Writing a story? Is HARD. Filming a movie? Is harder. So in honor of Pixar and their old habit of creating animated bloopers, here is another installment of ‘What if this story was a Pixar movie with animated bloopers?’ Enjoy!
Flash the forgetful…
Nodding at his reflection, Flash turned away from his mirror and trotted across his room in Princess Twilight’s castle and out the door, closing it behind him and—
“CUT!” the director yelled, before sighing. “Flash, what did you forget?”
Flash blinked, then facehoofed.
“The rose,” he groaned. “Why do I keep forgetting that!?”
“I don’t know, but please try to remember next time, ok?”
“Write a note on your hoof!” the editor shouted helpfully from across the room.
Take 3…
Nodding at his reflection, Flash turned away from his mirror and trotted across his room in Princess Twilight’s castle and put his hoof on the door.
“FLOWER!”
Flash let out a very startled, ungentlemanly squawk and jumped about a mile. Or, at least, he WOULD have jumped about a mile if there wasn’t a big wooden door in the way. Instead, he smacked right into it with a hearty smack and a loud ‘OW!’
“CUT!” the director shouted. “RAINBOW!”
“WHAT?” the colorful pony yelled from her spot hovering above the rest of the crew. “I’m helping!”
“No, you’re not!” Flash called, rubbing the back of his head. “You’re REALLY NOT!”
Rainbow Dash stuck her tongue out. “Don’t make me get my snow clouds to freeze your tail off!”
“OOOOOOH, snowball fight!”
“Pinkie, NO!”
Take 7…
Nodding at his reflection, Flash turned away from his mirror and trotted across his room in Princess Twilight’s castle and out the door.
Once again, without the flower.
The director groaned internally and was ready to yell cut again, but Flash immediately facehoofed, turned on a dime, went back in, grabbed the purple rose with no thorns that lay on top of his dresser, and left again.
All while staying in character.
The director paused, then gave the sign to keep filming. It wasn’t too bad, all things considered. That little blunder was fitting for Flash’s character in the rewrite.
That, and the director wasn’t sure Flash would be any less forgetful in the next seven takes they might try.
After the shot…
“I got it! I got through the part! I salvaged it!” Flash beamed proudly to everypony who would listen.
“He sounds like Simmer,” the editor whispered to the director, giggling.
The director did have to chuckle at little at that. “Just try not to be that forgetful in every scene you’re in, ok?” he called to Flash. “We have enough problems with blooper reels as it is…”
Twilight the pretty…
“Well…” Twilight asked nervously, not making eye contact with Flash. “How do I look?”
Flash blinked, his mouth working as a blush crept over his face. “You’re so beautiful…you made me forget my lines…”
Twilight’s eyes went wide before she burst out giggling. Flash was no better, and soon any semblance of plot was lost.
“CUT!” the director yelled. “Really, Flash? I know Rarity did a good job with the dress, but that’s the entire reason why we had you see her in the dress before we started filming!”
“Wait, what? Rarity said that was canceled due to a scheduling conflict!” Flash protested, pointing a hoof at the fashionista, who was currently trying to sneak under a table.
The director facehoofed. “Rarity…”
“I couldn’t help it!” she protested, half on the floor and seemingly not caring about it in the least. “It was the perfect dress! And what better way to capture his true reaction than to have it be a surprise for him for real! And now that you have that, I’m sure the editor can find a way to work it in!”
“I don’t know anything about video editing!” the editor protested.
“The video editor, dear, not the writing editor,” Rarity clarified.
“Ahhh, ok!” the editor exclaimed with an understanding nod.
“You gotta admit, boss,” the narrator said, “it was a pretty sweet love-struck look he had there.” The camerapony and sound pony both nodded enthusiastically as well.
“You are all such conspirators,” the director sighed, double-facehoofing. “RESET!”
Too much Script!
Twilight quickly recovered, rolled her eyes, and lightly punched his shoulder as she finally got her blushing under control. “Ha ha, very funny, Mr. Romance. Anything else you need to do as my date?”
“Well, let’s see,” Flash said, reaching into his suit and pulling out—
The script!
“We’re going to have some playful flirting after I find out you had the announcer give me a title, we’ll get to see Bull Horn be knocked down a peg by the girls and Pinkie, we get to dance, I get to make funny faces at Money Bags—hey, stop laughing, I’m not done yet!” he said, continuing to flip through the pages as Twilight tried, and failed, to stop her torrent of laughter.
“CUT!”
Flashy nappy…
“Also surprising was that Princess Twilight had, on their first day, told them to just call her ‘Twilight,’ saying that she didn’t want the ponies who would be working so closely with her to call her ‘Princess’ all the time,” the narrator continued to narrate dramatically. “This had been the first time a princess had specifically asked not to be referred to by her title, so—”
THUMP!
Everypony jumped as Flash fell to the ground with a loud clang of armor, startling him into a panic.
“GAH! I’M AWAKE!” he cried, sitting up and realizing that everypony was staring at him. Everypony save for Spike, who simply rolled to the other side of his throne and continued snoring.
“CUT! Did you REALLY just fall asleep? In the MIDDLE of shooting? While STANDING?”
“Hey, when you are a guard, you need to sleep where you can,” Flash said, yawning as Twilight giggled from her throne. “And I was up all night making sure I didn’t forget the script again.”
“Is THAT why you pulled it out yesterday?” the director asked with an annoyed growl.
“No, that was Pinkie’s idea! She thought it would be funny!”
“And it was!” the pink pony shouted from…what seemed to be an actual hammock stretched across the top of one of the stained glass windows.
Twilight was in full-blown hysterics by now. The director, meanwhile, was very much not.
“Pinkie, get DOWN!”
“Can I borrow that when we’re done here?” Flash asked. “It looks realllly comfy.”
