-I need to kick its flank!-
It was Night Time in Ponyville, and everything was peaceful. All the foals had gone to bed, all the night clubs and convenience stores were about to close down, and even Twilight Sparkle had gone to bed from a late night of studying. The only sound that could be heard was the light breeze that swept through the air, and the occasional cat that found itself stumbling into a garbage can. Stupid cats.
But really, Ponyville was in a state of harmony at the time. Even Luna's exceptionally wondrous sky made every seem so calm, so serene, just begging for something to come in and ruin the harmony.
And that's exactly what happened. Who'da thunk it?
But anyways, this mysterious figured suddenly sped out from the Everfree Forest, just like it had done for the past several days. It was covered in a jet black cloth, concealing its entire body save for the two legs that propelled it at incredibly high speeds. The legs though were not wrapped in black, actually harbored a pair of white socks and what seemed like running shoes. The legs were also relatively skinny, yet all this seems to point to 'the shadow' being able to move pretty fast, don't it?
Okay, so you get the idea of what's running through town. Why it came from Everfree, heck I don't know, but maybe we'll come across that later. Anyways, there the shadow goes, just running through town aimlessly as if it was a chicken with its head cut off. As it rounded a corner it came up to Ponyville's library, and then slowed to a near stop as it approached. It tiptoed to the door, making sure to make no noise at it slowly pulled the door open and slipped inside...
What, you expected the door to be closed? It's Ponyville, burglars almost never happen there! Unless you want to count Rainbow Dash as a burglar, but she only wanted to “borrow” a book, so... Okay, so Ponyville library might actually need to lock its doors at night. Shut up. Now where was I?
Oh yes! The shadow crept in further, going up the stairs that led to Twilight's bedroom. He again slipped silently past the door, creeping up to her bedside. Just then it pulled out something, a long, metal object that resembled a baseball bat. In fact it was a baseball bat, but that's besides the point, this is suspense building here, got it memorized?
Ahem. Twilight Sparkle was sleeping soundly, a big, goofy smile on her face accompanied by a blush as she was in the middle of a pleasant dream, one most likely involving her getting a big kiss from Celestia. We all know Twilight has the hots for her teacher. Don't deny it. But what she didn't expect was for a sudden creak and a slight shift in her bed to jolt her out of her slumber. She leaned up, poking her head out of her covers as her eyes darted left to right.
She wondered briefly if she imagined it, which she certainly wanted to do, since that would allow her to go back to bed. But a sudden tapping of something hard against her head drew her attention behind her.
And there she saw it. Her eyes went wide as she froze in place, mouth agape as she attempted to process what she was seeing. The Shadow, just as Rainbow Dash had described it to her, looking straight at her while standing crouched down against the head side of her bed frame. It stared at her through the pitch black holes over what she could only assume would be the face, and she could only quiver in fear as it spoke its true words of terror to her...
“Yo wassup.”
Twilight's mind reeled for some sort of logical move. First off, there was a dark, possibly deadly, but definitely annoying (if you quoted Rainbow Dash) figure poking her head with a metal bat. But what was it saying? “Yo”? “Wassup”? Was it trying to say “yoyo was supper”? Was it speaking some sort of completely alien language to her? She didn't know, she had no way of knowing. Only Rainbow Dash and a few other ponies had ever come into contact with the thing, but with how imposing it looked to her, she could only think of one thing to do.
And no, it wasn't to break out into song. Lunatics...
She screamed. Loud. Very, very loud. So loud in fact that it probably woke up all the ponies in the homes directly around the library. Needless to say, it made Spike jump out of his bed and cling onto the ceiling like he was some cat. I kid you not, he was hanging from the ceiling with his claws. From the ceiling! I got a picture of it too! Freaking hilarious.
So Spike's hanging from the ceiling, clearly stunned, Twilight Sparkle is screaming her lungs out, clearly nuts, and as for the shadow? He just pointed at her with what I can only assume is a hand and one out of five fingers while laughing like a senile high school student. How quaint. Personally, I think he was trying to perform some sort of mating dance for Twilight, I mean, why else would he approach her in bed like that? Who knows, maybe where the shadow comes from laughing shows of how masculine you are.
But the shadow kept laughing and leaning his body back and forth, almost falling off of the bed post from the whole thing. Apparently he thought he was being very funny, but Twilight was still screaming her lungs away. Too much more screaming and her lungs would give out faster than a influenza-ridden old man with lung cancer smoking a full pack of cigarettes in a small, enclosed room with musty old furniture and a floor that hasn't been swept in 2 years during the middle of the dust bowl.
