The Witless

by Reviewfilly


4. We’re Here to See Twilight Sparkle. She's a Good Friend of Mine.

And so Applejack was free again. She wasted no time getting back to the farm and, after receiving many tearful hugs from her no-less shocked family, she spent her entire afternoon double-checking that everything was fine. Thankfully the trees didn’t seem worse for wear, so she headed to bed at an early hour, with a plan forming in her mind.

The next day, she walked down to the market with Apple Bloom and spent her last bits on buying a basket full of the few kinds of fruits still sold—pears, oranges, and, to her own disgust, strawberries. The sisters wrapped the basket in a colourful, checkered cloth and then embarked on the next train going to Canterlot.

Even from afar, staring out of the train window, Applejack was able to make out the royal palace, which jutted out of the castle city above all the other spires. Although she wasn’t sure where exactly, she knew the mare responsible for her freedom was working in there somewhere.

What exactly does a Royal Advisor advise on anyways, she wondered.

But there was no use pondering the question as the train quickly arrived and the two made their way through the bustling city. Despite the many Moon banners hanging from nearly all buildings around the street, the fact that the white marble was decorated with nearly as much gold as it was with purple made it clear that things hadn’t always been as they were now.

Applejack observed the vibrant crowds as she trotted past them. Ponies left and right went about their days, some with smiles plastered on their faces, but all of them relaxed. It was odd to think those who were now friendly neighbours might have fought on opposite sides not even that long ago. And yet, as she looked at them, she didn’t see Solars and Lunars, just ponies.

Perhaps time really healed all wounds, especially here in Canterlot, where—despite the promises for greater equality—the opulence so alien to fringe-towns like Ponyville could still noticeably be felt.

Not that Applejack had much to complain about. Her Majesty held her word and really made the Sun dimmer. The less blistering summers and cold winters increased her orchard’s yield, which Applejack couldn’t help but feel thankful for… even if she wasn’t allowed to keep any of its harvest.

But surely, soon enough there would be plenty for everypony and her family could start eating them again too. Maybe Twilight could convince some of them stuffy bigwigs, she thought. Just as she got me out of this mess.

It was a sweet idea and Applejack suddenly felt giddy. “Come on, Bloom, let’s not keep Twi waiting,” she said with a big smile, as she stepped up her pace.


Finally, after snaking their way through alleys and highways, the sisters arrived in front of the inner castle. There they came face to face with two stoic-looking batpony guards.

“Halt,” one of them said. To Applejack, he almost seemed like a statue as he spoke, with only his lips moving. “State your business.”

“Howdy!” Applejack greeted them with a tip of her hat. “We’re here to see Twilight Sparkle. She’s a good friend of mine.”

The guard quickly scribbled something on a small slip of paper and passed it to his partner, who flew off into the castle. A few moments later he returned with a different slip which he passed on to Applejack.

“First floor, second door to the left,” he rattled off, before continuing his vigil staring forwards like the two Apples weren’t even there.

“Well, thank ya kindly,” Applejack replied and, when the guard didn’t react, she just nodded for Apple Bloom to follow her and the two of them began to make their way into the castle grounds.

The palace garden had certainly seen better days. While the many royal gardeners did their best to keep it in shape, ever since Her Majesty ascended to the throne, daylight never quite reached the same intensity as before and many of those beautiful flowers previously adorning the fields wilted, their place taken by less pretty, but certainly more stubborn weeds.

Applejack herself had little taste for flowers, but, as she trotted past them through the cobblestone path, the sight of the barren trees and wild greenery still made her frown. Surely so much arable land could be put to some better use, she thought. Like planting apple trees.

Her train of thought, however, was interrupted upon reaching the entrance. The duo trotted inside, marveling at the fancy statues and paintings that adorned the hall leading to the main staircase. Though Applejack found it a little weird how some of the paintings had one half covered, showing only Her Majesty in a surprisingly diminutive form. Similarly some statues seemed to have pairs of tiny pieces of stone still attached to conspicuously empty spots two hooves-full of distance apart. It was all very bizarre, but then what did she understand of Canterlot taste?