“You betcha!”
Long-Winded snorted so hard that he started to cough, and when one of the neighboring ponies thumped him on the back, he dropped to the floor in a fit of giggles.
The director rolled his eyes. “Okay, take five, everypony. Except you, Flash. You take nap.”
“OKAY!” Flash exclaimed, and promptly fell over and went back to sleep.
The editor couldn’t help but laugh her flank off as the director just sighed and got up to go get some white hot chocolate.
Something told him he was going to need it.
Bull Horn and the Sprout
“Thank goodness,” Twilight muttered. “If I had to hear one more thing about his collection of clocks…” She sighed, slumping even further. “Please tell me that’s all,” she begged, looking at Flash pleadingly. Flash just smiled.
“Yes, Twilight, he was the last meeting you had for the da—”
BANG!
SMACK!
“OWHOW!”
Bull Horn let out a pained cry as the doors he had just dramatically kicked open bounced off the wall and promptly smacked him in the face. They even slowly swung back open to reveal the actor sitting on his flank as he held his bruised nose, the two guards behind him trying not to laugh.
“CUT! I know the Gen 5 movie came out recently, but please try not to emulate Sprout and doors in future takes, ok?” the director sighed as he took a gulp of his white hot chocolate.
“I’ll try,” Bull Horn said around the tissue a stagehoof had given him. “I will really, really try. I’ll use an ounce less kick next time.”
“Hey if you want, I could show you how to do it without getting smacked in the face,” Sprout called out, his head popping out from the doors leading off set.
“Sprout, no,” The director deadpanned. “You’re nose JUST finished healing from the police station accident that made it into the G5 movie. We don’t need your nose becoming as red as your coat all over again. And trust me, if that was going to happen again, this would be the set where it happens.”
“How about an ounce less bounce? Oh, oh, or maybe an ounce less Sprout! Or an ounce more Izzy!” Pinkie chirped from off to the side.
“How exactly do you have an ounce less me?” Sprout asked, looking very confused.
“Don’t question it! It’s Pinkie!” The editor called out not-at-all-helpfully.
“Got it. Just treat her like Izzy,” Sprout agreed with a nod, earning some laughter from the rest of the ponies on set, including the director.
Face-table, not to be confused with facebook…
“Yes, Twilight, he was the last meeting you had for the da—”
BANG!
Flash reacted on his well-trained guard instincts, leaping onto the table in order to block the princess from view before he even realized who was standing in the doorway.
Well, that’s what he TRIED to do.
What ACTUALLY happened was that his hoof caught on the edge of the table, and rather than protectively jump in front of Twilight, he instead pitched forward and landed face-first on the table with a loud crash of armor.
“Flash! Are you ok?” Twilight cried in a panic, helping the dazed pegasus sit up.
“Yus, I’m ok, pretty purple pony princess,” he slurred, his eyes spinning in different directions. “I just invented facetabling!”
“CUT! We’re taking five while the doc checks on Flash,” the director called, Fluttershy already rushing onto the set. “Someone make sure the table is enchanted against any further issues. Bull Horn, good entrance. Do it just like that for the next take.”
“Yus, good job, Horn Ball,” a clearly-very-dizzy Flash slurred in agreement as Twilight helped him get settled on the floor. “Do I gets a lollypop, Flutterbye?”
“I do have some sugarfree ones if you’re good,” Fluttershy said, giggling at Flash’s dopey smile.
“Yay!”
“Are you still filming?” the editor asked, looking at the camerapony. “You are! Why are you still filming?”
“Because it’s cute! And we need another awesome blooper reel!”
Suddenly, dessert!
However, before he or Twilight could reply to Bull Horn’s remark, a loud belch echoed through the chamber. Turning his head, Flash caught the end of the green fire escaping from Spike’s mouth as it condensed into…
An entire dessert table!?
Sure enough, an entire table laden with sugary treats (at least one-fourth of which were cake) came crashing down on the table map. Flash flinched, but somehow all the deliciousness didn’t fly all over the place. The only that that went flying was a single cupcake, which promptly did a cupcake-style cartwheel and stuck itself perfectly on Twilight’s horn.
Pinkie held up a 10 sign. “That was PERFECT!”
“CUT!” the director yelled. “Celestia—”
“Sorry! I was just…having a little snack, and I sneezed just I was about to send the letter,” the large mare said, sheepishly moving away from where the food table had previously been stationed. “I didn’t expect it to send the whole table on accident though.”
“Any chance I can have you do that the next time I have a big party in need of concessions?” Pinkie asked curiously.
“We can discuss that later, Pinkie,” Celestia said, giggling as the director facehooved.
“I should have known your love of cake would one day lead to a blooper reel,” he groaned.
“But honey! Look!” the editor cheered. “They have brownies!”
Gassy Horn…
“I WILL NOT!” Twilight commanded. “YOU don't have the authority to decide who I take to the Gala, Bull Horn, just like you don't get to open a dangerous gem mine on protected land or start a lumber factory in the Everfree Forest.”
“You little—bUUUUUURRRPP!”
Duke Bull Horn let out an enormous belch, hastily covering his mouth to try and muffle the sound. Spike burst out laughing, falling back in his chair. Flash and Twilight managed to hold out for a few more seconds before they were also consumed by the giggle bug. Bull Horn blushed.
“Note to self, avoid the super bubbly seltzer before filming,” he said with such a note of deadpan seriousness that the ponies on the set could only laugh harder.
“CUT!”
Teleportation mishaps…
“Now GET OUT OF MY CASTLE!” Twilight bellowed.
And with that, Bull Horn vanished in the flash of Twilight's teleportation spell…
Only to reappear directly above Flash!