…Too soon? Oh well. Bite me.
So eventually Spike was able to pry himself off of the ceiling and come rushing to Twilight's aid wielding a scroll he just happened to pull out of nowhere. Spike is the new Rainbow Dash, huh? More like the new Pinkie Pie! So then he begins to assault the shadow with it while saying stuff like “Go away!” and “I'm not gonna let you hurt Twilight!” and stuff of the sort. Loyal, but pretty ignorant of the situation.
The shadow notices eventually after wondering what was patting at his hip, and looks to see the young dragon. He pauses for a moment, but then starts laughing again, even harder as well. He kept this up for another minute, all the while Spike kept whacking away at him and Twilight's mouth still kept producing her own form of music. Very, very annoying and migraine-inducing music. Like, seriously, is her off switch broken or something? She must not like being snuck up on by thing wearing black cloaks in the night while sleeping in bed.
“Hey knucklehead you ain't gonna win!” The shadow said to Spike as his laughs began subsiding. He quickly swooped his free arm down and yanked the scroll away from Spike, causing him to stumble forward, attempt to correct himself, and then fall backwards onto his rear. The shadow took that opportunity to begin hitting Spike over the head with the scroll over and over like some whack-a-mole target that wouldn't go back in its hole.
“You like that lizard boy?” The shadow said mockingly as he continued beating on the poor reptile. I mean the scroll didn't harm him or anything, it's just very demeaning. How would you like it if some random ghost/shadow/demon/thing started hitting you over the head with a rolled up scroll while mocking you and there was probably nothing you could do about it? Ya see my point?
“HEY!” Twilight suddenly screamed, getting the shadow's attention. It seemed as though he had gotten so used to her stretching her lungs to infinity that he didn't quite notice that she had stopped screaming before. “You leave him alone!”
If her voice didn't symbolize being utterly pissed, I didn't know what would. Seriously, she sounded like a mare who just walked into her daughter's bedroom while she was being sexually harassed by some brat from school. Only Spike isn't Twilight's daughter, nor is Spike a girl, so... yeah. Way to go Twilight for knowing how to properly place Spike in your feelings. (moron)
Twilight attempted to blast the shadow away, but the shadow moved aside right in time to allow her magic beam thing to make a pretty nice hole in the wall, one about the size of a pan you would use to cook Rice-a-roni. She shot another one, but again missed, and again, and again still, in fact she kept trying to hit the shadow so many times with the shadow dodging each shot so laughably easy that her room began to resemble swiss cheese in a way. Except with wood and not like, ya know, cheese. Seeing the destruction the lavender pony was bringing to her own home, the shadow couldn't help but rub it in her face a bit.
“Yeah a lot of good that horn did ya!” it said after sidestepping another blast. “Maybe you should try casting a spell that doesn't miss.”
Before Twilight could reply, or try to blast at it with another spell (yeah we all know how well that would go), the shadow quickly leaped out of the doorway and then out of the library all together, chuckling as it did. At first Twilight was angry, and stayed that way for a bit while longer until she realized that in reality, she didn't know what the buck just happened. Some figure in a blanket just waltzed into her home in the dead of night, tapped her head with a metal bat, said something about supper, and to top it all off just hit her Spike over the head with a scroll over and over while laughing like a complete loon.
“Spike,” Twilight said with an abnormal calm. “Can you please pinch me?”
“W-wah?” Spike looked up at Twilight while rubbing his head where the scroll was whacked against him repeatedly. “Why would you want me to pinch you?”
“Just to make sure I'm not dreaming, Spike...” Twilight sighed hard, closing her eyes and lowering her head to think some. Okay, if the creature, shadow, thing wanted to hurt us, it would have done so. So what's it after?
Christmas lights. I'm calling it right now... Christmas lights.
Before Twilight could push her thoughts deeper into the rabbit hole and probably uncover some sort of conspiracy against the throne of Equestria (because we all know how many times that happens in most fanfics), Rainbow Dash decides to bust in through her bedroom window. No, the window was not open, and no, she did not open it. She busted through. BUSTED. THROUGH. As in like glass flying everywhere like it's a Pinkie Pie party only they replaced the streamers and confetti with bits of glass.
“WHERE IS HE!?” She blurted out frantically as she yanked her head left and right, scanning through the room as fast as equinely possible.
