//------------------------------//
// Things go horribly wrong 
// Story: Warhorse 
// by Hypnotwist 
//------------------------------//

Applejack takes a bite of her sandwich and nods, taking a second to chew and swallow. "I jus' wanted to apologize for the way I've acted, I'm the element of honesty and I should have noticed that the whole thing was fishier than a barrel o' fish." 

"Yes. You should have." I say simply, noticing how ashamed she looks. I feel a tiny bit of sympathy for the farmgirl but I don't allow my expression to betray me. 

"I'm so-" 

"But." I don't care I'm interrupting, I need to talk before I get too angry to. "I forgive you. I think I have at least. You hurt me, your words cut deep. Why the fuck didn't you wait until there was concrete proof that I did it?"

I'm holding the apple I got with my lunch so tight that I can feel the flesh of the fruit begin to buckle under the force of my grip. Anger and hurt was bubbling up and I'm afraid I might not be able to keep it contained for long.

"I dunno Sunset. I wasn't thinkin' and when Bloom came to me with her weak proof I thought.. I thought that you'd gone back to yer old ways and I.. I believed her, she's my lil' sister and I never thought she'd ever do somethin' like what she did."

"So you didn't think I'd truly wanted to change?" 

"No! I mean- Yes, I know you wanted to change but the proof at the time and the timin' of it all.."

I squeezed the apple so hard that it had popped. Applejack's words hurt. We both flinched and I looked at the remains of the ruined apple. I tried speaking, the hurt was clear in my words no matter how hard I tried to hide it. "Why would you just throw me away the second things look bad?" 

"Cause I was a blind fool, I trusted my sister so much that I didn't ask the right questions and I abandoned you when ya needed me the most. I'm a right awful friend."

I felt tears form in my eyes and I blinked a few times to hold them back, my eyes ached with unshed and my chest felt tight, I bit my lower lip and looked down at the table. I didn't want to start crying in the middle of the cafeteria.

I didn't see when Pinkie and Rainbow came over to my table, but I heard Fluttershy pleading with them to leave me alone until I went up to talk to them myself, unfortunately judging by how she was still begging when it sounded like she was right next to me I doubt it worked.

I looked up to see Pinkie, Rainbow, and Fluttershy standing right behind Applejack, poor Fluttershy looked so frustrated with her friends and I felt awful for her. They ignored her and came up to me when I was nowhere near ready to talk to them all at once. "What do you girls want?"

"Heyyy Sunset, mind if we sit here?" 

"Yes. I do mind." 

"Jeez sorry.." 

"What did you feel the need to come over to me for?" I eye Applejack suspiciously, she probably planned this. To corner me and force me to talk to them. 

"We just wanted to say sorry for being such assholes to you." 

My eyes snap over to Rainbow and I narrow my eyes at her. "Oh yeah, so you come over and don't get the hint that I'm not ready to talk to you and pretty much corner me?" 

"Hey- Sunset look we just wanted-"

I put the remains of the apple I was trying to eat down and slam my hands on the table as I stand up, I lean slightly forward and glower at Dash. Oh Celestia I'm about to snap, I can't take this for much longer. "Well now's not the right time, so please go away." 

"Rainbow! Pinkie!" Applejack hisses and tries to shoo her friends away, "Get the hint she ain't ready to talk to ya." 

The pink one miraculously takes that obvious hint and gives me a sad wave before turning around and going back to wherever she was sitting originally, I stifle a sigh and return the wave much to my surprise. 

Rainbow however doesn't move and crosses her arms defiantly. "No AJ, I need to tell her!" 

I feel my eye twitch and something snap inside, I can't take it anymore. "Enough! I see it was a mistake to try to talk to you again Applejack, you planned this didn't you? To force me to talk to you guys when I'm trying to talk to you one on one!"

She shakes her head no vigorously. "Sunset no, I didn't plan this, I swear!" 

Rainbow pipes up much to my displeasure. She speaks in that same tone of voice as when I attempted to show them the journal to prove my innocence back at Sugarcube Corner. "Sunset- Listen to me."

Something about what she said triggered something in my brain and I was back at Sugarcube Corner that fateful evening. I heard them yelling at me. I thought it was over, I thought they knew I was innocent, why are they saying I'm not?! 

I'm innocent and it's over, I know it's over but I still hear them. They're so angry about something I didn't even do.

"Traitor!" 

"We should've never trusted you.. You bitch."

"Sunset.. Why?" 

"Ya lyin' snake!" 