The orange pegasus could only let out a startled ‘MEEP!’ before Bull Horn crashed into him, leaving both ponies in a groaning tangle of limbs.
“Ow…”
“Why???”
“CUT! Twilight—”
“I did the spell as instructed!” Twilight said, frantically levitating Bull Horn off Flash. “And it worked the other five times we’ve practiced it!”
“I found the problem!” a technician called out. “The receiver wasn’t turned on, so with no destination, the teleport just returned to the sender! Not sure why it made him appear above Flash, though. It might just be a glitch. ”
“For the love of—” the director exclaimed, faceclipboarding. “Can we PLEASE double check the tech from now on? We’ve had enough physical mishaps already, and the last thing we need is for something to go so wrong that we’ll have medical bills to worry about on top of everything else!”
IZZY!
Twilight’s eyes stopped glowing and she sank down into her throne before facetabling on the crystal map. Or, at least, she would have facetabled on the crystal map if Flash hadn't grabbed a pillow from underneath the table and slid it between her head and the tabletop.
However, the moment her head hit the pillow, it exploded in a burst of red glitter.
“GAH, wha-pfff-What the hay!?” Twilight cried, spitting out a mouthful of sparkles.
“Ok, who messed with my prop this time!?” Flash groaned. “And why did you fill the pillow with—”
“GLITTER!” Izzy Moonbow cried, popping up next to Spike, startling him so bad he fell out of his throne. “GLITTER! GLITTER! GLITTER!”
She bounded over to the map, grabbed hooffuls of the remains of Twilight’s pillow, and excitedly threw them into the air.
“IZZY!” the editor yelled in perfect blend of exasperation and amusement.
“What? How could I not come when I heard there was glitter?” Izzy asked innocently as the nearby ponies were busy trying to not get completely covered in sparkly stuff she was throwing around.
“CUT!” the director shouted. “Izzy, get back to your set! You’re needed for Chapter 4 of Make Your Mark AND the next chapter of How to Meet Your Daughter.”
“But—but GLITTER!”
“I will save you the glitter,” the editor promised.
“YAY!”
“For later!”
“Aww…”
Boop the pony…
“Enhancements, darling. This is not only her first Gala as a PRINCESS, but her first Gala with a DATE as well.” She smiled and winked at him. “I had to make her look her best, so I added a bit more flare by redoing the cosmos patters to be more FABULOUS. So what do YOU think, darling? Hmmmmm?” Rarity asked, leaning in towards Flash dramatically.
Flash blinked, smiled, and then booped Rarity on the nose, prompting the fashion pony to let out a startled squeak as her eyes crossed.
“Boop!”
There was maybe a two second pause before everypony on set, including the support staff and editor, burst out laughing.
“C-CUT!” the director called, trying to suppress his own laughter. “Flash, please try to stick to the script.”
“Oh, come on, honey. We both know you would do the same thing in his place!” the editor said, playfully draping herself over the arm of his chair. The director just chuckled, giving the editor a boop.
“True, case in point. But alas, that wasn’t something that fits enough for us to use, so let’s set this up again!”
Why you should always check the manual…
“Fair point,” Rarity conceded, nodding. Flash shrugged. He had no experience with the Gala, so he decided to just go with the flow on this one. However, he was surprised when he and Twilight were ushered to the first chariot on their own. Judging by the look of shock and confusion on Twilight’s face, he guessed she was too. When they looked questioningly at Rarity, she said, “A princess should enter first, and who better to escort her off the chariot than her date?”
However, at the exact moment Flash touched the chariot door, the entire chariot completely collapsed in on itself. Every possible piece that could break did so in under ten seconds. The cushions inside ripped apart, the walls crumpled in, and the wheels popped off and went rolling away so dramatically that crewmembers had to avoid them.
Flash, somehow, didn’t even flinch, and just stood there in shock as the chaos unfolded around him. When the dust settled, he was left there, holding the door next to the pile of scrap that had once been the prop carriage.
No pony said anything, until Derpy’s voice rang out over the set. “Oh, so THAT’S what this bolt was for!”
“CUT!”
Watch the wind
“When they landed outside the large golden doors at the main entrance, Flash hopped out and—pfffffftttt!”
The narrator stopped narrating and raspberried so hard spit flew from his mouth and his script pages dropped from his hooves.
“What on earth—“ the director started.
But then he saw what happened.
Flash and Twilight had emerged from the carriage with some of the most windswept, messy manes that the director had ever seen. Twilight’s seemed determined to tie itself in knots around the jewels in her hair, and Flash’s looked like three of Fluttershy’s small animals had fought for the right to make a nest on his head.
For a second, no pony said anything.
Then the editor raspberried into her clipboard and Flash, Twilight, and the director all burst into laughter.
“I think we need SOME level of wind control on the carriage ride next time, please?” Twilight said once her laughter calmed down.
“I think you’re right,” the editor said, pointing behind them. The other carriages were parking nearby and the other Bearers were disembarking looking just as disheveled as the main couple. Rainbow was grinning at Applejack and Fluttershy was shyly petting her own mane, but Rarity in particular looked very frazzled.
“Combs! Don’t worry, everypony! I have combs!”
“I think that’s a good cue to cut,” the director said as Flash and the rest of the crew broke out into even more laughter.
An ounce too much stomp…
“What is the meaning of this?” a familiar loud and very annoying voice sounded. Flash couldn’t help it this time. He facehoofed and turned to the left, catching sight of Duke Bull Horn angrily stomping towards the group.
CRACK!
Only for his hoof to stomp right though the floor, causing the duke to fall on his face in hilarious fashion. Twilight snorted, trying not to laugh. Something that became even harder when the duke sat up and then tried to free his leg.
“I…appear to be stuck,” he admitted, blushing slightly in embarrassment.
