You felt yourself return to consciousness with a ray of light playing on your closed eyelids. It was a common enough occurrence but something about it felt… different. You were perplexed by this. You were comfortable enough with the Apple family. At first some of the things about the place had taken some getting used to. Parts of the farmhouse creaked and groaned as old buildings were prone to doing; it was difficult settling in with a new family, and the animals.
The animals on the farm were the biggest problem you had with the Apple family and the other farm you had been on. They all started making noise at the early hours of the morning which was not a good time for you. That’s when it hit you. The reason everything felt different. You couldn’t hear the animals outside. Fearing the worst you threw the covers off of your body and jumped down from the bed.
As you did, you nearly fell over in shock. You weren’t in your room at the Apple family farmhouse. Instead, you were in a room decorated with most of the items you carried in your shoulder bag. You wanted to make some sort of noise, but whatever it would have been turned into a gurgling squeak in the back of your throat. You slowly looked down and saw that you were wearing black sweatpants and a t-shirt. All connected to a human body.
You couldn’t believe what you were seeing. One minute you had been a pony and now you were human again. You slowly made your way toward a mirror in the corner of the room. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing. You were human again. You looked just like you had right before you had died. You brought a hand up and drug it across your cheek. You could feel the smooth skin against your touch, and a smile broke out on your face.
‘I can’t believe it! I’m a human again! Wait, how am I human again? Didn’t God say I couldn’t come back to my world? Maybe this isn’t my world at all. Then where am I?’
All of a sudden the door opened and a little girl stepped in. She looked like she was about nine, had long black hair and had a face that seemed way too familiar to you. “Good you’re up, Mom sent me to come get you. We have to go to school.”
“Uh sure, no problem, I was just about to get dressed. So get out Kiddo, unless you want to see me without any clothes.”
“No thank you. And stop calling me kiddo. It’s bad enough, Mom does that.”
“My mom called me kiddo too.”
“What are you talking about? Mom still calls you that.”
“What did you just say?”
“Did get hit in the head or something? Our mom, you might know her. Black hair, blue eyes, and happens to look a lot like me.” The girl chided with a roll of the eyes.
You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. This girl was claiming that your mother was alive. That couldn’t be true. You took another look around the room. You suddenly recognized it. It was the room from your old house, the one that you had lived in before your mother’s operation. Your eyes widened to an unbelievable level and you rushed out of your room, pushing the little girl claiming to be your sister out of your way. You made it down to the kitchen and standing in front of the stove was your mother.
She looked just like you remembered her. No, there were a few differences. This woman looked a little older. Other than that everything was the same, the long hair that draped behind her back, the icy blue eyes, and the most notable feature, the smile. It was the same smile that you had recalled from your dream. It was that soft grin that could melt any and all problems away. She finally noticed you standing there and turned that smile toward you.
“Hey Kiddo, glad to see you’re awake. Breakfast will be ready in a bit so get ready until it’s done.”
The world around you seemed to grind to a halt. You wanted to say something but whatever it was wouldn’t come out. Instead you could feel your breathing grow shallow and hoarse. When you finally were able to speak all you could manage was a quick, “No.”
“What did you say, Kiddo?”
“No, no, you can’t be real! This has to be a dream! It has to be a dream!” You screamed. The little girl and someone else walked into the room, both looking confused.
“What’s with all the noise in here?” Your father asked. It took a second for you to recognize him. He looked better than you had remembered, and the smell of alcohol no longer clung to him.
“I think something’s wrong with, [Your Name], he pushed me and he never does that.”
‘What’s going on here?’ You thought frantically.’ I never have dreams like this. Everything is just… perfect. My mother and father are alive, and now I have a sister. There’s no way this is real. I just have to wait this out and everything will go back to being the way it was. In the meantime I’ll just milk this for all it’s worth.’
“I’m sorry about that.” You said, collecting yourself. “I had this really disturbing dream and I just kinda lost it. But I’m feeling a lot better. I’m gonna go take a shower, sorry if I worried you guys.”
You stepped out of the kitchen and back up the stairs to the shower. You could feel your family’s eyes on you as you did, but you didn’t care. They were just specters in your mind. They would fade away soon enough. You stepped into the bathroom and quickly threw off your sleep clothes and took a closer look at your human body. After a quick inspection you saw that nothing was missing or added to help indicate that this was a dream.
You even had all five fingers, one of the oldest tricks to learn whether or not a person was dreaming. Another idea began to form as you stepped into the shower. You turned the water on and left it on the coldest setting. You instantly regretted this and started cursing through gritted teeth as you turned up the water temperature.
