"Hello, Youtube. It’s me, the sexiest quantum physicist around. Boy, do I have a treat for you. Oh, and also, girl, do I have a treat for you. But no girl, except for me, has joined my channel. I know because I checked the statistics. Why you no like physics, girlfriends? Well, until I get more female competition in my field, I get to stay the sexiest physicist around.
“Now to the pressing subject: clothes. Turns out there’s a fine line between showing and being exposed. Since I don’t want to get banned from Youtube again I’m wearing pantyhose on top of my undies. I hope you’re finally happy, Youtube purists!
“I’m sorry, y’all. I’m on my period and I’m a bit on the edge. Well, more than usual.
“But I digress.” I turned to the sheet that was covering my newest invention. “I need to show you this.”
The sheet flew off and I squeeed upon seeing my pride and joy. “I know it looks like a heap of garbage, but I assure you, it’s not. It’s only made out of garbage. And that is its most special feature: you can build it yourself from the things you probably have at home.”
“You will, however, have to throw everything and a kitchen sink at it to work. And yes kitchen sink as well. It will act as a barrier marker for enacting the boundaries of the quantum transfer slice of space. You know, so that some appendages don’t stay behind. We wouldn’t wanna have that. Online inquisitors call me ‘not safe for work’ but as you can see, I’m the very definition of safety. I could have just shown you how to build this device without a kitchen sink, but I care, to an extent, for your safety and your limbs.
“What does it do? Well, it’s like a teleporter. I say ‘like’ because it isn’t. It only connects to the teleportation field that I’ve already established with a machine that I’ve been working on all my life.”
“And before you ask, yes, I know about the recent robberies of quantum technology centers around my home and how dare you suggest I had anything to do with them! I wouldn’t tell you even if I had something to do with that and I’m not telling you anything. Besides, I don’t know what all the fuss is about. The laboratories were all publicly founded and will get compensated for their losses. Technically, the taxpayers will pay for it, but since it’s for science, it makes it okay. It does! Sometimes progress requires some sacrifices.
“It sure is a coincidence that the permanent quantum tunnel formed right after all that equipment was stolen from the laboratories, isn’t it? But let’s not ruminate on happy coincidences I surely had absolutely nothing to do with.
“Back to my puppy, which is not a piece of junk! I called it a teleporter before, but it’s really not. It’s more of a disintegration oven. It just kills you. Like, really kills you on an atomic level. Though that’s not entirely accurate, either. This is just a beacon, it’s my machine in the basement that locates you and kills you. The point is, all that’s left of the user are the primordial energies which are instantly located with my actual teleporter which entangles them to the other side.
“For that, it needs to borrow energy, and that dept is instantly repaid with your remains on this side of the field. Due to quantum entanglement, the conditions for matter formation are established on the other side. That matter that happens to pop up in existence just happens to be the very user who got disintegrated.
“When I say the other side, I have a specific set of quantum coordinates in mind, and if I told you how I managed to obtain them without measuring them on the physical spot, you wouldn’t believe me.
“This will be my first time going there. I won’t tell you where, but I can say with confidence that there are sunshine and rainbows there.
“To get back, you simply build another device. Or you can be as smart as me and just take a smaller, less junky, version of it with you.” I showed the quantum beacon to the camera. “It looks like a car key, and it only has one button, but trust me, it’s one of the most advanced pieces of engineering on this planet.
“Technically, you don’t need this device, but then you’d be stuck there until you find yourself a kitchen sink with the rest of the stuff needed. Then again if you decide to stay there, you don’t need it period. Note, however, that I’m the only one pervy to this portable device. I meant to say privy!
“This stream is already getting too long, so just check the description if you want to build this device yourself. With that, I’m off to committing suicide. It won’t even be my machine that kills me, it’s the virtual borrowed particles that do all the disintegration into nothingness. But who cares because an exact copy of me will be created. It’s just like teleportation, just with more death.”
I stepped into the kitchen sink and all I saw next was a flash of light.
Instantly, the world around me changed into a new one. The atmospheric pressure was different, air composition, smell…
There was smoke and devastation all around me. “For the love of Einstein, what in singularity happened here?”
The rumbling noises subsided and I heard moaning all around me.
A flap of wings in the air and a wish of a tail in a corner of my vision distracted me from the mayhem. For a moment, a silhouette blocked the few rays of the new sun that managed to perturb through the thick smog. “You!” Something landed hard behind me. “You did this!”
As I turned around, all I saw was a hoof in my face then the world went black.
Ringing in my head. Darkness. Pain.
In the distance, there were voices...
“Twilight, is it safe to talk here? After what it did to Ponyville, I would have preferred if it was kept in Canterlot’s dungeons. Or even lower than that; in the ground.”
“My Crystal castle is no substitute for a dungeon, though it does feel like one with my friends gone… But don’t worry, Celestia. She’s firmly secured. My laboratory held far worse threats to Equestria than her.”