The day had gone quite nicely. Rarity and Temptress worked on some orders. Two ponies working together definitely helped with speeding things up. Then Sweetie came back home from hanging with her friends and they decided to eat some food and chat along. They already got used to Temptress being around so quick. Rarity promised to introduce her her friends the next day. They'll sure love to meet her. Then she helped Sweetie with her homework while Temptress worked on some designs. Then they all had dinner. Said goodnight. And went to their respective rooms.
That was the fun part of the day. Now it was time for the regular nightly lament. After having indulged herself in sin again Rarity had started crying once more. She always hated herself for doing that. Ignoring the fact it was such an unladylike thing to do, she always tried to stay strong and not succumb. Yet every night she was alone she just couldn't resist the urge to pleasure herself to the thought of her sister. It was strange, since this morning she's been feeling a lot more... attracted towards her for some reason. As if the temptation is getting stronger. She can't take this anymore. It'd be probably best she just died. But that would mean Sweetie would have no one to care for her. She can't do that to her. She can't live her alone.
She rolled over and used her magic to pull the sheets back on her. She should talk to someone but to who? Nopony would listen to her without immediately shunning and hating her. But maybe that's what she deserved. After all, didn't all ponies like her deserve bad things to happen to them? But maybe the universe knew some mercy with her, that's probably why she's been able to stay strong so long. She looked up at her bedside table, towards the framed picture of her and Sweetie Belle hugging. It felt wrong to look at it after what she just did. It felt as if she did something to Sweetie Belle and then looked her in the eye. But she couldn't help it. Looking at it gave her comfort, if only a little.
She picked it up with her magic and brought it closer to where she could hold it in her hoofs. That picture had become like a doll to her. She would pleasure herself, cry for a while, then hold the picture and look at it while falling asleep.
"I'm sorry." She whimpered as tears soaked her pillow. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry" she continued to chant over and over for a full minute. She then proceeded to do a few breathing exercises, after which she tightly held the picture and drifted on into her mind, doing the only thing she could right now. Think. Often she would think about what it would be if she and Sweetie were together. After all, what one cannot have in real life they have in dreams and fantasies. She liked to think of them two being happy, peacefully laying in bed cuddling one another. Her singing some song while her sister fell asleep and them both waking up in the morning facing one another and embracing each other in a passionate kiss. It would truly be a happy ever after.
But as it's custom with happy ever afters this would also have to stay a fairy late. Never to become reality. Still who could blame her for dreaming. When one is as hopeless as her then there's nothing else to do but dream. At least in dreams she couldn't live out what she couldn't in real life. Even though sometimes she feared those dreams would come true in the form of a nightmare.
Rarity thanked whatever god if any watched over them that Temptress Eye had showed up that day. She was more than capable of holding back, she has been doing so for a long time by now. But having another pony in the house and not being alone with Sweetie Belle surely help her manage things a little better. Not like that was the only reason she invited Temptress to stay despite being a complete stranger. After all the poor dear was practically homeless and desperate to make a living what sort of representative of generosity would she be if she didn't offer help. But the fact that she would now be around and not let Rarity alone with Sweetie Belle was also a bonus. Plus, having Temptress live here and work in the Boutique felt like she just took in a student like Twilight did with Starlight. Something she giggled at. She couldn't imagine herself as a teacher. And from what she already tested today Temptress had a lot of skills already. She didn't lie when she said she knew a thing or two about fashion and dress making. If Rarity wasn't careful she might accidentally create a future competitor.
However having her around seemed to also be a trouble at moments. There were several occasions where Rarity just found herself staring intently at Sweetie only for Temptress to snap her out of it. That made her afraid that Temptress might discover something. If she did then she may tell someone else. And Rarity would lose everything. Her career. Her friends. Sweetie Belle. She couldn't allow herself to slip off like that lest she risked her sister.
Maybe Temptress was a sign from some higher power. A sign that she needs to get more control over herself.
Control.
A train she has always loved about herself. The one trait that has kept the unthinkable from happening. The one thing that is keeping her sister safe from her. She dreaded to think what would happen if she didn't have control. Would she give in to lust? Would she hur her?
She shivered at the thought. Even in the forbidden fantasies she allowed herself from time to time she did not even dream of hurting Sweetie. She would always imagine soft loving with Sweetie's desire. But thinking about doing it to her hurtfully just pushed Rarity to cry even more. She was scared. Her sisters safety and purity all relied on her ability to control her urges. And she was scared that one day she won't be in control anymore. That she'll just give in and do something to her sister.
