//------------------------------// // Seven/ Omission // Story: A Moonlit Balcony // by aquilerafroot //------------------------------// Their muzzles drifted apart slowly; Luna gazed at Twilight blissfully, but the smaller mare jerked back, her eyes wide. “Wha-what? Luna... why?” she squeaked, her voice higher-pitched than usual, as she scrambled to her hooves. Luna started when Twilight pulled away, and remained lying in the snow, her mouth hanging open. “I don’t…” She couldn’t finish the sentence, her expression changing from blissful to miserable as she looked up at Twilight. Twilight shook her head infinitesimally, her eyes vacant. “Why did you do that, Luna?” she mumbled in confusion. “I –” Luna scrambled to her hooves as well, moving her mouth soundlessly a few times before she could make her words audible. “I have to go.” Then, before Twilight could react, she stepped back and teleported. Luna stumbled as she reappeared in her room, staggering a few steps before throwing herself down on her bed. The sheets were soft, but while comforting under normal circumstances, they did nothing to ease her fear today. She pressed her head into the pillow, rubbing her cheek against the fabric. Her heart was beating like it was attempting to lodge itself in her throat as she tried to blink away the moisture that had gathered in her eyes. Burrowing deeper under the covers and curling up, she lifted a hoof to her mouth and touched her lips lightly. The memory of the pressure of Twilight’s lips on hers, like warm feathers brushing her, sent pleasant – yes, pleasant – tingles down her body. She blinked a few times and stared at a spot on the floor beside her bed, wishing Twilight was still beside her, in her embrace. She shook her head and took a few deep breaths, which didn’t help clear her mind at all – they only further reminded her of inhaling Twilight’s scent, and how she wished to experience it again. She thumped her hoof on the mattress, her delicate features scrunched up in angst. Was it true then, what she had felt as she lay in the snow? When did it start? Do I really think of Twilight as more than a friend? She tried to delve further into her thoughts, but it was as if kept running up against a wall. But it all feels right. It was so true, when she thought about Twilight. Snuggling up to her, their hooves linked together as they sat in front of the focus – even the kiss seemed like more puzzle pieces falling together. Twilight had been the first pony apart from her sister that had really tried to understand her; she just felt so comfortable when they spent time together; Twilight had been the only pony to extend a friendly hoof when she first arrived in Ponyville… But maybe, maybe she only became my friend because she’s such a kind pony, not because she really thought me worth knowing better. She made a small choking sound. Anyway, she doesn’t like me that way, she pulled away… Suddenly she was startled by a knock on the door. “Luna?” The lunar princess recognized the voice as her sister’s, and pulled the covers up over herself – maybe Celestia would go away if she didn’t answer, then she wouldn’t have to talk about it… “Luna, are you there?” Celestia’s voice became more insistent, and she knocked on the door again. “Leave me alone!” She winced at falling for the ploy. The door opened and her sister stepped inside. “Luna, what’s wrong?” Luna started forced herself to scramble up into a more dignified sitting position, trying to wipe the tears from her face to hide that she had been crying. “N-nothing, w-why do you ask?” She hoped Celestia wouldn’t notice how unsteady her voice was. “What happened?” Celestia moved directly beside the bed and sat down, mouth set in worry. “What d-do you mean?” Luna tried to smooth her face, but with a sinking feeling in her chest she knew that Celestia had already seen right through her. “You came back early.” It was more a question than a statement, and Luna knew what her sister was doing – Celestia was giving her a chance to explain for herself before asking outright. She squirmed a little on the bed, and was just about to open her mouth to speak before a thought stopped her. What if Celestia thought her feelings were wrong? Attraction was attractions, regardless of gender, but her age difference would be an issue… She gulped. “I…” “It’s all right, you can tell me what happened-” “Nothing happened! Why must you always patronize me so?” Luna yelled, her volume surprising even herself. Celestia leaned closer and looked at Luna with sad eyes. “Because whenever you keep these feelings to yourself it hurts me