"I had placed my faith in you Sunset Shimmer, and you've unfortunately proved that you aren't looking for redemption."

I'm shaking rather violently now, I feel my eyes are wide as saucers and I'm trying to focus on the sights and smells in front of me but it's not working. 
Fluttershy must've figured out what was going on because I feel her wrap me in a tight hug from behind.

"Sunset it's okay, it's over. Breathe.. Take deep breaths, like this. Ready?" 

I nod, I still hear them but Fluttershy's soft and yet firm voice is overpowering them and I'm focusing on her. I take deep breaths along with her and she lets go of me, I continue taking several breaths until I'm calm enough.

Once I've calmed down enough to look around I do so, I notice that Applejack and Rainbow have concern clear on their face and I also notice that I'm being stared at by pretty much everyone in the cafeteria.
My heart is still pounding but I sit back down and my shoulders slump. Holy fucking shit I really need a therapist. 

"Everyone watched me panic." I think and the realization hits me like a ton of bricks. I need to get out of here, everyone watched me have whatever it was called. Flashbacks I think?

"Sunset? What happened darlin'?" 

I take a shaky breath and shake my head no. I needed to get out of here so I stand up and book it. I ignore their calling out for me as I run out of the cafeteria and right into the vice principal. 

She lets out a startled yelp and turns to look at who bumped into her, "Sunset?" She pauses and must've noticed how I looked like I was three seconds away from panicking again. "Are you alright?"

I nod and try to move past her but she grabs my wrist gently to prevent me from moving. "You certainly don't look alright, what happened?"

"I'm fine." 

"You don't look fine." 

"I- Sorry. I just need to get some air." 

Luna frowns and lets go. "Alright, but there's only maybe ten minutes before lunch ends." 

"I won't be late for class." 

"I know you won't be, but you look a little pale. Do you need to go to the nurse's office?" 

I think upon her question for a second before nodding no. "I probably should but.. I.. Oh fuck this, I need to talk to you in private." 

She opens her mouth to talk. I'm pretty sure she's going to chastise me for swearing, but instead she closes it and nods, gesturing for me to follow her. 
I do so and the walk to her office is uncomfortably quiet, she only starts speaking once we're safely in her office away from prying eyes and ears. I also notice her office is pretty dark. "What's on your mind Sunset?"

I trust princess Luna, I can trust her too I hope. I sigh and decide to take the leap, talking with her is ironically less intimidating than it is with Celestia. "Okay I uh.. Applejack was trying to talk to me at lunch and then Rainbow and Pinkie come up behind her and.. I'm not ready to talk to her or Pinkie and so I get a little annoyed." 

I take a bit of a break to regain my breath, I got that out all in one go and my lungs were yelling at me to let them breathe. "I snap at them and Rainbow tells me to listen because they wanted to apologize."

Luna hums and nods, she looks intrigued with what I have to say. I take another breath and continue. "But something in the way Rainbow said it brought me back to when I tried to convince them that I was innocent. I relived it, I heard all their hurtful words again." 

"Sunset, I believe they triggered a PTSD flashback. Sometimes someone's tone of voice can trigger it."

"Aw shit." I grumble, I know she's probably right but I'm pretty upset that now I have more shit to deal with. 

"Indeed, but please watch your language. PTSD flashbacks can be triggered by certain smells or even the faintest memory of the event. In this case I'm certain that Rainbow Dash's tone had triggered you."

"What am I supposed to do now vice principal Luna? Principal Celestia has given me a list of therapists I could go to but this is going to complicate things even more." 

"What I'd suggest Sunset is that you take your time and find the right therapist who you feel comfortable with, a decent therapist would listen and help you find a psychiatrist to prescribe you mediation if it's determined you need it. But in the meantime you could come to me and I'll help you to the best of my abilities." 

My stomach is doing flips, things are only getting more and more complicated and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I need to get a therapist as soon as I can because if I don't find ways to help take care of my mental health then I'm sure things are only going to get worse. "I.. You're right VP, thank you." 

I see her smile, her confidence in me makes me feel a little better about the whole thing. "Of course Sunset, you're an intelligent young lady and if anyone assumes that you're just going to give up, then they couldn't be more wrong."

The bell rings and I see her scoot back and open a desk drawer, she pulls out a slip of paper and writes something down on it before handing it to me. "Here, you won't get detention if you hand this to your teacher. It excuses your lateness for that class."

I take the paper and smile, I'm really glad that I took the chance and let her know what happened. She and princess Luna act similar and for that I'm incredibly glad, I stand up and put the chair back to where it originally was. "Thank you vice principal."

