*HUFF*
Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries.
Sorry if I don’t sound as enthusiastic as I usually do, but I’m feeling a bit…exhausted at the moment. In fact, I’ve been feeling a bit exhausted for the past few days, and before you jump to conclusions let me just say that it’s not because I started a new workout routine.
I wish it were that.
No, the reason I’m feeling exhausted is because it’s very, very warm where I am right now, which I am sure has many of you asking where it is I am since it’s wintertime as of this recording. Well the answer to that query is that I’m in the Dragon Lands, and the reason why I’m here is because my castle is uninhabitable at the moment.
I should probably explain things for those who missed the last episode.
Okay, so on the last episode of this vlog I tried learning nuclear physics with Starlight and there was a, um…an accident involving a proton accelerator. I still don’t fully understand how it happened, - nor does our resident nuclear physics degree-holder Starlight for that matter - but somehow the proton accelerator ended up flooding the castle with so much radiation that we can’t live in it. So as you can imagine, Starlight, Spike, Owlowiscious, and I needed a place to stay while the castle is being decontaminated.
Now all of our friends were more than willing to open their homes to us, but unfortunately none of them were actually able to. And let me tell you, some of the reasons for why they couldn’t were pretty strange. Obviously we couldn’t stay with Pinkie or Rainbow Dash because Pinkie’s place is too small and Rainbow’s is made of clouds, but we couldn’t stay with Fluttershy because her house is full of sick animals at the moment nor could we stay with Applejack because she said she and her family are fighting off an infestation of zombie apples.
Whatever those are.
And as for Rarity, weeelll…you know, I don’t think Rarity would want me sharing the reason for why it is we couldn’t stay with her.
*HUFF*
So, yeah, when all of our friends had to regrettably turn us away Spike had the idea of asking Dragon Lord Ember of all creatures if she’d let us stay in the Dragon Lands, to which Ember apparently replied with a very emphatic ‘yes’.
I have no idea why, but I wasn’t about to look a gift pony in the mouth.
Now at first I was actually kind of happy about this because I saw it as an opportunity to learn more about dragon culture, and I’ll admit that I have been able to gain some truly interesting and valuable insights regarding that. But after the first couple days or so, the high temperatures of this place really started to get to me.
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Yes I know it’s a dry heat, Starlight, but that doesn’t make it any better!
Honestly, how is it that you’re not feeling overly warm just standing around here?
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Wait, what do you mean there might be something wrong with me?
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W-What?! You’re saying my heat intolerance might be because I have something like heart disease or hyperthyroidism?!
N-No, that can’t possibly be it. Other than feeling unusually warm I feel perfectly fine, best I’ve ever felt in fact! Hehe.
Note to self: get tested for heart disease and hyperthyroidism as soon as we get home.
*HUFF*
So anyways, I figured I’d record some of my experiences here in the Dragon Lands for research purposes, but Spike had the idea of doing so for an episode of my vlog as well. After all, you know that old saying involving two birds and one stone.
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Oh, the dragons have a similar saying, Spike?
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Huh. They just use the word ‘fireball’ instead of ‘stone’? How interesting.
Okay, so Starlight just showed me a spell she’s been using since we got here to help her stay cool – that she assumed I’d been using too - and now I’m not feeling like I might get heatstroke at any moment anymore.
Really wish she’d said something about that spell before suggesting that I might have heart disease, but whatever.
Anywhoo, as you can see we’re over by one of the numerous lava pools that the Dragon Lands are famous for, and I’ve actually learned some interesting facts about these in regards to dragon culture. For example, for some time we ponies have assumed that these pools are something akin to what saunas are to us; a place for dragons to relax and unwind. And it turns out that this assumption is, indeed, true. However, since coming here I’ve learned that they’re also akin to social gathering places such as parks are for ponies. Isn’t that fascinating?!
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Oh no, it’s that not-so-nice dragon Garble.
H-Hello, Garble. How are you today?
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Um, my name is actually Twilight Sparkle. Not Twistar Sparklight.
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No, not Twizzle Sprizzle. Twi. Light. Spark. Le.
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No, not Timmy Turner!
