrical brought in Scootaloo into a bear hug, rustling her mane a bit. "Make sure to tell the other Crusaders that I'm here, mkay?"
"Ok!" Scootaloo said. "Come on Pipsqueak, lets go get Spike, Sweetie and Applebloom!" With that, they both left the stage.
Lyrical could only raise a brow. "Spike? I forgot about that dragon, how's he been?"
Vinyl raised a hoof to her mouth, covering her small smirk. "He's pretty much the same as before you left. You know, assisting Twi at the library and Rarity at her boutique. Oh, and he's dating Sweetie Belle, much to Rarity's chagrin."
"aWhaaaaaa-You know what...I actually kind of saw that coming." Lyrical did know that Spike had a crush on Rarity, but Sweetie Belle? How could he have not noticed this before?
"Oh yea, I was gone for a buckin' year."
Lyrical sighed, sad that he missed the good times he could have had with the crusaders. Smiling, he raised his hoof up in front of Vinyl. "Well, better get goin'. Gotta see how well kept the house has been ever since I left. Hopefully Shadow didn't buck anything up. Ha, call me back when the winners have been announced, mkay?"
The white mare nodded, readjusting her shades with a cheeky grin on her face. "Of course, dude. Just be sure to come by the club tonight. We don't want you disappointing Pinks now, do we?"
The light brown unicorn nodded. "Yea, yea. I know what you mean." With that, he exited the stage, looking forward to the party.
Vinyl smiled kindly, waving to him as he left. She sighed, looking over at her set-up, wondering what was taking her friend so long.
Just as she thought that, Enigma reappeared from behind the turntables, his eyes wide in shock. "...I'm out of Adderall..." He groaned, holding his head between his hooves. "I knew I should've gotten my prescription refilled! I don't even know where the pharmacy in Ponyville is, much less have my info in there! What am I going to do!?"
"I've got some right here," said a gryphon as he walked towards the stage. "'Shy warned me that you might need some. Something about noise, but now I see what she meant. What is this?"
"It's a charity event." He pointed to the banner high above the stage. "Rap battles to help raise money for the Charity for Homeless Fillies and Colts." He tilted his head, examining the gryphon in front of him. "You know, you remind me of that Princess from a while back ... minus the attitude, of course."
"Princess? Hardly," the gryphon scoffed, ruffling his feathers in annoyance. "That blasphemous fool will never be my royalty. But where are my manners? I'm Brother Cleon. Fluttershy called me in to see about some," he paused, searching for the right word, "strange magic. Something about alternate realities?"
The red pegasus could only stare, completely confused. " ... alternate realities?"
Vinyl approached, politely coughing. "Probably has to do with those." She nodded at the two statues, still standing on the stage, where they were placed about a week before.
"Statues?" Cleon asked in baffled confusion. "Why would I be interested in—wait, are those what I think they are?"
Enigma turned to the stone ponies, frowning. "I don't know what they are, but the Doctor called them 'Weeping Pegasi'. Any idea what that means?"
"Yes, quite a few," Cleon began, clearly going into a 'lecture mode'. "Many people have said they're a product of Void Magic, but I don't really think that's true. Why would a life form choose to use something so dangerous, anyhow? Either they're very well adapted to it, or—"
"Pardon me." Vinyl interrupted, tapping a hoof on the gryphon's shoulder. "I know you're rarin' to go full lecture right now, but we have a charity event going on." She motioned to the audience. "Maybe you'd be willing to participate? Then you'd have all the time you want to talk to E about it. After it's over."
"I suppose so. I have done stranger things before, but that's not why I came." The gryphon turned towards Vinyl, the chain collar on his neck making a slight jingle. "It must be you, because this one here is clueless, and Fluttershy said it was someone else. Travelling between worlds is dangerous, and I think you need someone to make sure you're okay."
Her eyes widened behind her shades, her mouth slightly agape with surprise. "I feel fine. I don't see why I need attention." She turned, heading back behind the turntables. "'Shy, could you get him a headset? Thank you!" With that, she began to work on a mix for the rap battle.
"Better make that two," Cleon yelled to Fluttershy, leaping onto the stage. "I think we can make this a bit more interesting. What do you say; tag team? Fluttershy and I versus you and," he paused, trying to remember the name, "the clueless one?"
Vinyl raised an eyebrow, confused. "Clueless one?"
