I hadn’t been dreaming recently.
Well, by ‘recently’, I meant since I first came to Canterlot. I’d noticed it each time I slept, but I usually had more pressing issues yelling at me from behind my eyes. Even when I gave it more than a few second’s thought, I dismissed it as something Luna was doing; which might have been exactly the case and I could just be overthinking it.
Still, I couldn’t help but ponder it when I woke up. Was I giving myself a break from dreaming? Or maybe I just didn’t remember them anymore. Asking Luna crossed my mind, only to be stunted when I realized that meant she’d likely have to peer into my mind and possibly find out just how intact my memory actually was. That wasn’t worth the risk.
With a rub of my eyes, I got out of bed, stretching until there was that satisfying popping sensation in my spine. I tried to fix the sheets and adjust the pillows to how I saw them when I first came in, only to get frustrated when none of them stayed where I wanted them to and the blankets kept pulling off of the corners.
I gained a newfound admiration for whoever’s job it was to do that every day.
“Chara? I sure hope that’s you in there and not some intruder I would have to tackle to the ground and arrest.”
Brash’s loud voice in the morning had become less startling each day. I smirked a little, shaking my head as I pivoted to the door.
“It is. You can come in.”
“Sweet.”
As they opened the door and began combing through the room, I placed my backpack on the edge of the bed and searched through my inventory; keeping my hand close to my chest so they wouldn’t think anything was off.
Though I’m sure anxiety was going to make me check again before I left, everything was there. The only thing that gave me pause was a cupcake near the bottom, the description only reading ‘a caramel treat for the weary’. A few seconds went by of me completely blanking until it dawned on me that it was the cupcake I’d brought from Sugarcube Corner before we went to the farm, and I could have sworn I’d eaten it. More than once, even.
It was just the last reset where I’d forgotten about it.
I selected it, holding it in my hands. It was still exactly how it looked when I plucked it from the kitchen. In fact, it was even still warm. Maybe the backpack had some sort of stasis effect that keeps whatever I put in it exactly how it is? At some point, I’m sure I told myself to figure out how it worked.
“Yep, everything’s exactly where it's been since before Chara came in; told ya there wasn’t a point in checking. Lust, it's her last day, so let’s just-woah!” The moment she spotted the cupcake in my hand, her wings shot out to the sides as if they’d broken through invisible restraints and she zoomed towards me. Within a second, she was hovering next to me with her eyes locked on the treat. “That looks delicious, are you going to eat it?”
“I-” While I wasn’t hungry, it was certainly tempting to start my day with Pinkie’s baking. I could even describe exactly how it would taste: the sweetness of the caramel, the tenderness of the frosting. All culminated together with the softness of the dough into something that could satiate my hunger and I’d still want another.
Even with all of this, something deep in my stomach told me I wouldn’t be able to get much of it down.
“No, it’s too sweet for me. Here,” I offered it to her. “You can have it.”
“Oh hay yes.”
I didn’t even feel her take it out of my hands. One second I had a warm pastry in my palms, the next it was mostly in her mouth as she entered some visible state of bliss. Luster walked over, not even raising an eyebrow at Brash.
“Don’t mind her; she doesn’t get sweets often. Don’t tell anyone, but Brash is a lot more insecure about her weight than she looks.”
“Am not.” She retorted, still scarfing down the cupcake.
“Anyway, do you have everything? Princess Celestia told us to take you back to Ponyville right after breakfast. However, you are permitted to stay until dusk if you like.”
“I do.” I confirmed as I slipped the backpack on, finding myself startled by its weightlessness no matter how many times I wore it. “Did Celestia say she wanted me to stay longer?”
“The Princess didn’t express an interest either way.”
“Oh.”
There was a small, bizarre prick of disappointment in my chest. I decided not to dwell on it, glancing at the bathroom as I contemplated taking a shower first, then shaking my head. I could do that at Fluttershy’s.
I stifled a smile at the tingle of joy that thought sparked.
“Will I be going back in a chariot?”
“Yes, but not directly into Ponyville. You will be dropped on the outskirts and then we’ll be escorting you there.”
I squeezed the straps of my backpack, furrowing my eyebrows as Brash finished speaking and used some tissues on the nightstand to wipe her face. “Why? Did something happen?”
“Probably not. Miss Twilight sent The Princess a letter just the other day.” Brash spoke up as she placed the box back on the nightstand. “Whatever it is, you’re stuck with us just a little longer. Sucks I didn’t get to hear your piano playing.”
“It’s pretty good.” Luster added, horn flickering to life as she adjusted the tissue box to exactly where it was before Brash used it. “I’ve gone to a couple of performances and auditions for my sister, and you’re better than most of them. Could make a living off of it if you wanted.”
“I don’t,” I pursed my lips, fidgeting as I tried to ignore the growing heat in my face. “I’m not that good, but thank you.”
“Are you sure? I could get you a gig easily; Cres is always looking for piano players. She could even get you a small crowd for your first time.”
“Crowd?” I whispered, picturing Luna’s theater filled with ponies staring at me, watching and judging every stroke of the piano, just waiting for me to make a single mistake.
A wave of sickening anxiety rippled through me.
“I think I’d rather die.”
Luster raised an eyebrow at my mutter before glancing down at my hands and then to Brash, saying something that only her eyes could convey before turning back to me. “I see; I didn’t realize your stage fright was that bad. Sorry for even suggesting it.”
“You really shouldn’t say stuff like that, Char. I don’t know if it's normal wherever you’re from-though I guess you wouldn’t know either- but saying stuff like that tends to make ponies worry about you.”
There was an almost sardonicism to Brash’s voice, which did little to bury the layer of concern underneath. Her words were strikingly similar to what Cadance told me, in fact. Had I really been saying things like that often enough to be noticed?
‘Do you care about others that much, or yourself that little?’
Fluttershy’s words stuck out like a face scar; ringing with a stabbing accuracy. She’d tried so hard to get me to stop bad habits and care about myself, yet I couldn’t even do that much for her.
“You’re right.” I said with a slump of my shoulders. “I’ll try to stop.”
“That’s not-” Luster nudged Brash, shaking her head as they once again had a brief conversation with only their expressions. Brash sighed, lowering her head as her wings ruffled. “Yeah, okay. We should get going; should have been at breakfast three minutes ago.”
