It had been three weeks since my breakdown. Everyone in the know had finally stopped walking on eggshells around me, but I still caught the odd worried glance. Eros has been making an effort to avoid me, and I'm sure I know why. Don't know who told her, if anyone.
Fucking psychic types.
I sat beside Rainbow in the weather office, waiting while she finished up her paperwork. My bitten and worn pillow was more comfortable than the floor, but I had asked Rainbow to remove my proper bed from here. She only relented when I told her that it was only until my community service was finished.
Speaking of, Rainbow had gotten clever with it. She had asked Twilight to look a couple of things up, but it turns out that helping with the weather team counts towards it. So now, my paycheck goes towards the Crater Greens Fund, and my hours whittle the service away. Rainbow and Twilight had also been sending Tank and Owlicious back and forth, something Rainbow ensures me is a secret project.
"Think of the Cryptodira..."
... What?
"Turtle."
Tank's a tortoise.
A heavy chopping filled the air and broke me out of my musings. Tank flew in through Rainbow's open window and settled on her spare chair. I got up and began gathering up the scattered papers, so I missed whatever exchange was going on up there. Grabbing the last one, I trotted the mass around to the left side of the desk where I knew Rainbow kept clear and jumped up. I dropped them in front of me and placed a paw on them to stop them from flying off again. Tank sat patiently on Rainbow's other side as she read through the latest note. It wasn't long before she was scribbling out something on a piece of scrap paper.
"Aww, that's cute." I tilted my head to stare at Thunderlane. "Rainbow Dash with her ground bound pets, brought down by paperwork."
Rainbow snorted. "Did you want something?"
"Naw, just wanted to poke my head in, let you know that the morning crew's off for the day." He stepped back out into the hallway. "Oh! Uh, Moon Dancer may want to borrow Leo for while, figure out how she did her thing? She said something about a pirate move?" He paused at our confused looks. "Well, she actually said Arr move."
"Not happening any time soon." Rainbow stated, rubbing my back.
Thunderlane shrugged. "Well, see ya later."
Rainbow handed her note to Tank, who stuffed it into his shell. I stretched out and covered as many papers as I could, pinning them down in time for Tank to take off.
"Alright, Leo." Rainbow picked me up as Tank flew out the window. "I'm going to need to drop you off at Fluttershy's for a bit."
<<Why? Aren't I supposed to stay with you?>> I squirmed out of her grip and onto her back.
"Technically, you need to have a member of the guard, the pony appointed to you, or a pony of good standing that has been vouched to and by the guard with you. Taking off for the day!" She called the last part out to the office secretary. She continued once we were in the air. "Being an Element of Harmony counts for the last one. And I need to talk to Twilight about arranging something for us. Besides, Fluttershy said that she's got something for you."
<<Okay.>> I leaned into the breeze we were making as Rainbow flew. All too soon, we were flying over the Daycare, Lulu settling in for her turn with the eggs. We coasted past and Rainbow alighted in front of Fluttershy's cottage. I boredly watched the distant Lulu while waiting for the timid mare to open her door.
"Oh, hello Rainbow, Leo." Fluttershy's soft voice drew my attention back to the door. "Would you like to come in?"
"While I'd like to," Rainbow rubbed the back of her neck, "I've got to jet. Got to meet up with Twilight today. Take care, you two!"
I waved goodbye before allowing Fluttershy to usher me into her home. She quietly led me into a small side room with a chair and a couch. She had me lie down on the couch. She began to leave the room through its only door.
"Tea?" She paused, looking back over her shoulder.
<<Sure.>> I shrugged. <<A spot of milk and sugar, if it's that kind of blend.>> I didn't have long to wait before she returned with a tray with a teapot and a pair of cups. <<So, am I just here for a tea party?>> I asked as she poured me a cup.
"No." She gave me a mildly disapproving look. "You are here for therapy."
I blinked. <<Well, I guess you'd be the expert on animal psychiatry...>>
"Oh, no." Fluttershy giggled. "I'm not licensed for that. He'll be in shortly." She moved to leave again.