"Sorry, I meant wing-head."
The pony in question sighed, gently rubbing the bridge of his nose. "My name is Enigma." He glanced at Vinyl, slightly concerned. "If we did that, then who would take care of the music?"
Fluttershy stepped out from backstage, with two headsets clutched in her mouth. Giving one to Cleon, she said, "Maybe Angel could try? I know he's seen me do it before."
Enigma and Vinyl stared at each other, silently debating. Eventually, Vinyl sighed, shrugging slightly. "I suppose that's fine. As long as he doesn't scratch my records, of course." She left the stage, returning with two more headsets, carefully placing one on the stallion's head and the other on her own.
"Give us a minute first," Cleon interjected. "I'm not going into this blind."
Fluttershy took him aside. The gryphon lay down so that she could reach his ear to whisper advice into it. Feeling it would be rude not to, she flew over to her other friends and gave them some facts they could use as well.
As soon as they were all ready to begin, and Angel was set up behind the turntables, the bunny began the music, shouting into his special microphone.
EPIC RAP BATTLES FOR CHARITY!
CLEON AND FLUTTERSHY
VS.
ENIGMA AND VINYL SCRATCH
BEGIN!
Vinyl Scratch here - I'm gonna start this beatdown!
We'll take a bite of this shy mare and monk clown.
I don't want to hurt 'Shy, but, right now, there's no choice.
Cry while we stomp you - no one'll hear your voice.
We're unbeatable, our thoughts perfectly in sync.
Not that awful colt band, despite what you think.
Now I care to think 'bout it, why are you a monk, Cleon?
That's simple - he hides from the world with his 'religion'.
Now stop right there, you overzealous mare
Even little Flutters here could beat you with a Stare.
As for religion, it's hardly all that,
But sometimes knowledge can keep you intact.
You said these were your friends? How rude!
Even Rarity is never this shrewd!
Angel, dear, how 'bout you pick up the pace.
I could use a faster beat, while we stomp in their face!
You're really calling us shrewd, you lout?
I'll introduce you to Pinks just to see you freak out!
Your flow is so bad, I need to go take a shower.
You don't need to tell me that knowledge is power.
I'm a bucking doctor, harpy Cleon, so you can quote this -
You were only nice to Fluttershy to get her first kiss!
Really, 'Shy, I don't know why you like 'Sir Klingon'.
He'd run from the lowest setting on my Bass Cannon!
Kiss? Why I never!
Don't worry, we'll stop their endeavor.
If you're a doctor, then tell me this:
Why do you think that Vinyl tried to get a kiss?
And you're one to talk, Vi, such a closet nerd
We all know you're the one in that 'Trekkie' Herd.
Did anyone ever tell you that your crush is a mare
Sssh, don't tell him. He might go brush his hair!
You know what? Fuck it! I'm through playing nice! (E?)
I'll freeze you and shatter you when you're turned to ice! (E!)
You know, Cleon, for someone who claims to be holy,
You're acting more like a sack of shit, if you ask me.
And 'Shy? You can go choke on a hay fry!
To think, that you were once a fav of mine!
You two can go fuck yourselves. I'll be okay -
I'll just take Vi out for dinner and a movie. Yay!
Oh great, now he finally gets a clue
Yet still he has to cry. Boo hoo!
WHO WON? YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLES FOR CHARITY!
I can't believe I'm doing something for charity! What's wrong with me?! I hope the Main Mare gives me some carrots for this.
Fluttershy looked at Angel, a small frown on her face.
NOT THE STARE! ANYTHING BUT THAT!
The bunny hastily fled, not even bothering to take the carrot laying atop the turntable.
"You better run!" called Cleon, shaking his talon at the furry rodent.
Enigma sighed, carefully taking Vinyl's headset off. "That was rather awkward, to be honest." He ran a hoof through his mane, blushing slightly from the embarrassment of losing his temper yet again.
She blushed as well but for a different reason, nervously scratching the ground with a hoof. " ... did you really mean what you said? A-about dinner and a movie?"
The red stallion smiled, gently hugging the unicorn. "Of course." He playfully nuzzled her neck, chuckling softly. "After all, it's been a long time since I ate out with my best friend, right?"
The yellow pegasus, seated on a haystack behind the turntables, gently brought her hoof up to her face, flinching when it connected. " ... ow ... " Apparently, that was her version of facehoofing.