“CUT! An ounce less stomp next time,” the director said as Twilight helped the duke free his leg with her magic.
“I’m starting to think I’m too good at my role of being a jerk noble,” Bull Horn said.
“I think that it just shows that you’re such a good actor, our set can’t keep up with you,” the director said with a grin. “All right, let’s set up again.”
Frosted noble…
“Pardon me, my good sir,” Pinkie said, giggling at her own funny accent. The duke spun around, most likely to start shouting, only to squeak as he came face to face with a large cannon pointed directly at him. Pinkie was lying on top of it, her pose turning quite a few heads.
SQUEE!
However, before she could speak, the cannon fired, sending her tumbling off with a startled squeak. Duke Bull Horn, meanwhile, was blasted with a pure wall of frosting, leaving him completely engulfed in a blob of light-blue frosting.
“CUT! PINKIE!”
“SORRY! I forgot to change the munitions!” Pinkie cried from the ground.
“It wasn’t supposed to be loaded at ALL!” the director cried before facehoofing. He was going to have a red mark on his forehead at this rate.
“Mmmm, blueberries,” Bull Horn said, licking the frosting away around his mouth.
“Bull Horn, please.”
Slightly bruised noble
“Pardon me, my good sir,” Pinkie said, giggling at her own funny accent. The duke spun around…
And promptly smacked his nose on the party cannon.
“Oooooh…” Bull Horn said, staggering back.
“Sorry!” Pinkie cried, scrambling to sit up. Unfortunately, she was lying in such a strange position to start with that she accidentally kicked Bull Horn in the face and sending the duke straight to his flank.
“SORRY!”
“Oh dear,” Bull Horn said. “Perhaps our dear director is right. I’m becoming so good at being a jerk noble that even our props are trying to take me down a peg!”
Before Pinkie could respond to that, the party cannon let out a low whine, lowered its barrel, and poofed a puff of confetti on Bull Horn’s head.
The duke and the pink pony locked eyes, and then busted out laughing.
“I think that’s enough party cannon scenes for today,” the director said, shaking his head and taking a gulp of white hot chocolate. “CUT!”
MY CABBAGES (AND OTHER RANDOM OBJECTS)!!!
As a nearby guard approached, Pinkie pulled out…
A cabbage?
The guard looked extremely confused, as did Pinkie.
“Wait, that’s not right. Hold on,” she said, throwing away the cabbage and reaching back into her mane again. Then she pulled out a banana. “Nope!”
“Oh, hi Woona!” she said, pulling out the small version of Luna from ‘A moon in the dark.’
“Sorry, I was looking for Toby again,” Woona said.
As though on cue, a small dog barked from inside Pinkie’s mane before jumping out and running off with Woona’s cell phone.
“Hey, get back here!” the small pony yelled, running off.
The director felt a headache beginning to develop.
“Nope!” Pinkie said, pulling out a rubber ball next.
“Oh, that’s for Izzy,” – a bottle of red glitter.
“Thanks for holding that for me!” the editor called.
“Oh, hi Gummy!” Pinkie cheered, pulling out her baby alligator. Gummy just licked his own eye, as everypony tried to not laugh.
“Nope!” – a Mr. Potato Head, one that appeared to be filled with playdough.
“I swear I got it this time!” Pinkie said, sticking her hoof as far in as it could go and pulled out…
Caboose’s helmet.
“How did this even get in there?” she asked
“You’re just asking that now?” the editor called out over her laughter.
“CUT!!!!!!”
Name calling…
The ballroom was off to the right through another set of doors, but Flash was distracted from looking inside by the fact that Celestia wasn’t in her normal place on the grand staircase.
Was she actually running late? Flash never though he’d see the day. However, before he could ponder it further, he was distracted again as he and Twilight were announced by a well-dressed pony by the front door.
“Princess Twilight Sparkle and her escort, Sir Flash Sentry, the Extremely Fluffy!”
Twilight nearly tripped over her own hooves as she burst out laughing. Flash just looked extremely confused, as did the announcer pony.
“I mean, he’s not wrong, but I don’t think that’s the right line,” Flash said, sounding like a math student who had just found a question about ancient Equestria on his test. Twilight just laughed harder.
“CUT! Ok, who messed with the script this time?” the director demanded, looking around the crew with a decerning glare. The editor smiled innocently, though a few seconds of intense staring broke through her defenses.
“Ok, yes, fine, that was me. But it was Discord’s idea!”
“But you were the one who made the changes,” Discord said, walking out of the dressing room in preparation for his appearance in the next scene. “I didn’t even need to use my magic to adjust the script.”
He snapped his talon, and suddenly Flash was three times fluffier than he was previously, much to Twilight’s amusement. “Now THAT was me!”
The director just double-facehoofed.
“Um, sir? You’re starting to develop a large red spot on your forehead,” the cameraman said shyly.
“If somepony other than the editor thinks I’m the Avatar, Tempest has the right to suplex them,” the director groaned.
“Sweet,” Tempest said from over near the ice cream station.
The plot needs a rewrite…
Nodding in agreement, the three of them made their way towards the garden. So all that left was Pinkie.
“I’ll go disappear until the plot demands me,” Pinkie said, bouncing off into the ballroom.
Uhhhhhh… the director thought before snapping back to his senses. “CUT! PINKIE! STICK TO THE SCRIPT PLEASE!”
“But I DID!” Pinkie exclaimed, pouting slightly. The director blinked, before quickly grabbing the script and opening it to the scene in question. Rather than there being a specific line for Pinkie to say, all that was written was ‘Pinkie does something fun or silly, then leaves.’
“What the, who wrote that in the script?” The director asked no pony in particular.
“You did, you silly pony,” The editor said playfully, giving the director a quick kiss on the cheek. The director blinked, then just shrugged.
