Chapter One Hundred Thirty Four
Celestia didn't immediately speak up in response, as she didn't know for certain just what to say. The question, especially coming from him, had simply been too unusual for her to understand clearly. It sounded almost eerily familiar, like one of the questions he'd first asked her when Discord had brought him to their world.
"I'm not certain I understand the question. At least without some sort of context to go along with it," she admitted. "I might be wise and experienced, but I'm not that wise and experienced; I don't think anypony is. It's just too open-ended."
There was no immediate response from Ulquiorra that would clarify what he was asking. That in itself was confusing to encounter. Was he still trying to figure out what to say? Was he actually not three responses ahead of her for a change? Was he hesitating to elaborate further? Maybe he was contemplating the notion of simply dropping the question entirely?
The fact that he couldn't be read, was just so annoying at times. His body language was just as rigid and unyielding as his own facial features were, and he never allowed himself to be in anything resembling a relaxed state where a fidget or physical hesitation might be detectable.
"Nothing has been the same since the fight with Nightmare Moon. Whether that's a good thing, or a bad thing, I don't yet know. I have been making decisions, reaching conclusions, and engaging in courses of action that have no logical basis," Ulquiorra stated as he slowly turned around to face her, before closing the book he held, and tucking is under his left arm. "Even under the most lenient, tortured interpretation of your original orders to me, these courses of action I've been engaging in, aren't something that can realistically be rationalized away as me simply performing my assigned duties. Something else is at work here. Something that I don't understand."
"Ulquiorra," Celestia started slowly as she tried to make sense of what he was saying, "level with me. One friend to another, what's the problem? What has you concerned?"
"The fact that I may be compromised, and am no longer capable of acting in a wholly logical, detached manner," he admitted bluntly. "The decision to attend the funeral for Nightmare Moon's victims had no basis in logic. And yet, despite this absence of a logical basis to justify the course of action, it was something that I did regardless, even though I was under no obligation to do so.
"The decision to orchestrate a course of action, that would essentially allow Bonbon to share one last exchange with her sister had no basis in logic. And yet it was something that I did regardless, because it seemed like a good idea at the time," he continued.
Celestia could do little more than nod in response and listen in silence as he spoke, waiting to see where exactly this conversation was going to lead before just jumping in prematurely.
Right now it sounded like he was experiencing an existential crisis, rather than being the cause of one. Under different circumstances it might be a delicious irony, but not right now.
"If I'm truly compromised, if I can no longer remain detached and analytical, if my decisions are no longer driven by logic, then ponies are going to die as a result," he continued.
"Ulquiorra," Celestia sighed in response, "as much as I hate to say it, ponies are going to die regardless. And no amount of cold analysis, or logic-driven intervention on your part, is going to be enough to stop that. We could all be operating on your level, and that still wouldn't be enough. All that any of us can do, is simply try to mitigate those numbers and keep the death toll down from what they could otherwise be, if we did nothing at all."
For better or worse, she now had an idea of what to say in this case. Although she would admit she was surprised to be doing that in this case.
"Let's say, hypothetically, that you really are compromised, and are no longer operating purely on logic and reasoning. Even then, if that were true, you're still leagues above any of us when it comes to those fields. Your analytical skills are second to none that I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. And I know this to be the case because I can still feel my head spin, not just when you explain your observations to us, but also when you're walking us through how you reached your conclusions; there are times I think I need Raven at my side to take notes."
It wasn't exactly a lie. But there as just a hint of exaggeration to be had.
"But as I've said before, Ulquiorra, you're not in this alone. We're not counting on you to be the lynch pin of our world's safety. Simply do what you can do, and don't worry about what you can't do. You're a friend, not a tool to be used only as long as it's useful, and discarded after it's served its purpose."
That one was without exaggeration. Although whether or not he chose to believe it remained to be seen.
"As to your original question, I'm afraid I really can't answer that, because even I don't know for certain myself. There are times the two are so intertwined, that it proves impossible to separate them from one another," she admitted. "But as far as your being compromised may go? If you consider instances of kindness and compassion to be evidence of compromise, well then you've been compromised for almost as long as I've known you."
Ulquiorra's stature hadn't changed from the time he'd turned to face her directly. But watching him as he quirked an eyebrow in response, gave her the same vibe as him snapping his head around to directly stare at her in confusion/disbelief at what she'd just said.
