The Gryffindor common room was warm, raucous, and crowded. Its origins had been far more conventional, but a bit of magic and a few hundred pounds of muggle merchandise had changed all of that. In a place where the mundane had once been forsaken, there was now a telly, a bit of electronics hardened against catastrophic conflict with magic. While a bit of piracy had granted access to the muggle world, the real wonder was the other bit of electronics that was now providing the video feed, a video game console, the only one in the castle. To be strictly accurate, it was the only publicly accessible system. Ever since one of Lavender’s saved games had mysteriously been deleted, she had decided to keep her personal system in her room, with the promise to bring it back once the culprit had been identified. Since no one else was willing to condemn one of their fellows to defenestration, the others considered that system to be a lost cause.
Given that the bulk of four houses, as well as the occasional Slytherin, were eager to partake of what had once been forbidden, and the fact that the system accommodated a maximum of two players, the common room had been converted into the school’s game room, with board games both magical and mundane. Wizard chess had been combined with muggle time controls, resulting in the need for therapy for the pieces after all the groping of intense blitz and bullet sessions.
Muggle board games had likewise been given a magical twist. While multiple players vied for a monopoly on real estate, the board was now an animated diorama, with each neighborhood having its own personality. Instead of tokens, the players were represented by their personal avatars, who were subjected to all of the indignities inflicted by the roll of dice or the turn of a card.
For those willing to take a risk at diplomacy and strategy, one could lock horns with the reigning champion on a world map that had been enchanted to act out the conflicts. A crowd had gathered to watch the carnage as the tiny terror rolled.
“All sixes!” Dinky declared.
“Are you kidding me?” The Slytherin on the receiving end of an invasion declared, “You just rolled all sixes last time.”
“Okay.” One of the other players, a Gryffindor, said with his face in his hands, “Change into a pony for a minute. I’m sure you’ve got a cutie mark for board games on your arse.”
“Hey!” Dudley exclaimed from where he had been watching the current player of the video game.
“Flank.” The Gryffindor hastily corrected, “I want to check your flank.”
“That’s better,” Dudley said, turning his attention back to the red bouncing pixels.
“Well, that was exciting,” the Slytherin sarcastically said, looking at the back of the head of the boy who was visibly thinner than when he had arrived at the school.
Button Mash replied, “It beats trolling for stallions.”
The Slytherin smirked. “It was just Scootaloo and Abigail chanting ‘Six colts! Six colts!’. No one in their right mind expected you to give up your freedom for head of line privileges.”
Angrily, Berryshine retorted, “You’ve never seen Button at a real arcade. I don’t care what Madam Pomfrey says; there has to be something wrong with him.”
Button said, “I told you; I’m too young to be thinking about herds. Besides, this is all the excitement I need.”
The Slytherin shrugged. “We wouldn’t want the day to be too boring, now, would we?”
As soon as the words left his mouth, the portrait opened, and Parvati came running in. She skidded to a halt to make sure she was being followed, and Apple Bloom was the next to rush in, holding both Seamus and Dean up by their tails. Hot on her heels was Hermione, in her pony form, dragging Ron by his own rearmost appendage.
“I can run on my own!” Ron yelled as Harry dashed in, holding Lavender up by her tail.
“What is it with the tails?” Lavender growled from where she was swinging.
Neville sprinted in like a rugger bugger holding Ginny, while Luna and Abagail swooped by on leathery wings. Meanwhile, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle brought up the rear.
“See!” Lavender pointed a hoof at Ginny. “That’s how you’re supposed to carry someone,” she snapped at Harry.
“No time! No time!” Harry snapped back.
“Up tha stairs! Up tha stairs!” Apple Bloom commanded, taking the set leading to the boys’ dorm two at a time for demonstration purposes.
The little fluorescent unicorn did not hesitate to follow.
“Hermione!” Ron wailed. *Whump!* “I can!” *Whump!* “Do this!” *Whump!* “Myself!” *Whump! Whump! Whump!*
“My turn!” Lavender yelled, morphing into her human form. She landed in a crouch only to straighten up while simultaneously throwing Harry over her shoulder. Her triumph was short-lived as Magah appeared behind her, slipping her head between the girl’s legs. The unicorn threw the pair onto her back before leaping up the stairs.
“Faster! Faster!” was what the occupants of the room heard Harry’s receding voice call out.