With a tilting of her head, Brash began walking towards the door with Luster at her side. I had expected Luster to watch me out of the corner of her vision like I’d occasionally catch her doing. Instead, she hardly glanced at me; or anything, really. Her and Brash often had some idle chatter while they escorted me, but that was completely lacking now.
It wasn’t quite a tense silence, either. Her mind was somewhere else, body just going through the frequently repeated motions and pathways. Had I just lost her interest? Not that I was certain she was ever really interested in me, anyway. It felt like I’d messed up somewhere or said the wrong thing.
Problem was, I didn’t even know where.
_______
My last breakfast with Celestia didn’t carry the rigid awkwardness all the previous ones had. Maybe it was because of what we talked about in the wine cellar, or just as likely that I didn’t hold this cloud of uncertainty about what would happen to me and how careful I had to be with what I said around her anymore.
It was nice to just relax.
I stared at the two burritos on my plate; somewhat astonished at how filled they were with various things without any of it spilling out. Even as I picked one up, nothing fell out. Just as well, it was comfortably warm to the touch. Living at the castle for the short time I have has led me to appreciate just how skilled the staff really were.
“Have you never seen a burrito before?” Celestia asked from the other side of the table, placing various fruits from a bowl in the center and adding them into her oatmeal.
“I have. Just not one so well rolled.” I replied as I took a bite out of it. I could make out the eggs, cheese, and potatoes pretty easily. They blended together very well despite being distinct from each other flavor wise. “Never had them for breakfast, either.”
“I actually had not until rather recently. The chef informed me his assistant had returned from vacation with a few recipes they wanted to experiment with in the kitchen; I was more than happy to test the first sample. It’s not something I’d have every morning, but I thought you might want to give it a try.” Her lips curled into a smile as she took a bite from her oatmeal, apparently satisfied with it. “Do you not like it? It would hardly be an inconvenience to have something else made if you’d prefer.”
“No, I like it. I guess some part of me expected you to give me something with chocolate in it before I left.”
“Oh?” she tilted her head. “Even though you said you didn’t want to have chocolate all the time because then you might not like it anymore?”
“Mm,” I hummed, twirling the fork on the table as I lowered my head. “I did say that, didn’t I?”
“Unless my age is finally catching up to me, you indeed did.” Celestia cleared her throat, pouring herself a cup of tea and lifting an empty one in my direction. I waved my hand, happy with just the small mug of apple juice. “Now then, I’m sorry to ruin the mood, but there is something I’d like to discuss with you before you go.”
I popped whatever was left of the first burrito in my mouth, abruptly swallowing at the shift to seriousness in her tone. My fingers shook as I gripped the mug, taking a much louder and longer sip than I first intended to.
“As you might have guessed, I would have liked to keep you here much longer. Even before what happened with The Diamond Dogs, many things about you warranted concern: Your supposed amnesia, that your conjured item is a knife, the flower residue that leaks from your eyes.” Celestia closed her eyes. The sound of her cup hitting the table echoed throughout the room. “I can think of only a few things that would explain your aversion to physical contact, none of which are good. I won’t dare to guess; it would be nothing more than conjecture after all.”
I practically shrunk under every word, slouching into the chair and trying to retain some fragment of composure. As she opened her eyes, she didn’t look up, locking her gaze on the cup like she was expecting her reflection to tell her something. I couldn’t help but wonder how much was what Twilight suspected, and how much was what Celestia had concluded after watching me.
“It couldn’t be more blatant to me you need help, or at least some kind of guidance. For not being able to give that to you, I am sorry. Time truly has been something I have too much of but never enough.” Her half-lidded eyes stared into nothingness, posture wavering as her eyebrows gathered into a painful grimace. “There’s really never enough.”
Her uttering was weary and unsettling, heavy with a contagious exhaustion. My muscles felt heavier as I moved, trying not to bite down too hard as I grit my teeth.
“Is that why Luna and Cadance have been so nice to me?” I asked, ignoring the chair digging into the back of my knees. “Because you told them I needed help?”
“No, not at all.” Celestia took a tentative sip of her tea, which seemed to reinvigorate her. “They did that of their own volition. Their actions and their reasons behind them were their own; Luna in particular had quite the interest in you after she took you to that play. Alas, my direct attention will be needed far more immediately than I feared. It is somewhat relieving that Twilight and her friends are in one place so close to Canterlot. Regardless, I don’t want to bore you with frivolous details in our last conversation for quite a while.”
“For quite a while?” I echoed. “Do you want me to come back?”
“My wants are irrelevant. While I extend an invitation for you to visit whenever you want, I’d hope it’d only be because you want to be here. However, I don’t want to diverge too much from my original point.”
She glanced to the side of me where my now empty mug sat; I must have been nervously drinking it while she talked and not noticed. Celestia lifted the second teacup in my direction and filled it after I gave a reluctant nod.
“Relevantly, signs here and there have led me to believe you aren’t particularly fond of yourself. I would even wager that’s where Fluttershy and Twilight’s concern stemmed from; I can’t imagine this most recent incident kept that self-loathing at bay. Do you have an inkling to change, Chara? Or will you keep hurting yourself even though there are those that care about you?”
No matter how many times I’d spoken with her, the way she’d perfected saying anything in a casual tone was always off putting; all while keeping eye contact and hovering the tea over to me. I held it in my quivering grip, not even registering the heat as I bit my tongue.
“I’ve been trying to.”
“I’m sure you have; by yourself. In that sense, you remind me of Twilight before Ponyville.” She set her bowl of oatmeal to the side, straightening her posture with her horn going just a few inches over the top of her large chair. “Chara, as someone who has seen this time and time again, I can not suggest highly enough to confide in someone. Just having one person to bare yourself to can be the greatest push for growth.”
As I took a sip from the sweltering tea, the first night at the rock farm creeped its way to my thoughts: how I’d confessed to Fluttershy and she forgave me for it without a second thought. How she trusted me the next morning when I begged for it, and even gave me a chance to explain after I lied to her.
She even believed my promise to tell her everything when she had every reason not to.
