“No, Rainbow Dash, no,” Rarity scolded. “You cannot take those rocks with you. They’ll mess up my beautiful costume.”
“You’re the expert on rocks,” Rainbow Dash muttered quietly enough so Rarity couldn’t hear. “Come on Rarity, I already took them off for you this morning.”
Twilight intervened. “Rarity does have a point Dash. The noise could give away our position – not to mention that the sound of a bunch of stones clacking together isn’t one a dragon makes. Besides, I don’t know how far we’ll have to travel or what we might come up against out there. Those bags might get ruined.”
Rainbow Dash waved a hoof. “Your ears are way too sensitive. These don’t make that much noise at all. Look,” she landed and walked forwards and backwards. The rocks scraped and smacked together with every step. “Think of it like some sweet dance music!” She prowled around, jaunting the rocks and making techno sounds with her mouth.
“It doesn’t really fit my style,” said Rarity.
Rainbow Dash gave up the game. I don’t want Spitfire’s saddlebags to get ruined anyway. “Fine,” she sighed overdramatically, “but you’re directly responsible for making me less cool. You, Rarity, it’ll be your fault.”
“How ever will I survive?”
Twilight levitated her sparkle travel bags onto her back. “We’ve wasted enough time already. Spike’s small, but you’d be surprised how fast he can move when he wants something. Let’s go girls.” Twilight rolled up a map and they were out the door, dragon costume and all. It wasn’t exactly small enough to fit into a pack, so it floated along in a faint purple magical aura.
Ponies tried not to openly stare at them, some with more success than others. Berry Punch was enjoying an afternoon drink to get over yesterday’s hangover when she saw the trio pass by, shadowed by Rarity’s demented jeweled dragon. There was a dribbling noise as the rest of the drink poured deliberately onto the ground.
Rarity acted like nothing was out of the ordinary, probably wrapped up in the belief her dragon was so magnificent ponies couldn’t look away. She ignored the attention and continued casual conversation. “Twilight, have you ever been outside Equestria before?”
“No, I haven’t. I’ve only read about it. That’s why Rainbow Dash will come in handy.”
“Uh,” the pony in question responded, “Sorry to burst your bubble, but I haven’t gone very far outside the borders.”
Both unicorns looked shocked. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “You make it seem like it’s so easy to just fly wherever I want like I’ve got nothing better to do.” Rarity and Twilight exchanged a glance. The pegasus let it slide. “Hey, it’s not like I can just up and leave, either. I’ve got ponies here depending on me. Why would I need to go anywhere else?”
“For the adventure of course!” Rarity said with a flourish. “I always thought that would be quite like you, Rainbow Dash. I must admit I’m a bit surprised.”
“You know me, gotta keep the ponies guessing.” She flew in a tight loop and continued hovering next to her two unicorn friends. Wow, this is too easy. I miss those saddlebags already. “So where are we going anyway, Twilight?”
“I can’t say for certain because none of the authors in my collection studied dragons enough to know where the migration ends. I’m pretty sure it should only take a few days on hoof, mostly because we’re traveling so light.”
Rarity cut in. “If we run out of food I am not eating grass.”
“I have a rough estimate of where we’re going pieced together from what I know. See?” The map extracted itself from Twilight’s saddlebag and unfurled. It was hoofdrawn. “I had time to figure this out while Rarity put our disguise together.”
Rainbow Dash flicked an ear. “Sweet.” Crap, we’re relying on that? This might turn into a quest after all. Hey, alright! Rainbow Dash and the Quest for the… Hmm. And the Quest to Kick Every Fierce Dragon’s Butt. Yeah! “Are we there yet?”
- - -
“Are we there yet?”
“No!” Twilight and Rarity shouted in unison.
Late last night they’d taken the low road past Canterlot, skipping the city altogether and heading for the wide, grassy mountain pass that led North. All three ponies had gazed at Canterlot as it went by on the cliff overhead, all for very different reasons.
Most everything in this direction and beyond was countryside. A friendly family that sorta reminded Rainbow Dash of the Apple family had taken them in for the night, much to Rarity’s delight. The unicorn did not enjoy real camping. This was going to be an interesting trip.
After lunch (trail mix, woo!) the rain started. A big fat drop struck Rarity square on the nose.
“Rainbow Dash, did you spit on me?”
“What? No!” A cold droplet winked out on her wing, followed by a few others pelting the unicorns below.
Twilight turned her head forlornly to peer at her bags. “I didn’t think to bring umbrellas.”