“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight cried out as she shielded herself from the falling glass bits.. “My windows! You could have seriously hurt me or Spike busting through the glass like that!” Of course this is My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic! Nopony ever gets seriously hurt in the show, except for that one pony that got all bandaged up in the hospital... and the one with cancer...
...You know what I mean.
“No time! Sorry but I gotta find him! I know I saw him come into this library!”
Him, eh? Well, that's certainly some new information, but I'm pretty sure Twilight Sparkle, being the incredibly intelligent pony that she is, not only figured out the gender by herself but also knows exactly what Dash is talking abo-
“Who?”
Nevermind....
“Twilight, Dash is probably talking about that big scary thing that was just in here,” Spike said as he wiped a few shards of glass off of himself. Don't worry, he's got dragon scales, he's fine.
“Oh, that,” Twilight sighed as she looked to her bedroom door that was still open. “You just missed, uh, him I guess, go out of my bedroom door laughing like a maniac. He probably left the library already.”
“He got you sleeping, didn't he?” Dash asked, as if she was suspecting something.
“Yes, why?” Twilight asked looking up to her friend floating beside her, and watched as her face turned to one of frantic rage, to then one of concern as she asked her the question that you just read, and then to one of her best deadpans yet.
“He bonked you on the head with his bat to wake you up, and then said something like “yo wassup” to you, didn't he?”
“Uuuhh... yes?”
Rainbow Dash facehoofed as she grunted loudly. “UGH! He did the exact same thing to me too! I HATE that guy!”
“What exactly IS he Dash?” Twilight asked as she cocked her head.
“I dunno! Honestly, I thought he was a minotaur by the way he walked on two legs, but then I saw his hands, and they aren't fur-covered. They're bare, and not like they were shaved, like it had no hair at all! Like, ever!”
“That sounds... odd,” Twilight rubbed her chin as she looked down in thought. “Did you get to see the color of its skin, or perhaps scales or something?”
“Hey!” Spike spoke up, not liking the implications that Twilight was giving. And I totally agree! Racist Twilight is bad Twilight!
“What? I just want to know if it might be some sort of other reptile or something!” she said in her defense.
“Yeah, like there's sentient reptiles other than dragons...” Spike mumbled as he crossed his arms. He's got a point, Twilight, you're just getting stereotypical because those dragons Spike met weren't nice and you had to go save his little rear end from becoming a punching bag. But, again, thick scales, so he would've been fine. But do you ever listen? Nooooooo.
“Okay, Dash,” Twilight began as she ignored Spike. “At first I really didn't believe you were being serious about this shadow thing. I mean, all this time I thought it was either you seeing things, or perhaps somepony playing a prank on you.” Yeah, pranked by Pinkie Pie, and by pranked I mean slipped a hard dose of some sort of drug... can I have some?
“I told you!” Dash practically screamed in Twilight's face. It was at that point that Twilight could see Dash's bloodshot eyes through the darkness of the night. “I gotta find that guy, so which way did he go already!?”
“Dash... how long have you been awake?” Twilight asked, her voice sounding concerned as her face took up a similarly themed look.
“Um, a few days, but that doesn't matter!” She spatted quickly as she looked her head left and right out of habit, even though she was still in the room and her left and right were just walls inside the room. “Please, you gotta help me! I can't let this thing show me up like it does and constantly bug the living daylights out of me all the time! I gotta kick its flank, I gotta show it who's the boss so it will stop taunting me, please!” Dash's voice made it seem like she was about to cry. “Please please please, I'll do anything, I don't care if he has to hit me again for me to find him!”
Okay, on second thought, perhaps I don't want what Pinkie Pie is slipping in Dash's cupcakes. Yeesh. But it sounds like Rainbow Dash has a serious troll problem on her hands. And oh, what's that? Oh it's one of my favorite words coming in to play! Why hello 'impromptu', how are you today?
“Think fast chuckle-nuts!” came a voice from outside the window. The next moment later a baseball shot through the window and hit Rainbow Dash square on the head, making the word 'BONK!' and starry swirls appear over her head for a couple seconds as she fell to the floor in a daze.
“Holy Guacamole!” Spike yelled out in surprise.
“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight gasped, before turning her head to the window when she heard more of that familiar laughing outside.
“Ahahahahahaha! Ahah, you got owned!” The shadow said between laughs as it stood outside of the library, holding a wooden bat in its hands this time.
