Nikolai Berlinski and Equestria, with no Zombies?!?!
By Awesomedude17
Dempsey and Celestia were literally right next to the carriage to Ponyville when Dempsey stopped all of a sudden.
"What is it Dempsey?"
"I just feel like something is going to happen, and knowing the author and title of this chapter, something will go wrong."
"Author? Chapter?"
Then all of a sudden Dempsey shot a random guard in the face...
"Why did you..."
Only to reveal it as a changeling.
"Changelings!" Celestia was now less focused on getting to her student, and more focused on getting rid of the changelings that surrounded her and the human.
"Oh oh, this is going to be a good time!" Dempsey's Skullkrusher was readied up, 29 + 270 rounds plus 9 M203 Grenades, as well as a fully loaded R115 Resonator and a brimmed up AUG-5om3 would make Dempsey have the time of his life. "This more than others because what I'm killing isn't zombies for once."
"Zombies?!" Celestia was ready to fight with Dempsey, unaware that Canterlot was going to drown in changeling blood.
"Welcome to work Nikolai, I see you decided to show up sober. Good."
"Yeah, yeah. Sooner I pay off debt, sooner I drink."
"Fine, today you'll learn how to arrange the books, so follow me."
"Fine, I'll go... you are like bitch sister."
"What?"
"Nothing, let us work so I can get drunk later." Then Nikolai noticed Spike. "What is that?"
"Oh, that's Spike. He's a baby dragon."
"I'm not a baby, Twilight."
"Holy... that thing can talk?"
"Uh, yeah I can talk, what are you?"
I need drink badly... and why do I feel like someone I know is near? "I am human. My name is Nikolai and I owe debt to purple unicorn." Twilight glared at Nikolai, obviously not wanting to be referred as what she is.
"Debt?"
"Oh nothing, Spike. You are going to teach Nikolai the basics of working here. He isn't going to be working here for long." Especially since the salary is 2 bits an hour.
"Oh, how long?" Nikolai had to know.
"If you work here for a whole day, the debt is gone. Okay?"
"Now that is work I can go with!" Vodka, here I come!
"Oh, that reminds me. Spike send this letter to Princess Celestia, will you." Twilight handed Spike a scroll containing the details of Nikolai, minus the trouble he's caused.
"Sure, Twilight." Spike breathed magic fire onto the scroll and sent the letter, but Nikolai didn't know that.
"Why the hell did you burn letter?" Spike was surprised, but Twilight stepped up.
"Spike's fire is magical, so the letter will be sent to the princess, no matter where she is."
"Ah, okay."
Spike then belched out a scroll and Twilight opened it and read it. Her eyes suddenly widened.
"What, what is with open eyes?"
"There is another human with the princess right now."
"Really, I wonder if it is woman?" Or is it Dempsey? If it is, we are drinking.
"Who cares? We have to prepare. Nikolai take a bath."
"Why?"
"Because you smell, badly."
Nikolai sighed, "Fine, I'll take bath."
"You still smell after 4 baths and a delousing!"
"It is not fault that zombies make chance of shower slim."
"Well you could have at least have watched your hygiene."
"Well... okay maybe that is good point."
Spike then ran in holding a scroll, "Twilight! Twilight!"
"Yes Spike?"
"Read this."
Twilight did so and widened her eyes.
"What is it now?"
"Changelings, we have to get to Canterlot now."
"The two of us?"
"No, we have to get the others too."
"Even fancy pony?"
"Yes, even Rarity." Spike got a lovesick look on his face at the mention of Rarity.
"UGG, I hate her."
Spike then glared at Nikolai, "What!"
"Guys, this is not the time, Nikolai, get Applejack. Spike, get Rarity and Fluttershy."
"DA!"
"Right!"
And the three went their separate ways to get the rest of the Elements of Harmony.
"Applejack!"
"Nikolai? Yer here early."
"It is emergency, something about changings or something, I need to get vodka."
"Changelings! Wait, Why do you need..."
"Vodka makes fighting easier for me."
Applejack was confused, but changelings in Canterlot! She obliged and got the vodka while Nikolai got his guns.
"Rarity! Rarity!"
The door opened to see Rarity and Fluttershy.
"What is it Spike?"
"Changelings in Canterlot! Hurry!"
"OH, Okay! Wait, is Nikolai coming?"
"Seems like it."
Rarity groaned in annoyance, but reassured Spike she was coming along anyway. When he was gone, Fluttershy went to her secret lover.
"Rarity, when do you think we should tell him about... us?"
Rarity thought for a moment and said, "When we are ready darling. I'm still not comfortable telling Sweetie Belle about..."
"Don't worry, when we are ready, we will tell them."
Rarity looked at Fluttershy and smiled. Very well then. "We must get to Canterlot then."
"Okay, a carriage is coming to rush us over to Canterlot right about... NOW!"
The group of 7 looked at a carriage come out of the skies. Nikolai seemed a little shaky though.
"Nikolai, ya okay?"
"Niet, I am not okay. Russians do not like flying."
The Mane 6 were now stuck, that is until...
"Twilight, get the rope."
"Rarity? Wh..." Twilight then realized that a tied up Nikolai, while angry, would be able to travel with them.
They all looked at Nikolai, and Twilight got the rope.
"Oh... shit."
Dempsey was killing changelings left and right, up and down, front to back. Celestia was saved a few times by the American marine, but Dempsey was not liking his chances.
"Where the hell is your champions?"
"They are coming, I sent them a letter when we got the chance!"
"I FUCKING HATE THE AUTHOR!"
I hate you too Tank. But don't worry. The cavalry is coming!
"Great, so I'm stuck here fighting bug-things with a pony with horns and wings."
"Who are you talking to Dempsey?"
"None of your business, Princess Ass-kicker!"
Celestia was really stressed out, but at least Dempsey seemed to know what he was doing...
"No dice cupcake! I don't swing that way." Dempsey said as he knifed a changeling that just hurt him.
...even if he enjoyed this a little too much.
Nikolai was unconscious after hitting his head on the roof of the carriage a little too hard while panicking. He had a dream about being in a forest with vodka rivers while unconscious.
"This is heaven..."
-Meanwhile in the real world-
"Umm, is he okay?"
"Ah hope so, Fluttershy. Ah hope so." Applejack was however more worried about Canterlot. They were about 10 minutes away.
"Ah also hope we're not too late."