//------------------------------//
// Vodka vs. Beer 
// Story: Nikolai Berlinski and Equestria, with no Zombies?!?! 
// by Awesomedude17 
//------------------------------//


Nikolai Berlinski and Equestria, with no Zombies?!?!
By Awesomedude17


It took an hour to clean up all the dead bodies, but luckily the only casualties were from the changelings and a few guards who managed to get only minor injuries. Dempsey was watching Canterlot come back to life.

"Well, well, well. Looks like we are heroes now. Heh, wish treyarch and the Player could see me now." Celestia looked at the marine.

"I just about given up on figuring out your way of viewing the world 6 hours ago, but I'm famished. Let's go have some lunch after I address the citizens that everything is okay."

"Yeah, alright. I'm just glad there is someone who can talk to the author besides me."

"I'm guessing Pinkie Pie."

"Yep."

Celestia chuckled, and then went over to the podium to address the citizens of Canterlot. The mane 6 along with Nikolai and Dempsey were standing near backstage.

"Citizens of Canterlot! You have nothing to worry about anymore, all the changelings are gone!"

"Yeah, because we killed them all... much like how I killed fourth wife." Nikolai wasn't too trusting of royalty, but after he heard that Celestia raised and lowered the Sun, he was more willing to be respectful, but not by much.

"Please move on to your regular lives, and make sure to thank both the royal guard and our temporary guests! Come on out Tank Dempsey and Nikolai Berlinski!"

"That's our cue Nikolai, try not to be an asshole."

"Okay, but after this, I must, and will drink."

The two humans came onstage and bowed for the crowd. Dempsey walked up to the podium while Nikolai looked for someone to pester offstage.

"Yeah, I'm Dempsey. I'm not one for speeches but I'll say this. If I wasn't here, your princess would have been captured for food. So give a big cheer for me because I'm a hero!" The crowd did cheer, but he felt that they didn't like Dempsey's arrogance. Maybe it'll get me some booze. Hopefully a good beer.

"Nikolai."

"Yes, Dempsey."

"Let's get out of here."

"Da! I do not like attention... or homosexual touching." The two walked off into the backstage.

"Is that why you mulched that zombie?"

"Niet, he made me drop vodka bottle. Speaking of which... oh come on... OUCH!" Nikolai tried to reaching into his bag, only to cut his hand with broken glass, a lot of broken glass.

"OH NO! MY VODKA!"

Rarity was annoyed now, "Oh for goodness sake, Nikolai!"

"Shut up Rarity, you mmph!" Dempsey had put his hand over Nikolai's mouth.

"Nikolai, don't... fuck... this... up. Got it!" Dempsey removed his hand.

"Fine Tank, let's find bar."

"Oh, no. We are going back to Ponyville with Dempsey." Twilight had already had a bad morning, she didn't want a worse afternoon.

"Do I have to come?"

"Nikolai is your friend."

Dempsey sighed, "Fine, I'm coming. How are we going back?"

"We'll take the train. Nikolai is apparently afraid of heights."

"When is it leaving?"

"In 30 minutes, just enough time to walk over there and get our tickets." The princess had overheard that last part.

"Twilight, if you are going to Ponyville by train, at least take this to pay for it." She gave Twilight a bag full of bits for tickets, and some food when they get back. "It's my thanks for coming here to help."

Twilight was now glad she came when she could, "Oh sure princess. I'll be sure to write back about Nikolai and Dempsey."

"Please do. I'll be looking into interdimensional teleportation spells for the humans." Dempsey felt like he should talk.

"Alright, Nikolai and me have some unfinished business back home to get to, ASAP."

"Very well. Behave yourself Dempsey, and make sure Nikolai doesn't terrorizes my loyal subjects. Especially Rarity and Fluttershy." She gave a wink, which made Twilight suspicious.

"Princess, why them specifically?"

"Let's just say, I can't let their 'friendship' get strained because of a drunk."

Twilight was confused, until she put two and two together and widened her eyes. Dempsey noticed that surprise more because of their larger eyes.

"What, what am I missing?"

Twilight responded in a panicked tone, "Oh nothing. Get the others, we're leaving now."

"Umm, okay..." What's her problem?

Dempsey was walking over to get the others when he saw something he shouldn't have from Rarity and Fluttershy.

