Silence hogged the air of the Royal Guards’ training grounds. Every guard’s pupils constricted. Their mouths widened, and stayed widened as if they forgot how to close.
That is the proper reaction to an alicorn telling you that you must fight and defeat her as a final test, which Sergeant Luna had decreed for her guards to do. To her.
“Shut those mouths, you smiling worms! Your mothers never told you it is not polite to stare?”
“Sorry, but you’re an alicorn, Sergeant Luna!” a guard shrieked–no way could he keep a calm voice here. “We may be stronger than before, but how could we possibly stand against your might?!”
“How to bring me to my knees is for you to figure out.” Luna flapped her wings to hover about a pony leg’s length off the ground. “Now, prepare yourselves, and do not be too slow.”
“But–”
“Combat begins now!”
Luna’s horn glowed blue. A blast of magic fired at the ground, narrowly avoiding a direct hit at the closest guards’ hooves. A shock wave exploded from the blast and flung every guard in all directions. They rained back down to the ground in bunches, grunting on impact, but were thankfully protected by their armor.
“You smiling worms were too slow! If that was Nightmare Moon’s attack, you all would be dead!" Luna scolded as she remained slightly airborne, her horn still glowing. "Now, rise to your hooves so we can try this again, and don’t give real worms a bad name this time!”
The guards forced themselves to stand; some rubbed their heads from the lingering sting of their impact on the ground. Once they all seemed ready, Luna shot another beam of magic near the hooves of its targets.
The guards' teeth gritted. Earth ponies and unicorns jumped to the side while pegasi flew upward; the shockwave from the beam smashing into the ground pushed the slower guards onto their sides or higher in the air in a mild air spin. The others stayed on their hooves or kept their balance in the air. But those slower guards immediately rebounded and hopped back up or regained their aerial balance–just in time to face a furry of magic beams coming directly at them! The earth ponies and unicorns sidestepped the blasts while pegasi weaved between the incoming magic in a tight dance. But while they were successfully dodging Luna’s attacks, another problem showed itself.
The buff guards couldn’t be victorious by dodging alone. To bring down their Sergeant to prove they are not just buff, but mean and fighting machines, they would actually have to go on the attack!
As if hoping a sign on how to slay alicorns would show itself, the guards chose to buy time by maintaining their side-stepping and weaving. As the “training” raged on, the sheer storm of Luna’s beams lessened into a shower.
“I think she’s getting tired and running low on magic! Let’s surround her!” a familiar blue pegasus shouted—the one still dreaming of being the top guard.
At their partner’s command, the earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi continued to dodge beams, but gradually spread out in a swarm. Using the power of numbers as a makeshift distraction, some guards managed to run or fly behind Luna. A few more beams fired from Luna, but they sputtered out after one last, weak, slow blast.
Now surrounding their Sergeant, the guards smelt blood! Earth ponies, some unicorns, and pegasi charged at the weakening alicorn; the other unicorns’ horns glowed, ready to counterattack with their own magic.
A gust of magic roared from Luna’s body in all directions. Surprised gasps from guards evolved into screaming as the gust slammed into them, and sent them flying and crashing onto the ground.
“That strategy was pathetic!” Luna seethed with a scowl. “Did you really expect me to run out of magic that quickly?! Where is that battle instinct you demonstrated in your drills?!”
The smiling worms groaned, but willed themselves to stand again. Figuring out a successful strategy to defeat Luna would be even harder than they thought. And they already thought it would be nigh-impossible at best.
At least they were no strangers to getting owned.
One week later, at Canterlot Castle…
Princess Celestia moped out of her castle’s front doors, with a white unicorn wearing glasses, Raven Inkwell, accompanying her. With a sinking sense of dread poking the Princess of the Day, she and Raven made their way toward a clearing that marked the Royal Guards’ training grounds.
“I wonder how the guards’ training is going?” Celestia asked, more so to herself. “I hope Luna isn’t being too harsh on them.”
“Um…maybe you shouldn’t get your hopes up, Your Highness.”
A flash of blue magic, along with a light shake of the ground, echoed in the distance in the area of the training grounds. After the light faded, ten ponies flew through the air at the light’s location, end over end, screaming.
“If it makes you feel better, your guards are improving,” Raven preemptively said. “I believe that Princess Luna’s attacks were sending all of them flying when they first started her ‘final test’.”
A wave of magic burst into existence. Eight guards streaked through the air.
“I think that was even fewer of them.”
Celestia growled. Her maternal side awakened–on the wrong side of the bed. “Even so, Luna is going too far now. She’s supposed to be training them, not using my foals–I mean, our guards as her stress-relief punching bags!”
Another blast of magic erupted. Another seven guards flew.
“I can’t stand by and watch. I need to stop her before she hurts any of them!”
Raven jumped in front of the motherly alicorn. “But you can’t! I’m sure Princess Luna isn’t using more magic than she believes they can overcome, and the guards’ armor should protect them from actual injury. Try thinking of what she is doing as tough love.”