"I was there in the aftermath of the manticore attack, I saw the amount of care you took when it came to search and rescue efforts, as well as transporting the injured to the hospital."
"That was done in order to prevent a greater loss of life and minimize the risk of exacerbating injuries that would put a greater strain on Ponyville General's resources," Ulquiorra countered.
"You also made a very strong, dedicated case for why Cupid shouldn't be subjected to any prolonged suffering on the basis of ideologically-based beliefs about the sanctity of life," Celestia pointed out. "Something tells me that you weren't about to let the subject drop until we signed off in agreement with your plan, regardless of how long it took."
"Her being allowed to linger on for days while slowly suffocating to death served no purpose. Her suffering was without justification or rational basis for being allowed to continue. It was the only logical course of action available," Ulquiorra pointed out.
"You also went about setting up a system that would easily allow Rainbow Dash to find her way to your quarters during her stay at the palace, without telling anypony what you were planning, because you knew that she would come looking for you."
"For whatever reason, Rainbow Dash chose to emotionally bond herself with me, and had no interest in being away from my presence. Her sleeping on the hard benches and tables of the library wasn't conductive to a proper recovery," Ulquiorra countered. "The furniture in my quarters was going unused as I had no need for it. I was simply putting it to use, in the most logical way available."
Celestia shook her head in response. "Had you been operating in a purely logical fashion at the time, you would've simply told her about your quarters. Instead you went about ensuring she could find you on her own if she wished, while also making her open up and interact with the palace staff you had trafficking books back and forth between there and the library. That sounds more like the actions of a concerned friend than anything else."
For once, Ulquiorra didn't have an immediate counterpoint to present. Even she could see at least a couple of points he could hypothetically raise, but didn't for whatever reason. Maybe he simply hadn't yet thought of them on his own? Or maybe he didn't want to continue with this line of conversation. Whatever it was, it was definitely weird to be on this end of the conversation for a change.
"Nothing has been the same for any of us, Ulquiorra. We were all affected by what happened that night, to some extent or another," she stated. "I understand that your circumstances are likely different from ours, but the point remains the same. And honestly I don't think the possibility of you growing beyond what you originally were, is a bad thing. Even Discord said you changed from what you were at one point back in Hueco Mundo.
"And that change occurred while you were still there in your own reality, so you can't really blame that us on corrupting you."
"That was a very good preemptive strike," Ulquiorra commented. "Your efforts at assurances aside, the facts remain as they were previously. There are questions for which I have no answers, and no leads as to where I might be able to find them. I have been in this world a mere ninety eight days, and there are times I'm not certain I even resemble what I used to be in Las Noches."
"Well then, maybe that's a good thing," Celestia suggested with just the slightest hint of a smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Maybe the real you is what's starting to make itself known, and what you used to be, was what Aizen wanted you to be. You told Rainbow Dash about the known extents of his abilities to mould others to his will. And you told us how he hand-picked those that served as the Espada; to the point he demoted and kicked out those that previously held the position. Who's to say what he did to each of them?"
"That isn't exactly a new thought," Ulquiorra replied. "But at the same time, it was all that I knew for as long as I can coherently remember. Any memories from the time before I became an Espada are sparse at best, with the most prominent being my aimless wandering through the wasteland of Hueco Mundo. If I'm not what I was under Aizen's command, what am I?"
"Our friend," Celestia stated, "as well as someone who was done a great disservice by his previous employer. So as both a friend and your current employer, I'm going to issue you a new order; I want you to take the time to find out just who and what you really are, before worrying about whether or not it's something to be concerned about. Learn about what makes the real you, not the Aizen-approved version."
"As you wish, Princess Celestia," Ulquiorra acknowledged. "But be aware. I can't guarantee what the results of such an endeavor may prove to be."
"Noted," Celestia replied and nodded. "Are there any other questions while I'm here?"
"Not at present time," Ulquiorra confirmed.
The sound of soft breathing wasn't what had stirred Twilight from her rest. But it was certainly the first sound to reach her ears and be processed as the haze of sleep slowly relinquished its hold from her brain.
As her eyes slowly fluttered open, she came face-to-face with the sight of her still-asleep self.
