//------------------------------// // Rap Battle #19 // Story: Epic Rap Battles of MLP // by enigmaMystere //------------------------------// Vinyl groaned, rubbing the side of her head in pain. If Enigma sent me to another dimension again, I'm going to kill him. She turned over on her bed, wearily opening her eyes. The first thing she saw was the black face with green eyes looking down at her. Granted, it appeared sideways because she was lying down. Neither one of them moved, both of them just staring at each other for what felt like hours. "SO CUTE!" Vinyl lunged at the intruder, giggling like mad. "I shall call you Wubsy, and you shall be mine, and you shall be my Wubsy!" She squeezed him tightly, nuzzling the soft red fur of his neck and belly. She froze. ... soft red fur? Glancing down, she noticed feathered wings, flared out in alarm, and a distinct lack of a cutie mark. Her gaze slowly traveled up his body and to his black face, suddenly askew. She grabbed it in her magic and pulled it off, revealing the familiar maroon eyes, bulging slightly with the irises shrunk down to near-pinpricks. "Enigma?" His mouth worked open, barely getting two words out. " ... c-cant ... breathe ... " She quickly pulled away, blushing profusely and fumbling for her shades. "D-dude! What are you doing??" He didn't answer, trying his best to get fresh air into his nearly-crushed lungs. After a minute of ragged breathing, he finally found his voice. " ... I thought ... you liked ... pranks!" She frowned, turning away from him. "Not when they're played on me!" And certainly not when they end with me somehow hugging you ... She crossed her forelegs over her chest, feeling the brush of silk on her fur. Confused, she looked down, seeing that she was still wearing the dress from the night before. She rounded on Enigma, eyes aflame with anger. "Why didn't you get this off me!?" He blinked, surprised for a moment before a cheeky smile started to grow on his face. "Why, Vi, I didn't know you were so forward!" He winked at her playfully. "I have to say, you still look cute in it, though." She blushed even more, flailing her forelegs as she stumbled over her words. "S-Shut up, E! You're still a virgin!" He just gave her an innocent smile, a cartoonish halo appearing over his head. "What's wrong with being a virgin? I want to save myself for that special somepony!" Then, with a snicker, his halo vanished and the cheeky grin reappeared. "Besides, you're still a virgin, too." Vinyl's eye twitched in annoyance, and, grabbing every single pillow in her room with her magic (all 101 of the spotted, black-and-white things - granted, they were small), she glowered at him. "Leave, before I make you regret it." Enigma sighed, getting up and heading over to the door. Before he left, though, he turned around and gave a dramatic wave of his hoof. "Some day, Vinyl, I'm going to overcome your insane magical prowess!" He laughed, leaving the room and slamming the door shut with a kick of his back hoof. Yeah, the door to Vinyl's room was backward. Not even she understood why. She sighed, shaking her head as she quickly took of the confining dress. She floated it over to the trash can, but a thought gave her pause. Changing her mind, she put in on a hanger and placed it in her otherwise-empty closet. She looked at it for a few minutes, a smile slowly coming to her face. ... cute ... Vinyl walked out of her house, her mane back to its wild state and her shades on her face where they belong. She glanced up, noticing a brown tail poking out of a cloud. With a small smile, she grabbed a rock with her magic. She hurled the rock at the cloud in a lazy arc. "Hey, E! Think fast!" "Why?" Vinyl blinked, looking to her left to see the stallion in question was right next to her. Confused, she looked up at the cloud as she heard the rock connect. Loudly, at that. A white head peered over the edge, a scowl on its beak. However, upon seeing the white unicorn, a look of surprise, then what may have been happiness, replaced it. "Sweet! Just the mare I was hoping to see!" Vinyl blinked, confused. " ... do you mean me? Because I don't think I know you, dude." "Yeah, yeah, it's the first time I've met you, too." The griffin flew down, landing in front of the disc jockey. She took one look at the stallion next to her and the scowl returned. She got up close, almost as if she was trying to use her gaze to bore into his soul. "Beat it, loser. This doesn't concern you." Enigma was brave, standing up to the angry griffin. "I say I do. She's my friend." Vinyl winced slightly. Turning away, she quietly muttered to herself. "...friend-zoned..." The stallion didn't hear her. The griffin did. She turned to the unicorn, an eyebrow raised. Dismissing it with a shake of her head, she held up a claw for Vinyl. "Name's Gilda. I want a rap battle." The pegasus chuckled, earning a glare from Gilda. "Why? Is it because Rainbow's straight?" She growled, grabbing his neck and pulling him close. "Shut