“But–”
“And she did have a point about them being…ineffective. If you call her off before they are ready, you will risk them always getting their, for lack of a better word, ‘flanks kicked’ by future threats again.” Raven stepped beside and laid a supportive hoof on Celestia’s back. “As difficult as it may be to see your guards/foals treated like this, I believe it is the more favorable option. Not only for them, but for Canterlot and ultimately you.”
“I…I…” Celestia’s ears wilted to the side. “Perhaps there is a third option?”
“Princess Celestia,” Raven said sternly.
“Fine, fine, I will let Luna be and trust her.”
As if fate wanted to either test or torture Celestia’s heart, or both, another wave of magic lit over the training grounds. Along with another five guards spinning through the air.
“But if I find that she injured even a single guard, I am going to kick her flank!”
Back at the shellacking–uh, ongoing final test at the Royal Guards’ training grounds…
“Come on, you smiling worms! You all are still being too predictable! Use your training!”
The guards, coated in bruises despite their armor, though not injured, stood tall. Over the week since their final test had begun, they had tried physically charging, attacking with magic (in the case of the unicorn guards), surrounding, and attempting to tire Sergeant Luna out. They even tried to pull a “What’s that behind you?” trick! Alas, everything they tried ended with at least some of them on the ground and Luna scolding their attempt.
However, an idea flashed in a blue pegasus, the guards’ seemingly de facto leader. He waved his comrades to him into a huddle and whispered something to them.
Luna’s horn glowed blue, yet no magic shot from it. ‘Let’s see what they are planning this time.’
The guards shot out of their huddle. The unicorns launched a dizzying round of magic blasts in Luna’s direction. A wide magic barrier rose directly in front of the Sergeant and shut down the beams, yet the unicorns only poured on the magic.
“You must be getting desperate! This will never–huh?”
Pegasi streaked to and thrust themselves into Luna’s barrier. They bounced off of it, but they Immediately re-thrust their bodies into the all-mighty barrier. Over and over.
Earth ponies summoned their full earth pony physical strength. They charged and joined in the great ramming of Luna’s barrier, albeit to no success in even cracking it, though none of them made an effort to try to go around it. That said, it took Luna’s full effort to hold them off and required her full attention.
“This show of brute force will never work! Not even Princess Twilight could shatter this–”
A guard, not one that was blitzing the barrier, crashed into Luna’s back from behind. She grunted, and as her focus was broken, her barrier abruptly deactivated. The volley of magic beams still being unleashed by unicorns finally slammed into Luna, knocking her backward and rolling onto the ground. The Sergeant was stunned, and more importantly, finally down!
Smelling victory, every guard charged in Luna’s direction. Flashbacks of their training surged into their head. The thousands of push-ups they were ordered to do. The insults they suffered, particularly being called worms of all things. The many, many times they ate the ground due to Luna’s drills, and then due to her personally. A surge of energy packed with the sense of retribution flowed through their veins. Yes, payback was here to collect its dues!
Earth ponies reached the still-stunned Luna first and tossed her into the air, where a series of magic blasts from unicorns and ramming from pegasi met her in a cacophony of blows. She yelped in pain from one heavy but satisfying blow after another tearing into her. From above, the de facto leader of the guards rammed into Luna’s back at max strength, sending her slamming into the ground, actually leaving a small crater. Ouch, that had to hurt.
All the guards readied to continue their vicious barrage with their teeth gritted. Their thirst for vengeance had yet to be fully quenched. However, agony-filled moans, and the fact that Luna was lying in a crater with her eyes squinted closed, pacified the guards. Guilt gripped their hearts.
“No! We overdid it!” the blue pegasus exclaimed. “She’s hurt!”
The worried ponies gathered around the downed alicorn and her crater.
“Sergeant Luna, we are so sorry! Are you okay?!”
“Please, speak to us!”
Luna wearily opened her eyes and looked up to her guards. “You...did it. Magnificent strategy and…ow...you were merciless once you gained the advantage. Perfect.” Despite the pain from her ravaged body screaming for a doctor, a warm smile eased on Luna's lips. “I am so proud of you, my buff, mean, fighting machines.”
The buff, mean, fighting machines smiled in turn, both from pride and relief.
“You are?”
She nodded. “Yes, and I’m sorry I was so hard on you doing your training, but you are now done. But, I need to ask for two last things as Sergeant Luna.”
“Of course! What are they?”
“First, get me a doctor. Two, in case I’m injured far worse than I think I am, tell my sister that I said her hips are not big. They are humongous.”
Luna’s eyes closed as her consciousness went on a lunch break. The guards stared at her still form, all thinking about her last sentence spoken.
“Not it!” all guards, except a certain blue pegasus, yelled.
“Darn it! You always do stuff like this to me!”
“Says the pegasus who kept making things harder for us with his big mouth,” an earth pony stallion said. “Better if Mom kills you than us.”
Forgetting he at least went on to later lead them to victory, he hung his head in acquiescence. “Touché.”
It sure wasn’t easy and required a lot of painful impacts on the ground. However, thanks to Luna’s brutal training, Canterlot’s Royal Guards had grown into a force to be reckoned with! Canterlot was in good hooves now…maybe.
Although the news of this success went on to have a couple of unexpected ripple effects. One is a whole other story that involves a pink alicorn. The other…well, let’s just say that this story has one last subpar chapter left.