too. We promised each other never to conceal our emotions from each other again, Luna. Please, tell me what is bothering you.” “I…” Luna lowered her head and buried it between her hooves. She saw no way to continue hiding it anymore; she would have to tell her sister. “I did something to Twilight.” “Did something?” Celestia arched an eyebrow. Luna took a ragged breath before continuing. “I kissed her.” The change in Celestia’s demeanor could not have been more pronounced; her face lit up with a smile and she hugged her sister gleefully. “Luna, I’m so happy for you!” Luna blinked; luckily her tears had not chosen that moment to flow again. “You’re happy?” she asked quietly. “Of course I am, Luna. It’s not every day that my sister falls in love.” Celestia nuzzled her, then became sombre once more. “But why did you come back so soon?” Luna whimpered softly, looking to the side. “I left, after I kissed her.” “You left?” Celestia’s eyes widened marginally. “Did you talk after the kiss?” “N-no, I left right away…” “Why would you do that? Did she yell at you?” Celestia frowned briefly before composing herself again. “No, she didn’t, but she didn’t seem to like it.” Luna cringed and covered her eyes with her hoof for a moment, the words getting stuck in her throat. “I was afraid she would hate me because of what I did.” “Luna, look at me,” Celestia said sternly, and Luna timidly peeked out from behind her hoof. “I am sure that Twilight does not hate you.” She sighed tiredly. “Though I am afraid you might have caused a problem by leaving.” “What do you mean, sister?” “Why did you kiss Twilight?” Luna peeked out again, her face a deep crimson. Her heartbeat was erratic again, but the feeling was not as unfamiliar as before. “I don’t know-” She paused, speaking again after a few moments. “No, I suppose I do.” Celestia smiled gently. “Could you tell me why?” “I, but I’m not sure.” “You’re not sure if you like Twilight?” “Of course I like her,” Luna said hastily, “as a friend, at the very least?” She knew that avoiding saying what she would have to say sooner or later was futile; her sister would coax it out eventually. “Where exactly did you kiss Twilight?” “O-on her…” Luna stammered, licking her lips and opening her mouth without making any more audible sounds. Celestia nodded with a small smile. “And do friends usually want to kiss each other on the lips?” “Ye-” Luna bit her lip. “No.” “And what do you think that means?” Celestia moved closer and draped a wing over her sister. “I think I have an idea of what it means,” Luna mumbled, barely louder than a whisper. But I’m afraid to face it! “Luna.” Celestia nuzzled the blue alicorn. “How would you feel if somepony you liked as a friend kissed you on the lips, then ran off?” “I honestly cannot imagine what I would think,” Luna said slowly. “Confused?” “Just confused?” Luna thought a little more before answering. “Hurt?” Celestia tilted her head. “How do you think Twilight feels now?” “Confused?” Luna trailed off. “And?” “Hurt,” Luna mumbled, “b-but, I don’t know how to make things right. I really shouldn’t have done that, it was cowardly of me, whether she likes me back in that way, or not.” Celestia nodded gently. “And maybe you should think about what you feel too.” “But it’s so hard!” Luna avoided her sister’s gaze, her voice almost a whine. “Do I really have to do this now, sister?” “If you don’t know how you feel, how will you know if you’re making the right decision in anything you do starting from now? And maybe you can figure out how to make it right.” Luna nodded reluctantly. “I… I like Twilight,” she started slowly before pausing for a few moments. She told a deep breath and continued, “I like her very much.” “Would you say you love her?” Celestia asked quietly. Luna stared at her hooves like a lost foal. “What does love really mean, sister?” Celestia sighed and looked at the ceiling. “Love means… wanting to be around that pony for the rest of your life. Being happy when they smile, and wanting to make sure that they have every opportunity to do so. But of course it means different things to each individual pony, it could be fleeting, it could be eternal. In time Luna, you will find your own definition as well. But this would be a good starting point, for you to think about it, I think.” “I think, maybe, I would indeed give a lot of myself to make her happy…” There was a long silence before Luna spoke again. “Yes, I would. And yes, you are right. I need face it, to find out what it means to me, to Twilight.” “And what do you think you could do to make it up to Twilight?” “I could tell her why