You find yourself sitting in a darkened cinema hall, amidst rows upon rows of empty red seats. On the projector screen is an image of you doing the last thing you remember doing: heading off to dine with Crystal Star.
"Nachos?" Eris asks, sitting in the seat beside yours. She proffers you a box of familiar barbecue chips, the type you used to scarf down every time you went to see a movie... of course, that was back then.
"Eris! What's... what's happening?"
The chaos girl smiles deviously, holding up a video game controller in her lion's paw. "A little change of pace. I'm running the show now." Eris taps her toe against the L button. On the screen, your real self picks his nose. Eris cackles in glee at your expression.
You struggle for words. "Look, Eris... what I wanted to do to you was wrong, horribly wrong. I didn't mean it. Buuuut..."
Eris cuts you off. "Yes, yes, you were controlled by the Amulet, you weren't yourself... oh, and it's so horribly unethical to steal someone's body. Fuck off!"
You're taken aback. It's been a long time since you've heard Earth vulgarity directed at you.
"You forget, 'dad', that I'm in your head. You don't have any secrets from me. So I know for a fact that you did want me gone... you didn't like me. You thought I was just a nuisance!"
"Look, for pity's sake, you gotta admit, it's a little unusual to have a... a..."
Eris's snake-like body uncoils towards you, furious. "A what? A freak in your head?"
"That is not what I meant!" You growl.
"Good! Because I can be far more than just a nuisance!" Eris growls, threatening you with the controller. She is in tears.
Both of you slump back into your seats. Absent-mindedly, you bite down on a nacho, savouring the taste. Good old overpriced trash. "You didn't bring popcorn?"
"We hate popcorn." She mumbles.
"Eris... if you've seen my memories, then you know how important it is that I don't screw up this meeting with Crystal Star."
Eris gives you a sour look. "I can do a good impersonation of you." She snaps her talons, and transforms into a literal pig in a suit. "Look! I'm Anon and I'm a big greedy dum-dum who stabs his friends in the back! I get by on the charity of others and have made a lifelong career out of wasting good oppurtunities!"
"Are you finished?"
"Yes!" She snaps, transforming back into her usual Discord-inspired self. "I'm finished with being put in the corner. I'm finished being Player 2 inside this brain!"
You grit your teeth. "Well, maybe things would be different if you hadn't pushed me to find the Amulet!"
The chaos girl was lost for words. You continue: "What even is the problem? You know I was possessed! You know I didn't truly want to hurt you! All I wanted was peace of mind! Look, as soon as we get this done and go home, we'll get the alicorns to check our brain out and see if they can conjure up a new body for you! Piece of cake!"
"It's too late..." Eris's angry facade begins to crack.
You frown, sensing danger behind her words. "What? What are you talking about?"
She snaps her fingers. In a purple flash, you find yourself transported into an Aston Martin DB5, chased through an industrial complex by henchmen in multiple trucks. Worser still, a furry noodle in a tuxedo is doing the driving.
"I have something to admit!" Eris shouts over the noise of gunfire peppering the back of the car. She tries to distract the villains with the car's inbuilt oil slick. "We're running out of places to hide... from the truth!"
"What truth?!"
Eris reveals the ejector seat button on the gear shift knob. "That very soon, I'm gonna have to push this button. And throw your mind out of this brain... for good."
"You want to kill me!?"
"You're already dying... your brain can't handle the stress of two minds, and the Amulet made it so much worse. My magic's the only thing still holding it together. And perversely, I'm also the reason it's falling apart. I push this button now, you'll go before our brain decays beyond recovery. When that happens... we both die."
"Never liked Goldfinger anyway." You press the red button.
Rather than the oblivion you expected, the car simply screeches to a halt. Everything you see from the windows reverts to bluescreen. Eris looks at you, stunned by your action. "No, me neither." She mutters sadly. "Good thing it's just a movie, huh? Don't be stupid, Anon. I wouldn't let you kill yourself."
"If it'll save you...
"No!" Eris shouts emphatically. "I just... I had to know you don't hate me."
You laugh in disbelief. "I've barely gotten to know you! You want the honest-to-God truth? Yes, you can be annoying. Yes, I didn't ask to have a wacky snake goat in my head. But hate you? No. You made me find the Amulet because you needed to make your voice heard. I get it. And judging from the way everyone reacted when I told them about you, you're a miracle of life even by the rules of this world. I'm happy you exist! I'm happy I played a part in it. Even if it does end up costing me my head... at least someone with a lovely dark sense of humour will inherit it. These ponies are too sugary by a half."
Eris makes a disgusted face. "I know! Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 would be totally lost on them."
"Ha! When the cannibal cook serves Texas his award-winning chili...!"
"Oh no! Watch out for those crunchy teeth! I mean, err, peppercorns! Nothing to see here!" You both descend into maniacal laughter. Eris snaps her talons again, teleporting you to a favored dock where you once used to splash your feet in warm water. Both of you lounge in chairs, sipping iced Pepsi Max.
"This is nice." You comment. "I almost forgot what the elixir of life tastes like."