It was a little confusing, and even unsettling, until she managed to remember the sequence of events that'd transpired before now.
She'd met with her alicorn counterpart at Applejack's farm. They'd -successfully- teleported back to the library together. And then her alicorn counterpart had gotten quite emotional as she looked around in a state of awe, to the point she'd started crying.
It was weird, trying to console somepony who was technically yourself but also not yourself.
She and Spike had eventually managed to get her calmed down, but it was no easy feat to accomplish. It'd all been very taxing and even exhausting once it was all over and done with, which had prompted the idea of taking a nap before any further discussion was had.
The part about her taking a nap had been forgotten for one reason or another; probably due to her own emotionally tired state at the time. As had the part about deciding to share the bed and curl up with her counterpart as they both slumbered, all the while holding onto one another like she would with Applejack during a particularly draining period that left her feeling especially shaky.
"Do I look that cute when I'm sleeping?" she mentally asked herself as she simply laid there, watched her counterpart resting peacefully as she was held.
"She doesn't feel at all like Applejack. Is this what Rainbow Dash meant when she said I was plush?" she wondered further as she contemplated whether or not to let their guest keep resting, or if she should chance waking her up by untangling herself from her.
Laying down again and going back to sleep was tempting, but at this point she honestly wasn't feeling tired enough to bother with the attempt. And just watching herself sleeping was starting to get a bit uncomfortable and creepy. So she decided the best course of action was to simply try and be gentle when extracting herself from the hold.
The extraction proved easier said than done, as her counterpart seemed intent on holding on. Was she this clingy when she slept? All she could really do was hope that wasn't the case, as she tried again to slip her limbs free.
Her alicorn self reacted by holding tighter to her, seemingly unwilling to relinquish despite being unconscious.
"Twilight, girl, I really didn't want to do this. But I'm afraid you don't leave me any choice in the matter," she sighed. "Oh no! All the library's books have been knocked from the shelves and fell onto the floor! It's going to take me ages to get them all organized again!"
The reaction was as sudden as it as violent, with the alicorn snorting herself awake and sitting upright, frantically looking around through partially-lidded eyeballs, trying to spot the aforementioned problem in need of being rectified.
It was downright comical to witness, and Twilight needed to bite back the urge to giggle in response.
The realization seemed to slowly settle on her counterpart as she realized there was no actual library crisis, earning her an annoyed and tired glare in response.
"If I were any other pony, I'd have some unkind words to share with you over that," she warned, before needing to yawn and stretch. "That really wasn't funny."
"Oh believe me, I know. I felt bad about doing it too. But at the same time you were holding onto me so tight that I couldn't really get away without waking you up. And as much as I didn't want to do that, I didn't really have a choice," Twilight explained.
Her counterpart slowly blinked and looked down at their shared position on the bed, as the realization slowly dawned on her.
"My error then. Sorry about that," she replied and retracted her limbs from her other self to relinquish her. "I might've gotten a bit overwhelmed."
"To put lightly," Twilight replied and sat herself up on the bed. "Do you want to tell me what that was all about?"
"Do you mind a little exposition in the process?"
"Not as long as it's relevant to the topic at hoof."
"Alright then," Princess Twilight sighed as she readied herself to unload to her other self. "Ever since I arrived in your world, I've been spending most of my time compiling lists of every incident that I can recall, that's transpired since my arrival in the Ponyville of my reality. Ranging from the minor incidents that could end a friendship, all the way up to the potentially cataclysmic situations that could very well spell doom for the entire world. Along with details about how each incident was resolved, and what came about as a result of the resolution.
"Along with a cost/benefit analysis to go along with the list of events, weighing out the positives and negatives that could arise as a result of them being addressed in a different manner from how they were addressed in my world. As well as a sort of grading system of how the outcome may differ, based on the level of intervention ranging from; doing absolutely nothing and allowing events to play out as they otherwise would, low level intervention such as talking to the parties involved before their plans can come to fruition, all the way up to allowing Ulquiorra to... neutralize potential threats with overwhelming force."
"Oh, wow," Twilight replied. "You're actually doing that for us?"
Princess Twilight nodded. "Ulquiorra was... very persuasive in his reasoning. I wasn't prepared for him to cite the friendship lessons you've been teaching him, and using them to convince me to help."