I don’t even know where you got that one from.
You know what? It doesn’t matter. Just…is there something I can help you with?
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Oh. You want to hang out and hear about how Smolder is doing at school?
Aww. Such a caring brother.
Well sure, I’d love to hang out with you!
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O-Oh, um, I actually can’t go into the lava po – wait, no, Garble, let me go!
Wait! WAIT!
Well, that could’ve been incredibly bad.
You know, I actually had a fear that something similar might happen to Starlight if I sent her to the Dragon Lands for friendship studies. I guess it seems that my fear was justified.
I’m not quite sure if I’m happy or sad about that fact.
Just thank goodness Ember came by when she did and said she wanted to talk to me about something right away. Of course she thought I was Starlight, but I sure as heck wasn’t going to correct her given the situation.
So anyways, as you can see we’re now at the hatching grounds, where dragons come to place their eggs to be warmed by the lava pools below the surface. And yes, I’m aware that when molten rock is located below the surface it’s referred to as magma, but despite this the dragons still call them lava pools. So…yeah.
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Oh, fun fact: in some cases, it can take a female dragon up to 24 hours to lay all of her - oh my gosh! Are you seeing this?! One of the eggs is hatching right before our eyes!
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Come on, little dragon. You can do it.
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Awww! Look at you!
You’re such a cute little baby dragon, yes you are!
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O-Oh, no, sweetie. I’m not your mama.
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Oh dear. She won’t stop calling me mama.
Um, maybe I should go and see if I can find your –
Aaand she’s clinging to me now.
Uh, Ember?! I think we might have a little problem!
Okay, this is bad. This is really, really bad. Possibly even worse than if I’d gone into the lava pool with Garble.
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I’ve essentially dragonnapped this baby, Spike! You really think that isn’t going to be problematic when her mother comes looking for her?!
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Yes I know I didn’t directly take her, but she won’t stop clinging to me! And she’s – oof – really latched onto my forehoof.
*LIGHT SHAKING*
Come on, sweetie. You can let go anytime now.
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*SIGH*
I don’t know, Spike. Ember said it’s not unusual for baby dragons to become attached to the first creature they see, but this just seems a little…inordinate. I mean I don’t remember you being this clingy after you hatched.
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Yeah, I don’t think trying to teleport her off me is a good idea, Starlight. She just hatched after all, and using such an advanced spell like that on a newborn could be dangerous.
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Wait, what?!
How in Tartarus would sawing off my leg be a less dangerous option?!
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I know it would be less dangerous for Kaena, but it would be extremely dangerous for me!
Also, did you just name this baby dragon Kaena?!
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Let’s just…stop talking about saws now.
Look, we need to find a safe and practical solution to this problem. I really don’t want to take somecreature else’s baby, and I sure as heck don’t want to have to go through raising a baby dragon again.
Um…no offense, Spike.
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Huh? What was that, Owlowiscious?
I really wish I could speak owl.
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Ooohhh, I think you’re right, Starlight. Kaena seems to be captivated by Owlowiscious, and if he can captivate her enough she just might let go of me.
Okay, Owlowiscious, see if you can get this baby dragon off of me.
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I think it’s working. Kaena’s grip is starting to lighten up a little.
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Ah-ha! Success!
Thanks, Owlowiscious. Just lead Kaena over to Ember and hopefully she can take her to her mom.
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Phew.
Well I’m glad that’s over, and not just because I was starting to lose circulation in my forehoof. I mean, can you imagine what could’ve happened if Kaena’s parents saw me with her like that and thought I was trying to steal their baby? We might have been looking at a war between ponies and dragons! Thankfully we were able to keep something like that from happening, and I’d like to believe that no pony out there would ever put Equestria in such a dangerous predicament by taking a baby dragon or a dragon egg. You know, intentionally.
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Okay, so, I think we’re going to wrap things up for this episode. I’m not sure how much longer we’re going to have to stay here in the Dragon Lands, but hopefully we can return home soon. I really miss Ponyville.
And indoor plumbing.
So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!
*HUFF*
Aw dang it. I really hope that’s just because the spell Starlight showed me is wearing off.