Then there was quiet.
No one moved.
The telly made the sound of a life being lost as a wandering turtle got lucky.
Lily Longsocks gently slapped the Slytherin who had tempted fate on the back of his head. Of course, this was more than enough to cause the poor fellow to land face first on the floor.
There was more silence.
Teresa finally spoke up. “I know everyone is thinking it; so, I’ll just say it. That can’t be good.”
Without a word, a sixth-year Hufflepuff who had been having difficulty with his silent casting levitated the table that had previously been detailing Dinky’s victory. As he was placing it as a barricade to the room’s entrance, a seventh-year transfigured it into iron.
“I’ll just go and see what that was all about.” Fay sighed, making her way toward the boys’ dorm.
There was more silence.
Another turtle took another life.
Everyone waited.
The minutes ticked by.
Suddenly, Fay came bounding down the stairs. “Everyone! Stay in the common room!” she cried as she dove for the narrow gap left by the iron table guarding the entrance with the confidence of a special operations soldier. As she scrabbled over the obstacle, her billowing robe made it apparent that was not the only way she had gone commando.
Blushing, the seventh-year who had originally transfigured the table finished his work, morphing the barrier so there would no longer be a gap.
Meanwhile, several more pieces of furniture were levitated over to add mass to the barricade.
The teachers’ lounge was unusually crowded for a weekend. There was, in fact, the full complement of staff milling about, most wondering why they were present. More than one of them were sending glares at the person responsible for wasting their precious leisure time.
Meanwhile, Professor Trelawney sat calmly doing her cross stitching, ignoring the looks from her peers. Clairvoyance was not needed to know what they had in mind.
Headmaster Dumbledore coughed into his hand before saying, “Ah Sybil, I, for one, do not take offense at the rather unorthodox nature of this summons.” He paused for a second, weighing his words. “Perhaps you would care to enlighten us to the reason you insisted we all attend this meeting?”
Peering closely at her work, Professor Trelawney offhandedly said, “Things are about to get interesting.”
“You’re being much too obvious,” Professor Snape snarked.
Abruptly, one of the room’s doors was slammed open, heralding the arrival of the Gryffindor’s female seventh-year prefect. “Professors!” Fay’s voice was high-pitched in apparent panic.
“Hold it a sec!” Berrytwist called out to the girl, holding up a hand while turning to address the divination professor. “Okay, now you’re just getting scary.”
“I don’t mean to seem to scoff, but that is just showing off,” added another professor of a different stripe, whose name is being withheld to protect her identity.
“Ladies. Please,” Professor McGonagall said before addressing Fay. “Miss Dunbar, whatever is the matter?”
“I DON’T KNOW!”
“Well, that was very informative,” Professor Snape commented.
“Severus,” Professor McGonagall said sternly, not looking away from the distressed girl.
“Perhaps you would care to elaborate?” Headmaster Dumbledore prodded gently.
“The firsties just ran into the common room in a panic!” Fay declared.
“The first-year Gryffindors?” Professor Sprout asked for clarification.
“They were panicking?” asked the muggle studies professor.
“Filius,” Professor McGonagall said, “floo the aurors; we are going to want back up.”
“Now Minerva,” Professor Dumbledor broke in. “Whatever it is, I am sure we can handle it. There is no need to involve the aurors.”
“These are the children who took on the country’s most feared werewolf without batting an eye,” Professor Goodman asserted. “I, for one, would appreciate the help.”
“Miss Dunbar,” Professor Snape demanded, focusing his stare on the unfortunate victim. “Details, now!’
“Well,” Fay said nervously. “After charging into the common room, the Crusaders rushed up into the dorms. Of course, I followed to find out what was going on. By the time I made it to the dorm, they had already barricaded themselves in a trunk. It took some knocking before Apple Bloom cracked the lid enough to peek out. When I asked her what was wrong, she said they would be staying put until it was safe and I distinctly heard Granger say ‘Just come get us when the screaming stops’. Before I could ask another question, Apple slammed the lid shut, and that’s when I decided it would be a good idea to come find you.”
“Filius!” Professor Weiss called out to the half-goblin with his head in the fireplace. “Tell them to bring creature control members as well.”
“A curse breaker or two wouldn’t go amiss, either,” added Madam Hooch.