At this, Twilight wasn't sure if she should blush sheepishly at hearing she might've been partially responsible for her counterpart's current state, or frown at the realization that Ulquiorra had basically weaponized her without her permission.
"That in itself probably wouldn't have done it, but what really broke me was hearing how the Golden Oaks Library was still intact," Princess Twilight continued. "Back in my world, a villain by the name of Tirek managed to escape from Tartarus when Cerberus left his post. He'd been laying low for a long time, slowly gathering his strength and draining the magic of various ponies. And after a lot of... stuff... he basically blew up the library in his efforts to get me."
"Oh no," Twilight gasped in horror.
Princess Twilight nodded again. "I just barely had time to grab Owloicious and teleport out before we were blown to bits right along with it. I had to watch as the building that'd served as my home for so long, was reduced to nothing but a smouldering pile of embers, along with everything housed within that held a sentimental value to me. The gown Rarity made me when we all attended our first Grand Galloping Gala together, the yellow dress she made me for by birthday... all of it just gone in a flash..."
"I was powerless to stop that in my reality. And I wasn't about to stand idly by and let that happen all over again. So I've been compiling lists of everything I could think of. And after a lot of hours with little sleep, and a lot of other factors, seeing all of this again," she paused to wave her right hoof around in gesture of their surroundings, "I guess I got a little overwhelmed by it all."
Twilight responded by grabbing her counterpart and pulling her into a tight hug.
"Thank you," she stated. "And I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. I can't imagine how hard that must've been for you to go through."
Princess Twilight reciprocated the hug. "It was very bad. Don't get me wrong, it all worked out in the end, and I got a very nice castle out of the deal that I've come to love. But..."
"I know," Twilight assured her as she gently patted her back, making sure to do so above her wings rather than between them to avoid the nerve cluster.
For a while the two just sat there in silence, hugging one another.
"Listen, Twilight," Twilight spoke up, "if it'll help any, I can probably send some stuff back with you whenever you find your way back home. Spare bedding, some of the books that aren't so rare that they can't be replaced as part of an inter-library transfer, maybe have a few of the branches trimmed so the wood can be reconstituted into oak bookshelves; I even know a spell that basically lets me melt of mold wood into whatever form I want. You know, little touches from home to make home seem like home. And as far as I'm concerned, my home is your home."
"I'd appreciate that a lot," Princess Twilight replied.
But then a thought on her counterpart's words occurred, and she pulled back to look at her.
"Wait, wait. Did you just invite me to come live with you while I'm here?" she asked.
"Wait, did I?" Twilight asked. But then she shrugged dismissively. "Eh, Ponyville is our home anyway, not Canterlot. You know what? Sure. You can come and live here with me and Spike until you find out how to get back to your own reality. It's been a long time since Applejack and Zecora were living here with us, it'll be nice to have a full-time roommate again, whether it's two days or two weeks!"
The two quickly returned to hugging one another, each of them excited about the prospect.
"By any chance, does this mean tonight counts as a slumber party?" Princess Twilight asked hopefully.
"I hadn't actually thought about that," Twilight admitted, "but now that you mention it, I don't see why not. Sure, we'll even make s'mores!"
Princess Twilight could do little more than squeal in excitement and appreciation as she hugged her counterpart even tighter. Tonight was going to be a good night!
"Is this seat taken?"
Holly Leaf had been only a few precious minutes into her break before hearing the voice behind her. Curious, she swiveled around on the stool at the bar of the palace cantina, and nearly fell right off the back of the seat in a mix of surprise and fear.
Standing before her -previously behind her- was none other than the Espada, currently regarding her with that unsettlingly blank expression he did so well.
The only reason she'd managed to avoid screaming in shock and embarrassing herself like the last time, was the simple fact she'd needed to sharply inhale at the time, with her breath catching in her throat and causing her to cough in response.
By now other patrons of the cantina had become aware and taken notice of the new face amongst them, with some quietly chattering among themselves, some simply staring in disbelief, and others gong back to their business as if they weren't seeing anything out of the ordinary.
"... What're you doing here?" she asked him, once the initial shock -and terror- had passed.
"You invited me to have a drink when you were on break the last time we talked," he explained.