"Can I take back those lines? I guess you didn't get a clue." Cleon padded off of the stage, taking the carrot with him. "Tell me who won," he yelled as he left.
Vinyl sighed, bleakly waving a hoof at the gryphon as he left, a small, forced smile on her face. "Will do, dude." She moved back behind the turntables, where she wouldn't have to worry about yet another moment of heartache.
Enigma sighed, plopping himself down right next to the white unicorn, draping a wing over her shoulders. "Don't worry, Vi. It'll just be us, so you can have whatever you want."
Vinyl blushed even more, her mind drifting to all the things 'whatever you want' could mean, feeling the heat of his . She abruptly pulled away, grabbing the microphone hastily. "A-alright, who else wants to volunteer for a rap battle?"
"Hey! Enigma! How about ye rap against somepony who's not afraid of a sudden show of force?" A black stallion wearing a hat and a coat entered the stage. He appeared to have been wounded in battle, as he was not only missing a ruby-red eye, but also his right hindleg. His broken horn lifted his coat, revealing a big pair of black, leathery wings and a cutie mark consisting of a skull and two swords.
Enigma stared at him blankly. " ... who the buck are you?"
"If I may introduce meself. Me name be Jolly Roger, and I be your worst nightmare!"
"So, I guess you want to have a rap battle against me?"
"We got a smarrrt fella, here. Aye, I want to rap against ye. Don't worry about the details, I asked arround town a bit, and that little Fluttershy lass told me a lot about ye, when I just looked at her." With that, he inclined his head towards the DJ-pult.
The timid mare hid behind the turntables again. "I'm sorry Enigma, he startled me."
Jolly shook his head. "I can't believe that's Cutlass' granddaughter...Anyway, I know all I need to know about ye, so let's get this started. I've seen that outburst of yours at the battle between that griffon gal and that unicorn Idiot. Quite impressive, but I be better!" He grinned mischievously. "Oh, and about the details about me ... there's wanted posters of me all around Equestria. Behind ye for example." Another point of the head made Enigma turn his head in the right direction.
Enigma turned around, just then noticing the wanted poster on the illuminated glass case. " ... how'd I miss that?" He looked back at the pirate pony, an eyebrow raised. "130,00 bits? Really?"
"Hey, ye don't go plundering a few navy ships without having a price put on your head..."
The red stallion thought for a moment, staring at the wanted poster. "...a chance to rap against a pirate?" A grin slowly formed on his face, and he turned back to the unusual pony. "I like it!" He grabbed a couple headsets, tossing one over to the black pony. "Think fast!"
Jolly easily caught the headset in an aura of black magic. "Easy. Thinking fast becomes essential when ye live between cannonballs and bullets."
Enigma smirked cheekily, putting his own on. "We'll see if that works for rap battles, as well." He nodded to his friend, never taking his eyes off the other stallion.
Vinyl smiled softly, waiting for the pirate pony to put on his headset before starting the music.
EPIC RAP BATTLES FOR CHARITY!
JOLLY ROGER
VS.
ENIGMA
BEGIN!
Well, well, well, what have we here?
Enigma, the grounded pegasus! What should I do, me dear?
You're even too lazy to find ye own cutie mark!
And after you've shown power, ye just hide in the dark!
You're not even aware your favourite DJ has the hots for you!
You'll be back hiding in her guest room after I am through!
It's true, I may have been thrown out of the Royal Navy,
But ye soon will see that me battles still are gravy!
I don't like to brag, but I just know you'll lose.
Just like dynamite, you're gonna blow your fuse.
You think I haven't tried to find my talent, deck swab?
I've three degrees and experience from twenty jobs!
You have a broken horn? Here, let me fix that.
I'll snap the rest of it off and wear it as a hat.
I'll chop off the rest of your legs to make them match.
Excuse me while I drink this lemonade. Down the hatch!
Oh yeah? Well, I'm Equestria's mightiest pirate, Lad!
Who cares if me body's incomplete, it just shows all the victories I had!
I'm getting treasure after treasure far beyond imagination,
Me grandfather was Discord, the true king of this nation!
Me crew of cut-throat-creatures is more than meets the eye.
It consists of ponies, dragons and griffons soaring in the sky!
They'll make you walk the plank, you silly little idiot,
'Cause I'm CAPTAIN Jolly Roger and I won - believe it!
What are you - a ninja or a pirate, you cur?