“Ok,” The tea was as sweet as it was hot. It singed a little as it went down my throat and settled in my stomach, but was lukewarm compared to the burning that came with resetting that I’d unfortunately gotten used to.
“I have an option that I believe you should consider. To be concise, this is not an ultimatum. There is nothing I expect you to do, nor are there any expectations I want you to meet. If you want to pursue this, tell Twilight before she sends her next letter that ‘you’re interested’, and I’ll have things arranged.”
I couldn’t imagine saying something so ominous to Twilight without her getting suspicious, assuming she didn’t bombard me with questions on the spot; or just ignored me.
The idea of being ignored pierced me with a disgusting terror, tremors going down my arms as I squeezed myself still; unable to stop myself from imagining her and the others doing just that. I could only desperately hope that’s not what they’d do.
“Have what arranged?” I whispered, staring at my reflection in the tea like Celestia had. The moment I saw those cursed crimson pupils of mine, made only more prominent by the paleness of my skin and the bags under my eyes, I placed it back on the table and pushed it as far out of sight as I could.
“There’s a friend of mine, or perhaps I should say Sunny Shores, who specializes in treating problems such as yours. She owes me a favor, and most of her current patients are approaching the end of their issues. My friend’s name is Clear Mind, and she’s one of the better therapists I’ve encountered in my olden lifetime.”
She crossed her legs, adjusting herself as she leaned forward and looked at me expectantly. I lifted my chin, raising an eyebrow as I waited for her to explain what a ‘therapist’ was. An awkward moment of staring and blinking at one another followed.
“What’s, uh,” I tapped a finger against one of the chair grips. “A ‘therapist’?”
“You don’t know what a therapist is?” I shook my head.
She responded by curving her lips into an ‘o’ shape.
“It’s someone who helps others through their problems by talking about them; usually the pony is well studied and trained in a specific methodology for particular issues.”
“So a stranger that I tell everything about myself to?”
“A well-informed and capable stranger, but yes. I would personally recommend her if that would ease your worries.”
“Why would I tell everything about myself to a stranger if I already have someone I’m confiding in?”
“Because not only are they prepared to help you, but since they’re strangers, you don’t have to worry about them judging you for whatever you tell them or for it possibly hindering your friendship with them. There’s a certain security in baring yourself to a stranger, as bizarre as that may sound.”
“That’s,” As initially absurd as that statement sounded, a few seconds of thought didn’t bring any obvious fault to mind. “I guess that makes sense.”
“The strangest things in life make sense, even when you feel they shouldn’t.” She stated with a polite drink of her tea. “That’s all I wanted to discuss. Now, we can sit in silence as you eat that other burrito. Or you can leave if you’ve lost your appetite, the choice is yours.”
Celestia nonchalantly slid the bowl back towards her, covering it in her golden aura with a flash. I shifted my attention to the remaining burrito, expecting it to be cold when I picked it up.
To my delightful surprise, it was still very warm.
_____________
It was roughly noon as I left the castle, once again escorted by Brash and Luster. Canterlot at the peak of daytime was overwhelmingly active from what I could see; streets overfilling with ponies like a river bursting through a dam. It was loud, but not with ambitious music like the night prior.
I think I preferred it at night, or perhaps just the night in general.
The chariot was waiting right outside, and was larger than the one I was brought in; only one pegasus was attached to it. Brash galloped up to him, trying to strike up a conversation as she strapped the harness to herself. He didn’t react at first, responding without so much as glancing at her while keeping a stoic expression. However, after a couple moments of consistent prodding, he cracked and started interacting with her, the slightest of smiles on his face.
“Good morning, Chara. I hope breakfast went well.”
I recognized Cadance’s voice instantly, along with that quiver of fear just underneath that she only held when she talked to me. As soon as I saw her, my eyes dropped to her chest where a familiar frightened bunny was held.
“Lumi?”
She responded immediately to the name I’d given her- or maybe just my voice- as she hopped out of Cadance’s hold and into my fumbling grip; if she wasn’t adorably light, I would have dropped her. Lumi was as warm and soft as any other time I touched her, if a bit frightened. Every stroke of her fur brought a relieving peace to my body, leaking out tension I’d gotten so used to being there.
“Lumi? I didn’t realize you’d named her.”
“I didn’t want to originally, but Celestia convinced me it was a good idea.” I said as I stopped holding her by her back, instead pressing her against my chest and just playing with her ears. “Why’d you bring her here?”
“She’s your gift!” Cadance made an attempt at enthusiasm, giving me a smile that came off more as a painful wince. “Animals here are really shy and rarely warm up to anypony until they’ve been around for weeks. Lumi clearly likes you a lot, and you like her, so why not bring her back with you to Ponyville? I’ve already asked Auntie for permission, of course.”
“What? I can’t just-” I cut myself off as I looked down at the bunny in my arms, who was still stiff in my grip. I gently placed her on the ground, trying not to giggle as she sat on my foot and her fur rubbed against my leg. “Doesn’t she belong here? I already have a rabbit waiting for me at home.”
“That may be so, but what about a jackalope? There are already plenty of those here, and Celestia doesn’t mind losing one. Especially when that jackalope is going to be staying with Fluttershy, who I’m sure would be ecstatic.”
“Jackalope? But Lumi doesn’t,” I recalled hearing about rabbits with deer-like antlers named jackalopes in some of the books at Golden Oak. As I reached down to pet her, I paid attention for any bumps or anything that stuck out, only to find nothing. “She doesn’t have any antlers.”
“Not yet. She’s quite young, they should be growing in any time now though. Of course, if you don’t want her, then I can take her back.”
“Chara,” Luster spoke up, causing me to jump as I’d nearly forgotten she was there. “Refusing a gift from a princess is considered extremely disrespectful, I wouldn-”
“This isn’t a gift from a princess.”
Her jaw slammed shut as soon as Cadance spoke, despite her voice lacking in any seriousness.
“This is a gift from a pony named Cadance, that is all. If Chara doesn’t want to take Lumi with her, then that’s the end of it.” she turned to me, tightly clasping her hands together and trying to hide her shaking beneath her wings. “I can take her back to the garden right now.”