The sisters made their way onto the first floor and entered a small, dimly lit office without any windows. They found a tired looking pegasus inside, who sat behind a small table surrounded by a great pile of parchments. He was in the middle of scribbling something with long, wobbly letters onto one of the scrolls, when Applejack and Apple Bloom arrived. Upon noticing the intrusion, he slowed down and glanced up, though his hoof continued to write blindly.

“And you two are?” he asked. His eyes had dark circles around them.

“We’re here to see Twilight Sparkle. She’s a good friend of mine,” Applejack reiterated, passing over her slip.

“I see.” He mechanically reached into the desk and pulled out a slip with his free hoof, before switching over to writing on it, without even lifting his quill up. He scratched a few words on the slip and gave it to Applejack. “Third floor, first door to the right,” he muttered, while his hoof was back to writing the scroll again.

“Thanks,” she replied, scratching her scarred ear a little. Her appreciation was met with a tired sigh. “I’spose we best be going.”

The pegasus didn’t reply, just continued to stare at them with pained eyes, so the duo backed out of the office. Following his advice they made their way to the third floor. Here they stumbled into an earth pony with a green coat and an unruly black mane, who was busy reading a book. She sat in a large, lavish office filled with bookshelves. Her legs were kicked up on a small stool, while she leaned back into a cushy chair. A small table with a cup of tea was next to her, along with a pile of untouched paperwork.

At first Applejack didn’t want to disturb her, but after a minute of standing around, she still hadn’t reacted to their presence. “Uhm, howdy,” she greeted the mare carefully.

“Yes?” came the sharp reply.

“We’re here to see Twilight Sparkle. She’s a good friend of mine.” By now Applejack felt like a broken record.

“Uh-huh,” the mare replied, without looking up from the book.

Applejack waited for another minute, before gathering the courage to ask, “Excuse me, miss. Are you not gonna give us a slip or something?”

The mare continued to read and just raised a hoof, vaguely waving it towards the desk next to her. “Just take one from here. Second floor, sixth door to the left. You can’t miss it. Now shut up and go already, don’t you see I’m busy?”

Applejack exchanged her slips and this time the two of them left without saying thanks.

“Sis, how many more ponies do we need to visit?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Call me a pumpkin an’ roll me down a hill if I know,” her sister answered, as the two trotted on—mentally, if not physically exhausted—towards their next destination.

Behind a small, plain wooden door the Apples came into an office decked out in various pieces of stage equipment, including capes, painted boxes, large rings with slots for torches, rope, magic wands, and other various trinkets and baubles Applejack couldn’t even recognise.

“Come in! Come in!” a disembodied voice called out. As they stepped closer a small round object hit the floor and the room was filled with smoke.

Applejack and Apple Bloom began to cough, while the thick gas made their eyes itch. Moments later it dispersed and they realised they weren’t alone. An azure mare stood in front of them, wearing a wizard’s cape and hat.

“Howdy, uh—” Applejack began her spiel, but the mare cut into her words.

“Yes, I already know what you are going to say!” She held her head high, looking down at the others with an awfully smug smirk. “And, no! Don’t thank me! The Great and Powerful T-r-r-r-ixie knows her showmareship bedazzles the audience without idle gratitude!”

Applejack blinked a long blink. “I was just about to say that we’re here to see—”

“Trixie’s next show?” Trixie held a hoof to her forehead, as she sighed theatrically. “Alas, the Resourceful and Flexible Trixie is now a humble office worker. She has no time for entertaining the common folk.”

“No, it’s about—” Applejack tried again, holding out her slip. Trixie pushed it back.

“Absolutely not. The Humble and Diligent Trixie has to get back to her work momentarily and will not sign any autographs.”

Applejack had enough.

“Miss Trixie!” she yelled at her. The mare suddenly looked like she saw a ghost for a moment, her tail jumping between her legs and her ears hugging her head, before she slowly raised her eyes and stared at the farmer with unease. “That’s not why I’m here,” Applejack said a tad softer.

“Then why are you here?” Trixie asked carefully.

“I was about to say,” Applejack replied slowly and calmly, massaging her temple. “We’re here to see Twilight Sparkle. She’s a good friend of mine.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you say so in the first place?” The mare immediately relaxed. “That happens to be part of Trixie’s job.” She trotted over to a small drawer in the corner of the room. “The Knowledgeable and Wise Trixie shall now do all in her power to procure Miss Sparkle’s location for you.” She opened the drawer with her magic and began flipping through the files. “S… S… S… A-ha, Sparkle! There we go.” She turned back. “Trixie must know what’s in the basket. For security reasons.” She paused for a second, then pouted. “And out of curiosity.”