I… kissed her?” “Why not write her a letter? That way you can apologize, without letting her worry until the next time you see her, and tell her how you feel. But you should definitely talk about it more face to face, next time.” “Yes, I think that is a good idea.” “And Luna, don’t be afraid to lay out your feelings.” Celestia again nuzzled her sister gently. “If you want to talk more about it, just tell me, all right?” “All right.” Luna nodded weakly and mustered a small smile. “Would you like my help in editing the letter?” Luna shook her head. “No, I think I will be able to do it on my own. These are my own feelings, I will try to be as honest as possible, with my own words.” “All right then, Luna.” Celestia got to her hooves and fluffed her wings before walking towards the door, looking back once as she reached the doorjamb. “You know I always have time for you, so if you need help just ask, okay?” Luna nodded. “Thank you, sister.” Twilight trudged along the street, feeling like she were dragging her limbs along; she still felt completely stunned. Arriving at the door of the library, she pushed it open and walked straight in with barely a glance. Trotting into the room, she didn’t really pay attention to her surroundings, and almost walked into one of the bookshelves before she simply plopped herself down on the floor, staring into space. What had Luna been playing at? Twilight knew that kissing was something ponies ‘in love’ did, whatever that really meant. In some of the fiction she’d read there were couples that did the same thing - pressing their mouths together, presumably as a sign of affection. It could be between a male and female, or between ponies of the same gender, like Luna and her. These couples were of a smaller percentage of the population, but what ponies generally accepted was that love is love, regardless of background, gender, or other factors. (Well maybe apart from some snobbish upper crust families who still believed that heritage and wealth were such defining factors in their lives.) So did Luna mean that she thought of them as a couple? Twilight put a hoof to her mouth again; simply thinking about it made her head hurt, muddled as her thoughts were now. Or maybe it was an accident? That was definitely a possibility. She looked up at the shelves with a frown. If only she knew which tomes could help make everything clear! Growling in frustration she leapt to her hooves. It was as if something had snapped in her; she prowled around the room, levitating large piles of books from psychology, romance and some other sections; it looked like chunks had been torn out of the bookshelves. With a huff she set down the volumes. The books could easily fill a whole bookshelf on their own, but the research would be worth it. After all, there was no question that books couldn’t answer, right? Luna rolled over beneath her covers. It was past noon, but she hadn’t slept at all the entire morning. She had been kept awake by her thoughts, most of them about Twilight. Not that she and Celestia really needed sleep, but it was a good way to slightly relieve themselves of the stress that came with being a ruler. She was surer of a few more things from her ponderings (and imaginings): for one, she did indeed like Twilight, or perhaps even love her – she wasn’t sure how to determine the difference yet, and that had to come with time. Also, she knew she wanted to kiss Twilight again. And there was one more thing she was quite certain of – she couldn’t bear it if she lost Twilight. She had thought about her reaction when Twilight had gotten injured, and of how it had been much different from any sense of loss she could recall having before. When she had seen Twilight lying there on the floor it had felt like something had been ripped forcibly from her, leaving an empty void; but when Twilight had gotten up and hugged her, it was as if the gaping hole had been filled just by pressing the unicorn to her chest. One of the most surprising things though, was the realization of how much she wished that Twilight might feel the same way. Conversely, what worried her most was the possibility that Twilight may not even want to be her friend anymore. She shuddered. What if Twilight was angry that she had kissed her without permission? What if she resented, even hated her? She had already known that love had nothing to do with gender at all – it was about loving the pony, not the gender of the pony. And Twilight was just perfect, so perfect! She buried her face into her pillow. It was funny how simply thinking of Twilight could make her feel all tingly