//------------------------------// // Apologies // Story: My Little Person: The Strange Case of Lyle Hartman // by Fernin //------------------------------// I leaned against the wooden slats of the backrest, staring blankly off into the middle distance. I’m not really sure how long I sat on the park bench with my mind grinding away, running over the same problem again and again. Unfortunately, no matter how I came up against it, I was stuck. I could compile my meager little assembly of facts however I wanted, but I was going to keep getting the same errors. My face twisted through a variety of emotions as my mental gears spun furiously. What the heck was I going to do? Twilight Sparkle didn’t believe me at all! Even Bon Bon didn’t seem to believe me, even though I was reasonably sure that she should be able to tell the difference between the mannerisms of a female unicorn who played a harp for a living and a male human who earned his bread as a computer programmer. All right. I could do this. There comes a time in a man’s life when he has no one else to turn to—when his problems seem insurmountable and help is nowhere to be found. It is at times like this that a man learns to take life in both hands and start shaking it until he gets what he wants. Maybe this was that time for me. Wasn’t it? Of course it was! Hah. …Oh, who was I trying to kid? If it was myself, it wasn’t going to work—I had too many reminders of reality right in front of my eyes to be taken in by clever words. I looked down at what passed for my ‘hands’ these days—a couple of hooves just like the ones on the ends of my legs. It’s a bit hard to buckle down and rely on your manly strength when you’re stuck in the body of a little green unicorn mare, sitting on a bench in a world that by rights shouldn’t even exist. Staring at the ground wasn’t helping, so I switched to staring up at the sky. The atmosphere above me was as almost impossibly blue. As I looked up, I saw a multicolored speck zip across the heavens. Was that Rainbow Dash? I looked closer and grinned a bit inside when I spotted a small orange shape hopping from cloud to cloud in hot pursuit. So Scootaloo had finally graduated from her scooter, hah… Well, at least somepony was having some luck with her life. The sight of the fastest flyer in Equestria and her number one fan zooming across the wild blue yonder should have raised my spirits... Too bad it didn’t. I was too busy wallowing in pity both for myself and for the ponies whose lives I’d thrown into chaos just by waking up this morning. What would I do if this were a particularly difficult assignment back in my cubicle at Delphi Software? Normally, I would try changing the venue—say, grabbing my coffee mug and head down to the break room or going out to a local restaurant to get a bite to eat. Well good job there, Lyle—the venue didn’t get any more changed than jumping to an entirely different world, right? And speaking of getting a bite… My stomach rumbled, reminding me that it had been quite some time since I’d had that delicious breakfast back at Bon Bon’s and Lyra’s place. Ugh. That was another distraction I didn’t need. Maybe a short trot around the park would give me a better perspective on things. Sitting in one spot wasn’t doing it for me, especially with the way some of the local ponies were very carefully avoiding staring at the dejected looking green unicorn slouched unnaturally back onto the bench. Okay. Time for a walk, then. I hopped down from the bench and started forward—but quickly remembered myself and dropped to all fours. Without a specific destination in mind, I simply turned and trotted down one of the paths. The late morning breeze ruffled through my mane, helping to sooth my frazzled nerves a bit as I tried to let everything go. Up ahead, a tall oak tree’s wide, spreading branches cast their leafy green canopy to shade the path. Closer to the trunk was as small family of earth ponies. The two little colts played happily as their mother and father set out plates for a late brunch on a red-checkered blanket. I couldn’t help but smile, my face losing something of the shell-shocked expression it had probably been displaying since my flight from the Books and Branches Library. I lingered for a moment and waved a pleasant greeting, then continued my meandering through the park. Passing through a small copse of trees, I realized my surroundings looked familiar. I was right back where I had started—the path had looped me right back to