“Fruits.”

“Fruits?”

“Fruits.”

“Trixie understands,” she said with a solemn nod. “Twilight Sparkle works on the first floor, third door to the left.”

“Thank you, Miss Trixie.”

“The Generous and Appreciative Trixie considers you most welcome,” she said with a bow. Applejack and Apple Bloom were about to turn around and leave, when she quickly leaned closer and added quietly, “And if you happen to need somepony to do a show for birthdays or something, you know where to find me. Trixie could use the extra bits, office work doesn’t exactly pay much.”


Finally the two Apples stood in front of an office with a small sign reading

T. Sparkle
Royal Advisor

They knocked and when no answer came, they entered. Despite the important-sounding title, the office itself didn’t seem particularly opulent or even that big. If anything it was kind of cramped. Its walls were painted a light brown, occasionally interrupted by darker beams going from the floor to the ceiling.

The floor itself showed the signs of age. Its dark planks faded in a path from the door to the small desk standing in the corner, the top of which could have been best described as organised chaos. Two large stacks of papers stood on the two sides, with an unfinished parchment sitting in the middle, ink and quill still next to it. A small weathered donkey plush sat on the corner of the table, its dull grey body ironically providing the most variety in the room. On the wall opposite to the door was a large window, its curtains drawn. Sunlight filtered in through it, bathing the room in cold white light.

A large map of Equestria was stretched across the wall on the opposite end of the table. Apple Bloom trotted over to gawk at it.

“Come now, Bloomie. We’re in a very important place, ya can’t just stare at stuff like that,” Applejack admonished her, but the filly was too engrossed by getting to learn just how big of a country she was living in.

Suddenly the door slammed open and an irritated-looking grey unicorn marched in, carrying a suitcase in his telekinesis.

He didn’t even take any note of the other two ponies in the room, just sat down next to the table. He brought the half-finished parchment to his eyes using his magic and read a few lines before scrunching it up into a ball and throwing it into the trash, followed by the rest of the papers… and finally the doll.

“I’m mighty sorry for disturbing you, Sir, but isn’t this the office of Miss Twilight Sparkle?” Applejack broke the uneasy silence.

“Yes, it is,” he replied while slamming the suitcase on the desk.

“Is she in today?”

“I don’t know.” He picked out a few new forms from the heavy box and began reading.

Applejack waited for a few seconds for him to continue, but he kept on fiddling with his belongings.

“When will she be in?”

“I don’t know.”

“Does she still work here?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is she still even the Royal Advisor?”

“I. Don’t. Know,” the stallion repeated coldly, locking eyes with the mare. “Are you Applejack from Sweet Apple Acres, brother Big McIntosh, sister Apple Bloom, grandmother Granny Smith, parents deceased?” he listed as if he was reading it off paper.

Applejack almost choked on her breath. “Uhm, yes, that is correct,” came her surprised and slightly hurt answer. “I just wanted to thank Miss Sparkle, with this,” she said quietly, pointing at the basket.

“What is in it?”

“Fruits.”

“Fruits?”

“Fruits.”

“I see. You can leave it here.”

Applejack frowned, as she glanced back at the basket. “These things spoil real fast, you know? Do ya have a cooler?”

“Yes, I do.” With that he lowered his gaze back onto the paper. “You can leave now.”

What else could they have done? They left.

“Sis, did you get any of this?” Apple Bloom asked, while they were descending the stairs towards the exit.

Applejack didn’t reply immediately. There was much she herself didn’t quite understand and something told her what she just experienced was unusual even compared to the standards normal here. “These are higher things, Bloomie,” she finally said. “The more important a pony gets, the more convoluted things around her become.” She smiled at her sister. “Don’tcha worry about any of it. This is why it’s good to be so close to the earth, things are simple an’ straightforward. The Sun rises, the Sun sets, the apples grow, y’know?” A small, uncertain laugh left her lips. “I sure hope I’ll never rise any higher than I already have.”

Apple Bloom hummed, but remained silent. And, despite her reassuring words, Applejack herself didn’t feel particularly calm either.