‘Ok what have I learned so far? One, I’m in a dream where my mother never died, my father and I never became depressed, and I deemed it necessary to add a sister to the mix. Two, my body has no physical abnormalities to indicate that this is a dream. Three, I am still able to respond to negative stimuli so I can’t use that to rule this out as a dream. So in summation I’ve learned jack shit.’
You let out a quick sigh and allowed yourself to relax as the warm water washed over you. Once you were done you dried off and threw on a set of clothing. It was a blue, long-sleeve button up shirt with a black undershirt and a pair of jeans. You let out a quick chuckle at your choice in clothing. It would be a small joke that only would get. You slung the backpack that you had found on the back of a chair when you noticed something in the corner of your eye. It was a violin case. You quickly decided to take it with you and clipped it to your backpack. You made your way back to the kitchen table and enjoyed a quick meal with your family. When it was done you got in your car and drove to school.
The drive had been fairly pleasant and had allowed you to get a good look of your hometown. You weren’t quite sure if it was how you remembered it. A lot had happened to cloud your memories. Not to mention you had seen so many towns that they had all seemed to run together in your mind at one point or another. But if this was all real then those memories had never really happened, and what you had thought was your life… not to mention your death had all been a lie.
‘What if this is real?’ You thought stopping to consider the possibility. ‘I mean my life had gotten pretty strange. I was a unicorn for god’s sake. Speaking of God, I talked to him. That seems way more likely to be a dream than all of this.’
You had almost convinced yourself that what you were experiencing right now was reality when a familiar noise rang out in your mind. You slammed on the brakes and stopped to catch your breath. You were forced to continue when the cars behind you started to honk their horns at you. ‘No, no matter how strange things had gotten there is one thing I can’t deny. It’s all real. That night, that horrible night was too fucking vivid to have been a dream. No matter what these people try to tell me. That was at least real.’
You finally managed to get to your high school and walked through the doors. Nothing seemed to be wrong with it. In fact most of the other students seemed to be ignoring you. It was a welcome change of pace from what you were used to from high school. Well, most of them ignored you. All of a sudden, a girl your age came towards you. She looked extremely angry and you didn’t know why. Her hair was fairly short and a sandy brown color. Her eyes were a dark brown that reminded you of fondue. And her face was shaped almost like a heart. By all accounts she was pretty, but you didn’t have time for that. You were too busy hoping that she was pissed at anyone but you.
“Where the hell were you this morning?” The girl asked you with a scowl. “You told me that you were gonna pick me up and give me a ride.”
“Sorry, I forgot. I had the weirdest morning after I woke up from this dream.” ‘Oh good,’ you thought. ‘A girl that’s pissed at me, at least she breaks up the Norman Rockwell painting that is my life at the moment.’
“Out of all the guys I could be dating in this school and I picked the one that’s so clueless that he’d forget his head if I wasn’t there to remind him he had it.”
“Well, if I’m that much of a burden to you then you can leave me any time it pleases you.” You said with a wide grin.
“Unfortunately, if I did that you wouldn’t last five minutes.” The girl said with a sigh as she slowly returned your grin.
The two of you started to walk off together and you started your day. All in all it was a fairly normal day. You had some teachers that were friendly and others that were so boring you were fighting to stay awake. You had actually started enjoying it and were slowly starting to get used to the dream. Your girlfriend whose name you had learned was Jane wanted to make plans but you told her that you couldn’t. It was a lie of course, you had no idea what your schedule was like in this dream but you wanted to spend time with your family tonight.
When you got home your mother was there to greet you and you gladly returned the smile she was offering you. Your father returned just in time for dinner. Your entire family sat down and it was hard not to enjoy yourself. Your mother was as vibrant as you remembered, your sister seemed a little bratty but was still a good kid, and it actually felt like your father was there, instead of the hollow shell that had killed himself. It didn’t help, every time you looked at him you could feel your teeth clench. You tried to ignore it, but you couldn’t help it. A part of you still blamed him for what happened to you. Even your mother’s smile couldn’t make that feeling go away.
After dinner you had decided to go out and look at the stars. You put on a coat and grabbed your violin case and walked out the door. A slight breeze brushed against your face as you walked out to the park where your mother had introduced you to star-gazing. You welcomed the feeling and had brought you a small form of comfort. A few minutes you had arrived at your destination without any interruptions.
You found a small, grassy hill and sat down. You were content and could feel the freedom that being under the stars always gave you. At one point you looked over at the case and opened it. Inside was the violin that your mother had given you for your seventh birthday. You forced yourself not to think about that day and bit your lip as a tear started to roll down your cheek. The violin looked like you had taken good care of it, like you had before it was broken. You continued to inspect it for a few moments, and then stood up to play. As the bow drug against the string the notes to one of Mozart’s symphonies began to fill the night air. When you were done you could hear the sound of light clapping and turned to see your mother standing there.