Dash's head spun around for a few more seconds before she finally shook it off, and then had the very consuming effect of rage encompass every fabric of her thoughts. She growled loudly, her teeth showing through her intense scowl she was giving to nothing in particular in front of her as her wings flared up, tensing for the inevitable flight. A quick scream to the heaves, and she was out of the window faster than Fluttershy if she saw a bunch of hurt baby bunnies about to be crushed by a falling tree that's also on fire. Fire makes everything better.
The shadow though was quick to react, and ran away from the butt-hurt pegasus. Dash flew as fast as she could across the streets of Ponyville, and was actually catching up to the shadow For how fast its legs carried it, the thing still had to run on the ground, and Rainbow Dash's flying could easily beat any land-based creature in speed.
An obstacle appeared ahead, a random cart in the middle of the road. Rainbow Dash didn't know why the cart was there, but she didn't care. She knew the Shadow was going to either go around it, or over it. One of the two, and according to her flight school dropout educated guess, she would reach him right at one of those times. She envisioned herself going the opposite direction around the cart, impacting the shadow head on with her front hooves. She also thought about following it over the cart were it to jump, thus grabbing it in mid-air and slamming it into the dirt. Whatever it did, she knew how to counter it, and she was ready to act at the drop of a stylish hat.
Okay, let's take a vote here. Who thinks Rainbow Dash is going to catch the shadow? Anyone? Oh, I see a couple hands, okay.
Now, how about her failing miserably and ending up getting humiliated? Oh, that's quite a few I see!
But what if the shadow turned around, revealed itself to be Derpy Hooves, and then glomped Rainbow Dash while assaulting her with kisses? Anyone? Any takers? Hmmm... alright, let's see what happens!
As it turns out the Shadow bent its knees down at the last moment, launching itself over the cart. This is it! I got him now! Dash thought a she flew straight at it. But she as her hooves were about to collide with its back, the shadow somehow jumped AGAIN in mid-air and did a complete 180, turning around even as it lowered a fish wrapped in newspapers in front of her.
WHACK!
The fish hit her square in the face, making her curse loudly before losing control and flying straight into a bail of hay. Up at the corner of the screen a little red rectangle popped up with a little fish symbol that said “Scout >o x1 Rainbow Dash.” Seconds later Rainbow Dash emerged again, screaming out in rage and darting at the shadow once more.
“I'M GONNA KICK YOUR FLANK SO HARD YOUR MOM IS GONNA GET A BUTT CRAMP!” she yelled out as she flew at him, staring deathly daggers at the figure with a rag on it. The shadow, though, wasn't moving, in fact it seemed to her to be taking its time drinking a yellow soda can with some writing on it. But dash didn't pay attention to the can itself, only the gall that the thing had for actually taking a break to take a drink! The nerve of that guy! Why I too would be appalled at such a cocky move.
Dash didn't stop to think though, she just went straight at him, hoping with her entire being that she would catch him before he ran away. And for a split second, it looked like she was going to. She had her hooves right to its cloth, just a millisecond away from making contact. And for that brief moment in time, a feeling of happiness and glee spread through rainbow's body...
...And then it went away. Abruptly, in fact, as she went right through him and into the wall of somepony's house, crashing through it and into what was apparently the dining room, if the large table she smashed into was any indication. Out of every feeling she felt from the pain in her head and neck to the increasing desire to do something that would get her thrown in jail for the rest of her life to him, the most overcoming feeling she felt was confusion. How could she just fly through it like that? Dash poked her head out of the hole she made in the house, her adrenaline pumping too hard for her to feel the intense throbbing under her scalp. The shadow was there, looking straight at her with its fish-bat still in its arms.
“You can't hit what ain't there!” it claimed as it began to run away form her down the street, a blur appearing behind it that Rainbow Dash noticed wasn't there before. “Wananunununu....”
She stared at the shadow as it ran away, jaw to the ground (or in this case, the bits of debris laying on the ground) and the feeling of defeat coming over her. She couldn't help but feel the tears come to her eyes as she began to sob quietly. Rainbow Dash, the fastest, most agile and overall speediest pegasus in Equestria, completely humiliated without any sort of payback obtained by some bipedal freak with a bed cloth hanging on its head.
She lowered her head, tears streaming down her cheeks as she ultimately gave up, simply hoping that sleep would come quickly to her so she could try to forget that all that ever happened. But as fate would have it, that was the exact time that her adrenaline ran out, and the intense throbbing in her head made itself noticeable. No sleep for you for a while it seems, Rainbow Dash. You mad?
“I'm a freakin blur here!” the shadow called out from a distance before disappearing into the trees on the outskirts of the Everfree Forest.
Oh... she mad. She real mad.