It was extremely jarring to see how quickly Emily shifted from the seriousness she had a moment ago to the carefree, excitable filly she was now. Ivory Spark would absolutely describe it as acting like two different ponies, which was to be expected, and was certain that this was her brain’s way of compartmentalizing stress. It made her sad to see.
But she did want to see something now, and sat next to Emily while the train car attendant passed around food and drinks. Her parents were still talking to each other farther away, which made this the perfect opportunity to see something. Not as a demonstration to Emily, but something to help Ivory Spark make sure she wasn’t going to start fitting symptoms to a diagnosis, not that she thought she was now.
“Hey, I have a question for you, sweetie,” the ivory colored unicorn started. “Do you remember what we just talked about?”
“Uh, if this is a test, I already know the answer,” she said as she took a bite of a sprinkled cupcake. “We talked my family, and my parents, and you wanted to see what was different and the same between what I remember and what is going on here.”
“Mhm, that’s good. Anything else?”
“Uh, no?”
“You don't remember telling me about how you wanted chocolate cake?” the mare said with a little smile.
“Yeah, I do remember that now that you said it,” Emily replied, sticking her tongue out at her. “You’re just being nitpicky now.”
“Haha, maybe I am a little bit.” That was just about what the doctor thought based on how quickly her mood changed. She didn’t want to bring up the very important conversation about abuse she didn’t mention, but did want to gauge a little further to see if she was just not bringing it up or simply didn’t remember.
“Did it ever feel like you were looking at the world through a fog, or like you were missing parts of the conversation when we were talking, Emily?”
“Um, I don’t think I was looking at the world through a fog, but I was thinking like half the time, ‘what is she saying?’ before piecing it together. It was kind of hard to, like, get a full grasp sometimes, and thinking about it now, I think some pieces were missing from it. But not too much, because after I said I have an older brother and think my Dad here has bipolar, I said not to tell them the things I say about them.”
Yes, it seemed like she just flat out didn’t remember the part where she told her about the sexual abuse she faced. That was what the doctor thought, and at this point, it all but confirmed what she was thinking.
“Well, dissociation can be hard, but it’s important to try your best to keep yourself grounded when you’re feeling stressed out. Stress is what causes ponies to dissociate most of the time, so if you’re feeling stressed, try taking a deep breath and counting to ten before continuing.”
“I can try that if you want me to,” she agreed, “but I don’t think I was very stressed out then.”
“I know, Emily,” Ivory Spark smiled softly. “I just mean in general is all.”
There was nothing more to say, and the rest of the night on the train went on without much issue. Neither did the next morning, the doctor taking a break from work for most of the day to relax and look over notes. She also took a step back to observe how Emily and her parents interacted for most of the day. She noted little things here and there, the filly looking at them confused like she didn’t know what was going on every so often, and the couple looking at her frustratedly, speaking with a slightly annoyed tone in their voices most of the time. It seemed like that’s how they viewed her– as an annoyance, and tried to brush Emily off for the most part and leave her to her own devices. Sometimes it made the filly look slightly upset, although other times, she didn’t seem to notice.
Ivory Spark did get back to talking though after dinner, this time to Emily’s parents. She had to clarify some things now while she had them rather than back in Baltimare where she might have to wait another week before she saw the two again.
“I don’t know if you’d rather start with the big stuff she talked to me about, or about how what she says lines up with reality, but I figure the former is better so we can get it out of the way.” The two looked at the unicorn with confusion, but a second later, remembered what the big stuff was intended to be, and frowned.
“Did she tell you who hurt her?” Willy Whisps asked. “She wouldn’t tell us who it was when we asked, even though we tried to tell her we could get the royal guard involved and put whatever pony tried to do something in prison.”
“She did,” Ivory Spark confirmed, “although she asked me not to give out the exact details of what happened. But she did say that the majority of what she faced came from a stallion named Nice Lad who was her caretaker for while you were away.”
“Nice Lad?” her father continued, completely confused. “There’s no way he could’ve done something to her. He died about three years ago now, during a bugbear attack while he was visiting the mountains with some of his friends. It’s coming up on four years, I think.”
“He was young, too,” Cloud Mender added. “I think he was only twenty five when he passed. Are you sure it was him?”
“Yes, because that’s what she told me, too,” Ivory Spark continued. She spoke slowly, saying, “What she described was patterned and consistent, and sounded like it took place over years. As I said, I won’t get into the details, because she asked me not to, and I’d prefer that you didn’t bring it up with her, because she doesn’t seem like she’s fully processed what happened yet. But what she described would be the correct conditions to make something like DID a potential factor in her life.”