“Huh. Fair enough. Alright, we’re going to keep going. Flash and Twilight, just keep those extremely confused looks on your faces!”
“That won’t be a problem!” Flash said, his face still very much indicating that he had lost the plot entirely.
Too much wall…
“So, you’re NOT going to make this night chaotic for us?” Flash asked in suspicion. “Not that I’m complaining, but you ARE the lord of chaos, right?”
“Right,” Discord said, smirking. “But the script says I can’t be chaotic, so my paw and claw are tied.”
On cue, a set of hoofcuffs appeared over his arms.
“CUT! For the love of—you LITERALLY have a fourth-wall joke in less than ONE MINUTE!” the director cried in frustration as Twilight and Flash laughed. “Could you not have just waited, for ONE MINUTE!?”
“Oh, but where would be the fun in that?” Discord said with an innocent smile. “Besides, we both know that I need to make at least ONE blooper everytime I show up in one of your stories. It’s just tradition.”
Miraculously, the red spot on the director’s forehead didn’t get any bigger.
The editor comically missing the point…
“Oh, she did, did she?” Discord said, pausing briefly to look above and behind Flash and Twilight’s heads and wink. Flash thought he might be winking to Celestia and Luna, given his height, but upon turning around he found…
The editor?
“Hi!” the unicorn cheerily exclaimed, waving at the camera.
“CUT! Honey, what are you doing on set?” the director groaned as his special somepony just blinked in confusion.
“Well, Discord says he is winking at the reader in the next few lines, and since I’m the one who always reads your stories first—”
“Sweetie, it’s a fourth wall joke.”
A slowly dawning realization spread across her face.
“Ohhhh. Right. I knew that when I edited this, but I guess I forgot…Oops,” she admitted, blushing adorably as she stepped to the side and everypony began to set up again.
“Honey, how much sleep did you get last night?”
“Enough.”
“Really? Because I seem to recall getting a text from you at two a.m. this morning, and you were here by eight,” the director said, raising a playful eyebrow.
“I had a bout of inspiration!” the editor defended, still very cutely red. “And I…may have been looking over a blog about Good Omens as inspiration for a new story.”
“Fair enough, but maybe next time just write down the main idea and come back to it the next day, ok?” the director said, playfully booping her nose with a wing. “You need rest, too.”
“Maaa,” the editor squealed, playfully batting away the wing. “Fine, I promise to try.”
SPICY!!!
“I’m fine,” Twilight said, eating a Hay Burger in just two bites.
“WAIT! DON’T—” an orange pegasus yelled, bursting onto the set as fast as her legs could carry her.
But it was too late.
“HOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!”
Twilight screamed and a full stream of fire erupted from her mouth. Flash immediately ducked for cover. It was a miracle only the table was set on fire before Twilight vanished in a pop, reappearing at the nearby fountain with her head submerged in the water.
“CUT! Pie Crust, what in Equestria is going on NOW!?” the director yelled as the staff frantically put out the fire. “Your set is down the hall!”
“Pinkie stole my Sun Spice for the dinner scene with Sparrow!” Pie Crust yelled, pointing a hoof at the shyly waving pink party pony. “And she DIDN’T read the warning label on them before hoof.”
“Oh for—” the director facehoofed. “NO MORE MESSING WITH FOOD!”
“PLEASE!” Twilight cried as she finally came up for air. “Especially because it usually affects me! I still haven’t forgotten the dark chocolate anvil from Freedom Shall Ring!”
MY CAMERA!!!!!
“Twilight,” Flash said firmly, causing her to stop and look at him. “I won’t mind, and I highly doubt anypony else will, if you need to eat more at dinner or lunch or during meetings because you have a fast metabolism. Doing something dangerous like teleporting food directly to your stomach is unnecessary. The only ponies that may possibly care are the nobles, and if they complain, you can just say ‘I’m a princess, I eat what I want!’ Uh uh uh—wait—”
He held up his hoof like he was about to do a z-snap, only to seeming remember at the last second that he HAD HOOVES and no z-snapping was going to happen.
Twilight let out a loud snort and banged her own hoof on the table…
And hit the edge of her plate and sent it flying directly into the camerapony, knocking him and his tripod to the ground.
“Sorry!” she cried, scrambling to get off the chair. “Shutter, are you ok?”
“MY CAMERAAAA!!!” the camerapony yelled dramatically from the floor, but he was laughing as he wiped the remains of ketchup and ice cream off his lens.
“MY FLOOOOOR!!!!” the janitor yelled from the back of the set. “I just cleaned that from the last take!”
“MY CABBAGES!!!!” Pinkie yelled from wherever she was until the plot demanded her.
“MY STOORRRRRRRY!!!!!!” the director yelled more dramatically than anyone, sending the editor into a fit of giggles.
“I think it’s time to cut before we break anypony,” she said.
Now…DO A SILLY FACE!
“Bolemb omble bo,” Flash said with a grin.
“What are you—” Money Bags angrily questioned, only for Flash to cut him off
“Bobole boalalalahahahaha…”
He SHOULD have kept going, but he proved completely unable to keep a straight face and dissolved into giggles. Not only that, but Twilight and Money Bags both lost it too, breaking out in laughter.
“CUT!”
“Sorry!” the orange pegasus said around his laughter. “It’s harder than it looks!”
Take four…
“Be quiet and let me—”
“Obole bombele bob.”
“Would you—”
“Bob levy bo—wait, that’s not right—”
Money Bags and Twilight both snorted and dissolved into giggles as Flash realized he completely messed up AGAIN.
“CUT!” the director yelled. “Come on, Flash! You can do this!”
“No, I can’t!” Flash yelled back, breaking into laughter himself. “I have finally met the death of my acting career – insane nonsense noises!”