“Don’t stop on my account,” She told you with a smile. “You’re getting pretty good there, Kiddo. Mozart’s not easy to do, and you played it with barely any mistakes.”
“I know. I was too sharp in some places. I’m not as good at transitions as you.”
“The biggest part of solving a problem is, knowing that there is one. I can help you if you want.”
“Maybe some other time,” you said, putting the violin back in the case, “I’m done playing for tonight.”
“That’s alright, mind if I stay here and talk for a while.” Your mother replied, taking a seat next to you.
“What do you want to talk about?”
“What do you think, what was that dream of yours about?” Your mother asked fixing her eyes right onto yours.
“It wasn’t really about anything really.” You lied.
“[Your Name], Vanessa and your father might believe you if you told them that, but I know better. So tell me again, what was your dream about?”
“Do you remember my seventh birthday?” You asked, giving up.
“Barely, I was still coming down from the anesthetics after my surgery that it’s all a blur. Sorry about that by the way, that must have ruined the party.”
You ignored the joke and said, “Well, in my dream… you died on the operating table. Dad and I had to move out of the house because of the bills. A few years later, Dad died too. I was left alone and got sent to all these foster homes. And then… I… I just woke up.” You lied, not wanting to admit about dying and becoming a pony.
“And now that you’ve woken up you think that this is the dream.” Your mother stated.
“No, I…”
“Don’t say that you don’t think that. I raised you so I know how you think.”
“Well, I haven’t found any evidence to say that this isn’t a dream. I’ve done everything I can to disprove it but there’s no logical evidence to disprove any of this.”
“Honestly, “logical evidence”, should have named you Spock with talk like that. What was it your father liked to say about you?”
“That I got his outsides and your insides, why?”
“Because for the most part he’s right, you and I are alike in so many ways. But you and your father share one crucial trait. Both of you think you can solve your problems on your own. Listen, Kiddo, sometimes you need to let people in. If you don’t then sometimes things can fester and get worse."
“Then, what do you think I should do about this?”
“Just keep asking yourself which one feels real. And hopefully the rest will sort itself out.”
With that your mother left. A little while later you followed suit. As you lay in your bed you asked yourself which of your lives had felt real, and for some reason, you couldn’t decide. You woke up the next day surprised to see that you were still in your human form. You shrugged it off and continued through your routine. Days turned into weeks, and eventually you had celebrated your eighteenth birthday with your family.
Jane had been there too along with some of your friends from school. You were enjoying yourself in this life. The past that had tormented you for so long had become hardly more than a thought in the back of your head. Or so you had thought. Every now and then you almost swore that you had seen one of your friends from Equestria.
It had started out simply. One rainy day you thought that Rainbow Dash was out getting rid of the clouds. You stopped and realized that the clouds were just parting. Then, you thought you had seen Twilight in your school library, but the figure disappeared as soon as you had approached it. You had seen all of your friends at one point or another and tried to rationalize it in one way or another but you still felt nervous. Then the strangest thing happened one day when you woke up. You were fixing your hair in the mirror when the image suddenly changed. It was still your face… just not your human one.
“Hey there, looking good.” The image mocked.
“What are you doing here?” You asked. You didn’t know what to make of this. None of the other images of your friends had talked, not even Pinkie.
“Where else is a reflection supposed to be but the mirror?” It asked, as if you had asked what color the sky was.
“You’re not my reflection.” You hissed. “I’m a human, not a pony.”
“Keep telling yourself that, it won’t make it true.”
“You’re not real. All of that was a dream! Magic doesn’t exist.”
“Is it the magic you don’t want to believe? Or is it something else?”
“What are you saying?”
“You know full well what I’m saying.” The image growled. “You’re clinging to this little lie because it’s easy. But you know why this can’t be real. And it comes down to one word… bang.”
All of a sudden you heard the gunshot. You could feel your nostrils fill with the scent of blood to the point where it was settling on your lips. You wanted to be sick but you steadied yourself as you glared at the image. “That never happened,” you insisted. “My father is still alive.”
“Still in denial, huh. You always were stubborn, bang.”
The image kept repeating the word, every time it did a new wave of nausea crashed into you. The image of your father’s corpse became more corporeal every time the image in the mirror said the word. Finally, you could take no more of it. You cocked your arm back and sent a fist right through the mirror. A million shards cascaded down and the image was silent. You looked down at your arm and saw that it was covered in cuts and blood oozed from all of them.
All you could do was collapse to the ground clutching it, and weep. You couldn’t feel it at all.