I'm fubbernucked anyway so bring it on!

by Horn Horse


Chapter 1

"Flurry. No."

"But I didn't even finish asking!"

"I know what you're going to ask, and the answer is no." It wasn't just the words that hurt. It was the way she said them. Her tone sounded like she was scolding a child, even though Flurry Heart was only a few years younger than her. The older crystal pony was still a teenager, but the hardened look in her eye spoke of wisdom and discipline beyond her years. Technically, she was born centuries ago. But like the rest of the Crystal Empire, she had emerged from King Sombra's cursed limbo as if no time went by at all. Those sparkling eyes almost looked like actual cut emeralds, and they narrowed at Flurry Heart. "Is this why we're all the way out here?"

"Fairy, please! Please hear me out!" The princess begged.

"Don't call me that! It's Fair Facet! Enough with the pet names, enough with the flirting and the teasing! Stop finding reasons for us to be alone, stop pining over me with my picture in your locker that you think nopony notices," Flurry Heart's ears drooped, unable to meet Fair Facet's eye with a deep blush forming on her face, "And please, for both of our sakes, do not ask me to be your date for the Flugelhorn Fancy. This can't happen. We. Can't. Happen." She alternated her hoof pointing between herself and the teenaged alicorn as she enunciated that last part. She turned around to head back to the Empire. Flurry instinctively began to follow. "Don't follow me. I'll be fine... I'll see you at school on Monday," she left the protective bubble and stepped into the snowstorm. Her mane and tail blew like flames in the wind. The snow-white filly quickly faded from view and Flurry Heart was left alone in the pocket of calm weather that surrounded her at all times.

Not only was she effectively a living crystal heart, but she also had Earth Pony strength, Pegasus Pony flight, and Unicorn Pony spellcasting just as any of her alicorn relatives did. But she was a born alicorn who had all of those things to a degree of ability that the world had never seen before. All of that power did nothing to help work up the courage to ask Fair Facet to the dance. It also did nothing to ease the pain of rejection.

But that didn't stop Flurry Heart from trying.

Her eyes were screwed shut but tears still managed to escape. She let out a ragged groan of frustration and from her horn she fired a golden beam of pure magical energy into the sky. Blue lighting crackled around her horn and all the way up the beam as it easily penetrated the arctic storm clouds above. The clouds parted in a circle, casting a crimson light down onto the distressed alicorn like a spotlight. She thought nothing of it, never taking her eyes off the ground as she slowly trudged back home with her tail between her legs.

If she had bothered to look where she was firing, she would have seen through the hole in the clouds and noticed the massive rock hanging in the sky. It burned as it touched the atmosphere, painting the northern sky red as dusk. The meteor was drawing ever closer.

Flurry Heart had to take off into the air to avoid running into anypony on the way back to the palace. 'Why is everypony so frantic at this hour? The shops should be closed by now. Ugh, just another thing to make my day worse,' she thought to herself while stewing in her own misery.

When she entered the palace, she slammed the door behind her a little harder than she meant to. It was no surprise that Shining Armor came running soon after. "Flurry! You're back!" His face was grim, but he sounded relieved to see his daughter again.

"Oh, daddy! This is the worst day of my life!" She sobbed openly into her father's chest. He embraced her unquestioningly.

"I know it seems like it's all over, Flurry. But there's still hope. I have to be ready to cast a shield in case your mom... Well, you should be somewhere safe." Flurry didn't want to hear about her daddy's work right now. But he made a good point. She would feel better if she had her magic teacher to talk to.

"I'll be in the wizarding wing..." She muttered, her crystal hoof adornments clicking on the floor as she made her way deeper into the palace.

"Great idea!" Shining called before heading outside, "If I send word, you should use the emergency portal scroll. It'll... It'll buy you some time." His voice betrayed his anxiety, "...I love you, Flurry Heart."

"I love you too, dad," Flurry Heart groaned out of obligation, though the sentiment was sincere. She didn't bother watching as her father exited the palace.