Twilight was now laughing so hard she had crumpled to the floor and Money Bags looked quite ready to join her.
“I think they broke,” the editor giggled, and the director had to admit she was probably right.
“Meal time! Take a break!” he yelled in the voice of a certain crotchety spider, and grinned as the editor burst into full-on laughter.
Take ten…
“Would you—”
“Bobele bo.”
“What are you—”
“Bolo.”
“CUT!”
“Aw, come on! What did I do wrong this time?” Flash yelled. “I was doing so good!”
“Sorry, Flash, you got your noises out of order. ‘Bolo’ doesn’t come ‘til the end.”
Now Flash facehoofed. “Really? REALLY? What does it matter? It’s NONSENSE noises! What does it matter what order I do them in?”
“I think I might have messed him up too,” Money Bags said, rubbing the back of his head. “I also got my lines out of order.”
“I thought something sounded different!” Twilight said.
Flash, without lifting his hoof from his face, buffed Money Bags with his wing.
“ACK!”
“Okay, I feel a bit better now.”
“Yeah, I think I deserved that.”
“Reset!”
Seven takes later…
“Be quiet and let me—”
“Obole bombele bob.”
“Would you—hohoho—” Money Bags began, only to burst out laughing as he completely broke character again.
“Oh, come on, I had it that time!” Flash exclaimed in playful exasperation. Twilight just howled in laughter next to him.
“CUT!”
Another five takes later…
“Bobele bo.”
“Shut—”
“Ombole.”
“PFFFF!” Twilight snorted, breaking character and laughing her head off once again. This, of course, made Money Bags break character as well.
“So close…” Flash sighed.
“CUT!”
Oh my!
“And furthermore, nobility has no standing on who she is allowed to be with and trying to shame and harass her into being with someone of ‘equal standing’ is highly unacceptable. In fact, seeing as you are one of the nobles who STILL refuses to cast aside your class prejudice despite me and my sister constantly saying it is despicable, I don’t think I will be inviting you back to the Gala next year, as you clearly can’t be trusted to act with dignity,” Celestia said with an air of finality.
“OH MY!”
A smooth voice blasted from a nearby speaker, prompting everypony to spontaneously break character and laugh. Even Celestia wasn’t immune as she let out a loud, very un-lady like snort.
“CUT! Really? REALLY? Why did you use THAT voice line? That is NOT what I meant when I wrote that part of the narration!” the director exclaimed in exasperation.
“But it’s the perfect meme! You can’t get more perfect than that meme!” the narrator said in his defense. The director just glared at the narrator, who quickly got the message and simply smiled sheepishly as he slowly slid his phone away.
“We are going to have so many good clips for the blooper reel,” the camerapony whispered to the camera. “So. MANY.”
TIMBER!!!
“Go ahead, Twilight,” Celestia said.
“BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!” Twilight laughed, falling to the side as her legs gave out. Celestia teleported over a large pillow for her to collapse onto. However, Twilight completely missed the cushion and fell to the ground with a grunt.
“Ow…”
“CUT! Wrong side, Twilight. Are you ok?”
“Yeah, I’m ok,” Twilight groaned as Flash helped her stand back up. “Can we try that again?”
Definitely Sisters…
“We’ll just have to take a rain check on that then,” Flash said as Twilight stopped laughing and blushed like mad as she looked away from him. An appropriate reaction…
“EEK!”
BLAM!
Everypony jumped and turned to the door. Luna was SUPPOSED to walk through it, but instead, the rest of the cast were greeted by the sight of a large blue horn skewered through the wood.
The door slowly swung open, revealing an embarrassed Luna hanging limply by her embedded horn.
“Um, oops?” she said sheepishly. “I, um, tripped…”
Nopony moved for a few seconds.
Then Celestia burst out laughing, nearly falling on top of Flash as she collapsed.
“CUT! If there was any doubt you two were sisters, I think that can be put to rest,” the director said, unable to hide a small smile.
Who would have thought tripping and stabbing your horn through doors was hereditary?
Do the DJ shuffle!
Twilight took a ragged breath, but nodded, just in time for the song to end.
DA da da-na da da DA da da-na da da DA da da-na da da DA-NA-NA-NO-NA-NA DA da da-na da DA da da-na da da!
Instead of the cued-up wind music, a certain fish’s theme came blaring through the speakers, making Flash, Twilight, and all the extras exchange looks of amused confusion.
“CUT!”
“NGRAAH don’t cut, punk!” came a very familiar voice. “This is my JAM!”
The director whipped his head around just in time to see Undyne’s head pop out of the crowd of ponies on set. And then Papryus slowly rose up next to her with his ‘Cool Dude’ shirt and a giant goofy grin.
“What the—what are you two doing here?” the director yelled over the noise.
“FEAR NOT, MOVIE PONIES!” Papyrus yelled back. “WE PROMISE TO ONLY ENHANCE YOUR ARTS AND CRAFTS EXPERIENCE!”
“That’s right, Papyrus! NOW COME ON, PUNKS! SHOW ME HOW YOU GROOVE!!!!”
The music, if possible, got even louder, and Undyne started throwing spears into the air like giant blue confetti.
“This. Is. AWESOME!” Rainbow cheered.
The director face-megaphoned, ignoring the way his hoof was tapping to the beat. “Somepony start passing around hard hats, please!”
Take two…
Twilight took a ragged breath, but nodded, just in time for the song to end.
IT’S THE FIGHT OF THE AGES, RED VERSUS BLUE!
“What the HAY?” Flash called. “Are we doing a crossover now?”
“CUT!” the director screamed. “Okay, who kidnapped the DJ? PINKIE!”
“WHAT?” Pinkie yelled from wherever she was until the plot demanded her.
“Au contraire, dear director,” Discord drawled, popping up behind the director’s chair and making him spill the last of his white hot chocolate all over himself. “This one was my choice.”