“Hmm.” I droned, peeking at the ball of fluff at my feet. She stared at me with those sweet little beady eyes, similar to Angel’s but carrying a uniqueness I just couldn’t find the right words to describe. I couldn’t help but imagine Fluttershy’s expression upon seeing her; I couldn’t lie to myself this time either and pretend I had no attachment to her at all. Fleeting or not, she offered me moments of tranquil bliss that I needed.
“Ok, I’ll take her.”
Cadance’s lips upturned into a hesitant yet sincere smile, taking a few steps back and letting out a sigh that turned into a shaky giggle. “That’s great. Then I’ll leave her in your hands; there’s unfortunately some business I have to attend to. I hope you have a safe trip back.”
“You as well, Princess.” Luster said as she bowed.
She winced, clenching her jaw as she tried to look anywhere else. With a nod, she went inside the castle, leaving Lumi entirely to me. I let out a breath I’d been holding since I heard Cadance’s voice, then picked Lumi up and walked towards the chariot. The desire to talk to Luster poked me from the back of my mind, stirred by a hazy curiosity and urge to leave on relatively good terms.
“Thanks for helping me with Dark.” I had waited until we got in the carriage, letting Lumi rest on my lap and hop around a little until she was comfortable. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“It’s not a big deal. It was that, or sit around and listen to Brash talk about her O&O ideas she’d run if we got a few more players.” She deadpanned, intensely watching Lumi.
“We good back there?” Brash shouted.
“Should be.” She glanced at me for confirmation, to which I nodded. “Yeah, we’re good.”
“Sweet.”
Brash and the other pegasus began running forward, pulling the carriage with ease as they picked up pace. After spreading their wings and hopping off the edge, we were soaring through the sky of Canterlot. The wind was so strong it stung whenever we turned, pushing back all my hair and popping my ears. Poor Lumi was freaked out by it, and pressed against my stomach while shaking like a leaf.
“What’ll you guys do after you get back?”
“Actually, after that business with Umbra Moon-”
“You’re doing that on purpose.”
She glanced at me for a second, the corners of her lips curling into what I’d hesitantly describe as a smile before just as quickly dropping. “I might be. Brash mentioned she wants to get back to being a bailbondspony if she can. I’m going to apply and work with her if I can. If that doesn’t pan out, I’ll probably just take up Captain Shining Armor’s offer since I haven’t really been out of Canterlot for a long time.”
I tried to speak, only to feel a tiny, disgustingly warm object shoot down my throat and lodge itself there; I realized when I felt it start moving what it was. I immediately started coughing, stifling a gag as I spit it out.
“Oh yeah, probably shouldn’t be talking. You’ll catch bugs.”
“I noticed.” I sputtered out.
While the rest of the ride was silent, at least it was short. It must have been the trepidation during the first ride that made it seem so drawn out. There were more birds flying around than pegasi soon enough, some of which were kinds I’d never seen before. As I watched them fly, I saw that they all were going away from Ponyville. Many were in flocks like they were migrating.
We landed a lot sooner than I expected, with Ponyville still somewhat far and just on the outskirts of a forest. Brash immediately started unstrapping herself as the chariot hit the ground, whispering something to the other pegasi as he nodded and stiffened.
“These are the outskirts? It’s not as close as I thought it’d be.” I asked out loud as I scooped up Lumi.
“Princess Celestia’s orders: We’re to park a mile outside Ponyville, escort you there, and return to the carriage.” Luster answered in a monotone voice, opening the chariot door and then stepping out as she waited for me to follow. “I’ve never been here before. It’s very pretty.”
“Really?” I looked around the forest, placing Lumi on the ground and experiencing a short burst of fear as I questioned if she’d just run off into the wilderness. Luckily, she stayed near me as I took a few experimental steps forward and stopped. “I think Canterlot is pretty in its own way. Then again, I’d lived near a forest like this for a while and I hadn’t seen a city until now.”
“All I’ve ever seen are cities.” She muttered, taking a deep breath. “That’s partly why I’m thinking about going with Captain Shining Armor; he travels all around Equestria and occasionally outside of it. I’d like to see something new.”
“We can do that as bailbondsponies too! There’s plenty of missing ponies outside Canterlot.” Brash exclaimed as she walked up to us, gesturing with her wing towards a pathway that led to Ponyville. “We’d have to get traveling visas, which is a lot of paperwork, but probably not more than we usually do.”
“Didn’t you mention that you’d only be able to work as a bailbondspony in other places because of your experience as one? How do you expect me to come with you?”
“Already got that covered,” Luster walked alongside Brash. I shuffled behind, keeping an eye on Lumi as she hopped within one foot of me. “By a technicality, you do have experience; by shadowing me! Since we’ve been working together for as long as I’ve been a bailbondspony. At least, that’s what you’ll put on your application, right?”
Brash wiggled her eyebrows, nudging Luster with her elbow.
“Of course, you’ve taught me so much about finding a Canterlot noble that didn’t show up in their fanciest attire to a court hearing.”
As they bantered, I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to ignore the growing worry in my chest. There was an eerie lack of sound as we walked, one that had never been present before. Birds chirping, animals scurrying, branches breaking, some kind of sound was always being made; there was never any silence. I rarely paid attention to it before, but now that it was gone I couldn’t help wonder where all the noise had gone.
Soon, Ponyville came into sight; which did little to lessen my unease. The buildings all appeared exactly how I remembered them. It took a few seconds for the reason it felt so off to finally click.
“They knew we were coming, right?” I asked.
“Princess Celestia told Twilight you would be coming sometime today, and she likely told her friends, so yes.”
“Then shouldn’t they be waiting for us?”
“Not necessarily, but,” Luster abruptly stopped, followed by Brash. “It is a little weird that there aren’t any ponies walking around; are they having a town meeting or something?”
“Could be having their monthly monster attack? I’ve heard they have those pretty often since they live beside The Everfree Forest.” Brash leaned back on her hooves, hopping into the air and spreading her wings as she hovered there. “I could shoot forward and check things out; shouldn’t take more than three minutes or so-”
Luster craned her neck, clutching her fist and spinning on her heel. Her pupils shook as she leered into the forest, tightening her jaw and opening her mouth as her horn began sparking with purple magic.