It was so hot. Cadance couldn't get too close. The edges of her feathers were starting to crisp. It was also higher up than she had ever flown before. The air was so thin. She would have to take a few shots at the meteor, then spend a good minute diving back down to catch her breath. The stakes were not lost on her. If this thing hit, not only would the Crystal Empire be flattened in a burning crater. But the shockwave from the impact would tear the Northern reaches of Equestria apart. It would also melt the ice cap, flooding the landmass of the planet and completely upending every civilization. So many lives lost. So many loves lost. Her friends, her family, her husband, her daughter. Cadance's magic was powered by every ounce of love that a pony could feel in that moment and still her horn lasers were failing to persuade the meteor from its course. She sent word for help from anyone who could. Celestia, Luna, Twilight and her friends, Starswirl, Dragon Lord Ember, Queen Skystar, she'll even take Discord. But it was unlikely that any of them could respond in time. Why didn't they notice it sooner? She took a deep breath and flapped her wings to climb back up. Princess Cadance wouldn't stop trying. She couldn't stop trying. Her tears evaporated as she got closer. It was so hot.


The door to the wizarding wing of the Crystal Palce flew open. "Master Snails!" Flurry called out, seeking comfort in her teacher and friend as she so often did, "Master Snails? Are you here?"

"I am here, my Princess," the lanky unicorn was in his usual meditation pose in a corner among the bookshelves. The red light filtering in from the windows made it a bit more difficult to recognize for the alicorn, "There will be no hiding from today."

"Oh, Master. You don't know the half of it!" Flurry Heart slumped down on a beanbag cushion next to a globe. Her head hung in a sulk from the beanbag.

"I know things seem bleak, especially for a mind as young and active as yours," Snails offered his sympathy. His half-lidded eyes watch his student flick her ears anxiously.

"But what can I do? I've never felt this powerless before..." The princess was starting to sob, the weight of it all crashing over her.

Snails knew to let the tears fall. Anypony would feel like this right now, even the most powerful caster Equestria's ever seen. She was just a child, after all. "I may have been appointed to help you handle your magic, but even that is nothing compared to the strength of your heart." Snails calmly encouraged her, "As long as you have that, I know things will turn out okay."

Flurry Heart looked up at her Master from the beanbag, leaving two big wet spots where her eyes were pressed against the cushion. "But what if I'm not good enough? What if that's why this is all happening? I can't be like you!"

Snails couldn't help but smile, "My Princess, I can say with confidence that you are more than good enough. I am only here to guide your potential. I was around your age when my teachers showed me my potential. In many ways, you already surpass me."

Flurry gave a half-hearted chuckle and slumped onto her side with her wings tucked close to her. "You sound like my folks," she grumbled. Her gaze was locked to a star chart on the wall past the bookcases. "My mom says she met my dad when she was around my age. And look how well they're doing." Her tail flicked up once to match her annoyed tone. Snails chose to listen, "Now it feels like I'll never have what they have. I am completely fubbernucked." The princess threw her hooves out for emphasis.

"Flurry, language! ...I think?" The older unicorn half-scolded her but was hardly familiar with the new things kids say. "Your parents are giving each other and the world everything they have. Like anypony in this world, you can't act if you won't act," Snails said in his usual drawl, "But I know you better than that. You haven't lost heart."

Flurry Heart gave a heavy sigh and rolled back up, "It's easy for you to say. My parents were practically made for each other, and you were a teenage buckball prodigy."

Her eyes met her teacher's with an honest plead for an answer. Master Snails blinked as his thoughts failed to process the non-sequitor, "...Yeah?" That was the best he could come up with in his confusion.

The young princess flapped her wings to help herself up off the cushion, "I'm not super lucky, I'm not a jock like you, I don't have anything you or my dad had when it counted!" She gave a sharp gasp, looking into the distance, "I'm not even a stallion!"

"...What?" Snails was officially lost. His student started pacing back and forth in front of him.

"Is that it? Is it because we're both mares? I didn't even think that could be an issue. But the Crystal Ponies are all kinds of old-fashioned. Is that an old-fashioned sort of thing? Fairy has always been kind of cold but I know love when I feel it! Is that a line she won't cross with another mare? Or is it something else? Is it because I'm a freak? I can get a dress that covers my wings! Oh, Master, please!" Tears were welling back up in her eyes as she trotted in a small circle. She stopped to address Snails with a cracking whine, "You're good with the ladies! Why won't Fair Facet go to the dance with me?"

Master Snails' mouth hung open, words failing to form, thoughts failing to form. His concentration broke, and his magical aura flickered away. He dropped down to the cushion rather unceremoniously. "...Seriously? That's what this is about?" He finally managed to say something. Flurry Heart's big, tearful eyes punctuated her pout. She was still anticipating some sage advice on the matter. Behind her, Snails could see outside the window where the angry blaze of the meteor was starting to burn away the clouds. He furrowed his brow and took a deep breath. "My Princess, I meant every word I said. Now, I think you should go see your mother."