up now, dweeb, or I'll make you eat your teeth!" "Shutting up." Vinyl pulled Enigma back, frowning at Gilda. "Who do you want to rap against, and why?" She straightened up, looking down her beak at them both. "He's an uptight prince or some crud like that." The two ponies looked at each other, curiosity burning both of them up. Enigma turned back to Gilda, tilting his head a bit. "Who, exactly, is he?" "Now this is a stage fit for royalty!" The large white stallion walked onto the (borrowed) stage of the Fillyharmonic Orchestra. Truly one of the most prestigious places to play on. For now, though, it was placed on the front lawn of Vinyl's house. He turned to one of the stagehooves - or, rather, the only stagehoof. "Get me a drink! And none of that commoner swill!" The dark red stallion stared at him, his eye twitching slightly. He put on a blatantly fake smile and bowed his front legs. "Right away, your highness. Would you like that with gold in it, seeing as we're in Ponyville, and not a city like Canterlot?" The unicorn waved his hoof at the pegasus, shaking his head. "No, I can't drink gold. Too many calories." The stagehoof gave him a look, wondering if he was actually that dense or just didn't care for other ponies. Shaking his head, he held up a headset, grumbling a bit. "Hold still. You need to wear this. And don't worry, it's been sanitized. You wimp." He placed the equipment on the pony's head, making sure not to mess up the goldenrod mane (at the unicorn's request) and adjusting the microphone until it was in the right spot. "There. Now, if you don't mind, your highness, I have to get Gilda ready." He trotted away, a frown working its way onto his face. At least she lets me call her by name. Stupid Blueblood. He helped the choler-prone griffin position her mic properly, chatting with her a bit. "So, why did you want this rap battle?" Gilda sighed, looking down at the pegasus. "I'd rather not talk about it." The dark red stagehoof tapped his chin for a moment before a sly grin grew on his face. "Is that a blush I see? Did you ... did you fall for him?" She growled, leaping up and looming menacingly over him. "Shut up if you know what's good for you, dweeb! I would never fall for someone as thick-headed and self-centered as him!" He held up his forehooves, sheepishly smiling. "Hey, calm down, G. It was just a joke." Her eye twitched when he called her by her initial. "I will NOT talk about it!" The stallion backed away, heading back behind the turntables with Vinyl and her yellow friend. The DJ spared a glance at him, lifting up her shades enough to show the concern in her eyes. "E, you really shouldn't chat with ponies right before a rap battle. They're getting themselves hyped up, and will likely lash out at anypony who talks to them." He smirked, a twinkle of mischief in his maroon eyes. "True, but I really wanted to know the reason behind this battle!" He glanced at the yellow mare next to him, smiling softly at her. "Hey, 'Shy. How's it going?" She focused her attention on the floor, hiding behind her pink mane. " ... I-I'm fine, Enigma ... " Enigma, for it was indeed him, brought his hoof up to his chin once more. This time, instead of a witty remark, he pulled out a small box, offering it to her. When he saw her confused look, he just smiled once more. "Don't worry. They're earplugs. This stage can get really loud, due to the acoustics." Surprised, Fluttershy slowly reached a hoof out, taking the box from him. She smiled gently at him for a brief second before opening the box and putting the protective gear in her ears. Seeing that her friends were ready, Vinyl began the music. The hip-hop tune came out loud, much to the distaste of the white stallion and the enjoyment of the griffin. Vinyl called out over the music, an ecstatic grin on her face. EPIC RAP BATTLES OF MLP! VS. BEGIN! They call me Blueblood, because my flow is too cold, Oh? Just because you are a griffin, it means you are bold? Ha! Don't make me laugh, you stupid, tough-mare phony. You're mad because a mare won't be your somepony! My flow is icy royal. Your blood is reaching boiled From bitching too much about Rainbow not being loyal! Just because I'm a prince don't mean I don't know this game. Mess with me? You bet your feathered ass I'll bring pain! Yeah, cram it up your flank, you dumb, prissy mule. I'll rip you to shreads and smash your small family jewels. You think you're icy? Hah! You're barely even cold. You sold your sad soul just to buy some more gold. I am so over Dash. I like stallions, anyways! Keep usin' that, and I'll dig you an early grave. You can't handle cake. You're a big wuss, B. You make me ashamed to be half-lion, you pussy! Half-lion? Well no wonder you're so mad, You were neglected from birth by your mom and your dad! Heck, not even the griffin guards cared for your ass, And you're the princess of the Great Griffin Lands! You're half-eagle, that's supposed to mean strength and honor, Not an overly-emotional, dyed-feathered