Holly had to stop and think, vaguely remembering the conversation occurring at some point, but it'd been quite some time ago, and definitely wasn't anything recent.
Honestly, she was a bit surprised he'd actually paid attention enough to remember the details.
"Right," she mumbled in response as she tried to calm down. "I guess pull up a seat then..."
She hated to admit it, but she'd been very thankful at the time that he'd ignored her offer, as she hadn't had a clue why she'd made it in the first place. And now that he'd actually accepted it -even if it was technically expired by now- she really had no idea just what to do as he sat down on the stool next to hers.
"B-bartender, another drink here for my... companion..." she said as she slowly turned back around again.
The unicorn stallion behind the bar nodded as he produced a cold, frothy glass mug and slid it over in Ulquiorra direction.
"What exactly is this?" he asked as he glanced down at the beverage.
"Root beer," she replied, "palace regulations state no alcoholic beverages while on duty, which I currently am."
It was difficult to tell if he could look any less impressed than he already was. But regardless he picked up the mug and took a sip, before pulling away from it.
"A rather unusual concoction," he noted. "Perhaps best described as one percent essence of Pinkie Pie, diluted against ninety-nine parts water to render it safe for consumption. With added dark caramel coloring to conceal the insanity within and render it more visually appetizing to patrons. All while delivering the sugar equivalent of a punch in the mouth from Rainbow Dash."
Despite her unease, Holly found herself laughing in response. That definitely sounded like an apt description of the drink.
"That it is. Bubbly, and happy, and sweet to a fault," she replied. "The more you drink it, the more you end up liking it."
Ulquiorra said nothing, as he almost cautiously chanced another sip of his drink.
The ensuing silence, much to Holly's uncertainty, was proving to be uncomfortable to experience.
Granted, conversation with him wasn't exactly something she'd been anticipating. But its utter absence was... unsettling.
"So... how's your research on memories going?" she asked as she glanced over in his direction.
"Such matters are presently at a stand still. So far the palace library has been quite lacking in this particular field of research and study," Ulquiorra replied. "The fact that I don't require sleep also serves to limit what assistance Princess Luna is able to provide in this matter. She has the ability to recall whatever memories she may wish from a sleeping mind anywhere in Equestria, but she can do nothing when it comes to those who're conscious. That means whatever the context attached to such memories may be, it is also inaccessible."
"Oh," Holly replied, not certain what to make of that. "So... what happens now?"
"At the moment, I don't know. The best advice Princess Celestia could offer when asked, was to try and find who and what I may really be, rather than operating on the assumption of what I believe myself to be."
"She told you to find yourself?" she asked, now turning her full attention to him. "I honestly didn't see that one coming. You seem like the type of, er... you seem like the type who has that sort of thing all figured out."
"At one point in time I believed that I did have such matters figured out and understood. But recent developments in this world have forced me to reevaluate such beliefs, and contemplate the possibility of being wrong," Ulquiorra admitted. "I'm presently in uncharted territories, with no idea what direction I need to take in order to fulfill my duties to this world."
"... Are you asking for advice? Are you asking me for advice?"
"At the moment nothing has been ruled out yet," he replied.
In all her years of working at the palace, she couldn't recall a time when she'd been asked for advice by an individual who was as highly ranked in terms of importance as he was. And only rarely did anypony else ask her for advice that extended beyond the best way to clean a particular area. This was way out of left field for her. But then it probably was for him as well.
"I don't know," she admitted and huffed in annoyance, "maybe, I don't know, get a hobby that's not related to your... profession? Find something that you actually like to do that isn't work? Sergeant Zacharia likes bowling and is pretty good at it. It's not my thing, but to each their own, right?"
"Perhaps," Ulquiorra replied, before finishing his drink. He then stood up, slipped his hands into his pockets, and then withdrew his right hand to place a coin on the bar's counter. "The drinks are on me."
The entire exchange had been weird. Really, really weird. Had that even just happened?
He'd been there with her, they'd talked, he'd popped for the drinks, and then he left as if he hadn't even been there to begin with. The only evidence he'd even been there to begin with was the empty mug and the coin on the bar.
And then she actually caught sight of the denomination on the coin he'd left, and her eyes went wide.
"Holy mother of mackerel is he a heavy tipper!"