Flurry Heart gave another whiny little huff, "But Mast-" Her pouting came to an abrupt halt when a book flew off the shelf and clocked her in the head. "Hey!" It didn't hurt even a little bit, but she still felt it and it was very rude. Snails' horn glowed and another book came from the other side of the shelf, this one also hit its mark on the filly's noggin. Then another, and another before she started to turn and flee. Not another word was exchanged while Flurry Heart frantically climbed out the window. Books were bouncing off her rump until she fell out and deployed her wings. Snails kept his frown as he watched the alicorn's silhouette fade into the distance.

"...We're all gonna die," he sighed.

The young alicorn soared over the streets of the Crystal Empire, and her eyes instantly caught the meteor parting the clouds. "Oh, what the hay?" She muttered to herself. A purple beam of light shot up from somewhere in the market square. It was Shining Armor casting a shield spell to fortify the barrier produced by the Crystal Heart. The Heart itself was powered by the love of the Crystal Ponies, and too many of them were running in a panic for it to maintain itself. They were all running for the mountains and hills, willing to brave the arctic storm if it meant the slightest chance of mitigating the encroaching disaster.

Flurry Heart flew overhead to spot her father and his squad of unicorn guardsponies. Alongside them, she saw Fair Facet carrying her trademark shield. Flurry knew that she made it herself, and she had pride in her ability to wield it for offense as well as defense. Flurry always meant to ask her where she learned to do that. The Crystal Mare glanced up at the sky, and the look of terror on her face was heartbreaking. Their eyes met. Her expression softened when she spotted Flurry Heart.

The princess coated herself in a golden aura that let her magically slip through the barrier. She flapped her wings and climbed higher above the cloud line until she could no longer make out Fair Facet's face in the crowd. Something metallic bounced off her shoulder and down towards the ground. It was the regal adornment from one of her mother's hooves. Flurry Heart looked up to gauge the disturbance. The massive rock was still coming down. A ball of rock, metal, and fire that could easily punch a hole in the Crystal Empire. It was like a mountain falling from the sky. Flurry Heart spotted a shape darting underneath it. Blue lasers fired from the pony's horn, but to no effect. It was Princess Cadance.

"Oh dang..." Flurry Heart muttered, "...Alright then, nothing to panic about," she breathed deep to try and calm herself, "It's not a big deal. You're just asking your mom for advice. Super embarrassing advice." With a powerful flap of her superpowered alicorn wings, she rocketed towards the situation. "Mom! Mom, I need to talk to you!" Flurry Heart called out to her mother. She could tell it was immensely hot, but it didn't bother her.

The older alicorn spun around to see her daughter flapping to meet her. "Flurry!? Get back! Get inside your father's shield!" She looked exhausted and worn, hair and feathers charred by the burning sky, her chest heaving up and down while she struggles against exhaustion. Her teenage daughter did not stop until she was right up there with her.

"Mom, can mares like other mares?" The young princess asked so innocently while her mane blew in the superheated wind.

"...What?" Cadance gave a one-word response before straining to blast the meteor with as much as she could manage. She used the force of it to push herself further down and away from the flames. But the rock did not stop. Flurry Heart flapped in midair, her gaze following her mother's struggle.

"You're the Princess of Love! I'm pretty sure I love Fair Facet. Mares can love other mares, right?"

Cadance's eyes were wide while she took a second to catch her breath. She tried to swallow, but there was no saliva left. Her head was pounding from strain. "Flurry, this isn't a good time."

"There is no time, mom!" Flurry cried out as the meteor drew closer above her, "The Flugelhorn Fancy is in two weeks and I don't have a date! And even if I could get a date, it wouldn't be Fairy!" She crossed her hooves and cradled herself at the thought. Steam rose from the corners of her eyes, the tears unable to run in the flames of the cosmic rock, "I need to know if I'm the problem."

Princess Cadance took a stern tone with her daughter now, "Flurry, listen to me! I love you and your father and everypony down there," she desperately cried out, "That's why I need to try and stop this!"

Flurry Heart looked between her mom and the meteor. "Stop what...? That?" She pointed up, "...Well, I'm fubbernucked anyway so bring it on!"