“Rainbow Dash, could you be a dear and do something about this weather?” Just ahead the pattering of rain turned into a steady downpour. “I’m sorry I accused you. I thought perhaps it was another one of those things you and Applejack are so fond of.”
Poor Rarity knew nothing about the sacredness of a spit pact.
“No prob, I got this.” She rushed up to open a path in the gray blanket overhead, thankful for something to do.
The rain went on for a long time, finally turning to a misty drizzle after dark. Everything was cold and wet when they decided to stop for the night. The flaps on the pack Twilight had given Rainbow Dash opened and collapsed stakes came out, stretching to full length midair. A blue glow pulled the tent fabric from the other half of the pack. The unicorns made camp in a matter of minutes.
No pony was in a particularly great mood after trudging through the rain for hours and sitting in the dripping shelter of some trees at night. Rarity made it perfectly clear the only reason she was doing this was Spike. Twilight made that one face she made when her friends were irritating her while she was trying to study. Rainbow Dash was obviously the best behaved, and she didn’t do a single thing to annoy anypony.
“Oof! Rainbow Dash, that was my side you just kicked,” Rarity complained. It was a snug fit in the little tent for all three of them.
“Sorry. I thought you were a cloud sneaking up on me.” She’d only been half awake when the white thing moving in the corner caught her eye.
Twilight growled, pillow over her head. “First Spike and now you two. Go to sleep already.”
The mood improved in the morning, as did the weather. Rainbow Dash slipped out early to stretch her wings and scout ahead. Not too far along she spied Spike having morning tea. There’s no way he is ever going to match up to a real dragon. Maybe I should stop him now before we cross the border. She didn’t.
Twilight and Rarity did not seem surprised she’d gone missing. They were walking amiably along the migration trail when she came back. The pack with the tent in it floated up and dropped itself onto her back.
Rarity peered up through clear blue eyes. “If you’d brought the whole weather team, we could have weather this nice the whole way there.”
“Speaking of that,” Twilight said, “what are they going to do while you’re gone?”
Rainbow Dash dropped altitude to hover alongside them. “Eh, I put Derpy in charge.”
“You WHAT?” Twilight’s eyes were round.
“Heheh. Nothing I can’t fix when we get back. Besides, you should’ve seen the look on her face. Totally worth it.”
The hills planed out into flat grassland ahead. Beyond that were the snowy mountains marking Equestria’s Northern border. There were no signs of ponies anywhere past this point; Rainbow Dash had only been to this area a hooffull of times (so, uh, one).
Twilight rolled up her map and wedged it back into her pack. “Look, I can see the border from here. We should stop for the night when we get close and cross the mountains tomorrow. Tackling them at night is a little too dangerous.” Twilight added as an afterthought, “Even for you, Rainbow Dash.”
Rarity had an idea. “Why not teleport us across so we save time?”
“I wish I could, but teleportation has its limits.” Twilight looked pensive after she said this.
They traveled in silence for a while. Rainbow Dash kept just far enough ahead that she didn’t have to look at Rarity’s dragon costume. Impatience gripped her. “Are you sure we can’t go any faster? I could’ve been there, like, days ago.”
“We have to stay behind Spike,” Twilight rationalized.
Rainbow Dash sighed. She’d never understand how earthbound ponies could stand to travel so slow. Luna forbid, they actually had to walk around things like trees and mountains.
She looked down. Twilight had pulled out a book and was trotting along and reading; Rarity’s eyes were ringed with her petite red glasses as she effortlessly sketched design concepts without breaking stride. Twilight had passed the dragon costume into Rarity’s care at some point, even though neither of them had said anything. Whoa. Okay then.
No one tried to stop her when she went off to fly on her own for a while with complete, total freedom and not a care in the world.
Heh. Maybe one care. She looked around to make sure nopony was watching. All clear. She took a few strides down the stray cloud she’d found and walked right off the edge, plummeting over like a pegasus not paying attention to where it was going. Can’t say I didn’t expect that, Rainbow Dash thought as she flipped over from a headfirst fall.
She tried again slower, but the result was the same. No matter what she did, she always fell off. The rainbow pony probably looked like a crazy dog chasing its tail she got on and off the cloud so many times. “Come ooon, what’s the trick to this?” Heck, she even tried thinking about it. Whatever sly thing Soarin’ knew that she didn’t, she couldn’t figure it out.
Guess I just have to wait. Man, I hate waiting.