and warm inside; it reminded her of how giddy she’d been after Nightmare Night, after she had gotten back to Canterlot. Celestia had told her to write a letter to Twilight after she had thought more about her feelings, but she still felt uncertain. Just imagining telling Twilight how she felt made her tremble; she didn’t have the courage to face Twilight’s reaction. She sighed and after some deliberation sat down in front of the desk, hesitantly gathering a few writing supplies. Taking a deep breath she smoothed out a piece of parchment and levitated a quill. Dear Twilight, Luna stared at the parchment before her. She had paused for quite a while, and the nib of the quill was oozing ink onto the paper, leaving a large blot. No… She shook her head, tossing the letter away. Soon there was a pile of paper littering the ground. It was just so hard getting the words out! If only a few fake, impersonal words could fix everything, but that was not the case. Luna thought back to telling Twilight about her time on the moon, about the stars she had made – things she had not shared with anypony but her sister, and even then there were many details she had left out so as not to alarm Celestia. Twilight had taught her to laugh and to have fun. She had felt so carefree around Twilight; it had been such a long time since she had really been honest about her feelings- But she was not being honest about her feelings right now, was she? Luna crumpled up the parchment with an anguished cry. Why was it so hard to make sense of everything? To my friend Twilight- “No…” My dearest T- “No!” Luna screamed in frustration, ripping the parchment into shreds which scattered and drifted to the ground as she threw them as far from her as possible. To her dazed mind it seemed like everything was happening in slow motion, with fear and anxiety also making everything seem threatening. Nothing seemed to work. She didn’t dare talk to Twilight face to face, despite agreeing with Celestia that it would be necessary; she couldn’t even bring herself to write a letter! What if she doesn’t even want to be friends any longer after I tell her? Just thinking about it made Luna feel choked; the quill she was levitating snapped as her magic flared with her agitation. I can’t do this. I can’t lose her! Suddenly an idea came to her; it was so glaringly obvious. What if I pretend it wasn’t like that at all? Then I could, at the very, very least, keep her as a friend. I’d be lying, but I can’t stand the risk! An uneasy smile crossed her face. She couldn’t have what she wanted most… but at least she wouldn’t lose Twilight’s friendship. Grabbing a new quill, she started scribbling furiously. Luna looked at the finished letter. Now the only thing remaining was to send it, and – Luna smacked her forehead with a hoof. She had forgotten to place the linking spell on Twilight’s dragon assistant, and there was no way that Celestia would send it for her if she knew what what it said. A few hours later, Celestia looked up from a mountain of official documents as Luna entered her study. “Is there something you need help with, Luna?” Luna smiled sheepishly. “I wrote the letter, but then I realized that I hadn’t established a link with Twilight’s scribe yet.” “And you want me to send it for you? That’s not a problem at all.” Celestia picked up the scroll with her magic and scrutinized it; it was already sealed. She shrugged infinitesimally and with a small flash of power, the letter dissolved into the familiar green smoke that wafted out through the window. The elder alicorn turned back to her sister with a smile. “So, what did you write?” Nervousness gripped Luna again, but she schooled her expression and smiled back. “I wrote about the kiss and what it meant to me, and that I hope she feels the same.” It was technically not lying, but yes it was a dishonest omission of what she really meant, and was still wrong, so wrong. Celestia grinned playfully. “Who’d have thought that my sister would fall in love with my student?” “Please, Celestia, it’s hard enough without you teasing me.” Luna smiled shyly, then eyed the large piles of official letters in front of Celestia. “I won’t take up any more of your time, Celestia. Thank you for sending the letter for me.” Celestia sighed, eying the documents as well. “Don’t mention it, Luna, though rest assured that I’ll ask more about you and Twilight next time we talk,” she finished with a mischievous smile. Luna nodded, waving as she stepped back out through the door. Safely away from her sister’s eyes, she let out the breath she had been holding. It’s for the best.