“Take Chara to-”
There was a flash of bright green, then I was on the ground. No transition, no sensation of falling or even pain; just the world shifting upward until all I could make out were a few rocks on the path and the distant Ponyville. Once the green had vanished, lurking shadows snuck up on my vision until what I could see was limited to an ever shrinking hole. Of which all I could discern was a smaller blaze of magic and then nothing.
Just as well, I was deaf to any sound that didn’t come from my body. My heartbeat, reminiscent of a hammer being slammed against my skull with gradually more pressure, only got louder with my shallow breaths. The time between each one grew shorter with every inhale, to the point where I was hyperventilating. The darkness pulsated and consumed more of my vision until I couldn’t see anything at all.
With one last exhale, followed by a desperate attempt to move anything other than my eyes back and forth, I lost consciousness.
___
Instead of dreaming, or a lack of it, there was a string of memories. None of which followed any pattern, or were around long enough for me to piece together when it was from. Some came from my village, but most were from my time with Asriel. They continued on until my memories of The Rock Farm came into focus briefly.
It was hard to believe how recent it was, and how long ago it felt.
I tried opening my eyes, finding it to be much more of a struggle than anytime before. Despite doing so, the inside of wherever I was barely had any light aside from some glowing that I couldn’t move my head to see.
Actually, I couldn’t move at all.
No matter how much I struggled, it was like trying to move through mud that turned into rock the second I resisted it. It was also really warm, sickeningly so. My head wasn’t covered in whatever it was, leading to it being contrastingly as cold as wherever I was. I managed to raise my head enough to see what was encasing me, only to have more questions: it was some kind of…gel? One that kept a sort of spiral shape around me, and was completely transparent; So much it was like looking in a mirror.
After a few feverous blinks, my eyesight adjusted enough to make out that the glowing was coming from above me. Several of the same kind of pod things were hanging from the ceiling, though these ones were completely covering the heads of those in it. Mostly animals of varying size, many of which were in much smaller pods to accommodate.
Two though were actual ponies, farther than I could move my head enough to make out properly. They were both blue, albeit different shades, and one of them had a horn. Anything past that was indistinguishable.
“Took you long enough.”
A grating, spite filled voice cracked the layer of silence. I mistook it for a pony at first, only for that misconception to be tossed aside when they had literal holes in them; mostly in their arms and legs. None of which affected their mobility as they moved towards me. A black carapace taking the place of a coat, complimented by a gradual shift into a brilliant green at there hands and hooves.
Just as horrifying were their wings, also having holes, which seemed impractical. Light blue and translucent, fluttering rapidly as it flew over to me.
“How curious, you’re much punier than I expected.” It remarked with a scoff, harlequin eyes poking through vines of dark cerulean hair. It took slow, drawn out steps as it circled around me; each stomp followed by a strange clacking noise I didn’t recognize. “You killed those diamond dogs by yourself? I’d laugh if it wasn’t so pathetic.”
Once it faced me again, I found the source of the clacking: a lion’s paw. It was decently sized, and slapped against her carapace with every movement. Attached to its neck via a golden-chain necklace; put on the outside of its tattered white gown, as if to display it to the world.
I sharply inhaled, trying to jump back and, in my fear, briefly forgetting how futile that was.
“Are you,” My throat was so dry it hurt to speak, voice cracking as I broke into a coughing fit. I couldn’t turn my head away or even look anywhere but her eyes, showing a flipped version of my reflection. “A changeling?”
“Oh? You’ve heard about little old me?” She said in a mocking tone, bringing her hand to her chest and rolling her eyes. “What a daft question; of course I’m a changeling. In fact, I’m the Queen of changelings, the same queen who’s meticulous planning you’ve been foiling!”
Her forked tongue resembled a snake as she hissed at me, somehow not getting any spit on the only part of me not obscured.
“What?” I haven’t,” I croaked, trying to get my head as far away from her as possible. As I tried to look anywhere but my distorted reflection, I saw familiar, jagged obsidian rocks spread out on the floor. All of which, while being different sizes and shapes, were made of the same material.
There’s no way that bug was ever going to give us our pup’s back.
The scarred dog’s raspy words whispered in my ear from far beyond the grave, resonating with a meaning that only truly clicked when it was far too late.
“It’s you,” I mewled, lowering my head as I clenched my fist; or at least tried to. “You’re the one who took the diamond dogs children.”
“Well done, you’ve managed to ascertain the obvious.” She jeered, spreading her punctured wings as she flew up to the pods hanging from the ceiling. “Yet you haven’t pieced together that I never stole those curs in the first place; that would have been far more effort than they’d have been worth. No, it was far simpler to have some of my drones change themselves to resemble the pups and convince those muts with some photos.”
She attached herself to one of the pods, aligning her head with the animal's chest as she extended her jaw. With a whisk, her curved horn lit up in the same green magic I’d seen earlier and a pink mist flowed out of them. I could only watch in horror as she ate it, smiling with what I could only describe as glee while the strange smog slid down her throat. The animal inside scrunched its face, but didn’t wake up regardless of its essence being consumed.
“And you had to kill them. Couldn’t even do that right since you missed the one who reported everything to me.” She remarked as she closed her mouth, hovering by each of the pods and prodding them. “No matter, they served their purpose. In spite of your tampering, I triumphed. Like a boon from chaos himself, you walked right into my sentries with three meals and a gift-wrapped chariot. For that, you have my reluctant gratitude.”
“Meals?” The thought of summoning my knife crossed my mind, which I dismissed just as quickly. Even if I managed to conjure it, it’d be useless since I can’t move. “Where are Brash and Luster?”
“I presume those are the two lapdogs that were with you? They’re currently in the woods somewhere, soon to add to the feast I’m preparing for my hive. I can hardly wait to see Twilight Sparkle’s face! I was so close in Canterlot! This time, she won’t be given the chance to sleuth me out.” The Changeling Queen cackled to herself, snacking on every individual in the pods. “First, her precious friends will perish, rendering the elements of harmony useless. Then Ponyville, and soon after, I can finish Celestia after she’s drowned in trepidation. Whether Discord is actually resurrected and willing to grant a wish is just a bonus.”