"No." She said out loud with a determined look on her tear stained face "I promise darling. Big sis will never hurt you."
Hello Diary.
It's me again. Been a while. Yes i know it's late i just love writing song lyrics during nighttime. It's usually when i get most of my inspiration for some reason. Especially today, I'm feeling extra creative. It's not that i plan on actually singing these in public anytime soon. It just feels nice to write them down.
Applebloom asked to read them today and i very politely (okay maybe i wasn't very polite) said no. These are private. And not to mention that Scootaloo would probably judge me for it. I don't need to give her more reasons to tease me. She has enough reason after she managed to get with Rumble a two days ago and I'm still alone. Given Applebloom also doesn't have a special somepony yet but still it's unfair that Scootaloo managed to get one before us and now rubs it in our faces. Right after i had that inspiring conversation with big sis even. Ruin my mood why won't she.
But i guess i just have to wait like Rarity said. Maybe my special somepony will show up someday. Rarity is still single even though she's an adult so i guess i have time to wait. Although now that i think of it that doesn't bring much hope. What if being single runs in the family for us? Wait, that wouldn't make sense otherwise we wouldn't even be born. Maybe it skipped a generation?
Here i am overthinking again. Maybe big sis is right. I probably shouldn't bother thinking about such things.
Speaking of which...
I just saw her crying again. I was feeling thirsty so i slowly and quietly went to get a glass of water from the kitchen and in the hall i heard sobs coming from her room. I didn't mean to spy on Rarity but i did peek in and saw her crying. She looked really sad. I don't know what her issue is. It's the fifth time I've seen her like this since i moved in but i feel like asking what's wrong would only upset her and she'll be mad that i had gotten nosy. Is it about mom and dad? I'm sad too. So if it's that i understand. Maybe she just doesn't want to show it openly to make me feel better and cries at night instead when she thinks I'm asleep. I do that too sometimes.
I just wish i could help her. Make her feel better. I don't like seeing her sad even if she tries to hide it. I just want her to be happy. I want us both to be happy.
Either way. Hope she feels better soon.
Speaking of feeling better we have a new pony living with us!
Her name is Temptress Eye (weird name i know) she had nowhere to go so Rarity gave her a job and a place to stay (typical Rarity. Always generous) so she now loves with us!
She has something going on with her eyes. They're different colors. The right one is red (which is kinda creepy) and the left one..... did i mistake the left and right sides again? No it's correct this time! Anyway. Her right eye is red and the left one is literally rainbow colored. I like the left eye better. Looks very pretty.
Either way she's very nice. She complimented my mane (i really like her mane too) and she has been helping Rarity a lot all day. Those two seem to be getting along quite well. Hopefully having her around as help can make sis feel better. Wish i could be that helpful....
Anyway so that's all i have to write for today. I'll see what i can write next time.
Bye!
In the guest bedroom, now Temptress' bedroom. The unicorn was on the bed, humming a melody as she layed on the sheets. She was feeling it up more than just laying down. She seemed more concerned with how soft the bed felt than actually getting sleep. Her ears were perked up as if focusing on hearing something. Looking up at the ceiling with a serene smile she hummed and eventually she started singing a tune.
"Hush little baby, don't say a word"
Her horn lit up and two pieces of paper floated in front of her view.
"Momma's gonna buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird don't sing"
The pieces of paper started folding.
"Momma's gonna buy you a diamond ring."
Temptress still kept a serene expression on her face. Her voice quiet and calm.
"And if that diamond ring turns brass. Momma's gonna buy you a looking glass."
The pieces of paper seemed to be taking form under her magic.
"And if that looking glass gets broke. Momma's gonna buy you a winter cloak."
The two pieces of paper now we're molded into two origami equine figures. Both unicorns. One was smaller than the other.
"And if that Winter cloak's too cold. Momma's gonna buy you a pile of gold."
She set the origami figures on her bedside table, both if them facing each other. She turned to her side and just looked at them.
"And if that gold is stolen too. Momma's gonna go to jail for you"
She went back to looking at the ceiling and feeling the sheets of her bed.
"So hush little baby don't say a word. Momma's gonna kill for you the whole. Damn. World."
She just kept humming in the dark for the rest of the night.