//------------------------------// // The Professor // Story: The Many Secret Origins of Scootaloo // by defender2222 //------------------------------// "Exterminate! Exterminate!" Twilight shot out a bolt of magic, sending the Dalek screaming across the bridge of the battlecruiser the ponies had invaded. Behind her, a great viewing window showed them a sight of the planet that only Princess Luna had ever seen. “Exterminate that!” Twilight said, flashing a smug smile. Apparently for all their advancements the Daleks were unable to handle magic, which made them quite easy to deal with. They also couldn’t handle bucking, objects being thrown at them or a nice stiff breeze (incidentally, Stiff Breeze was Rainbow Dash’s stage name back when she was a dancer…it was a phase she grew out of). Applejack chuckled as 5 Daleks fired their weapons at her, the energy bolts bouncing off her flank like raindrops (and in some cases not even that strongly). "Really Professor, ya thought these walkin' trash cans would be a problem?" Applejack rearing back and gave one a hard buck, turning it into a wreck of twisted metal and flailing jelly-like limbs. "....run away!" the remaining Daleks squealed. "Run away!" "Run away!" "Run away!" The Professor (who was a gender reversed Doctor Whooves from another dimension, just in case you hadn’t read the last chapter, snooch) frowned. "Well...apparently in my universe the Daleks got to be a bit more advanced..." "What are you talking about, mama?" Tiny Hooves called out, happily riding on top of one of the fleeing Daleks. The colt grabbing the Dalek's eyestalk and pulled, the creature letting out a whine of misery as it snapped off like a twig, leaving it blind. "The daleks are always easy to beat!" Tiny giggled as the dalek he was riding began to spin about in circles. "I meant in my original original universe....before I was a pony." "You weren't always a pony?" Applejack questioned. She was still trying to wrap her mind around the idea of there being a stallion that acted just like her...the idea that ponies weren’t always ponies left her wanting to run back into the TARDIS screaming (the fact that there was a blue box that had taken her into space …that didn’t even make her blink). "Long story, don't worry about it." The Professor looked around the abandoned control room of the Dalek battlecruiser, scanning it with her screwdriver. "Rather easy all this, I do admit." When Twilight gave her a confused look, Twisty decided to help her out. "The meanies we were fighting shielded their ship so The Professor couldn't enter in our world and the Doctor couldn't in yours...but they didn't plan on swapping universes!" Twisty blinked, a grin growing as he considered something. "Professor, what do you think gender reversed muffins taste like?" Twilight rolled her eyes. "Like regular muffins, since muffins don't have genders," she muttered. "Well, not the genders we know of," The Professor mumbled. Twilight opened her mouth to question that statement, only to snap her jaw shut and shrug it off. "I must admit, Twilight, you are more grounded then our Dusk. He is always getting so frantic about the smallest thing...I imagine he is currently panicking. Probably driving...ahem...The Doctor," The Professor managed to stifle her giggles at the thought of such a silly name, "utterly mad." "Not that ya ain't already," Applejack stated. Twilight merely shook her head, blowing a strand of hair from her eyes. "I'm just glad for the change of pace. Sure…fighting an alien invasion and saving Equestria from an intergalactic army is a bit different, but after spending the last two days hearing nothing but Scootaloo stories-" "Scootaloo? Who's that?" Tiny asked, trotting over to them, his horn glowing as he dragged along the twisted remains of a Dalek shell. "I think it is a type of fish," Twisty said. The Professor put her screwdriver away and began working the controls of the ship. She had decided a nice trip into the sun would do the Daleks a world of good. "I believe she means that little orange pegasus." "Rollalong?" Twisty asked. "Exactly!" The Professor paused, stopping her wiggling and jiggling of handles to look over at Twilight. “You know, Scootaloo is actually a bit of temporal trouble-” “No…no, Celestia no! No! No!” Twilight began to scream in terror. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” She darted away from the confused Professor, pulling open a door only to find it led to a broom closet…which contained a sobbing Dalek. “Move over, I’ll hide with you!” Twilight leapt inside, using her magic to shut and seal the closet door. Applejack rolled her eyes, marching over to the now closed door. “Twilight…Twilight, get out of there!” “NO!” Twilight screamed. “No!” the Dalek echoed. Applejack pounded on the door. “Twilight, come out of the closet!” “NO!” Twilight screamed. Twisty blinked in confusion. “Wait, Twilight's in the closet? So she’s a thespian? Does that mean Twilight’s dating her universe's version of Rainbow Blitz?” “I don’t think ‘thespian’ is the word you are looking for,” The Professor told her husband. “I am not dating Rainbow Dash and I am not in the closet!” Twilight screamed. “Dalek not either!” the dalek called out. “Right, no daleks or ponies in here! Just brooms!” “We are brooms!” the dalek stated in agreement. Applejack growled, bucking the door. “Twilight, come out of the closet right now!” “I’m just standing here, Twilight Sparkle locked in the closet!” Tiny sang. “I don’t know why Twilight and a Dalek are locked in the closet…” “No! We are never coming out, right Mr. Rollypolly?” “Rollypolly agrees!” The Professor rolled her eyes. “Dear Lordess they’re bonding.” She trotted over, knocking on the door. “Twilight, don’t you want to know the true origin of Scootaloo?” “I already know what you will say!” Twilight shouted. “You will say she is a chicken, a giant chicken! Well, I don’t want to hear it! I’ll just stay in here with Rollypolly…isn’t that right baby?” “Rollypolly agrees with Mama Sparkle!” “This is just getting’ crazy!” Applejack complained. “Well…crazy for us,” Twisty reminded her. The Professor banged on the door. “Twilight, I assure you I am not going to tell you Scootaloo is a giant chicken. That timeline was destroyed months ago and we are in a new one…and this one really does have a pegasus filly named Scootaloo, and I know her origin.” “…ok, you can tell your story,” Twilight said finally. “But I am staying in this closet!” “We all figured that anyway,” The Professor said with a laugh. “Now then, Scootaloo’s story begins on my TARDIS….” ~MC~MC~MC~ The Professor looked at Twisty, shaking her head, a slight smile tugging on the corners of her lips. The gray pegasus stallion kept looking back and forth at two muffins, unsure which one he wanted to nibble on. Tiny had scampered off to go play in the pool, leaving the couple alone in the control room. “Love, they are both the same…just pick one,” The Professor said. “They aren’t the same,” Twisty told her, his lazy eye still staring down at the two muffins even as he addressed his wife. “Funny, because I am pretty sure they are both chocolate chip muffins that are the same size, shape, and texture. And-“ she hit a few controls on the TARDIS control panel, getting a read-out of the two muffins, “-they both have the same number of chocolate chips. So you might as well just eat one then the other.” “It’s not that simple!” Twisty complained. “One of these muffins were given to me by Rainbow Blitz after I helped him out with clearing up that thunderstorm that managed to escape the weather factory. Blitz has never thanked me before…” “Then eat that one,” The Professor said, turning back to the controls to make sure the wobbly leaver was still wobbling. “But the other one was given to me by Elusive after I made that special trip to get him the gems he had ordered from Manehattan.” “Then eat that one.” “But I can’t!” Twisty exclaimed, throwing his hooves in the air. “Don’t you see, Professor? Each one of them gave me a muffin and the muffin represents our friendship! If I pick the wrong one I might hurt their feelings.” “How will they even know?” The Professor asked dryly. “Oh…they’ll know,” Twisty said. “And then their feelings will be hurt…hurt feelings are the quickest way to lose a friend.” “FOREVER!” Two voices called out from opposite sides of the TARDIS. The Professor and Twisty both leapt back, startled at the appearance of two pink ponies. Both of them had poofy hair, though one’s was short and cut in the style of a pompadour and the other’s was a big frizzy mane. Both had balloons on as their cutie mark and giant smiles on their faces. The only real difference was what was between their legs (and we don’t mean their tummies). “Berry Bubble, what are you doing here?” Twisty asked in surprise. “How are you even here?” The Professor exclaimed in shock. “We are traveling through time! It should be physically impossible for you to enter the TARDIS!” Berry shrugged. “I don’t know, Professor…I just sensed something bad with my Berry Sense and knew I needed to warn them about losing a friend! So warped through reality and ended up here!” “Same for me!” the female pony said. “Did you go to the funny world where we are drawings?” Berry nodded happily, bouncing over to the other grinning pony. “Of course!” The Professor shook her head. “Berry, I think-“ “Take on me…take on me!” both of them began to sing. “Take me on! I’ll be gone…in a day or two!” Twisty stared at his muffins before smashing