A whole evening of waiting later, they made camp at the border near the base of the mountains. It was a little early for Rarity to insist on getting beauty sleep, so the trio found themselves with nothing to do but talk inside the tiny tent.
That grave error dawned too late on the pony there with the most colors. Oh no, being stuck in a small space with Rarity is the worst.
“So Twilight, who’s the newest in your book?” the interrogation began. Too bad Rainbow Dash was too lazy to escape.
“I just started reading this book called Black Beauty, and the main character-”
“Not that kind of book, sweetie. And you really shouldn’t read that one.”
Twilight slid effortlessly from one thought to the other. “Oooh, you meant… Well, you know me, Rarity. Between studying friendship and magic, taking care of the library, and making sure Spike doesn’t make himself sick eating ice cream, I haven’t had any time for dating. Frankly, I don’t even know if I’m interested anymore. There’s so much to learn. I don’t know if I could give up all of the time to be in a relationship.”
“Pish posh!” Rarity waved a hoof. “I’m not used to hearing excuses from you, Twilight. Surely there’s somepony you must have your eyes on.”
“No, not really, but maybe.”
Rarity seemed to be following a trail Rainbow Dash couldn’t see. “Well, who is it?”
“I…”
“Oh, my. I’ll start naming ponies and you tell me when to stop. Let’s start with us. There’s me, of course, but no, I didn’t think so. Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Caramel, Pokey Pierce, Lucky, there’s that stallion with the timer on his flank – oh, yes, Time Turner.” Rarity was kind of a genius at this. There was no way Twilight was going to be able to keep a straight face when the right name came up. “Carrot Top, Miss Redheart, Lotus Blossom.” The elegant seamstress took a breath. “Maybe one of the Apple family – do I really have to name them all?”
Twilight’s crimson face tried to hide behind her bangs like Fluttershy, but there obviously wasn’t enough mane. “No, really, that’s okay.” Here it came, the moment they’d all been waiting for. Twilight turned the conversation. “What about asking Rainbow Dash? I’m sure she knows more about relationships than me.”
“Oooo, yes. After all, I don’t even have to play this game with Rainbow Dash.”
Shoot.
The blue pegasus rolled over so she was facing the tent wall. “You know I gave all that up to focus on my career.”
“Mmm. And what would Soarin’ have to say to that?”
Rainbow Dash flourished the wing not pressed against the floor. “’Woo-hoo! I can’t wait to have Rainbow Dash on my team! She’s the best pegasus in the sky!'”
“You can’t even spare us a little detail?”
“This message has been brought to you by the Rainbow Dash for Wonderbolt campaign. Thanks, and have a nice day! Beep.”
- - -
Day four. Rarity was looking a little worse for the wear. Twilight seemed to be holding up surprisingly well. Rainbow Dash was bored.
She could take naps and catch up with them later, but it felt kinda cheap. What if they ran into something and needed her help? Slipped and fell down the mountainside? Better to tough it out together.
They were officially no longer in Equestria. There was no path through the mountains, and the incline of even the shortest peak they decided to climb was steep. Gray slate merged with slippery ice. Twilight spelled Rarity’s hooves and her own so they wouldn’t slip on the precarious surface. Ice became snow, fed by a constant stream of flakes from the sky. Rainbow Dash could sense the wind picking up ahead. How in Celestia’s bedchambers did Spike get through this?
Rarity was the first to notice they were not alone. “Yoo-hoo! Hello there!” her sweet voice rang out, the one that was a trap. The thick-coated strangers were immune to Rarity’s charm. Black mountain sheep looked their way, expressionless. (Or did they? Seriously, what was with all that wool – could they even see?) It looked warm. Shoulda brought my scarf.
One of the sheep waved, but determinedly turned back to the task of ascending the snowy slope. Tough, powerful legs drove the creatures onward. Slowly but sure-footedly they made their way over the mountain. Where were they going? It was a mystery.
Rainbow Dash came down to the unicorns’ level, hooves just barely avoiding the white powder below. “Hey Rarity, why did the sheep cross the mountain?”
“No, Rainbow Dash. Just… no.”
Turns out the dragon costume did have a use after all: acting as a shield against the inclement weather. Twilight was focused on holding it ahead to protect herself and the other landlocked pony. Rainbow Dash insisted she was cool through chattering teeth.
Suddenly, Twilight’s feet went out from under her. A gasp caught in her throat as a hole opened up underneath her.
