//------------------------------// // 2. Have You the Slightest Clue Who Miss Applejack Even Is? // Story: The Witless // by Reviewfilly //------------------------------// The day started hard for Applejack, who struggled to fight her grogginess from the lack of sleep. But the trees were more important than such luxuries as enough rest, so she was once again out making rounds with her dog, even if she was a bit slower than usual. Suddenly Winona began to growl and bark, but as much Applejack strained her eyes, she couldn’t spot any squirrels this time around. No, as she continued to stare in the low morning fog, her eyes slowly settled on the outline of what appeared to be a pony lounging around on a thick sheet. Applejack whistled to the dog and then nodded towards the mysterious figure. Winona needed no more encouragement, blasting off to meet the intruder and convince them to act suspicious somewhere else. “Oh, hello Winona!” the stranger called out. Her voice sent the dog into awkward silence as faint memories began to emerge in her brain. Her tail slowly began to waggle as the now-distinctly purple pony reached out to scratch behind her ear. “Hi, Applejack! How’s it going?” Applejack too came to a halt as she stared at the mare in front of her in complete shock. “By Granny’s fake teeth, Miss Sparkle, is that you?” she replied with noticeable bashfulness and surprise in her voice. Her question was met with a satisfied chuckle. “Are you really that surprised to see me? Can’t a mare have a bit of leisure time every once in a while?” Twilight asked playfully, pointing at the sheet in front of her, which was full of books—romance novels as far as Applejack could tell, based on the illustrations of mares nuzzling inside. “It’s been ages, I was able to escape the madness of my office.” “I’ve noticed.” Applejack’s voice was cold. She decided not to question the books, but the situation as a whole didn’t sit well with her. The other mare scooched to the side of the sheet, before beckoning her to take the spot next to her. The farmer trotted closer, but remained standing. “So, how’s the family? I hope Granny Smith is still kicking strong.” “She ran off with a Solar rebel, years ago.” “Oh,” Twilight fell silent for a moment, her eyes flicking to the books then back, unsure how to reply to something like that. “And the others?” “Bloom and Mac are fine. How are things on your end, Miss Sparkle?” The mare on the ground stared oddly at Applejack, before beginning to giggle. She rested her head on her hoof. “Are you seriously going to keep calling me ‘Miss Sparkle’?” she asked between two laughs. Applejack fell into awkward contemplation, unsure how exactly she should have addressed her old friend. “Well, what the hay am I supposed to call Her Majesty’s Royal Advisor then?” “Pfft, oh Applejack, being the Royal Advisor doesn’t quite live up to the name.” Twilight looked to the side. “Not anymore anyway. Not to mention, you and me… you know…” She cleared her throat. “Long story short, I don’t want to hear a single more ‘Miss Sparkle’ from you.” The two fell in uneasy silence for a few moments. Then, without warning, Applejack threw herself into Twilight’s hooves, the two laughing and hugging like two fillies in love. They laughed and laughed, not even sure what exactly was so funny. “You’re an absolute rotten apple, ya know?” Applejack said slyly, nuzzling her friend, while the two were still chuckling a little. “I’ve waited years for you to turn up again! Where have you been, sugarcube?” Twilight frowned a little. “It’s a real madhouse up there.” She nodded towards Canterlot’s general direction. A long, drawn-out sigh left her lips. “I hardly have the time to even visit my own family, let alone come down here.” Time flew as the two mares chatted, not as farmer and advisor, but two friends, forgetting about rank and role. The weather, though still cold, began to improve and as the first stronger rays of sunlight made their way through the clouds, Applejack felt a strange nostalgia filling her heart. “So, how are things in Ponyville?” came the sudden question, throwing her odd feelings to the side. “I’m… I’m not quite sure, to tell you the truth,” Applejack replied after a second of thinking. She spent most of her time on the farm, having little reason or opportunity to mingle with the town. “I’ve read that things are going excellently.” “Where did you read that?” “In Ponyville’s mood-report,” Twilight replied, with such innocent certitude that Applejack couldn’t help but agree. “Well, then things must be going excellently,” she finally said with a pinch of uncertainty. In response, she felt Twilight place a hoof on her back and pull her closer. “Come now, Applejack, don’t be so glum. Things will get better, do you trust me on that?” A tight knot unfurled itself inside Applejack’s stomach, as she stared into those gentle, warm eyes. “If it’s you saying so, sugarcube, I’d believe that the sky itself were green.” She enjoyed the warmth of her friend for a few more seconds before slowly separating from her. “Welp, I’m mighty sorry, Twilight. Believe me, I’m happier than a dog herding sheep to see you again, but I really need to make sure my trees are alright.” Twilight closed her books, the metal etchings of mares chasing each other on them glinting treacherously. “Not an issue. Let me accompany you,” she said, and quickly stood up to show her eagerness. Applejack smiled widely. “Sure, Twi, let’s go.” Applejack guided the unicorn around the