Big whoop, your dad's an incarcerated monster.
You may be the best pirate, but answer me this
What other pirates besides your sad crew exist?
I suppose you may be smart, but challenging me was dumb.
Why don't you go drown your sorrows in a pint of rum?
Before that, I should mention that while you may be big, tyke,
I hear your lower horn's the size of a claw of Spike's!
WHO WON? YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLES FOR CHARITY!
Jolly's eye widened, but, apart from that, he kept his cool. "Okay, I give ye that: Ye CAN rap, and ye are not half bad at it. It was an honor to fight ye. But the winner is still chosen by the viewers. How about I invite ye for a swig o' rum on my ship while we be waiting?"
Enigma frowned, wincing slightly in response to the suggestion. "...can I bring lemonade, instead? I-I can't drink alcohol..."
"Oh, that's a shame. Me first mate makes such a good rum! But, if ye really can't drink alcohol, of course bring some lemonade. Now that I think about it... rum and lemonade... that could be a great mix... bring as much as you want!"
The pegasus nodded, holding a hoof out to the other pony, a smile on his face. "I'll be there, then. It was fun rapping against you, Captain Roger."
"Same here. So, ye coming? My crew is waiting for a party. Inigo has outdone himself!" With that, he went off the stage, the quiet 'tap-tap-tap-tock' of his hooves slowly disappearing as he went towards the port.
Enigma gathered all four of the headsets up, depositing them in their container before returning to his seat next to his best friend. They sat together in silence for a few moments before he turned to her, a mix of confusion and curiosity on his face. "...do you really have a crush on me?"
Her head snapped to him, her shades flung off from the motion, showing her widened magenta eyes. "N-no! Of course not!"
He leaned back to see her better, examining her body language. The beginning of beads of sweat... He glanced at her hooves, crossed in front of her. ...defensive posture... He directed his attention to her eyes, watching as she glanced away. ...inability to hold eye contact... " ... you're lying." He rubbed the back of his head, a blush beginning to show through his dark red fur. "...I...never knew you felt that way..."
Vinyl sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. "...I wanted to tell you...but it was hard to find the perfect moment..." She looked up at him, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. "...I understand if you don't f-"
She was silenced by his lips against hers. She froze, her watery eyes wide in surprise. Slowly, she melted into the kiss, gently pressing back. No tongue, no lewd behaviors, just a chaste, loving kiss...and it was everything she'd hoped it would be - everything she ever dared to dream.
He slowly pulled away, a little smile on his face. "How about we make that 'dinner and a movie' a date?" She shakily nodded, causing him to chuckle playfully. "Anyways, we've raised three times what we'd planned as our goal. Nopony else is about to participate, so what say you we wrap this up, Vi?"
She blinked, clarity almost instantly returning to her mind. She smiled happily, giving her crush - no, coltfriend - a little nuzzle before turning back to the audience.
"Alright!" Vinyl smiled, holding up a box with the donated money. "It seems we've exceeded our goal! Sadly, there's no more volunteers for the rap battles, so-"
The rest of her sentence was interrupted as a loud buzzing noise filled the air and something began to appear on the stage. It looked almost like a rip in the air itself, light flooding from it and causing everypony to shut their eyes and look away. After several long moments, the light and noise died down, and two new figures stood on the stage.
Both figures were bipedal, standing on two legs, but they also had two arms each. Each arm ended in a five-fingered hand. One figure had their arms crossed over their chest, while the other simply let them hang at their sides. Vinyl recognized them from her ... adventures ... as humans.
Aside from the basics, the humans looked somewhat different from each other. One was taller and was clothed in black jeans, a green t-shirt underneath a gray jacket, and a pair of sunglasses with yellow and green frames. The other was shorter and wore blue jeans, a white t-shirt, a plaid jacket, and a black hat. They both were staring at Vinyl and Enigma with looks of irritation.
"Wh-who are you?" Vinyl stammered, frightened.
"Call me 'Nice Peter' and him 'Epic Lloyd'," the taller one replied. "The original creators of the Epic Rap Battles of History."
Vinyl blinked in confusion. "The ... what?"
"The show that your little project is based on," the shorter human - Lloyd, apparently - snapped. "We worked hard on it, only to hear that in some other world, our idea is being replicated, and the thieves are taking all the credit for it!"