them together and eating both at the same time, hoping that would make the crazy pink ponies go away. It didn’t work. The other pink pony gasped as she finally noticed she wasn’t alone in the TARDIS with Berry. “You look like ponies I know! You look like Derpy and you look like the Doctor and….” The pink mare’s eyes nearly popped out of her head as she finally got a good look at Berry, “you’re me! Well, not me me but a male me!” “And you’re me too! Not a me me too but a girl me! Oh, we need to introduce ourselves! I’m Berry Bubble!” “I’m Pinkie Pie! Hey, you know what we should do?” Berry nodded his head rapidly. “We should throw a party! But not just any party-“ “-but a ‘You’re a gender-swapped me party’-“ “-and have cake and balloons-“ “-and wear hats and-“ The Professor and Twisty looked at each other. “I don’t think the universe is ready for this.” “Wait, I thought this story was about Scootaloo.” ~MC~MC~MC~ “What did you say, Twilight? It is kinda hard to hear you in the closet…and over the sound of the dalek sobbing,” The Professor said. “Rollypolly not crying!” the dalek said, before breaking down once more with the sniffles. “Rollypolly…have something in eyestalk!” “Shhhhh, it’s ok, I won’t let them hurt you,” Twilight murmured. “Twi…stop treating the dalek like your baby and tell us why you interrupted the story,” Applejack said, rolling her eyes. "I am interrupting because I am tired of everypony telling me they are going to tell me about Scootaloo and then they go off on some story that barely has anything to do with Scootaloo!" They could hear Twilight banging her head against the door. “These stories are suppose to be about Scootaloo, not strange events that barely connect to her!” "Twilight, I assure you-" "No, don't give me that!" Twilight snapped. "This isn't a story about Scootaloo! This is a story about Pinkie Pie ending up on your TARDIS...and the fact that none of those facts are making me question my sanity just proves how crazy all of this is." "Twi..." "And I am not coming out of the closet!" Twilight screamed. "Which means you can't run away as I finish my story," The Professor said. "...clever girl." ~MC~MC~MC~ "Why do we have to stay in here?" Pinkie complained as the Professor shoved her and Berry Bubble into a storage closet. "Because you two being here is going to cause a temporal anomaly that will destroy all of existence. We need to figure out how to get you both back to your own universes without rupturing the fabric of time." Berry wasn't happy. He had been hoping to throw a party with Pinkie but there was only so much any of them could do when they were trapped in a closet (how were they suppose to fit the tables in there?!). "That doesn't explain why we have to stay in the broom closet!" "Because it is nice and safe and free of Scootaloo stories?" "Rollypolly agrees!" The Professor sighed. "It is bad enough you two are here, together. The meeting of two beings that are basically the same pony only with their genders swapped is quite dangerous. It would be even worse if you were allowed free reign in my TARDIS. You might bump a lever or press the 'Kill us all' button." "And that would..." Pinkie gulped, "kill us?' "No, it would turn on the stereo. I got a Nickelback CD stuck in there and I am tired of hearing the song Photograph." The Professor shuddered in horror at the thought of listening to American Music. "No, I am afraid you two must stay here until I figure something out. Now, stop being babies and go into the dark and spooky closet." She slammed the door and, using her screwdriver, made sure to seal it up tight. Twisty looked at the closet, utterly confused. "Why do we even have a storage closet when the TARDIS can automatically clean itself." "So we have a place to shove ponies that threaten all of time, of course!" "...make's sense to me!" "Still waiting for Scootaloo to show up..." Luckily for the two party planners, The Professor had been able to figure out a solution with an hour and she, along with Twisty Tail, had rushed back to the closet to let the two pink ponies know the good news. "I must admit I am rather ashamed that I did not consider it sooner. By simply viewing their timelines it is clear that enough differences have already occurred to make them just dissimilar enough to prevent a temporal rift." "But how does that get them home?" Twisty asked. "Ah, well Berry was going to be easy enough, as all we needed to do was return home ourselves. As for Miss Pie, I am having the TARDIS create a chrono-shuttle that will be able to pierce the walls of the other dimension and let her return to her own world without accidently affecting another dimension in the process." The Professor threw the storage closet door open, beaming as she