//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: The Royal Cult // Story: The Royal Cult // by Banjo64 //------------------------------// Celestia smiled. It was an awkward smile. The sort of smile that anypony with half a brain would recognize as forced and insincere. Which probably explained a few things about the small crowd of ponies in front of her. “Our praise to thee, oh great Lady of the Sun, Mistress of Light, Harbinger of the Day, Slayer of Chaos…” said the lead pony. Celestia was new to the whole Princess thing, having been crowned only a few days ago, but she was fairly certain that having a crowd of ponies rapidly bowing to her while chanting her many titles over and over again in the middle of court was not an appropriate way to give reverence to one’s ruler. Or at least, it was not one that she approved of. “...so that we may express our adoration of thee, oh great Lady of the Sun, Mistress of Light, Harbinger of the Day…” the lead pony continued. Celestia looked behind the bowing ponies towards the line of other petitioners. More than a few looked annoyed that these ponies had already taken half an hour of her time. And Celestia still had no idea who any of them were. It seemed they intended to simply sing her praises for hours on end. And she was fairly certain that half the titles they were using were made up. “...Mistress of the Eastern Sky, Ruler of the Magic Plane, Creator of the Heat of Passion…” “HOLD THY TONGUE!” cried Celestia in the Royal Canterlot Voice. The bowing ponies paused to look up at her. “While thy adoration is appreciated, we must insist that thou cease assigning feats upon our own name to which we bear neither claim nor right,” said Celestia. The head pony seemed rather confused by this. “But art thou not the Lady of the Sun? Daughter to the Mother of us all?” he asked. “Tis true. But though our titles and feats are many, they are not without limit. We art not divine, nor wish to be hailed as such. We ask that thou only praise us as which is our due,” said Celestia. And because there is no way in Tartarus I’m going to be falsely recognized as the creator of the mating season. No matter how ludicrous that sounds, somepony will end up believing it, thought Celestia. Rather than being discouraged, the head pony’s eyes were filled with even greater awe, inconceivable as that seemed. “Thou art humble upon thy throne! Truly thou art the goddess that shall guide our nation unto an eternal joyous age! Praise to thee, Lady of the Sun!” he cried. The rest of the small crowd started bowing and reciting her many titles once again. She even heard them make up new ones. “Praise to the goddess of Life! Praise to the Lady of Happiness! Praise to the rightful ruler of the world!” they chanted. Celestia simply performed what would be the first of many royal facehooves. Her mentor had warned her that some ponies would likely be a little too eager to sing her praise, but this was ridiculous. “Dear sister, should our dignity survive this onslaught, we must request that we depart for greener pastures in the palace gardens, lest another mob come and desecrate our court,” she muttered through her hoof. She failed to notice the jealous look Luna sent her way. “Indeed. T’would be most undesirable if a second, nightly, band of admirers were to appear,” Luna grumbled. When her schedule permitted it, Celestia enjoyed taking walks through her kingdom. It was a chance to escape the daily grind of her court and see how her actions affected the ponies under her care. Most of the time. “Oh great goddess of Life!” cried a pale mare in white robes, bowing down as Celestia passed.  Celestia held back a groan. She recognized the robes, and more importantly the behavior being demonstrated. Ponies like the one in front of her had started calling themselves the Solar Witnesses several months ago, and Celestia quite frankly did not care for their excessive devotion to her. She just wished they weren’t so numerous and influential. Even if the rest of Equestria found them annoying, they always seemed to be able to worm their words into the minds of the common citizens to some degree. And in this particular pony’s case, her eyes were unnaturally pale: a clear sign that she was blind. Most likely from staring at the sun for hours on end to “embrace the goddess’s true beauty” as members of that cult tended to do.  “We art not a goddess,” Celestia replied. If the Solar Witness had heard her Princess, she gave no indication. “Praise to the Lady of the Sun! Praise to…” she continued on. Celestia just sighed and kept walking. Her guards did the same. “Nay,” said Celestia. The Solar Witnesses before her throne looked at her in disbelief. “But oh great Lady of the Sun, we simply wish to...” started the leader. “We reiterate: Nay. We do not grant thee our approval to construct a massive golden statue in our image. Thy gold and time should be put towards more useful endeavors. Less thee forget, we art at war with the griffons,” said Celestia. “But what greater cause is there than to revere thee, your highness? To capture thy perfect figure to be praised till the end of time?” asked the leader. Celestia facehooved. These Solar Witnesses had made her facehoof on a near daily basis for decades now, and she