Rainbow Dash grasped Twilight’s forehoof in her own before the royally colored pony could topple into the crevice hidden by the snow. “Whoa there. You’re not allowed to bail until we get Spike.”
They crested the mountaintop without further incident. It had been the shortest of all the pointy peaks nearby, and fortunately the only one they needed to deal with. The sheep seemed happy (or unhappy?) to continue along the top of the range to their destination. Rainbow Dash turned downhill to the rest of their own journey. Cool, a rain shadow.
The other half of the mountain was suddenly dry. It was easy to see the sparse, bare ground along the leeward side. The dry area extended a little bit onto the plain below and turned into a forest. Only a small rain shadow, then.
They would reach the woods by midday. A small purple dot entered the auburn colored foliage in the distance. Dash realized she was biting her lip, and silently kicked back her racer’s instinct. She wondered how he’d gotten so far ahead of them. He probably cheated or something.
Twilight was excited. “Come on Rarity, let’s run!”
“Oh Twilight, I really do not think that’s necessary. Besides, I only run when I’m being chased.” Rarity shook off some snow. “What’s that you’re holding, Rainbow Dash?”
The snowy mudsanddirtball she’d scraped up was cold and gritty to the touch.
“You wouldn’t dare.”
Seconds later, the unicorns were galloping full speed down the slope and laughing from the thrill. Rainbow Dash leisurely chased after them. In the end, the only pony who got dirty was herself, since the muddy snow melted and splattered all over her fur. It’d come off on its own. Eventually.
“Hey, look,” Twilight said, still catching her breath. Her eyes focused on a cabin in the woods just barely visible from where they were standing. As the three approached, Rainbow Dash picked up the sound of running water. The direction of everypony else’s ears told her they heard it too.
The log cabin was situated close to a riverbank. An empty pier stretched into the calm flowing water. “Should we try knocking?” asked Twilight.
Rarity looked cautious. “You don’t suppose it’s a pony, do you?”
“Probably not. It’d be like seeing a griffon at home. Or a dragon,” the studied unicorn added, peering at the migration above.
Rainbow Dash scrutinized the vegetable garden next to the home. No bones or huge piles of treasure: check. “Doesn’t look like anything evil to me.”
“Helloooo,” Rarity called. “Anypo, er, anybody home?” No answer.
Twilight looked around. “Oh well. Looks like we can follow the river for now.” Rainbow Dash pulled her snout out of the sweet tasting water by the dock long enough to agree.
The small ledge and marshy grass by the river kept them from walking right next to it, so they moved through the trees instead. Darkness set upon the unfamiliar land.
“And so he went into the cabin,” Rainbow Dash continued her story. “Every room was empty, except for a layer of dust and cobwebs. Thump. Thump. Thump. He followed the sound into the one room he hadn’t checked. It was hard to see because it was dark outside, but he could make out a wooden wardrobe at the back of the room. Thump. The wardrobe shook. Something was inside.”
Rarity and Twilight unconsciously drew closer together as they walked through the forest setting the storyteller had described only a few minutes ago.
“Thump. He had to open it. All of those disappearances, an empty cabin in the woods, he had to know. Slowly, he stepped across the creaking floorboards and went to the now silent wardrobe. Just as he stood before it – thud! – it banged violently against the wall. Then it was still. He reached to open it, tense. At any moment it could jump again. His hoof grasped the door and he threw it open!
It was empty. The left half of the inside was shaded in darkness. The longer he looked at it, the blacker it seemed. There was something there. Heart pounding, he slowly opened the other door. Dim light from the moon illuminated the barren inside of the piece of furniture, just like the emptiness in all the rooms in the cabin. He stared at the dust layering the wooden panels inside the wardrobe and calmed down. The whole thing was only a story in his head. He ran a hoof on the inside panels to be sure there were no secret entrances. There wasn’t anything.
He turned around.
“GGGRRaaaAAH!” Rainbow Dash’s hooves shot out and pressed into Rarity and Twilight. The two jumped in fright. “The hollowed eyes of a dripping black carcass standing immediately behind him were the last thing he ever saw.”
Nobody said anything for a while. Twilight and Rarity took creeping, cautious strides and cast glances into the shadows everywhere around them.
Rainbow Dash could sense a presence following them, but it was too dark to see. She didn’t want to turn around. The presence grew stronger. Quickly, she lashed her head around and gazed into the darkness behind her. Something moved. She forced her mind to rationalize the alien shapes waiting, still in the night. It’s a tree stump. We just passed it.
How come every time I tell that story I get messed up too?