Holy shit, they're lesbians!





"Oh, first Nikolai and our friends, and now him!"

The group of 8 were now on the train in 4 separate rooms. Fluttershy and Rarity got the first room, Twilight and Applejack the second, Pinkie and Rainbow in the third, and Nikolai and Dempsey in the last one.

"Don't worry Rarity, at least they can keep a secret somehow."

"Our friends can Pinkie Promise, but Nikolai..."

"Will obey if he is given 'treats'." Fluttershy had knew Nikolai enough to know that he'll do anything for a drink of vodka.

"Are you sure?"

Fluttershy kissed her lover gently on the lips and said, "Of course, he is like an animal, and animals are my special talent."

Rarity was not completely convinced, but she had nothing to lose. "Alright, but you have to give him the drinks, and I'll supply."

"Ohh... Okay."

The two mares cuddled each other, they knew this relationship couldn't stay secret for long anymore.





"Alright Applejack, today we saw that Dempsey can talk to something that isn't there more often than Pinkie Pie."

"And that he is more than shocked at the fact that Rarity and Fluttershy are together, what else is there Twi?"

"Well, maybe after lunch, we can talk to him about the more explicit details about him and Nikolai's... adventures."

"Alright, but Ah'm mighty skeptical that this will end well."

"Me too."

The two mares tapped their hoofs together and were ready to reach Ponyville.





"...and I saw them kissing, I saw them French kissing Nikolai. If they were human, that'd be hot, but they are ponies and..."

"And I hate the fancy unicorn, what else is news?"

Dempsey was, for once, not comfortable with lesbians, especially lesbian ponies.

"Whatever, I need mind bleach."

"Cheer up, at least there is no law that lesbians can marry or have children here... Right?"

"Yeah, I guess that's right."

"Actually, the only marriages not allowed here in Equestria are incest and forced marriages."

The two looked over to whoever was at the door, Rainbow Dash, having a smug look on here face and observing her hoof,  "And another thing, I expect a wedding in 2 years, 3 years tops between those two." She looked at the two and had mild amusement at their looks. That broke them for sure.

She flew off to her room to take a nap while the two humans looked at each other. They unison-ed, "Well... shit."





"Last stop! Ponyville!"

The group of 8 got off the train and went to a diner, Nikolai was sobering up and needed a drink, but God decided that he should suffer. And by God, I meant me.

"Wow author, you are a dick."

Shut up Dempsey or I'll have the lesbian ponies kiss in front of you.

"Alright, geez."

The group sat down a table and soon a waiter came to them.

"Would you mares and gentlecolts like anything?"

"Sure, our menus." Twilight said.

"You got meat?" Dempsey hadn't had a steak in years.

"Sorry sir, there is no meat here."

"Damn, then a salad, but no flowers." At least, I think they eat flowers.

"Right away sir. And you?"

"Vodka."

"Sorry sir, we do not have alcoholic beverages."

"Damn, then what he's having."

"And the mares?"

"Just the menus, we'll need to decide."

"Very well then, I'll be back with your menus and salads."

Lunch was short and sweet, but the humans went straight to Twilight's for a few questions.





"We were tricked, guns run on gunpowder, zombies were created by radiation and that suit over there helps us survive in space. Happy?" Dempsey was annoyed at the questions, but it was more bearable than zombies, for now.

"Hmm, yep. I'm happy with the answers, even if they are a little vague." I can also figure out the rest by observation. But what kind of radiation can cause zombies?

"Right, I need a beer."

"And I need vodka."

Twilight handed each of them 25 bits. "Here, you two. Go over your spending limit and you have to work for me, again."

"Again? Wow Nikolai, you must have gotten dead drunk."

"I guess. I just want to get drunk again now."

"Let's go to the bar! And author, please don't cut off thi..."

"-AAALLLLLLLEEEE!!!" A very muscular man came though the ceiling, scaring everyone in the room. On his back was a ninja clad in gold.

"What the fuck!"

"Hmm, this is 'a' Ponyville, but not the right dimension, come along Skeletor, we need to go find the respawn."

"Right!"

The man readied himself.

"SAXTON HAAAAAAAALLllll-" And jumped through the ceiling, creating a second hole.

"Wait, what... how did that hap..."


-Chapter End-