the park bench across from the park’s fountain. Either the park was smaller than it seemed, or I’d simply wandered off onto a scenic side trail. Hmph. This time, instead of making a beeline for the park bench, I approached the fountain. Water sprayed into the air and splashed down a central pillar, collecting in the big, circular pool at the base. It wasn’t a particularly ornate fountain but then, it didn’t need to be. Suddenly I felt almost homesick. The Delphi campus in Tacoma had a little place almost like this. When it came to mulling really big brain-busters, I’d always been a big fan of those Japanese-style gardens with the rocks and little streams, and this was the next best thing. I sat down on my haunches and peered into the pool, watching the way the light refracted and rippled across the gray pebbles lining the bottom. The ghostly image of Lyra’s face peered back at me from the water’s surface, half-reflected in the bright sunlight and distorted by miniature waves in the fountain. I tried to grin. “Hey, Lyra…” My distress showed in the watery carnival mirror, creasing Lyra’s light green features as she looked up at me with a smile that slowly faded as my mind kicked back into gear. All right. I could keep wallowing in pity—an attractive option, yes, but not too productive—or I could start planning for the immediate future. Crying into my beer hadn’t been a winning strategy in college, and I couldn’t imagine it working now. All right. Think, Lyle. Think. The first thing I was going to do was patch things up with Bon Bon. It was that, or I was going to need to find myself somewhere else to live and some way to make the bits to eat anything other than the grass beneath my hooves. I didn’t intend to rely on the kindness of strangers for my entire time here, so the second thing to do would be to find a job. But how? I couldn’t imagine finding employment at some software giant here in Equestria on short notice. Did Equestria even have software companies? It made sense that they would, since they obviously knew what computers were, but maybe programmers here were all independents—pale, bleary-eyed ponies with ones and zeroes as their cutie marks and a complexions that suggested they should get some more sun. Someone else was standing at the fountain. It took a moment for my senses to register her presence, but when I did, I looked up to see Bon Bon standing there with relief practically written across her face in big, neon letters. The cream-colored mare looked very much worse for wear from our turbulent morning. She took a few steps towards me, hesitated, and inched forward a few more before finally calling out a hesitant greeting. “Lyra! There you are… I thought I might find you here—” “Hi. Still Lyle, sorry,” I reminded the hopeful mare with a sigh. Bon Bon’s face fell. “Oh…” The earth pony and I exchanged glances in the uncomfortable silence, each waiting for the other to make the next move. I tried to find the right words, difficult though it was. I’ve never really been much of a people person, let alone a pony person. After a pause we both began speaking at the same time. I smiled awkwardly and started, “Bon Bon, I want to tell you—Oh. Sorry, you go first.” “About earlier… I’m sorry, Lyle, for—Oh no go ahead.” The mare blushed, her ears drooping a bit as she nodded deferentially. “Bon Bon,” I tried again, “I just wanted to apologize for this morning. It’s… upsetting when someone doesn’t believe you, you know? But that doesn’t excuse me shouting about it and running out of the library like that. I know you were just trying to help Lyra and, I guess, me. Please forgive me… Okay, go ahead.” Rubbing one fetlock with her other hoof, Bon Bon looked down for a moment. Her eyes flicked nervously up to my face as she spoke, but kept returning to my hooves as though she was afraid to look me full in the eyes. “Of course I forgive you, Lyle. You really threw me this morning. It’s so—it’s hard to believe something as crazy as, well… But I… I think we got off on the wrong hoof today. I’m sorry, too.” Trotting forward hesitantly, Bon Bon nuzzled my neck. Her wavy mane smelled faintly of cinnamon and cardamom. I stood stiffly for a moment, unsure of what to do. Finally I settled for sliding one foreleg over her shoulder and giving her a pat on the back that turned into a half hug. We stayed like that for a moment in silence before I pulled away, feeling faint heat rising to my cheeks. Lyra was one lucky mare. “I know my story’s… weird. If one of my friends came up to me and told me he was really a pony from Equestria, I’d doubt his sanity, too. But this is serious. Even if you think Lyra just flipped her lid, try to understand—I’m living this. I think I’d know if I was out of my gourd. More than usual anyway, ha ha…” I grinned, but my attempt at humor fell flat. Way to ruin the moment there, Lyle. Apparently I had as much of a way with mares as I did with women. Looking like she’d just eaten a lemon whole, Bon Bon nodded. “All right. I’ll accept for the sake of argument that Lyra hasn’t ‘just flipped her lid.’ What do we do, then? How do we get you back to... where was it again?” “Tacoma. Washington. And thank you, Bon Bon. You have no idea how good it is knowing someone here is willing to give me a hand,” I sighed. “Er, I mean somepony. And hoof. I—argh! You know what I mean.” My embarrassed scowl and drooping ears must have been hilarious—or perhaps with so much tension in the air, Bon Bon just needed something to laugh at. She giggled, covering her mouth demurely—scratch that, make that adorably—with one hoof. I couldn’t help but join in with a chuckle of my own. In a moment we were both shaking with laughter. With a supreme effort I managed to get myself under control. “All right, all right. Like you would do any better in my world. Anyway, we’re not doing anyo—anypony much good just standing around here. Let’s go.” “So where are we going? Do you have a plan?” Despite the questions, Bon Bon followed my lead as I trotted down the grassy trail weaving through the park. With a nonchalant toss of my mane, I slowed my pace to keep the earth pony mare by my side. “I don’t know. But if I know one thing, it’s that I think best on my hooves, and when talking to somepony. And remember, I’m new here. As long as I’m going to be seeing the sights, I might as well do so in the company of a beautiful mare, right?” “I… suppose,” Bon Bon allowed reluctantly… but I caught a faint smile at the compliment. Well, good job, Lyle. Perhaps you aren’t as bad at all this as you thought. Cresting a small hill, we looked out over a wide clearing. Down the slope was a large wooden stage. The affair looked ready for something like the municipal concerts that spring up every summer like clockwork in western Washington. I smiled a bit, thinking of home. Seeing the stage also sparked a memory of something almost forgotten in the strangeness of my morning—wasn’t today’s My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic episode supposed to be about some kind of musical event? I paused mid-step and turned to Bon Bon, phrasing my question carefully. No reason to harsh the newly restored mellow by bringing up television shows. “…So, Bon Bon. Ponyville’s having some sort of… autumn music thing, I guess?” “You remembered th—? Oh. The stage.” Bon Bon waved me over to a colorful poster pasted to a nearby tree. As I advanced to read it, she filled in some of the details. “The Running of the Leaves has always been a big thing here, of course. A lot of ponies come to run in the race. More come to watch. Even ponies from out of town come to join in the fun since this is one of the last places that hasn’t contracted out unicorns for season-changing work. Plus, word got around last year about some of the more… enthusiastic racers.” I snickered, knowing just what Bon Bon meant. “You mean all that craziness that Applejack and Rainbow Dash got into, right? Yeah, that was pretty funny.” “Uh, yes. Um…” Bon Bon faltered for a moment, giving me an odd look. Whoops, there I went with inappropriate knowledge of events again. Thankfully, the mare quickly recovered her train of thought with, “…And that’s a lot of ponies coming to town with all those lovely unspent bits. Everypony usually gets a pretty good few days out of the deal, but then it ends. This year the Ponyville Chamber of Commerce said, ‘why stop with the race?’ We’re putting on the first annual Running of the Leaves Concert.” Thankfully, whatever quirk of nature or magic was letting me understand Equestrian speech also let me read the language. I skimmed the poster, listening with half an ear as Bon Bon continued to discuss the whys and wherefores of the Ponyville business community. It was all a bit over my head—software programming isn’t your average nine to five corporate drone job, but I wasn’t an entrepreneur by any stretch of the imagination. Besides I had other things on my mind as I noticed a name in smaller font underneath the large, prominent names of the headlining band. I might not have even picked up on it if I hadn’t been hearing the name so much today. As it was, I read the line aloud with a groan. “‘Featuring special guest, Ponyville’s own Lyra Heartstrings.’ Oh, for the love of Pete…” “So I thought th—What’s wrong, Lyle?” Bon Bon halted mid-word as she noticed me rubbing my forehead in exasperation. I felt a headache coming on. Time limits have never really been my thing. I’d been doing well enough in Equestria so far all things considered, but according to the cheery poster on the tree, I’d been operating under the worst kind of deadline… the kind that pops up as a last minute surprise. I groaned again. “Lyra’s supposed to perform in this concert, isn’t she… When is this thing, Monday afternoon? Oh man, we’re so screwed… That’s only two days away!” “Yes, I know... I never should have put y—I never should have put Lyra up to it,” whispered Bon Bon. Remember what I said about being bad around women? Blinking, all I could muster in response was, “Come again?” “I was the one who convinced Lyra to put her name in the running, and then I managed to swing enough votes to get her almost top billing… She’s never played for more than thirty ponies at a time in her entire life!” Bon Bon sniffled, wiping her muzzle with one hoof. “Oh, no. Don’t—don’t cry, Bon Bon. I bet Lyra was ecstatic to get the chance! Uh…” Faltering a bit, I tried to figure out where to take this. It wasn’t like I’d been reading Lyra’s diary or something, but the quietly sobbing earth pony didn’t need to hear me announce my complete ignorance of the situation. Uncomforted, Bon Bon continued to drain the cup of sorrow to its bitter dregs. “D-do you think she left because of this?” “Bon Bon! This isn’t getting us anywhere. Lyra would need you to be strong right now. I assume. Here’s what we’ll do. Twilight’s still the best bet, right? Unless there are any super-powerful unicorn ponies in Ponyville who I don’t know about...” I paused hopefully, waiting to be proven wrong. In violation of the narrative nature of causality, no correction was forthcoming. Bon Bon simply shook her head, wiping some tears from her eyes. Drat, so much for that idea. I sighed, staring back at the fountain as I mulled over the problem once again. If only there was some way to… Hah! That might work. If there was one thing Twilight Sparkle was a big fan of other than checklists, it was logic and things that made sense. She’d even approached curing ‘crazy Lyra’ by trying to logic the poor little unicorn sane. It might have worked, too, if not for the fact that Lyra wasn’t there and I, Lyle, wasn’t crazy. I hoped. I had a momentary flash of me sitting in a padded room, mumbling about ponies. Oooch. Hopefully that wasn’t what had actually happened to me here. Putting aside thoughts of straight jackets and friendly men and women in clean white coats, I reviewed what Twilight had been arguing an hour or two before. Hmmm… Aha, that did it. ‘Do you even know how to program?’ Why yes, Twilight. What programming language would you like me to use? And failing that, there was always… the nuclear option. Hopefully it wouldn’t come to that. I looked back up at the earth pony mare. “I think I have it, Bon Bon. Back to Twilight’s we go. I know how we can get her to help us.” “Really? How?” Bon Bon asked hopefully. “You leave the details to me,” I replied with a confident grin. “I’ll show her with things only I could possibly know. I have a proof that can’t fail! I just need you to back me up on this.” Bon Bon bit her lip and gazed fully into my eyes for the first time since we’d started the conversation. I winked at her, and her face broke into a gentle smile. She nodded. “Well, all right… I can do that.” “Awesome. All right, come with me…” I turned to go. Bon Bon’s cough brought me up short. I glanced back in askance at the cream-colored mare. “On one condition, Lyle. You need to apologize to Twilight Sparkle.” Bon Bon’s face still held its friendly expression, but there was just the hint of a stern look in her eye. Her tone of voice reminded me a bit of some of the nicer—but firmer—school teachers I’d had back when I was young. I hesitated. I’d apologized to Bon Bon easily enough, but she was Bon Bon. Somehow that had made it easier for me. Twilight, I was still a bit mad at. Where did Little Miss ‘Tardy’ get off calling me insane? “Wha—but I… Hey, she’s the one who called me crazy, not the other way around! Why would I be the one saying—”