I laid there as I looked up at my brother Pharynx, his purple eyes glaring down into my turquoise ones. His weight was pressing into me as he made sure I stayed put until he decided I could move again.
"Well?" he asks impatiently.
I couldn't answer him. What could I tell him? There was no such thing as a changeling leaving the hive; it was high treason in his eyes.
But I couldn't lie to him. I was never good at it and he would've picked up on it in a heartbeat. Whatever answer I did give him, he wasn't going to like.
"I... can't."
Pharynx cocks an eye ridge. "Can't what?" he prods.
"I just can't anymore."
My response isn't to his liking. "Out with it Thorax!"
"I can't stay in the hive anymore!" I finally blurt out.
His emotions go from a split second of shock to seething anger.
"You're telling me you're abandoning the hive?!"
I flinch, but steel my resolve as much as possible.
"I don't belong there, Pharynx" I tell my older brother. "Even you have to see that."
His response is to hiss into my face. "Of course you think that!" he responds in a matter of fact way. "You're weak, Thorax! Every day you get bullied by other changelings and I have to step in. Do you know why they do that?"
"Because I can't defend myself" I retort.
"Because you won't defend yourself!" he counters.
"I'm not a fighter!" I shout back at him. "If I was, I wouldn't need you to protect me! I don't fit in here, Pharynx! I just... don't belong."
Pharynx doesn't say anything for a moment, but he stays firm in his position.
"You're a changeling, Thorax" he tells me, his voice having lost its anger. "The hive is the only place for you. If you don't think you have a place here, then that means that there is no place for you."
I grow a bit wary of what he means, but I stand my ground, perhaps for the first time in my life.
"I'm not happy here, Pharynx. I wish I was, but I'm not. Everyday I have other changelings giving me a hard time just because I don't do like them. The queen doesn't trust me to accomplish any kind of tasks. She cuts back my rations thinking It'll give me the incentive to do better but it only makes me weaker still."
"And then there's you."
Pharynx looks at me in confusion.
"You're the only changeling here that even comes close to showing me anything close to positive, but even with those times where you chase off the other drones bullying me, you pick up where they leave off. I don't know if you do it because you think it will get me to toughen up or if it's something else, but all it does is make me feel even more like I don't belong here."
"That's why I can't stay anymore. I need a place where I feel I can belong, like I can contribute something and it actually matters. As long as I stay here, I won't be able to do that, even if I do like all of the other drones. I have to go where I can make a real difference."
I stop speaking and I wait for Pharynx's response. It's quiet for much longer than I expected.
"You're serious?" he finally responds, an unusual amount of uncertainty in his voice.
"I know what leaving means, and what will happen to me," I reply, "but I have to do this. I have to at least try."
I look back at Pharynx, but he's turned away from me and looks back towards the hive.
"...Fine."
His voice surprises me a great deal. It almost sounds... defeated.
"I can't convince you of how horrible an idea this is, so just go. Go find... whatever you're looking for."
He steps back towards the hive and opens his elytra, ready to take to the air.
"I'm sorry, brother" I call to him. "I wish I didn't feel this way, but I have to do this."
"...I know" he replies as his wings buzz and he heads back towards the hive, his body silhouetted against the stars.
"So your brother tried to convince you to stay?" Applejack asks.
"Yeah," Thorax replies, "but not really because of any sort of love. A changeling who leaves the hive without permission is considered a deserter and traitor. There's no active searches, but any infiltrators out on a mission are told of the deserter and advised to capture or..."
"Or what?" Rainbow prods.
"...Eliminate the drone." I finish.
There's a collective gasp from all the mares, except Princess Cadance; she did gasp the first time Thorax told her this story.
"After Thorax told us this, we made extra sure that he would be safe while he stayed here" Cadance then explained. "Frequent guard rotations, specialized enchantments on armor that react to talismans placed on entryways to the palace and in many public spaces, and code phrases that are known only to the guards and changed weekly or even sooner if it's even suspected that they've been compromised in any way."
Applejack whistles. "Whooey! Sound's like y'all done thought about dang near everything."
"We've definitely done all we can to make ourselves, and Thorax by extension, as safe from changeling infiltration as we possibly can" Cadance says in agreement.
"So what happened next?" Pinkie Pie asks Thorax.
"Things were kinda iffy for the next few days," Thorax replies, "but it got a bit hairy after that."
"Why?" asks Rainbow Dash. "What happened then?"
Thorax lets out a breath before he replies.
"That's when I encountered the buffalo."