Enigma stepped forward. "So ... you travelled across worlds, just to get mad at us for using an idea that is coincidentally similar to yours?"
Both humans looked at each other and shrugged. "Pretty much," Peter answered.
"We decided a way to settle this would be through a rap battle," Lloyd continued. "The two of us, versus the two of you. If we win, you have to stop making these battles!"
There was a collective gasp from everypony present. Enigma and Vinyl looked at each other, worried. Finally, Enigma looked back at Peter and Lloyd nervously. " ... and ... if we win?"
"We'll leave and you can keep doing these," Peter responded. "You up to it?"
A determined look spread across the red pony's face. He turned to Vinyl, who wore a similar expression. At once, they turned back to the opposing rappers and spoke. "You're on."
Soon enough, the contenders were ready to begin the rap battle. Fluttershy, meanwhile, was shaking in her horseshoes, hoping that she would be able to do a good job. She adjusted the microphone so it was in front of her mouth and, with a flick of her wing, started the music.
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF...
Fluttershy paused, a sudden thought occurring to her. " ... I'm sorry ... what do I call this?"
Peter sighed. "Just ... do what you normally do."
" ... oh ... okay ... "
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF MLP!
EPICLLOYD AND NICEPETER
VS.
VINYL SCRATCH AND ENIGMA
BEGIN!
These little ponies think they can just steal our fame?
Let's show them why we're the masters of this rapping game
From John Lennon through Bill Gates, we've lit the world on fire
Now we get to punish you punks like it's Dis Raps For Hire!
We didn't create the Epic Rap Battles of History
For them to be copied by some guy named EnigmaMystere
You think you can rap? You're just some creatures from the Hub
With worse dialogue and story than a 4kids anime dub!
Whoa, calm down there; don't have a heart attack, old man
Panting like you just came from a marathon you ran
Want some heroin, cue ball? You seem a bit under the weather
You can't claim copyright on rap battles, they've been around forever!
Aww, did you just realize you can't take us down?
Ask around Ponyville, we've got the support of the whole town
You Ain't Got No Watch, so let me tell you the time:
Thirty seconds away from your ultimate demise!
Lemme just step right in; this is just getting boring
Denying you ripped off our idea is freaking annoying
You're just a couple of horses with wings or a horn
Hell, even Lloyd here makes you look short! (Hey!)
Name just one person who'd pick your show over ours
You don't do real rap; you're all sunshine, rainbows, and flowers
You lame thieving ponies; your punishment is due
To top it off, half your raps weren't even written by you!
Alright, that's enough from both of you, hear me?
You don't seem to be listening, so I'll state my words clearly
You, Mr. Lloyd, are anything BUT epic
Every one of your rap attempts is nothing short of pathetic!
And "Nice" Peter? You go and call yourself that
Yet you come and complain just because we ALSO like to rap?
You're both just jealous that you can't beat us; I have no doubt
So shut up, buck up, and go! Enigma, out!
WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF MLP!
Thanks to all of the people who helped with this chapter! And a special thanks to RLYoshi for writing the surprise rap featuring NicePeter and EpicLloyd!
None of the guest OC's are mine. Broadway Bound belongs to runforever101, Pop Filter belongs to RLYoshi, Night Flyer belongs to Lazypoisonfl, Catnip Sprinkles belongs to Sphye, Lyrical belongs to gordobraveheart, Cleon belongs to xXSilverLiningXx, and Jolly Roger belongs to ... Jolly Roger. They all wrote the parts for their OC's, just so that's clear.
Anyone else think that the latest Epic Rap Battle of History could've been better? 
Still, it's something, and my vote in that one goes to Sherlock Holmes and Watson.
And remember, comment number 4900 gets either a sneak peek at the next few rap battles, or decides one of the characters for #24.
Oh, and some of you have been asking what my Gameloft username is, for the My Little Pony iOS game. It's enigmaMystere. Do with that what you will.
This is the longest chapter I've ever written (with help, of course). I promise no other chapter will be this long. Normally, I keep them short not just for the readers, but also to make it easier to edit. So if you see any grammar/spelling mistakes, I apologize. I really did try to comb them all out. 
Also, while this is sort of an unofficial chapter, the votes will still be counted.
There's a few references in this chapter, but they're rather hard to see, to be fair. Unless you're into 1980s films and/or slightly obscure fantasy/adventure books, you might miss a few.
Have a nice day!
Enigma out.~