<<Hey, wait! Aren't you supposed to stay with me?>> I called after her.
"So long as you are in session, no. Patient confidentiality overrules that." She closed the door behind her.
I sighed and sipped at my tea. Just as it got cool enough for me to hold safely in my paws, the door cracked open. I glanced up, then jerked in surprise as Angel hopped in with a clipboard under one arm.
Thankfully, I didn't spill any of my tea.
"Alright, I'm ready, you look ready." Angel grumbled as he jumped up onto the end table and poured himself a glass. "Let's get this over with." I stared as he settled into the chair. "What?"
"I-I'm sorry." I sputtered, trying to get my brain working again. "It's just... You're a therapist?!" He sighed and nodded. "But, you're just... And the punching and kicking... And all of," I waved a paw at Angel, paws to ear tips and back, "this?! How the fuck?!"
He rolled his eyes. "With careful study and a mail-in course." He clicked a pen. "Now, we're here for you."
"You mean to fix me." I mumbled into my tea.
"Ah-ah!" I flinched as a roll of paper bounced off the top of my head. "No, bad. We're not here to fix shit. Not unless you want us to." Angel placed the roll beside him. "Perhaps we should start at why you're here to begin with, and work back from there?"
"Oh, yeah, let's start with me being a horrible creature. Let's start with why I think I'm a terrible friend that will just drag everyone else around down with me. With the fact that, even though I've accepted that darker part of me, I'm afraid to embrace it!" I growled. "What do you want me to say?" I set my cup off to the side. "That I wish I didn't lose my temper and blow up a chunk of Canterlot? That I wish I didn't murder ponies in their own homes? That I didn't traumatize a score of changelings with my brutality?!"
"Well," Angel looked up at me from taking his notes, "why did you do all of that?"
"I-!" I frowned, looking back on that day. "I... saw some foals. Cocooned. They looked so scared, and... and..." I shuddered. I continued in a whisper. "All I could think of was our pups being in those cocoons, and I felt my anger overtake me. Like I had to punish those who did this, y'know? Like a 'How dare these creatures hurt my precious family' type of thing. And, and I just lost myself to that feeling."
"There's nothing wrong with protecting your children, Leo. Being able to bring that devotion to the children of others, especially of another species, is admirable." Angel tapped the side of his pen against his clipboard. "Really, the only concerning part of this is the fact that you didn't stop once the foals were safely away. Now, from what I understand, you've got something in place to stop this from happening again?" I nodded, and Angel shifted about in his chair. "That's good. Let's talk about something else for a bit. Can you tell me about your parents within your old pack?"
I snorted. "Ah, the stock shrink question. Well, my mother's a sweetheart, a little emotional, but she is very kind and accepting. It takes a lot to get her to hold a grudge." I sighed. "My father, though, was a stern hard ass that I never saw eye to eye with. But he was an honest and respectable m- Umbreon, and still someone I deeply respected."
"I notice the past tense." Angel raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, he passed the winter before we came here." I swallowed the lump in my throat and gave out a weak chuckle. "Arthritis and cancer ganged up on him, and yet death still had to take him in his sleep for fear of the fight he'd put up."
Angel snorted, scribbling a couple more notes down. "Well, I think we have enough for the first session."
I blinked away some gathering tears. "Really?"
The white rabbit nodded. "Yup. You definitely have depression, but I got that from talking with others before the session, this just confirms it."
"Um..."
"I got that information through Fluttershy's conversations with the others. Plus it's not that hard to see." Angel waved his pen. "But there are other conditions that this is making me think about, but I will need more sessions to nail those down. This time in two weeks?"
I shrugged. "Sure."
He whacked me with the roll of paper again. "None of that, be assertive! Get that pep you had back and take charge of your life!"
I gave Angel the largest smile I could make. "Sure!" The treacly sweet voice I used made up for the deadpan.
"Close enough." Angel snorted.