was sick of it. But at that moment, a desperate idea entered her mind. Maybe if she indulged them a bit, they’d calm down. “If thou insist on throwing thy funds away, we shall take them as a boon for the war,” said Celestia. The Solar Witnesses looked like they were on the verge of fainting from sheer joy. Celestia was already regretting this decision. Celestia sighed as she and Luna trotted back to their home in shame. They had failed. Failed to save the Crystal Empire from Sombra’s tyranny. And now the poor crystal ponies were gone, trapped in a vile spell of suspension that would not break for over a millennium. Still, there was one silver lining. Surely, this failure would convince the Solar Witnesses to stop calling her a goddess. They would have to acknowledge her limits; that she was flawed. And they would finally stop… “Praise to the Lady of the Sun! She hath banished the vile kingdom of golems to oblivion!” cried the crowd of Solar Witnesses that waited for them at the gate. Celestia facehooved yet again, completely missing the glare Luna was sending at her. Wonderful… Now a large part of Equestria is going to be convinced that the crystal ponies were our enemies. Am I going to have to bury all records of the Crystal Empire just to ensure the Solar Witnesses don’t form an angry mob when it returns? thought Celestia. Celestia miserably rubbed her face in a desperate attempt to ease the pain. Another court had been interrupted by a certain group of worshipers, no doubt planning something that would make her wish she’d never put on her crown. “What, pray tell, art thou fools doing this time?” she asked. The crowd of Solar Witnesses before her weren’t wearing their “traditional” robes. Instead, they were all wearing what could only be described as suggestive sheets of cloth. Also, this crowd consisted entirely of stallions. “Your highness, we have come to realize that despite thy many years of happy reign, thou hath never felt the joy of a lover to call thy own,” said the lead pony. Celestia sighed. “Yes, and it is by our own choice. Our long life would ensure that, should any steal our heart, it shall inevitably be broken as their waking days come to their fated end,” she explained. “Indeed, it is a tragedy that one as perfect as thee should be denied such delight. While we understand we mere mortals cannot provide such to thee, we believe we may offer thee the next best thing,” said the leader. “And that would be?” asked Celestia with dread. “We, the ponies thou see gathered before thee, have agreed to commit thine lives to thy pleasure as members of thy royal harem,” declared the leader with a proud smile on his face. Celestia’s brain broke. Next to her, Luna’s brain broke as well, for completely different reasons. It took almost two minutes for Celestia to speak again. “Get out,” she said, her voice low and cold. The Solar Witnesses looked at each other in confusion. “But great Lady of the Sun…” started the leader. “GET! OUT!” Celestia screamed at the top of her lungs, Royal Canterlot Voice in full effect. The terrified ponies quickly dashed out the door. Celestia simply put her hooves into her face and groaned. The nerve of those ponies! A harem?! How could they believe I would ever desire such a twisted, selfish, tantalizing… Oh no, now I can’t get the image out of my head! And I’m going to have to deal with rumors of having such a harem for generations now! For buck’s sake, how could this get any worse? thought Celestia. Celestia wept as she lay under the moon, which now held the image of her sister.  How could she have been so blind to the despair in her sister’s heart? How could she have been so arrogant as to ignore her sister’s pleas? How could she have forgotten to make time for just the two of them? And now, she was alone. And she would remain alone for centuries to come. At last, her tears began to slow. Not because she was finished, but because she no longer had the strength for it. She didn’t even raise her head as her citizens ran towards her to comfort their mourning ruler in her time of... “Hail to the Lady of the Sun! She hath banished the evil Mistress of Darkness from the realm!” cried the crowd of Solar Witnesses. … The night the mysterious mare appeared on the moon, a great cry of fury echoed across the world. Every nation and people would go on to spin their own legends about this cry. Some would say it was the anger of the pony in the moon, raging against its imprisonment. Others claimed it was the sound of a demon who had come dangerously close to escaping the world’s sinister depths. But one thing was consistent: no one wanted to be whoever that anger was directed at. By royal decree of her highness, Princess Celestia: The group known as the Solar Witnesses is hereby under arrest for treason against the crown. All members of this movement are to be reported to the royal guard so that they may be captured to stand trial. Any further group activity will also be grounds for arrest. By royal decree of her highness, Princess Celestia: The order known as The Sun’s Followers is hereby under arrest for treason. They are simply the Solar Witnesses, who have decided to change their title to avoid justice. Report any activity by this group immediately. By royal decree of her