spoke. "Alright, so all we-OH BY PRINCE SOLARIS WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Pinkie and Berry looked up at the Professor; they were on the floor in a VERY compromising position. "I decided to throw a party..." Berry said sheepishly. Pinkie looked up at them with half-lidded eyes, a dopey grin on her face. "Hiiiiiiii Pro...Pro...Professa!" She giggled, laying back against Berry's chest. "Can I keeps him?" "You...mean Pinkie Pie slept with-" ~MC~MC~MC~ "-her gender-swapped self?" The Professor asked. "Yes." She turned and saw Applejack looking a little green around the gills (which was weird, since she didn't have gills). "I don't know why you are so shocked...it happens more than you think. Granted, most times it involves a pony traveling back in time to have sex with themselves, but that is only because they want the youth-giving chronal spores that can only be created by such an event." "Chrono...what now?" "Chronal Spores. When an older pony goes back in time and has sex with themselves, the union produces Chronal Spores that help fight the aging process and actually render the person immortal for a short time (Author's Note: THE SUPER ADVENTURE CLUB ACTUALLY BELIEVES THIS). If one does it enough, they then can achieve immortality for...well, forever. It becomes a cycle of-" "Twi, let me in! I want to hide in the closet too!" The door quickly shot open and Applejack joined Twilight in hugging Rollypolly. "I knew it!" Twisty exclaimed. "I knew all of them were thespians!" "...well then, back to the story." ~MC~MC~MC~ "You...you actually..." The Professor was ready to rip her mane out. "You slept with each other?!?" "Well, there wasn't much sleeping involved!" Pinkie said happily. Twisty cocked his head. "How does that-" "Don't think about it!" The Professor warned. "The last being to do that went crazy and changed his name to Discord." Before The Professor could continue a chime went off over her head. She rushed over to a display and felt herself grow lightheaded. "Oh no..." "What?" Berry asked. "She's pregnant." "Who's pregnant?" "You." Pinkie blinked. "U's pregnent?" The Professor shook her head. "No, you are pregnant." "UR's pregnant?" "Not me, you are." "That's what I said!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Third base!" Twisty exclaimed. "Ironically, going past third base caused this problem!" The Professor practically screamed. "This is bad, this is very-" KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK Everyone turned to stare at the TARDIS' door. "I think it is for you," Berry stage-whispered. The Professor trotted up to the door, wondering how somepony could be knocking when they were traveling through the timestream. Her question was answered when two blue ponies entered the TARDIS from their own time sphere. One was all blue with some black highlights and a brown mane; a pair of yellow goggles were over his eyes and he had a beetle cutie mark. The other had splashes of gold on his body, including his mane. He wore yellow tinted visor and his cutie mark was a blue star. "Thank Celestia we caught up with you before you did something stupid!" The golden stallion exclaimed. "Do you know how hard it is to catch a time ship that is not only going through the stream but is also from another universe?" "...who the bloody hell are you?" The Professor asked, tired of ponies breaking into her TARDIS. The golden pony flashed a grin. "I am Booster Gold, and this is my hetero-lifemate, Blue Beetle." "Stop saying that!" Beetle complained. "...what the bloody hell are you doing on my TARDIS?" Booster flashed another 1000 watt smile. "We are here to prevent you from making a grave mistake." "And that is?" "Stopping the birth of the great time masters Scootaloo and Rollalong." "Nope, sorry, we already did a time traveling story." ~MC~MC~MC~ Twilight poked her head out of the closet, glaring at the Professor. "Derpy already told a story where Scootaloo is a time traveler. And hers had a song and everything! So I am afraid you must stop telling your story and send us home, right now." "Did it have pirates?" Tiny asked. "Ninjas." "...pirates are cooler," the little colt stated. ~Several Interdimensional Jumps Later...~ "Spike, I'm back!" Twilight called out. The baby dragon ran up to her, giving her a hug. "Thank Celestia, I was so worried when-AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" "Spike!" Twilight snapped, glaring at him. "Don't yell at your new baby brother!" "Rollypolly is going to glomp big brother Spike dragon!" Spike began to back away from the Dalek. "No, that's ok...no, stop! Twilight!" "Play nice!" Twilight called out, heading into the kitchen to see if defender2222 had left her some leftovers. "GLOMPINATE! GLOMPINATE!" “TWILIGHT!!!!!”