She could only be referring to Fluttershy and the others. Once again, I squirmed in the goop that entrapped me. With every movement, it was sapping whatever little strength I had. It wouldn’t work, nothing would work.
Brash and Luster must be trying to warn them right now, assuming they didn’t already. I couldn’t tell how much time had passed while I was asleep, but considering they weren’t in here as pods it can’t have been that much. The moment they tell Twilight, she’ll formulate some plan to deal with them, and everything will work out.
Without a doubt, Fluttershy would try to convince them to save me first. I doubt they would, and I’d be stuck until the changelings were dealt with, and that was fine.
I just needed to buy them as much time as I could.
“He won’t grant your wish.” I whispered. It was quiet enough that I knew she’d hear me no matter how meek my voice was. “Not in the way you want him to.”
“Oh, please.” She said with a scoff, landing on the ground in front of me. “I couldn't care less about the tarnished hopes the other zealots carry. They strive to resurrect a long dead god, I want to feed my kind on the nigh infinite abundance of love Equestria thrives with; it just so happens our methods of achieving that are the same. I’m not foolish enough to believe an entity of entropy would fulfill any desire.”
“Then they’re just a tool of revenge for you? Why can’t you just talk to them? I’m sure Celestia woul-”
“What, comply? That we’d come to some kind of accord? Don’t make me laugh. How ignorant of you to think that’s never been tried numerous times before me, and yet we’ve still been reduced to feeding on feral animals while Celestia holds more nourishment than we could ever need!” Her face contorted into a hate filled scowl, horn sparking with magic so bright it hurt to stare at for too long. “Here you are, having been pampered and sheltered by the very ponies you killed for, lecturing me on how there could be a better way. You’ve caught their revolting hypocrisy, as if you have any idea what it's like to wager peace with a species that holds only animosity to your very existence.”
“I,” I winced, each word stabbing into me with a sharp resentment. I wanted to tell her she was wrong, that I understood all too well. It was because of my understanding that I knew reason had been long thrown out the window.
There were very few things as irrational as revenge fueled by anger and indignation.
“Then why are you even bothering to talk to me?” I let my body float in the slime, closing my eyes so I didn’t have to see her anymore. “Just to boast?”
“No, nothing so shallow. The changelings who brought you here told me there was an odor to you before you were put to sleep; one supposedly similar to the putrid stench the other zealots irradiate. I wanted to confirm this myself. However,” She narrowed her eyes, dropping her leer to my necklace. Pupils darting back and forth frivolously, clearly searching for something. I swallowed the urge to try to hide it from her, knowing it would be as pointless as anything else I’d try. “If that was the case, then I’m certain I would have detected it by now. Oh well, just another minor mistake that clawed its way to the top of the totem pole.”
Before I had a chance to say anything, her horn lit up in less than a second and struck me with a spell. My eyes rolled in the back of my head, and I felt myself fall forward before losing consciousness once more.
----
There was thumping.
Distant and muffled, but distinct. They came in intervals, and I found myself counting the time in between each one.
Thump.
One, two.
Thump.
I was smothered in a nauseating heat, floating in an enrapturing nothingness. The sensation seeped its way into my mind until I could hardly think; I was only awake because of the thumping.
Thump.
One, two, three, fou-
A ripping sound tore me out of my stupor, leaving me on the floor in the piercing cold. The warmth was gone, along with the haze it held over me. Left behind was a pervasive stickiness that covered every inch of me; so vile the only thing preventing me from throwing up was an agonizing tingling in my throat that threw me into a coughing fit.
As I desperately tried to breathe, I found myself forced onto my back and having something shoved in my mouth. I tried resisting, only for some pressure to pull my hands to my chest and keep them there.
“I know, I know.” a vaguely familiar voice said. “But you need this.”
An icy nectar poured down my throat, tasting better than any water I’d had before. I swallowed as much of it as I could, which ended up being frighteningly little. Every inhale was cold and pricked the inside of my lungs, but at least I was breathing.
Two purple eyes became my focus, connected to Luster’s rugged face; A couple of scratches and dirt didn’t stop my relief. I raised myself from her lap, pressing my hands to my head as I tried not to groan at the pain that came with every pulse of my headache.
“Where’s Brash?”
“Don’t know.” She got to her hooves, stumbling a bit as her knees shook and appeared moments away from giving out. “We got separated by the changelings. If she followed protocol, she should have gone straight to Twilight as soon as she was able and evacuated Ponyville.”
The tip of her horn sparked with magic, only to fizzle out soon after. Luster scowled, clenching her fist and raising her head; visibility straining as her horn lit up again. Only to dull and die out.
“That won’t work.” I muttered as I stood up, clutching the sides of my head as the pain receded. “These things,” I gestured to the black, rock-like objects scattered on the ground of the cave. “Are anti-magic. I think only changeling magic works with them around; The Queen used a spell to put me to sleep without any issues.”
“Anti-magic?” She repeated, picking up one of the rocks and examining it. “How do you know that?”
“The diamond dogs had one.” I tried to rub off some of the goo on my face, which didn’t work since my hands were just as covered. The only good part about it was my hair being stuck in place and not getting in my eyes. She reached into her saddlebag, getting a small piece of cloth and handing it to me. “The Queen mentioned how she had her changelings pretend to be their puppies; I think she tricked them with that and forced them to go to Pinkie’s farm.”
“And why, pray tell,” She narrowed her eyes on me, lowering her chin to her chest. “Did you not mention that the diamond dogs had anti-magic? That’s very dangerous information to leave unspoken.”
“I forgot about it.”
I didn’t even bother to run my mind for some excuse, every other pressing issue taking priority. It hurt to move my body, parts of it asleep and sluggish and the rest painfully rigid. Bones creaked as I tried to stretch, only to find that it was painful.
“Hmm,” Luster made a humming noise, picking up one of the rocks and examining it for a moment before tossing it to the side. “Whatever the case, The Queen herself being here means Princess Celestia needs to be notified as soon as possible. I have the emergency scrolls here, but this anti-magic might make that problematic.”
She glared at the pods hanging from the ceiling, shuffling through her saddlebag and mumbling something far too quiet to make out.
“How well do you know these woods?”