Flurry Heart coated herself in the golden aura of her magic and shot a concentrated beam of energy. The impact made a shockwave that shook the landscape and Cadance reflexively covered her ears. The rock actually slowed down, and before Cadance knew it, the laser bored its way through. Her daughter gave a flap of her wings that almost blew her mother off her balance with the way it pushed the air, and in a blink she was gone inside the hole in the rock. The meteor slowed to a stop in midair, still glowing red hot from the air friction. But the glow of Flurry's magic soon began to envelop it from the inside out. Cracks started forming along its surface. The sound of every fracture could be heard for miles. The glowing light from inside the cracks warned of what was to come next, and Cadance put the last bit of her strength into a desperate shielding spell.

The rock burst into pieces, and from the core emerged a screaming teenage filly. The pieces of the meteor were still enormous, but Flurry Heart flew back and forth to crash into each of them like a golden cannonball. Hot space debris pelted Cadance's shield and fell towards the city-sized barrier below. Flurry Heart continued screaming, flying in a circle until all the rocks falling around her were pulverized into manageable bites. The young alicorn emerged from the resulting dust cloud, catching her breath while she perched daintily on top of her mother's shield spell.

"Phew! Hah, I needed that!" She seemed quite satisfied to have had that outlet for her stress. Her forelegs hung over the front of the magic bubble and she kicked her back legs playfully, "So, can we talk now?"

Only a groan escaped Cadance's lips before she succumbed to her exhaustion. The shield spell flickered out of existence and the older alicorn began to drop from the sky.

"Mom!" Flurry Heart dove after her, their silhouettes making a mark on the aurora now visible in the calmed sky.


A teenage alicorn pony was digging around in her locker at Crystal Prep Academy. She was trying to focus on the day and regain her composure from the last barrage of congratulatory remarks from the other students.

"Hey..."

Flurry knew that voice, and her blush came back in full force. She quickly slammed her locker with her magic, though she knew it was too late to save herself from that embarrassment. "Fair-ah, Fair Facet! Hi!" She spun to greet her unrequited crush. She paused when she saw how sparkly she had become since they last saw each other. "...You changed your hair!"

Fair Facet glanced up at her fiery orange mane, done up in a fancy style and sparkling just as brightly as the rest of her. "Oh, no. It just... does that. I don't know why." She put a hoof to her chin before shaking her head and changing the subject, "So I heard that Her Highness is out of the hospital."

Flurry Heart began to relax and joined Fair Facet on the way to the cafeteria. "Oh yeah! Turns out enough magical strain to kill a unicorn twelve times over is just a couple days' bed rest for my mom. Thank goodness for that."

Fair Facet nodded, "That was pretty cool how you saved everyone the other day."

The alicorn sighed, "Please, anypony would have done it if they could. I've been getting praise all day like I'm some kind of-" She cut herself off and a big grin crept on her face. She leaned in closer to her friend, "Say, was it cool enough to be my date at the Flugelhorn Fancy?" Her eyebrows bounced up and down in anticipation. What she got was a hoof stuck in her mouth.

"Flurry, I... I have my reasons. I'm not going with you to the dance." The princess' ears drooped, but Fair Facet continued, "But... I still want to hang out with you. Maybe you can take me flying instead. I've always wanted to try that."

In that moment, Flurry Heart found a rare treat. Fair Facet was actually smiling at her! That alone sent her to untold levels of elation and she pulled Fair Facet into a hug before another thought could form. "Oh Fairy I would love to!"

The Crystal Pony gasped and grunted in that alicorn's freakish grip. "I'll allow it... This time. But don't get used to calling me that! And you can let go now!"

"Oh, right," Flurry didn't realize that she had almost floated up to the ceiling while embracing her friend, and dropped the both of them to the floor rather clumsily. She spoke up again after picking herself back up, "Wait, I can't go out flying any time soon," the princess pouted and kicked a hoof, "My dad grounded me for three months!"

Fair Facet gave a heartful giggle, "Only you could get yourself grounded for saving the world."

Flurry intentionally did not mention how her father had heard everything from Cadance and Snails and sentenced her to grounding for, in his words, 'the worst case of Flurry-nanas the world has ever seen.' Apparently almost letting armageddon happen under your nose due to a fit of teenage angst was unbecoming of a Princess.

"But..." Fair Facet's voice broke Flurry out of that thought, "If I know you, I bet you're thinking about going out still. Grounded or not."

The princess considered this for a moment, the grin on her face twisting until she couldn't help but give a laugh, "I'm fubbernucked anyway, let's do this! I'll pick you up after my folks are asleep." What were they going to do? Ground her more? Probably yes, she considered. But spending time with Fairy was worth it.