All she had to do was turn her head and that carcass would be standing right there, right in front of her. Turn around.
“Let’s stop.” Rarity supplemented her words by drawing the tent stakes out of Rainbow Dash’s saddlebags. Nobody argued. Dash collected wood as close to camp as possible and Twilight lit a fire. The cool pink stripe in her mane flashed as she brought out graham crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows. They were all so freaked out it would be difficult to enjoy even s’mores.
Rainbow Dash picked out a prime marshmallow branch and peeled off the extra twigs. “I could tell a gross story now.”
Rarity nervously ran a brush through her frazzled purple mane. “That’s quite alright Rainbow Dash. I think you’ve done enough storytelling for today.” Brush, brush, brush. “Twilight, maybe you can think of something more… uplifting.”
“Oh, well, I don’t know. I’m not as good at off-the-hoof narrating as Cheerilee.”
“Please?”
“Maybe I can tell a story that happened to me instead of trying to remember one. Have I ever told you the magic kindergarten glue story? No wait, something uplifting. How about my first kiss?” She hesitated. “Er, now that I’m thinking about it, that won’t do either. There was the time I got lost in the supermarket. Nope, that’s depressing too. Snubbed a party invitation from Canterlot, got separated from my foalsitter, misspelled ‘genial’, misspoke ‘clock’ during a spell, that horrible accident at the School for Gifted Unicorns… Ugh, never mind! I’ll just make something up.” Twilight slammed two graham crackers together and bit into them with a vengeance.
She told a story about a Prince who never left his castle because he didn't want to get married. Princes always had a tendency to fall into those sort of things. Twilight finished with a dose of sarcasm so thick their ears got stuck in it. Rarity smiled, entertained. Time to dig in to those s’mores.
“Hey guys, watch thfis.” Rainbow Dash already had three jumbo marshmallows in her mouth. “Seffen, eifft, fifn, fffn, fffffn.” There wasn’t any more room. “FFnnff.”
“Oh dear, I think she’s trying to tell us something,” Rarity said.
“I think you might be right, Rarity.”
Rainbow Dash puffed a string of mellowed mumbles. Twilight took a crack at decoding it. “I want to… eat these?”
Rainbow Dash shook her head in the negative. “Ffnng fn.”
“I’m going to,” Rarity got the first part, “keep a younger colt?”
That wasn’t it. Twilight’s turn. “I’m going to kick a thunderbolt?”
Rarity jumped right in with a saucy smile. “I’m going to kiss a Wonderbolt.” Rainbow Dash fired one of the marshmallows from her mouth and it impaled itself on Rarity’s horn, sticking there like a speared cocktail olive. Sweet, sweet revenge.
Dash piled the remaining puffs out of her mouth and stuck all of them on her perfect roasting stick. She held the marshmallow lightning rod next to the fire. None of them were going to burn or turn the perfect golden brown, but she would roast the most marshmallows the fastest: just the way she liked it. “The only Wonderbolt who’s getting kissed here is me,” she asserted.
Twilight’s curiosity got the best of her. “Have you gotten an invitation yet? I suppose that’s a silly question. We would know if you had.” It was easy to imagine a super hyped pegasus racing through town and breaking things in excitement.
“Actually, the invites go out the morning of the Trial.”
“That’s strange,” said Twilight, mulling it over. “But I guess it would help keep ponies from getting stressed out ahead of time about competing. They’d also have to be willing to be able to drop everything to be a part of the team.”
Rarity inquired, “How did you know when they go out?”
“I know everything about the Wonderbolts,” the speedster said without skipping a beat.
After a restless night’s sleep (Rarity wouldn’t let Rainbow Dash into the tent until she washed the mud from earlier off), the three were having breakfast when a pair of flaming birds swooped down and snatched all of their saddlebags, camping equipment and rations and all.
Rainbow Dash groaned, putting her hoof to her face. Now she was certain phoenixes lived to play tricks on ponies. She watched the disappearing flames. “You know what Fluttershy would say? She’d probably tell us they were parents taking food to their babies.”
Suddenly none of them felt like chasing the birds.
Rarity stomped a hoof, powerless. “I am not eating grass!”
Twilight sorted through the few things they had sitting out. “Don’t worry Rarity, I’ll cook for you.”
“Never mind, I shall eat the grass.”
- - -
“Come on Rarity, stop pushing.” Rainbow Dash was still trying to carry Twilight and walk without tripping on the fringe of the dragon costume.