The director frowned at him, licking a bit of chocolate off his hoof and making grumbly noises.
“What? Your editor was singing it to herself earlier and I thought it was the perfect chaotic dance song!”
He pointed his claw at the editor, who was indeed bopping her head and singing along. And she wasn’t the only one, since Pinkie had appeared out of nowhere and was now actively acting out the rap with herself as Church and a confused-looking Applejack as Sarge.
The director opened his mouth and then shut it, shaking his head. “I have no words.”
“Then my work is done!” Discord cheered, disappearing with a pop.
“DID SOMEPONY SAY PULLOVER SWEATER?” Caboose screamed, running out of absolutely nowhere onto the set. Flash whipped around so quickly he would have fallen if Rarity hadn’t pulled out her fainting couch just in time.
“CABOOSE!”
Take three…
Twilight took a ragged breath, but nodded, just in time for the song to end.
BOP…bopp…BOP…bopp…BOP…bopp…
“Oh, for the love of—DISCORD!”
“I already had my fun! It’s not me this time!”
“Then WHAT—”
Before the director could finish his question, there was a loud woof and a small, fluffy white dog tore across the set, barking happily.
“Toby! Come back!” Woona cried, weaving around the legs of the bigger ponies with a certain yellow flower bouncing in a pot on her back.
“WHY AM I HERE?” Flowey shouted. “I DON’T NEED TO BE HERE!”
A couple of the extras tried to grab the Annoying Dog, but he avoided their grasp with practiced ease and launched himself right at Fluttershy, who reflexively caught him.
“Oh!” she exclaimed softly, adjusting her hold on Toby. He smiled and licked her face, wagging his tail. “Oh, hello!”
The director face-hooved, then double-face-hooved. “A dog. I have officially lost control to a DOG!”
“His name is Toby!” Woona corrected.
The director face-clipboarded because apparently face-hooving wasn’t enough.
“I think that’s a cue to take lunch,” the editor said, patting the director on the back
“Seriously, WHY AM I HERE?”
HALLO!
Flash caught up but chose to stay quiet as she randomly spouted facts about the new plants around her, many of which she must have found in books because she was Twilight.
“HALLO!”
Flash let out a startled whinny and leapt into Twilight’s hooves as a blue pony in armor – sans helmet – walked out from between the bushes. He raised his hoof and gave an excited wave.
“CUT! Caboose! What are you doing here!?” the director yelled.
“Yes, hello. I am Caboose from Spero! Has, anypony seen my helmet?” the blue pony asked, looking around in confusion. “A little voice said she was going to borrow it for a while, but now I can’t find it, and Church says I need it for the next salad. I don’t know why I need it for lunch, but I’m sure he knows what he’s talking about.”
“Oh for—PINKIE! Give Caboose back his helmet! I swear, why did you even need that in the first place?”
“You know, I can’t even remember myself,” Pinkie admitted with a small shrug and a smile. “But I’m sure I’ll remember eventually. Here you go, Caboosey!” A quick toss and the helmet laned perfectly back on Caboose’s head.
“Thank you, pink candy pie pony! I will always remember your golden crust!” Caboose exclaimed, vanishing back into the bushes.
The director was severely tempted to facehoof, but managed to avoid the impulse thanks to a quick kiss from the editor.
DUCK AND ANVIL!!!
“However, as the two neared the gazebo in the very center of the gardens, Flash heard something, a sound that most certainly did NOT blend in with the rest of the garden’s noises,” the narrator dramatically read. “It was a high-pitched sound, almost like—"
“EEP!” Twilight squealed.
Flash’s instincts from guard academy kicked into high gear as he grabbed Twilight and forced her to the ground, less than three seconds before something flew over their heads, impacting a nearby tree with—
A…quack?
Looking up, Flash saw that, rather than a rock, a rubber duck had impacted the tree, and was currently bouncing its way across the ground.
“But—but that was a ROCK when I threw it!” Bull Horn cried in confusion.
“CUT! Discord, I swear to Harmony!”
“Oh, come on, I had to! For old time’s sake!” the spirit of chaos complained.
“You didn’t. You REALLY didn’t!”
Take 2…
Flash’s instincts from guard academy kicked into high gear as he grabbed Twilight and forced her to the ground, less than three seconds before a pillow fell gently onto his head. Flash blushed when he saw the fabric print was comprised of a bunch of small pictures of him and Twilight kissing.
“CUT!!! DISCORD, I AM WARNING YOU!”
“But it’s a reference to the last blooper reel we did! I had to do it more than once!”
Take 3…
Flash’s instincts from guard academy kicked into high gear as he grabbed Twilight and forced her to the ground, less than three seconds before a HARMONY DAMN ANVIL flew overhead and quite literally snapped the fake tree it was supposed to hit in half, showering the couple in a fine dust of dark chocolate.
“NOT THAT STUPID ANVIL AGAIN!” Twilight cried, clutching Flash in a panic.
“CUT! Tempest! Permission Granted!” the director yelled.
“Wait, wha—”
That was all Discord had time to say before the dark red pony seized him and dramatically suplexed him through the set, punching his head clean through the floor.
“Ahhh, that was satisfying,” Tempest said with a grin, happily prancing away back to the ice cream table.
“Ok, that was fair,” the muffled voice of Discord acknowledged.
One hot take…
“You really think we didn’t know there was going to be new royalty!?” Bull Horn bellowed. “We knew SIX MONTHS beforehoof that—wait, wait, WAIT! TAIL IS ON FIRE! TAIL IS ACTUALLY ON FIRE!”
He screamed and dropped to the ground, rolling around in a panic as the rage-shift suit sparked and his tail ACTUALLY caught on fire.