"See? There are upsides to you swimming in the subconscious for a while. You can rifle through all of it. Any memory you want. Any fantasy you want..." she waggles her eyebrows suggestively.
You close your eyes. "Dude. Boundaries."
"Hey, I've seen aaaall the sick shit you have in here." She throws up her arms defensively. "Nobody warned me your brain needs an X-rating!"
"... I'm guessing you're not gonna call me daddy then." You joke.
Eris snorts some of the drink out her nose. "Listen now, you deviant, sleazy, lazy, stupid son of a gun. What I'm gonna do is keep you alive, protected in the back of my mind. And I'll find a way for both of us to make it... if it's the last thing I do!"
"I still think you shouldn't risk yourself." You mumble under your breath.
"Probably not. But I want to. And you can't stop me." Eris declares confidently. "You ARE my daddy, and I'm gonna keep you safe."
Thanks to her abnormal length, she easily scoops over to your chair and nuzzles you, the thick grey fur of her cheek brushing softly against your exposed skin. You scratch the back of Eris's ears, eliciting a satisfied hum. Slowly, ever-so-slowly, the draconequus coils around you, forming a protective fluffy cocoon. "I'll keep you safe..." She whispers again. "Just let me take charge."
"Hello, campers!" Anon exclaimed cheerfully as he and Redheart arrived at the dinner table. Super Star had gone, presumably to fetch the other guests because only two ponies were sat: Applejack and Crystal Star. Both were visibly surprised by the shift in the hyooman's demeanour.
Anon clapped his hands together. "What's for lunch?! I love me some French fries. Never had them, by the way, but I know they're good."
"Dinner will be served when the others arrive." said Crystal. She sat at the head, in an old ornate chair. "I'm sure you'll appreciate our culinary skills."
"I'm sure I will. Wow, look at that!" Anon pointed over the mare's head. Hanging on the wall was a shining watercolour depicting many proud thestral warriors around the very same table. Anon nodded at an old red-maned bat. "Is that fine specimen Shaggy's- I mean, Crimson's father?" Crystal nodded. Anon smiled crookedly. "I couldn't help noticing you're sitting in the same chair. It's touching how you've held onto that. Isn't it touching, Redheart?"
The nurse pony gulped, still nervous around thestrals. "Y-yes, very lovely."
"Yeeees! Some mothers might have saved that place for Crimson, but you are clearly a mare truly attached to her husband. That warms my heart. I'm a sucker for a good romance." Anon swooned dramatically.
Crystal smiled coldly. Anon and Red stared at her small sharp teeth. The tension in the room was stifling. Finally, Applejack cleared her throat. "Shouldn't we all dive in? Food'll get stale."
As supper was being rolled out, Super Star returned, with Crimson and Lighthouse in tow. The pair looked disheveled and sheepish. "Well, splash me with greasepaint and call me Binky!" Anon gasped. "My boy Shaggy's growing up!"
They gave him a stare of fury. Super Star shuddered.
"Yes, well, I do hope miss Lighthouse has got the thrust of what we're all about here." Crystal Star's voice dripped honeyed poison. "Uncivilized barbarians have no place in the Caverns. I don't doubt my son finds a certain appeal in educating one, however."
The pair's unanimous glare shifted over to Crimson's mother. Anon had a goofy grin plastered on his face. Super Star hid her face behind a hoof. Applejack seemed bored. Redheart was ready to throw up... particularly when she saw what was for dinner. It was no more and no less than a steaming hot goblet of fresh blood.
"Now, ain't this just a tiny bit on the nose?" Applejack asked, her eyes lidded in annoyance.
"I agree." said Super Star, frowning. Crystal turned to her, mildly surprised that her daughter was questioning her. "These are our guests, mother. You know they find it sick."
Anon harrumphed. "I don't! A bit edgy, maybe." He lifted his goblet and shook it, swirling the red liquid inside. "I assume blood types and stuff aren't a thing in Equestria? Cause I'm A-positive that this would be considered an attempt at poisoning otherwise."
"I would never waste good blood." Crystal stated matter-of-factly, and drank. Anon shrugged, and followed her example. Slowly, the group began to consume their beverage. Red was the last to partake, closing her eyes and mouthing a silent apology for the dead before doing so. Crystal turned to her son. "I imagine they don't let you have this at Canterlot Castle."
Crimson shook his head.
"I thought not. Potions..." She spat on the floor. "It's a disgrace. Thestrals are predators. Conquerors. To reject that is to reject thousands of years of history. It's an insult to our forebears." No one had the gall to contradict her. Crystal commanded the room. "What do you think, Anon?" She asked. "I've wanted to meet you for a very long time. I've met all kinds of killers in my time. But in Equestria, they are sadly isolated cases, beautiful stifled flowers. When I heard you come from a whole garden, a world ruled by meat-eaters... well... you can understand my curiosity."
Anon smiled, his teeth bloody. "Oh, I know predators. I believe the first rule is - there can only be one alpha."
"True." Crystal said.
"I wonder... which one of us is?"