“I’m not pushing, you’re the one standing still.”
Dash muttered, “What is this, the three stooges?”
Twilight bonked Rainbow Dash on the head. “No. Look, he’s getting away, let’s go! Giddyup Rainbow Dash!”
Why do I always end up being the one ridden? Somebody carry me for a change! “Fine, fine, I’m moving, see?”
Dragons were stupider than she thought. Not only did they buy Rarity’s dragon costume, but the three ponies fooled them the whole day. They fooled the dragons right up until Twilight threw the fabric off and leapt to the ground in order to defend Spike. Rainbow Dash immediately jumped to fighting mode. Augh, why’d you do that Twilight? We could’ve scared them off. She tried anyway. “Nopony’s gonna lay a claw on him,” she threatened. No dragon. Whatever.
She evaluated the situation while the two unicorns tried to look menacing. Let’s see, two overprotective ponies, one baby dragon, one unhatched egg, and me. We could make breakfast. Aaand, yep, that’s it, I’ve got nothing.
“Run away!” Spike raced off with the egg and took their group’s morale with it. The remaining ponies broke into frantic galloping (or flapping) in the opposite direction of three majorly ticked off dragons.
Rainbow Dash willed her friends to go faster, faster, faster. She stared over her shoulder at the furious beehive of teeth and claws chasing them. A burst of magic sputtered like a stalled chariot from Twilight’s horn.
Are you nuts? We’re five days out! Shoot lasers at them or something!
Rainbow Dash was going to be the first to go down. It didn’t even cross her mind that she could outfly everything here, because she wasn’t about to leave her friends defenseless. If anypony was getting their battle scars today, it would be her. See how the Wonderbolts like that. All I gotta do is survive. I think I can pull that off. She bit her lip, realizing she’d gotten ahead of the others.
And was in Ponyville. Twilight crawled on the ground, beat. Impossible. She’d teleported all of them all that way? That wasn’t the biggest thing on Rainbow Dash’s mind, though.
“Flipping feathers Twilight, I was about to get some battle scars!”
Rarity fussed, concerned. “And ruin your beautiful face? I certainly hope not!”
Oh well. Group hug, the end.
~~~
“Soarin’. Soarin’, get up!” He snorted awake to the pounding on his door. It was the first time he’d gotten enough sleep in weeks. Never a dull moment at the Wonderbolt headquarters.
Fleetfoot’s pounding turned into woodpecker rapping at an insane speed. The door vibrated.
“I’m up, I’m up.” Faded dream memories of a certain colorful pegasus lingered in his mind. He wanted to lie there and remember what the dream was, but…
“Meeting at Cluster Mess Hall in ten.”
Normally today he would have been off training Rainbow Dash, but she was Luna knows where now and he had free time. Key word: had.
Ten minutes later, one of the guards ushered them to the long strategy table. “Let’s get to business. We received word from Princess Celestia about hostile activity near Appleloosa. The Elements of Harmony were tasked with the job, but there’s been no response. Now the responsibility falls to you.”
Was there standard procedure for the phrase “the Elements of Harmony are not responding?” He hadn’t paid close attention to them, but something felt wrong about it. Heroes were supposed to be there for you.
Leave it to the Wonderbolts to save the day.
“Get on with it,” Fleetfoot interrupted the guard’s elaborate speech, which Soarin’ had tuned out. “What do you need our wings for?”
“All the Princess would say was that it was a lion of a problem.”
A slow, sneaky grin widened High Winds’ face. “I think I can tame this myself.” She trotted to the exit. “Any of you are free to come along.”
Rapidfire caught Soarin’s eye. They couldn’t let her go alone, even if it wasn’t dangerous. ‘Hey, I’m calling in the Elements of Harmony,’ was bound to be dangerous, or at least interesting.
The team split up outside the compound. Everypony besides High Winds’ two volunteers had training and sleep to catch up on. At this point, Soarin’s sleep deficit wouldn’t get repaid until he retired or died, so what the heck, why not dig the hole deeper?
The flight was plenty long. Had they taken the train, it would have been an overnight trip. Railways weaved through dusty mountains and parched canyons. The Wonderbolt trio raced along the barren plain on the other side of the mountain ridge. Clumps of dried bracken broke off in their wake. The weeds tumbled in the wind, freed to an endless roll until they burst on some hard surface miles away.
Appleloosa was the farthest settlement in this direction. Average Joe would be surprised high profile ponies like Soarin’ remembered the name of the small outpost. They would understand if they’d ever actually been there themselves and met… him.