punk rocker! Gilda, my flow's sharper than the wind behind your wings. Bow down and kiss the hooves of Equestria's 'next in line' King! What would you know about strength? Loser, get real! I can easily beat you, then make you my next meal! I'll go get your aunt and have her turn you into a colt. It's the least you deserve for being such a dolt! But, then again, calling you a colt would be silly. You'd probably act just like that Tiara filly! Go buck yourself with a flyin' shard of glass, Blue, Or get your harem of colts to do that for you, too! WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! EPIC RAP BATTLES OF MLP! "Wait a minute." The two competitors turned to the red stallion, who only looked at the griffon in curiosity. "You're royalty? Then what are you doing in Ponyville?" She got close, growling at him. "That's none of your business, dweeb. Just drop it." If the stallion didn't know better, he could've sworn he saw a blush on her cheeks. "Servant!" The pegasus blinked, turning to the unicorn staring down at him. "Where is my drink?" "Hey, dork, I'm not done with you!" "Ignore that griffon and get me my drink!" "Dweeb!" "Servant!" The pegasus' eye twitched, then, finally fed up with their inconsiderate natures, threw his hooves in the air. "Get it yourself, you jerk! And, for the love of Luna, GET MY NAME RIGHT FOR ONCE!" He turned to Gilda, a fire in his eyes. "My name is not 'dweeb'," he turned to Blueblood "or servant, or dork! It's Enigma! E. Nig. MA! I, at least, have your names right!" Vinyl blinked, realizing that her friend was getting angry - something she knew almost never happened. But when it does ... Smirking slightly, she resumed the music. ... it's always fun to watch! "Unofficial rap battle stanza!" I'm sick of you two acting like you run the town! You're so full of yourselves, you'd make Sheen frown! Prince Blueblood! You're bad blood! Get your act straight! Or else Rarity won't be your only ruined date! And Gilda! A princess!? I just don't bucking see it! You might have better luck in love if your behavior fit! I want both you to take these words into your heart And keep them there, or else your lives will fall apart! No one said a word, staring at the strange stallion standing on the stage. He didn't even have a microphone, yet the echoes from his voice were just stopping. His eyes widened in shock, glancing at the crowd, still gathered in front of the stage. With an embarrassed laugh, he flew off, leaving the two rappers on stage spinning from his takeoff. A blue pegasus in the front row shook her head disapprovingly. "That stallion's got issues." Vinyl chuckled, shaking her head. "Same old Enigma. Short fuse, yet a long history of social anxiety." She glanced over at her friend, confused by the glazed look in her eyes. "...'Shy? You alright?" She snapped back to attention, blushing softly. " ... um ... yes ... " Vinyl stared at Fluttershy for a while, before looking in the direction the dark red pegasus had left. ... uh oh ... This rap battle was written with help from xXSilverLiningXx, SuperChaosKG and gordobraveheart (the former two being pre-readers and pointing out some errors in some of the rap lines). Thank you both so much for your help! Side note - there will be issues with some of the lines, but that's because I can't get into the mindset of Blueblood and have no idea how to correct them. Oh, look, the first characters to use actual curse words are Blueblood and Gilda. I'm really sorry about that. ...I think I broke a few of my own self-imposed rules here...cursing and an OC rapping... "Now, E, you said no OC's in a rap battle. In the story, I made it distinctly clear it was an 'unofficial rap battle stanza'." ...yeah, I don't think that's gonna fly with the readers... Either way, it's most likely the last time he's going to do something like that. Moving on, I got a lot of questions regarding my Soarin' costume. Some of you requested pictures. Sadly, I never got to wear it in public. My parents forgot to pick me up to go trick-or-treating with my sister. On the plus side, I got to see Vinyl in a Felicia costume. No, she did not shave her fur. You have to admit, though, her mane and fur color fit the feline Darkstalker's color patterns, right? And I realize what it looks like. No, Fluttershy is not falling for Enigma, the pegasus. She has a crush, already. So no outrage at something that was just written wrong because I don't know how to show catatonic shock on a pony. Besides, no one wants to see a love triangle involving an OC. Anyways, since I didn't go trick-or-treating and bought candy for trick-or-treaters (but none came), I'm gorging myself on sweets! Expect me to be catatonic for a while. Oh, and one more thing. Someone posted a comment with a video for 'Dis Raps For Hire'. I'll be honest, I was, and am, interested in trying that out. Or, if you'd prefer, Vinyl could do one. Either way, we thought it would be fun to do. Have a nice day! Enigma out.