“Well enough.” I watched as Luster pulled out a bundle of cloth, unfolding it until it was as long as a blanket. Then tying the corners together and creating a sort of pouch. “Why?”
“Like I mentioned before: Brash has almost certainly reached Ponyville by now. However, with this being a changeling invasion, it’s also a distinct possibility she hasn’t. I have to stay here and get as many ponies out as possible, but I can not do both. If Brash hasn’t reached Ponyville, that means Twilight and the rest of the bearers are unaware and in danger of being attacked at any instant; I can not express how urgent it is for them to be warned as soon as possible. I hate to ask this of you,” She unhooked the saddlebag from her hip, offering it to me. “Are you able to reach Ponyville on your own?”
I winced as I grabbed the bag, a painful numbness shooting up my arm and up to my shoulder. The bag wasn’t even particularly heavy, my body was just extremely averse to any kind of movement.
“Maybe. What about the changelings? Wouldn’t it be safer if you went with me?”
“No, it wouldn’t.” She glowered, pinching her lips and shaking her head. “In the state I’m in, I’d hardly suffice as a meatshield. The changelings-queen included-could come back at any moment, and I’d struggle just to muster up basic levitation; assuming I spent whatever time we have throwing out these anti-magic pebbles. You might be in more danger just staying here. I’d,” she grit her teeth so tightly it was audible, closing her eyes and taking an agonizingly long inhale. “Just slow you down. At least in Ponyville you’d have a chance. I didn’t run into any changelings after the initial ones, so I don’t believe there are that many in the woods.”
I checked the inside of the bag, finding only bundled up scrolls and leftover crumbs. Without thinking, I reached for my backpack, grasping at nothing. It was likely in the cave somewhere, or just left on the trail when they dragged me away.
Thankfully, Lumi wasn’t among the pods. They must have not bothered with her and let her run into the woods. I could take solace in that, if nothing else.
“I,” I struggled to attach the bag to my side, unable to stop my hands from shaking even as I held my breath. “Don’t want to just leave you here to die.”
“I won’t die, probably. They’ll want to keep me alive as a food source. Besides, even if that is what’s going to happen,” she sighed, slumping her shoulders and taking a few steps away. “What good would it be for you to die with me?”
I wanted to say ‘plenty’, but that retort didn’t make it past the back of my throat. I took a tentative step forward, only marginally wobbling that faded with each one I took. There was an underlying soreness to every movement, the fatigue was tolerable in comparison. Fear crept up on me, riddled with images of Fluttershy being mind controlled by the queen and replaced just as swiftly.
It could have been too late already. I could have been out for anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours, and going there might end up doing nothing but delaying whatever the changelings planned on doing with me.
Even so, if there was a chance I could save them, save her, I’d take it. I could bear whatever pain I needed to.
For her.
---
Judging from how much the sun had dropped, it had to have been a handful of hours or an entire day since I was ambushed. The forest itself was barren of any kind of life, leaving only that same silence that unsettled me before. As amiss as it was, any changelings lurking in the forest were just as reluctant to make any noise.
Or had already infiltrated Ponyville. I tried really hard not to think about that possibility.
Eventually, parts of it started looking familiar, and I gradually made my way there. Twilight mentioned once that these were The Whitetail Woods, though only the tail end of it. It was far less convoluted than The Everfree, and didn’t have anything nearly as dangerous as Timberwolves. Although, I’d only been in it two or three times with Fluttershy, so all I could do was wander around until I found some part of the path we always took.
I didn’t take any breaks, even though I could feel how much I needed them. It wasn’t until I saw the schoolhouse that I stopped moving, resting against a tree and taking breaths so rapid and shallow I was lightheaded. The building itself was distinct, everything around it was smaller and blurry; vague shapes that I could only guess the identity of until the vertigo-like feeling passed.
When it did, the lack of ponies made my growing dread worse. I got closer, hoping that they had just gone into the center of the town for something, passing vendor stands that had been abandoned with products sitting just behind them. Ponies had left in a hurry, produce was crushed and splattered along the ground, unfinished meals were left to the elements; even an ice-cream cone was splattered in the dirt.
There was nobody at the town hall, barely even a trace that anyone was there recently. I collapsed to my knees, keeping my hands against the ground for support. There was nothing suggesting there was any kind of struggle, no blood or anything destroyed.
Luster must have been right: Brash already got here and warned Twilight. With Ponyville evacuated, the changelings must have gone back to that cave. By now, she’d hopefully got everyone she could from the pods, or left before they showed up. A reticent relief rose above the trepidation, and with it an odd and terrfyingly familar urge to laugh. I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around myself as I relaxed for the first time in hours.
“It seems I missed one.”
I didn’t recognize the voice at first; so devoid of any emotion it didn’t feel natural. Followed by the distant beating of wings, gradually getting louder until it was just behind me. I reflexively gulped at the sound of hooves hitting dirt, and the fluttering of wings retracting I’d grown so familiar with.
Celestia stood over me, sun hovering just above her head in the sky. Her magenta eyes were absent of any light; completely dull and half open like curtains trying to obscure some horrid sight. Though she was looking at me, her pupils lacked any real focus; she might as well have been staring at the distant horizon.
“Since you’re wearing her face, I suppose that means she never made it to Ponyville.” She stated, just as monotone. Not even a flicker of her eyelashes as she spoke, or any real movement aside from the slight parting of her lips. “I want to believe that this occurring the day she was supposed to come back is a coincidence; if only this wretched evening hadn’t deprived me of such buoyancy.”
I met her hollow leer for only a second, resulting in the longest second of my life. I’d gotten so used to being around Celestia on a daily basis that it was easy to forget how large she was, especially compared to me. Just her shadow covered my entire body, wings could wrap themselves around me if she so wished.
“Are they,” I tore my eyes away from her, gripping my hands so tightly against the ground I could only feel the cold dirt between my fingers. “Did everyone get evacuated?”
“Evacuated?” she repeated, raising her head and slowly moving her eyes around the town. Her gaze soon made its way back to me. “Very well, I’ll indulge your farce. No, none of my little ponies were saved. By the time Spike sent that letter, it was far,” I felt the air around me get warmer. “Far too late. I’m sure you know this already, considering you sit in the center as if you were waiting for me.”