“AAAAAAAApleloosa!” High Winds drawled when they flew over the town, which was unusually quiet, like an old Western movie when something bad was about to happen. She didn’t stop. Soarin’ and Rapidfire followed, not sure what they were looking for in the first place.
Rapidfire voiced his concerns about where they were going. “High Winds, are you sure you know what’s out here? This isn’t going to end up like last time, I hope.” The dragon attack on Ponyville was a sore spot for the windy pegasus, who’d led Surprise and Blaze on a flight to chase off a juvenile dragon and found an adult. When the three escaped, the vicious beast had disappeared. No pony was sure what happened.
If High Winds was upset about Rapidfire’s blunt comment, she didn’t show it. “No worries, Rapidfire.” The bushy-maned mare unexpectedly changed course and landed by a pair of defeated buffalo hiding behind a rock. Only one of them was standing. The other lay motionless on the ground.
“What ails you?” High Winds asked matter-of-factly.
The buffalo mourning over his fallen friend stared blankly, seeing something that was not there. “It came through and took everything. It shows up and asks questions, and when we answer, it takes our food. If we don’t answer, it takes our food. We have nothing left. Our strongest warriors toil away in the Appleloosan bakery, but still the beast comes.” The buffalo’s head turned back to the one on the ground. “Harry just had his last pie taken.”
“My pie,” moaned the buffalo from his dusty resting place.
Pie.
Rapidfire jabbed Soarin’ in the side.
“There’s still time,” High Winds said, spreading her wings and taking to the sky.
The monster’s lair couldn’t have been more obvious. Stacks and stacks of pies were strewn haphazardly around a rocky outcrop. Perched lazily atop one of the flat stones was a creature the exact same color as the sand. If they’d been passing by overhead, they might have missed it, even though the creature was easily as large as Discord twice over. Instead of being thin and noodle-like, the magnificent beast was a lion in everything but the face. A long, powerful equine neck supported a horse’s head. Sandy streams of mane bushed wildly around its ears and down the nape of its neck.
High Winds didn’t slow down. She banked sharply and landed on top of the rock directly in front of the beast. Soarin’ and Rapidfire fell in behind her, loaded and ready to attack. To their surprise, their teammate’s white wings opened slightly. ‘Don’t interfere.’ Is she smiling?
More importantly, what the hay is that thing?
The thing didn’t take kindly to being thought of as a thing. “More tiny ponies?” it hissed. Could horses hiss? Apparently they could. “And this time you come to me. This is quite a surprise. Judging from your unusual garb, you must be their champions, yes? Excellent. Once I’ve done away with you, I can go back to collecting these pies.”
The tufted end of a lion’s tail flicked around ferocious paws. “The game is simple. I will ask you questions, and when you can’t answer them, I throw you over this ledge.” The animal’s blank stare surveyed the landscape behind the Wonderbolts. “Do not think I overlooked your wings.”
Soarin’ stuck his lower lip out stubbornly.
“New rules,” High Winds said. “You ask me the questions, and when I answer all of them, I get to ask you one. Get it wrong, and you release the hostages and go back to the desert.”
A catty, Cheshire grin on the horse’s face revealed rows of sharp teeth. “Very well. What,” it haughtily drew out the w part of the word, “is the airspeed velocity of an-“
“Pfff. You’re going to waste one of your questions on that? You may as well ask me what walks on four legs, or what contains a golden treasure but has no key.”
“I suppose if you wish to make your demise so expedient, then you may exercise your free will in that way.” An empty pie tin rolled off the beast’s ledge. Its voice rolled in the air as it recited:
Black and black against the sky,
The more of me, the more that die,
and so my name it does not lie,
but ponies claim they don’t know why.
What am I?
High Winds flicked an ear. “A murder of crows.”
Energy crackled in jet black eyes as they surveyed the Wonderbolt with renewed interest. “So there is more to you than the wind beneath your wings, I see.”
“I’ve yet to see proof you are more than the pies crowded at your paws.”
The beast didn’t move so much as a hair. “All you must do is get the next question wrong and you will know.” It paused. Then it said,
A buffalo walks into a room full of strangers, who all greet him with familiarity. How can this be?
"Just because they're stranger than he is doesn't mean they can't be friends. Or family," High Winds added with a smirk.
And why is it that all creatures but ponies lack the thing known as a cutie mark?
“Because it’s what’s on the inside that counts.”