highness, Princess Celestia: The cult known as The Light’s Servants are another name for the Solar Witnesses. My previous decrees are still in effect. By royal decree of her highness, Princess Celestia: I am not a goddess. I do not wish to be hailed as a goddess. Stop doing it. By royal decree of her highness, Princess Celestia: Worshiping me is now illegal. Anyone caught doing so will be arrested. By royal decree of her highness, Princess Celestia: Any underground cults devoted to worshiping me are to be reported immediately. By royal decree of her highness, Princess Celestia: For the love of my mother: STOP WORSHIPING ME! I. AM. NOT. A. GODDESS! Many years later… It was well known that Princess Celestia drank tea three times a day: a soothing cup in the evening to ease the pain of moving both the sun and moon, a peppy cup during her lunch break to simply enjoy, and a bitter cup in the late afternoon to help her swallow the daily cult report on what the Solar Witnesses, or whatever they were calling themselves this generation, had done in the past twenty-four hours. A thousand years of trying to arrest them, or at least get them to tone down their excessive reverence of her, had done nothing to dissuade them. In fact, they’d only gotten worse over the centuries. “First on the list: around three in the morning, the cult started an unauthorized firework show in front of the castle gates. While no buildings were set on fire this time, two ponies had to be treated for severe burns,” read Raven. Without a word, Celestia quickly filled out a Cult Compensation Form and sealed it with a stamp. She always made sure she had plenty of the easy-to-fill-out sheets of paper. Goodness knew how much of the royal budget was spent on them. “Next, at sunrise the cult threw another ‘sun glory’ party, which ended up destroying another bar in the southern district,” read Raven. Another CCF was filled out and stamped. Celestia took a sip from her tea. The bitter taste didn’t take away the pain, but it made it a little easier to bear. “Around eleven in the morning, there was a cult pony caught harassing passing ponies and attempting to convert them to her faith using mind control magic. She was quickly arrested, her spells were broken, and fortunately nopony was hurt,” read Raven. Celestia was relieved to hear that, but she also knew what was coming. “There was also another cult member caught doing the same thing at around three-thirty. He was arrested, but the pony he was trying to brainwash had to be admitted to the hospital. It will likely take a few weeks before she’ll be able to say anything other than ‘Celestia,’” read Raven. There it was. Wouldn’t be a cult report without at least one pony getting mindbucked by overzealous recruiters. Another CCF was filled out and stamped.  “And about an hour ago, a guard reported somepony pouring something into the city water supply. A quick check confirmed that the cult has attempted to slip the ‘praise the sun’ hallucination potion to the entire city’s population again,” said Raven. Without a word, Celestia reached down and pulled the “flush the Canterlot water system” lever. It had cost a fortune and a half to build the system, and a smaller fortune to refill the reserve water tanks every time she used it, but it had paid itself back in less than two years after construction in avoided compensation expenses and headaches. And that was almost fifty years ago. “And… I believe that’s it,” finished Raven as she put the scroll away. Celestia let out a sigh. “No, it’s not. This evening I have another ‘potential husband’ to turn away,” she grumbled. After three diplomatic meetings were ruined by rumors of her so-called harem, Celestia had been forced to counter the cult’s insanity with a bit of her own insanity. The results finally ended the attempts to give her a harem, but it also made several families devote their very existence to proving her with “the perfect husband worthy of her.” Needless to say, Celestia kept saying no, but all that seemed to do was make the cult members more determined that the next generation of their family would finally be “the perfect husband worthy of her.” Celestia still wasn’t entirely sure if this new madness was better than the old one. Celestia passed Raven all the filled out CCF’s and forced down the last of her vile tea.  And on top of all this, I’m running out of time. Luna will be breaking free from the moon in a matter of years now. If I don’t find somepony to bear the Element of Magic soon, I might not get the chance to prepare him or her for what’s… BOOM! Celestia jumped and then glanced out the window. Was that a full grown dragon poking out of the roof of her school? Celestia smiled. It was a genuine smile. Not just from delight at the small filly’s achievement, but because she had finally found the one. The one with the mark seen on the Tree of Harmony. The one who would grow up to not only save her sister, but all of Equestria. Celestia felt joy as she had been unable to for centuries. But then she noticed who the filly’s parents were. She recognized them instantly: Night Light and Twilight Velvet. The current leaders of the Solar Witnesses, who were already bowing and listing off her many made up titles. Celestia’s smile became forced.