orchard, pointing out the various trees by name and explaining their various quirks and history. She nearly stopped a few times, embarrassed to be going to such lengths about something her friend might not even care about, but each time Twilight encouraged her to continue with a warm smile and a few insightful questions. It was soon time for Twilight to go, so the duo made their way back to her abandoned reading station. And not a moment too soon, because Twilight herself was slightly shivering from the cold and every once in a while complained that she hadn’t expected the weather to be this frigid today. As they slowly trotted closer, Twilight suddenly yelped and began galloping. “Oh no, my books!” she yelled. Indeed, her treasured reading materials were being plundered by curious squirrels enticed by their bright colors and shiny decorations. Twilight struggled to keep up with the critters and every time she tried to grasp one of them with her telekinesis, she was distracted by another. Applejack spent no time watching her friend struggle, instead she whistled for her dog. Winona, who until now followed the mares quietly, began to loudly bark and chase the pint-sized thieves. The squirrels looked in their direction with panicked eyes and immediately dropped their cargo, scurrying off into the underbrush nearby. Twilight—still panting from exhaustion, her coat visibly slick with sweat—quickly gathered her belongings with her magic. She was about to say something, when her body was suddenly wracked by an ugly fit of coughs, causing her to drop her books. “Oh, clumsy me,” she groaned, gathering them again. “Well, AJ, it was truly great to see you,” she said, her voice suddenly hoarse. “However, I’m having a meeting soon and I really-really should be go—” Before she could even finish the sentence, she coughed and violently shuddered again. “No way, Twi.” Applejack’s voice was adamant. She shook her head, then pointed towards the farm. “You’re coming home with me, this instant.” “But my meeting—” “No ‘buts’. Come.” “It’ll be such a mess if I’m late,” she whimpered. “You’re full of horseapples, Twilight. You can barely stand on your hooves, you won’t be going to any meetings like this. Give those books to me.” Applejack easily wrestled the pile from her friend and stacked it on her back. “There, I’ll carry them for you. Now shut your trap and follow me.” Despite her friend’s weak protests, the two of them made their way back to the farm. Applejack guided Twilight into the guestroom and put her under warm blankets. “Please just promise me you’ll never tell anypony, that me of all ponies got knocked off my hooves by a few squirrels,” Twilight’s frail, pleading voice echoed from between the pillows. “I’d die on the spot from shame.” “Your secret is safe with me, Twi.” Applejack flashed her a warm smile, before turning to Apple Bloom, who was peering through the door with concern written on her face. “Bloom, go get Twilight some tea.” The poor purple mare was visibly shaking by the time she began to sip the hot beverage. Applejack couldn’t bear the sorry sight, so she gathered all the unused sheets and covers from around the house and stacked them atop her shivering friend. And yet, even the hot tea, and even all the sheets stacked as tall as a pony weren’t enough to warm her up. Applejack trotted back out into the kitchen. “Mac,” she leaned close to her brother’s ear. “Be a dear an’ get some life into her, would’ya?” The stallion shyly looked back at his sister. “Y-Yup,” he gulped, then entered the guestroom, closing the door behind himself quietly. A few seconds later the shivering inside stopped. Applejack smiled, considering things a job well-done. Yet, before she could even say a word, she heard knocking from outside once again. It was the two bats. This time Applejack didn’t greet them, just raised a hoof to her lips. “Shh,” she whispered. The old constable immediately bared his fangs at her. “What’s with the ‘shh’? Don’t act so casual with me, Miss. I’m really at my patience’s end. Give me the apples, right now,” he almost screamed at the mare. Applejack winced at the noise. “For the Princess’s sake, be quiet!” she said under her breath. “You’ll disturb the Royal Advisor’s rest.” “The Royal Advisor?” The stallion almost choked on his breath, as he laughed. His lips contorted into a vile smile. “You have the gall to besmirch Her Majesty’s court? That alone is enough to put you away for years, you know?” he spat. Applejack glanced back at the door, then at the the officers. Then she stepped out of the way. “Go ahead then,” she said impassively. “Search to your heart’s content.” They needed no further encouragement. The two guards began to methodically spill the contents of each pot, drawer, and chest they could find, caring little about things breaking or bending. The room was soon filled by loud clattering and banging, as they rifled through utensils, plates, and family heirlooms, tossing them to the side in wild abandon. The stallion was about to leave the kitchen, when the guestroom’s door suddenly began to glow purple before slamming open. Twilight stepped out from the room, her ears hugging her head and her tail flicking wildly. Her face was contorted into a dangerous scowl, as she scanned the scene in front of her. Behind her, still lying under the sheets Big Mac poked out his head confused, with blushing cheeks and his mane slightly gleaming from sweat. “What exactly is going on here?” Twilight asked in a low, foreboding voice. The