She smiles and nods, pointing to the door to indicate that I need to get my dumbass to class. "You're welcome Sunset, now off you go." 

I don't respond and I follow her instructions, I leave her office and pass by Ms. Inkwell who's too busy to notice my presence. I leave the main office and walk to my locker, the hallways are empty so I don't have to worry about everyone's judgement about what happened earlier.

I unlock my locker and grab the books out of it that I need and get to class. Ms. Pansy and Mr. Kelp's classes are.. So incredibly boring that me and several others nearly fell asleep during it.
It's nothing against them but they have a horrible tendency to go on and on about one particular thing and not get to the lesson. Luckily for me these are the last two classes of the day and once the final bell rings I'm free for the day.

I get my things out of my locker and sling my backpack over my shoulder, I make my way outside where Rarity and Fluttershy are waiting for me. I go over to them and wave with my free arm. "Hi girls, how'd your classes go?"

"Goodness darling! Are you alright? I heard what happened during lunch from Fluttershy." 

"Rarity-" Fluttershy hisses and nudges her gently, "I thought we agreed not to talk about that."

I cringe, I wasn't really interested in telling Rarity that I might've had a PTSD flashback. "I'm fine, I just learned something that's going to complicate my goals of trying to be friends with you girls again." 

"Oh." 

"Yeah. I'll be fine though, I'm not going to let it get the best of me so easily. I promise. I'm gonna fight like a motherfucker to get things figured out and back to normal."

"Is there anything we can do to help you somehow darling? I can't imagine what you're struggling with and I want to do anything I can to help you."

I'm silent for a hot second. "Yes. Just don't give up on me." 

"We won't ever give up on you." 

"We'll never abandon you again!"

I hear them both tell me at the same time, I feel a little bad that I'm struggling so much but their reassurances make me feel a lot better about myself. I've got friends by my side and I'm going to be okay in the end, I just have to fight for it. "Thank you. It means a lot to me." 

They nod and Rarity smiles at me and 'Shy. "Now girls, does one of you need a ride home?" 

"I would like one, but I can walk." 

"Same." I chuckle, "Thanks for the ride earlier by the way, I don't remember if I thanked you for it or not." 

"I believe you did, and I'm able to drive you both home no problem." 

"Thanks Rarity."

"Yeah, thanks Rares. Oh, I call shotgun!" I cackle like a madwoman and run over to the car, Fluttershy and Rarity follow suit and Rarity unlocks the car so I can take my seat that I've claimed for the ride home.

The ride home is peaceful and we chat about random things and generally have a nice time, Fluttershy's house is closer to school than mine is so she gets dropped off first. 
We say goodbye to Fluttershy for the day and I tell her to text me if she needs anything, I made sure she has my number before Rarity pulls off. 

"Hey Sunset?" 

"Huh? Yeah?" 

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

I look over and frown, pondering over her question. "What do you mean?" 

"Are you.." She gulps and her hands grip the steering wheel tighter. "Are you going to attempt suicide again?" 

Oh. I don't know how to answer that, for now I know for sure I'm not going to but say.. Two months in the future things might go horribly wrong and I just might try again, I decide I need to be honest with her. "For now definitely not, in the future however.. I don't know. I sure hope I don't."

She nods and I assume she accepted my answer. "You know that you're my friend and that I sincerely care about you, right?"

"I know Rares, I care about you too. Just don't worry about it alright? I'm not going to give up without a fight."

"You promise?" 

"I promise." I reassure gently, watching her visibly relax as I do. I fully intend to keep my promise to her, even if it's the last thing I fucking do. 

We're now really close to my apartment, Rarity's been silent for a while now and I just know that she's still worrying. I get that feeling, sometimes you can't help but worry about someone or something. She pulls up next to the sidewalk and stops so I could get out. 

"I'll talk to you tomorrow or Sunday." 

"Ah, today's Friday right?"

She nods. "Mhm. Why'd you ask?" 

"Just forgot temporarily, anyways I'll talk to you later. Drive safe."

I get out of the vehicle and close the door, she waves to me and I wave back before she drives off. I smile and turn around to go home, I walk up the steps to my apartment and unlock the door before stepping in and taking my shoes off.
I need to tell Twilight about the flashback, maybe it'll help explain why I'm having such a hard time with forgiving and rekindling my friendships with them. 

I toss my backpack down onto the floor and go climb up to my loft, I grab the journal and pen, I go and sit on my bed, opening the journal and starting to write my message to Twilight.