“Oh no…” Their parent was crying, but they both looked extremely upset, Cloud Mender seeming closer to tears and Willy Whisps looking like he was about to scream.They both held back their emotions though.
“I– I don’t understand!” her father started. “Are you sure she’s right? Maybe she could be wrong if she has that disorder you think she has. I mean, she never looked uncomfortable around him, and always liked it when he was around and came over to watch her.”
“That’s because he took advantage of her trust,” Ivory Spark explained. “If an adult that her parents trust to watch her says something is okay to do, she’s going to be more likely to trust that. As well, from what she was telling me, it sounded less like she didn’t know it was bad that this was happening, and more like she was either persuaded or coerced into sexual activity. I have no doubt that what she’s telling me is not only correct, but accurate.”
“That… that can’t be real. Nice Lad? There’s no way something like that could happen.”
“Unfortunately, it happened.” There was a pause before the doctor continued, “But now, as her parents, you have to play a part in helping her heal. Things like yelling at her and using corporal punishment and sending her away when she does something wrong only reinforces the cycle that’s already been created and harms her further. You need to create positive paternal relationships rather than negative ones, because now that her brain has already learned to dissociate during stressful experiences, it’s going to keep doing it the more stress is piled on.”
“Okay… damn it. Celestia, this can’t be something that actually happened, can it?” Cloud Mender asked. “There’s no way.”
“It’s going to take time,” Ivory Spark offered, “but healing can, and will, happen. It’s better that we know this now than it would be to learn ten years down the line. Therapy will help, and so will those parenting classes, too.”
Neither seemed to argue with that, and both kept their heads down, processing what they just heard. Ivory Spark gave them a silent minute to take it in and breathe before she asked, “Do you mind if I ask about some of the things she said about you guys?” When neither gave an answer, she took that as her queue to go forward, and continued, “Can I ask about any cigarette or alcohol use either of you may have, or any other addictive behaviors? She talked about the possibility of that with me earlier.”
“Neither of us use cigarettes or alcohol,” Willy Whisps told her. “Our son used to smoke while he lived with us, but I don’t know if he still does. But neither of us have ever done that.”
“I understand,” she replied, marking it down. “What about mental illness? Have either of you ever faced that or had any of your own struggles with it?”
“Uhhhh, well, I was diagnosed with, um, bi-polar by my own psychiatrist, but I have medication to take,” Cloud Mender started. “Did she tell you about that? I don’t think we’ve ever told her about that ourselves, but she might have overheard us.”
“She did, which is good, since it stacks up more of what she believes with reality. Although she did say that it was her husband who had that, and not you.”
“Huh. Well, I don’t have any mental illnesses, at least, not that I know of,” Willy Whisps said. “But what else did she say? Actually, wait– what did you mean when you said her abuse mostly was from Nice Lad? There weren't any other ponies, were there?”
“There was another separate incident she told me about, one that she said happened a few months ago, but she doesn’t know who it was, and as I said before, she asked me not to go into it with you.”
“But we’re her parents!” the stallion argued, his voice exasperated, certainly ill at ease based on how he and his wife looked right now. “If something happened to her, we should know about it! How are we supposed to just go along with not knowing the things she’s telling you, especially something as serious as this?”
“And she’s a minor right now, so wouldn’t that mean you’re required to tell us?” Cloud Mender asked. “We should know, even if you think we shouldn’t talk to her about it yet.”
“You shouldn’t speak to her about it– at least not yet– and I hate that I have to keep information away, but unfortunately, that’s my personal policy,” Ivory Spark explained. “In Baltimare, sexual abuse has to be reported, but details like that don’t have to be released to a foal’s guardians by the physician, only the royal guard. It’s up to the physician’s discretion whether or not to speak with a foal’s parents, and right now, I think since she’s close to adulthood anyway, it’s better for her to receive therapy and then come to you about it later if she’s comfortable. It’ll be a much healthier conversation that way, rather than if you go to Emily.”
“That’s not very fair,” Cloud Mender muttered, “but okay, I guess. But are you sure this is the best way to help her?”
“Yes, I’m certain this is the best way to help her,” the mare confirmed. “Some psychotherapy will help her immensely, of that I’m sure, and so will you taking those parenting classes. I have complete confidence that she’ll be able to continue to develop soundly and strongly.”
That made them look up at her with hopeful eyes, and perhaps even a little bit of a smile starting to form by her words. It made Ivory Spark smile in return. Hope was always good, but even better than that was confidence. She was confident Emily would be able to develop into a healthy mare with time.