bats turned towards her, confused at the sight. “And who are you?” the stallion asked. “Who am I? Who am I?! Have you never seen me before?!” came the indignant reply. Twilight’s voice rose in volume as she continued. “At attention, officer, you’re in the presence of your superior. Give me a report, now!” The old batpony tipped his head to the side, thinking hard for a second. Then a switch flicked itself inside his brain and the darkness inside was lit by a memory. His eyes went wide and in a second he jumped into attention, giving the mare a salute. “I report to her Royal Ladyship that we are conducting a search on this house, because we’ve received a report on one earth pony named Applejack, because of strong suspicion of her illegally harvesting apples.” Applejack gave a humble smile. She didn’t even look towards them before speaking up. “Just feel free to, partner. In this house we abide the law.” The guards exchanged anxious looks between each other before looking at the two mares, unsure how to proceed from here. Twilight finally clued them in. “Put everything back into its rightful place this instant,” she barked coldly. The two ponies began to work, placing the various trinkets and baubles back into their containers. Their quiet groaning and grumbling was like music to Applejack’s ears. The Royal Advisor, however, didn’t feel like she’d driven the point home enough yet. “Just remember one thing and remember it well,” she addressed them. “Our enemies are numerous enough already, I don’t want to hear you bothering good, honest ponies like the ones living here ever again. To think you’d intrude on Applejack’s humble farm of all places! Sweet Harmony, have you ponies completely lost your minds?” “B-but the report—” “Tsk, what report?” Twilight’s face flushed deep red from anger. “Nine reports out of ten are complete crud. What if I reported you for praising the Sun or stealing rations. Do you get it now?” “Your Royal Ladyship, I, uhm, I do not,” came the uneasy reply. “It was a very serious anonymous report, written with a typewriter.” That just put the dot on the ‘i’ for Twilight. “Listen. Have you the slightest clue who exactly Miss Applejack even is? What sacrifices this pony and her family made for us?” Twilight’s horn ignited and she slowly moved the table in the middle of the kitchen to the side. The smile froze on Applejack’s face as she slowly realised what was going on. “Twi, don’t worry about it,” she attempted to carefully calm her down. Her attempt, however, was futile. “No, Applejack, I must let these fine guards know who exactly they’ve been heckling until now.” Twilight merely gave her a reassuring smile, before turning back to the bats with the same earth-shattering scowl. She stormed next to the table. “Listen here, you brutes. Just a few years ago this pony here was held against the floor by Solars and threatened with any and all means of coercion so horrid, that whichever methods they teach the likes of you at the Night Guard academy would feel like a light tickle afterwards. “Why was she threatened like this? To give us up. A few other Lunars and I had been hiding under these very floorboards here in a secret little hole for weeks by then. Her family hid us, fed us, and kept us warm, without expecting anything in return. A single word from her would’ve been enough to guarantee her safety and our fall. One word and yet she kept silent and strong for us. “It is only thanks to her that we survived and were able to act as assets to our great Princess’s takeover. So you better start feeling some humility, when you look at her. Just watch!” With that her magic enveloped the trapdoor and opened it, motioning the others to look inside. While the two guards peered into the hole, Twilight triumphantly looked around the room. She caught a glimpse of Applejack sighing and pulling her hat over her eyes. Worry began to stir in her heart. Slowly, very slowly, her gaze passed over to the two bats. They too looked utterly mortified, eyes wide, mouths hanging loose. Twilight took a deep breath and she finally lowered her eyes. The sight of a dozen delicious and deeply illegal apple dishes revealed itself to her. Fritters, pies, jam, anything pony ingenuity could think of filled her vision. The Royal Advisor felt a cold emptiness fill her. She took a silent step back. “Guards,” she ordered them flatly, looking at nothing in particular. “Do your duty. The law applies to Lunarists a good ten-, even hundredfold as much.” Then she turned back to Applejack. “I’m so sorry, AJ. You have to understand that I really don’t have any choice in the matter.” Applejack nodded, that she did. “Can I at least say my goodbyes to my little sister and my brother?” she asked. The batpony stallion looked at Twilight, whose venomous glare read as an obvious “yes”, so he nodded. “Until then we’ll soak these in salt-water,” he declared, nodding towards the basement. “D-do we have to?” his partner asked, licking her lips, as she stared at the food-art below. “Yes.” He gulped scornfully. “There wouldn’t be anything left as evidence for the trial otherwise.” Soon the deed was done and the bountiful harvest was ruined. Applejack hugged Apple Bloom and Big Mac, then allowed her hooves to be cuffed. Twilight looked at her with a broken frown. “I really am very sorry, Applejack.” “Don’t worry about it, Twi. It happens to the best of us.” She shrugged a little. “Now be good you two.” Having said her final goodbye, Applejack allowed herself to be led away.