“No, there must be,” I gave the buildings a desperate once over, trying to find any sign of life hiding in them. “Someone must still be-”
“There’s nothing here but talking corpses.”
My heart sank to my stomach, coiling as I leaned down and hung my head. A piercing, shrill ringing overshadowed any other noise in the area. I raised my trembling hands to my ears, covering them as much as I could in a desperate attempt to block it out only for it to have no effect. I half opened my mouth, trying to form something coherent other than a hushed squeaking.
“They’re,” every breath was as dense as it was loud. “Dead?”
“What is this?” Celestia asked, taking a single step forward. The ground beneath me wasn’t cold anymore. In fact, it was starting to get hot; more reminiscent of sand than dirt. “An attempt to elicit more sorrow from me? To further entrench despair? You’ve already won; I didn’t realize your kind was capable of pettiness. Unless,”
An intangible energy grasped the back of my hair, yanking my head upward and firmly holding it in position. A painful sting blew into my eyes as a tear rolled down my cheek, an aching in my body that made the very idea of moving an impossible feat.
“Is that you, Chrysalis?” Her eyes were completely open now, holding her chin high and a flushness to her face that wasn’t there before. Even her mane, which had always been flowing graciously regardless of where she was, had lost its vigor and hung limply from her head. “Is this your way of gloating? You defeated me at the wedding, was that not enough for you? Is it ever enough for you?”
The air became so dry that it hurt to breathe, sweat on my face and chest; my very skin was irritating. It soon became more than just my eyes that stung with the wind. Strangely, the front of my body was much hotter than the back, being lukewarm in comparison. Though, regardless of if Celestia’s magic was keeping me in place, I couldn’t move. The raw intensity in her stare was more than enough to prevent me from going anywhere.
“I’m not,” speaking got harder with every syllable. It felt like the little moisture I had was getting drained every second, leaving a scorching pain in my throat. I reached for my necklace, raising it for her to see. “A changeling. I’m Chara, really! I can show you where they’re hiding, please just-”
“How foolish do you think I am?” her magic bound my arms to my sides, slamming me to the ground. “Six times your kind deceived me since I’ve been here. Let me believe that, for just an instance, that someone could be saved. Again and again, I chose to follow that false hope, for it was far easier than accepting my failure. Now, you sit in the center of town after it's been scoured for survivors, just as I’m about to depart?”
I began to hyperventilate, breaking out in cold sweats as I tried in vain to break out of her grasp. No matter how much I struggled, I couldn’t even raise my chin. The heat radiating off Celestia got hotter, until just being in her presence burned as much as every inhale.
“How convienient.”
I made the mistake of closing my eyes, needing just a second without the stinging. The ground beneath me changed to cold tiles, checkered and occasionally broken with bones protruding out of them like spears and spikes. Light shining through the windows singed where it hit me, leaving my skin cracking and turning bright red.
The pink sandals I’d seen so many times were now replaced with white hooves, wearing golden engraved sabots. Her horn was alit with a magical glow, one that had darkened and became closer to orange than gold. Celestia’s scowl emanated an anger matched only in potency by the temperatures she was producing.
A scream never left my mouth, only a pathetic attempt at asking for help.
But nobody came.
“Please.”
“There will not be a seventh.”
With a stomp, I was back in Ponyville. Celestia’s magic surged like a flame given fuel, her mane blowing back with the tips singed black. Steam coming off of her body, as well as my own. I moved my eyes down to my arm, clenching my teeth as I tried to endure the pain. In less than a second, the steam sparked and lit on fire, quickly spreading to the rest of my body.
It hurt, so much more than I could have ever expected. My flesh slowly melted as it spread, the smell of my own body burning was so rancid it made me want to throw up. I squirmed in her clutch, blowing on the fire to try to stop it from spreading.
“No, there’s been enough suffering today. I will not let myself fall to your level.”
As if on cue, the fire vanished with Celestia’s whisper. The agony was still there, along with the lingering stench of my cooked skin. Her magic as well was gone, as I was able to raise myself to my knees. I knew that even if I tried to stand, I wouldn’t have the strength.
Assuming that Celestia even let me.
I hesitantly touched my arm, whimpering as any movement was as harmful as contact. The only good thing about burn wounds was the lack of blood, instead leaving the skin a charred, disfigured mess that I didn’t even recognize as what used to be my arm.
“Before you perish, know that in spite of what you’ve done here, the sun will rise with or without you.”
The blackened part of my arm began to crumble, evaporating into ash that polluted the air. This disintegration spread to the rest of my arm, yet wasn’t painful in any way. I could feel its loss as I tried to move it, but nothing else. There were still sensations on my shoulders, sweltering under the heat and drenched in sweat.
I yelped as I collapsed to the ground again, this time because most of my legs were no longer there to support me. So eerily similar to when I first came to this world, I was left limbless on the ground; a cadaver that held onto the little life it had. I mumbled a wordless apology to Fluttershy, unable to even form actual words.
All I could do was sob tearlessly, any that I could form would just turn into more steam. Despite the lack of pain as my body turned into nothing more than dust, it was unbearable. Any attempt to move my absent limbs lacked the feedback I was so used to with them, no matter how much I told myself they weren’t there anymore. Soon, it made its way to my torso, and I could no longer breathe. Only making desperate gasps to suck in the humid air that never made it to my non-existing lungs.
Celestia only watched; eyes losing their spark as quickly as I was losing parts of me. When it made its way to my head, all that I could see was being corroded away by specks of black. Her expression was growingly more solemn, and then apathetic as she began walking away. She said something to me, but my ears had long since left; I would never know what her parting words were.
As I passed, I gained a horrific new understanding of how the monsters Frisk slaughtered must have felt when they passed. To experience your body becoming nothing, unable to do anything to stop it. Aware of the entire process, helpless with the only option to wait for the inevitable demise.
It made me hate Frisk even more.
Every death I’d experienced before, from the Hydra to The Diamond Dogs, had been unforgivingly cold. Likely because of blood, the core source of heat in my body, leaving me. Or perhaps death itself was just cold, smothering the warmth of life; That could very well explain the burning in my chest that came with every reset.
This one, however.
This one was hot.