“How unusually astute. And here I was expecting the typical stuttered scientific explanation.”
Rapidfire fiddled with a loose rock, giving away the fact that this was exactly what his rational answer would have been. Soarin’ could barely keep up with his own thoughts; he was still trying to unravel the layers beneath each question when High Winds countered it.
The lionhorse looked more amused than anything. “As all of those appear too easy for you, I’ll give you one last puzzle. Explain how a simple, impoverished, weak horse comes to rule a kingdom using nothing but her own tack.”
“A moment, please.”
Sand whirled at the lead Wonderbolt’s hooves while the threatening statue spoke. “A ploy. You do not know the answer to this puzzle.”
High Winds thrust out a foreleg, head tilted toward the ground in concentration. The sand slowed, lying restive around the pegasus as if in wait.
An invisible signal passed between Soarin’ and Rapidfire. Maybe they were fast enough to rescue High Winds before the monster could throw her off the ledge. The stallions tensed in a motion imperceptible to any but the most focused observer.
High Winds put her hoof down. “She takes her own burdens and saddles them on someone else, then harnesses the power of ambition, greed, and determination. No one can halter, and without a hitch, a tack is easy. She uses what’s left to stirrup a bit of trouble, and when every horse has blinders on to everything but that, she puts the kingdom under her rein.”
Nobody moved. High Winds went on, unimpeded, “Now you will uphold your end of the game. Answer my riddle correctly, or go back to whence you came.”
No matter who you ask, I’m exactly the same
Though the smarter you are, the more I’ll drive you insane
for the prize I promise is unobtainable, fool
and any enemy who gives me is merciless and cruel.
Wind ruffled the horse’s golden mane while it contemplated.
Soarin’ rubbed his eyes. No, it was happening. The lion paws were slowly fading away into streams of sand like a bleeding hourglass. Wind whipped up the troughs of sand as the monster continued dissolving, its horse face frozen in thought the entire time. A whirlwind of sharp granules rose around the creature and devoured it, scattering sandy particles to the wind. The rock was bare.
“It didn’t know the answer,” Rapidfire said plainly to High Winds.
“Nay,” she neighed.
Soarin’ looked at all of the treasure left behind. Buckets and carts of foods were wedged between the pies. Now all the three ponies had to do was tell the town and the buffalo herd to come collect their things.
Soarin’ assessed the pies again. “Do you think they’ll reward us?”
- - -
High Winds and Rapidfire put on their blank faces during the ride home, ignoring Soarin’s happy, sloppy munching. Rapidfire asked High Winds what the answer to her riddle was.
“A wordsmith never reveals the answer. You may try to solve it, though. There is a price for every time you fail.”
The stormy gray stallion puzzled over this for a while on his own before he dropped back to where Soarin’ was.
Soarin’ licked the remaining pie off a hoof. “You want my help? I’m not any good at this sort of thing,” he reminded his friend.
“At this speed we have approximately four hours and sixteen minutes before we reach Canterlot. What were you planning to do that whole time?”
“Daydream. Fly ahead and get us some late night takeout,” Soarin’ shrugged.
“Great. Help me figure this out, then. It’ll take your mind off Rainbow Dash.”
“Huh? But I wasn’t thinking-“
“You were about to.”
“…”
He got me.
The two pegasi puzzled it out while they rode the paths of least resistance cut by High Winds at the tip of the V formation. First they thought of things that were the same no matter who you were: time, nothing, the future, bits, day and night. All of those answers seemed too common to be something High Winds made up. Rapidfire pointed out that most of them didn’t fit the other parts of the riddle, either.
“What about a book, Rapidfire? Books are always the same no matter who reads them.”
“Perhaps, but they’re easier for smart ponies to understand, not harder. Plus, knowledge is something obtainable by reading a book, unless you were thinking along the lines of ‘the more you know, the less you realize you know.’ It still doesn’t fit the last part about a merciless enemy giving it to you.”
The more Soarin’ tried to figure out the riddle, the more confused he got. Rapidfire was determined to solve it. The gray pony suddenly snapped his wingtips. “I’ve got it.” He called over to High Winds. “A broken promise.”
“Nope. Now you get to switch spots with me.”
“Love. It’s unrequited love, right?”
“And now you can swap the positions of our portraits at the base,” High Winds whinnied, taking the easy spot next to Soarin’. “What about you? Want to take a whack at the egg Rapidfire can’t crack?”
“I dunno. What’s in it for me if I win?”
“A riddle that can outsmart a sphinx."