“ON IT!” Rainbow screamed as three other ponies frantically ran onto the set. Before they could even reach Bull Horn, Rainbow soared past them at top speed and doused the on-fire unicorn with a fire extinguisher in under ten seconds flat.
“Oh, thank Celestia,” Bull Horn said, going slack as the let the unicorns hastily remove the rage-shift suit.
“But I didn’t do anything?” Celestia called from the side.
A small bout of tension-relieving laughter bubbled up from the crew. Even Bull Horn was smiling through the wisps of smoke of his singed tail.
“CUT! Ok, we’ll break for lunch. I want that suit and the replacement tested before we use them again. We don’t need to burn the whole set down. Honestly, what is with this shooting and things catching fire. And don’t anypony say it’s only happened twice! Because I know that the moment somepony mentions that, something else is going to—”
“Help! The coffee machine is on fire!” Pinkie cried.
Facehoofing wasn’t enough, but thankfully the floor wasn’t on fire and was also readily available.
This is why she needs a license to carry…
But before Duke Bull Horn could speak, the plot demanded Pinkie.
“THE PLOT DEMANDS MEEEEEEEEE!” Pinkie exclaimed, only for her to slip on the roof. In a moment of poetry, Pinkie’s party cannon fell to the ground below her, while the pie she was supposed to throw at Bull Horn ended up hitting Flash instead. Then Pinkie herself landed in the cannon face-first, before it fired its new pink pony ammunition directly at Twilight causing both ponies to go rolling away in a heap.
Meanwhile, Bull Horn just stood there, looking at the chaos that had unfolded before him. When the dust settled, he just blinked, then looked down at himself as if expecting something to randomly to appear out of nowhere and pull him into the chaos.
“Huh. I wasn’t expecting to avoid being a part of that,” he admitted as Flash whipped the pie off his face and Twilight and Pinkie disentangled themselves.
“Maybe the universe thought you’ve had enough punishment for one taping,” Flash said with a shrug.
“Really? At this point, I was starting to think the set itself like to see me involved in these bloopers,” Bull Horn deadpanned, though even the director could see the playfulness in his eyes.
“Maybe we should get the set a better contract then! More health benefits, more pay, and then maybe we would have less bloopers!” Flash boldly proclaimed, prompting both ponies to laugh at the idea of paying their inanimate objects a salary.
“CUT!”
TEMPEST SMASH!!!
Before Flash could say anything else, a new noise reached their ears.
“BABY SHARK DO DO DO DO DO, BABY SHARK DO DO—
SMASH!
Everypony on set jumped as Tempest, seemingly out of nowhere, appeared behind the record player and smashed it to pieces with one well-placed strike.
“HARMONY, I hate that song,” she growled, staring down at the shattered record as though it had insulted her broken horn and spit in her face.
“She is going to be so mad when she finds about how often that song is going to come up in future How To stories,” Flash said once Tempest was out of earshot, grinning like a mad stallion.
“You don’t need to be so excited about her being angry, you know,” Twilight lightly chided him, though she was unable to hide her own giggle.
“CUT! Ok, that’s it. We’re done filming for the day! We’ll finish the ending scene tomorrow morning before reshooting the scene where Flash and Twilight are watching everypony else dance. After that we’re moving on to How to Make Amends!” The director sighed and sunk into his chair. “Ugh, what a DAY!”
“Oh, come on, honey. It wasn’t that bad,” the editor said, coming over and giving him a quick little kiss on the cheek. “How about you just relax here for a minute while I finish up, then we can go get some Applebee’s for dinner tonight? I think you’ve earned it, and then we can go watch some Red vs Blue. How does that sound?
“That sounds wonderful,” the director said, giving the editor a quick little kiss of his own. “If only this movie was as simple as going out to dinner.
“Well, maybe it would be easier, but it wouldn’t be NEARLY as much fun!”
The director blew a raspberry at her, but he was smiling.
Dancing like there’s no tomorrow…
“Turning back to the dance floor,” the narrator said. “Flash watched Twilight’s friends to try and distract himself. Rarity had apparently decided to humor poor Spike and share a dance with him, though, it was more like she was hugging him and moving in time to the music, given how much taller she was than him, but Spike looked utterly blissful all the same. Rainbow had actually been pulled into a dance with the Wonderbolt Soarin and looked even more excited than Twilight did when new books came in from the royal library. Though he had to admit he never actually thought he’d see Rainbow BLUSH. Well, first time for everything.
“Then,” the narrator continued, smiling at the camera, “the editor pulled the director out onto the dance floor to serve as background extras!”
The camerapony swiveled his device over to the director’s fancy chair just in time to catch the editor grabbing his foreleg and pulling him onto the scene before the pegasus had a chance to even say ‘wait, WHAT?!’ The actors all looked pretty surprised, but soon they were clapping and cheering as the editor started leading the director in a dance. The pony in charge of sound even turned up the music!
And then almost all the crewmembers flooded after them, and soon the dance floor was a huge crowd of ponies in fancy evening costumes and ponies in work uniforms having the absolute time of their lives. The camerapony zoomed in on the director and the editor, dancing near the edge. The editor was beaming and laughing and the director was blushing so hard that it was difficult to tell what was redder – his cheeks or the mark on his forehead. But despite all that, he was grinning too.
“Come on, Shutter!” somepony yelled, and that’s all it took for the camerapony to lock his tripod and jump into the party himself.
He had a passing thought about how long it would be before the director recovered enough to yell ‘cut,’ but then he caught another glimpse of him and the editor looking at each other with big happy love-struck eyes and had a feeling they’d be dancing all night long.
Almost an hour later, a clawed hand of Discord gently picked up the camera.
“That’s all folks!” He exclaimed as a familiar loony song played in the background before he winked and turned the camera off.