Diamond Tiara watched as the last of the students rushed into the Slytherin common room. A prefect stuck his head out to check for stragglers before closing the portal and tapping his wand on it, muttering the phrase to transfigure it into part of the wall.
“I wonder why they announced for everyone to barricade themselves in our common rooms,” Daphne said from her place at the table. She still wasn’t sure how the boys had talked her into playing their silly game. Though she had to admit, it was sort of fun.
“I don’t know,” Silver Spoon said, “but I’ll bet the Crusaders have something to do with it.”
“Sucker’s bet,” stated Spike. “They’ve been too quiet lately. It’s only been a matter of time.”
“Anyways,” Ralph said, “Draco, you were about to roll for initiative.”
Things had been settling down around the DMLE offices now that a new norm was being established, and what a strange norm it was turning out to be. Where there had once had only been wizards, there was now an equal number of muggles milling about. In fact, it was the muggles who were doing the bulk of the menial office chores as those with magical training were actively recruited to put those skills to use. That is not to say that the only non-magicals present were those who held the lowest jobs; everywhere one looked, there were AFOs paired with aurors. It had been decided that if a wizard proved necessary, his muggle companion had better be armed as well.
It was a lot of firepower centered in one spot, and there were murmurings of the whole operation being relocated to the Yard itself.
This particular day the one in charge strode. She did not waddle. She strode; she hadn’t started on her third trimester yet . . . damnit. She strode down the aisles with small, awkward steps, trading small talk with her subordinates. This had become her habit since fieldwork was out of the question at this point.
The relative tranquility of the day was shattered when a junior auror sprinted up to her with a decidedly worried look on his face. “Boss!” He declared, “We have a situation!”
“Well?” Amelia asked when more information was not forthcoming.
“The professors aren’t exactly sure,” the junior auror admitted. “All they know is that the first-year Gryffindors have locked themselves in one of their trunks with the instructions to let them know when the screaming stops. We’ve already sent a team to investigate.”
Amelia sucked in a surprised breath before bellowing. “Listen up! I want two more teams inside of Hogwarts itself within two minutes. Lugwede, take four other teams and start scouting the perimeter! Someone, find me Scrimgeour and Atterman!”
Nearby, an AFO turned to his wizard partner. “I don’t understand. Why the panic over a bunch of scared children?”
“These are the kids who took down Greyback,” his partner spit out as the two started to follow their comrades toward the floo.
“That’s the werewolf, right?”
“Yeah, and I hear they have a restraining order against them to protect their local hydra.”
“Seriously?”
“Something about not wanting to clean up its guts from all around their town.” The wizard nodded.
The AFO looked down at the Model 29 hanging on his hip. “I’m going to need a bigger gun. Somehow, I’m not feeling lucky.”
Ted came running into the sitting room yelling, “Sirius! Remus! We’ve got trouble!”
“What’s the matter!” Sirius demanded, bounding to his feet alongside both Pinkie and Rainbow.
“We’re not exactly sure,” Ted said.
“Then why the panic?” Andi asked as she and Twilight entered the room from another doorway
“What exactly happened?” Remus asked.
“And may I please have a wand? I’d like to have fun, too,” Bella added.
“They aren’t exactly sure what happened.” Ted said.
“Sooooo . . .” Pinkie threw a shot in the dark. “The Crusaders happened?”
“Big time.” Ted nodded his head.
Twilight sighed before asking. “Was anypony hurt?”
“That was Filius on the floo; information is scarce,” Ted admitted. “All they know is that the Crusaders barricaded themselves inside a trunk asking to be informed when the screaming stopped.”
Everybody in the room went pale. Incidentally, it should be noted that Rainbow looked particularly fetching when the blood drained from her face, something the horrified look she was sporting could not completely hide.
“Right! Let’s get a move on then!” Sirius said, heading for the floo. When Twilight, Pinkie and Rainbow started following, he added. “You three stay here; we’ll handle it.”
“We’re going, too.” Rainbow puffed up.
“Absolutely not,” Remus said. “This could be dangerous.”
“Could be?” Ted asked. “Must you diminish the situation?”
“I want a wand!” Bella chirped.
“We can help,” Twilight said firmly. “We have the most experience dealing with the Crusaders.”
“I don’t care,” Sirius replied just as firmly. “You are all pregnant. I’ll gladly fight by your sides when that isn’t the case, but for right now I need you to stay safe.”
“We need to protect our stallion.” Twilight stomped a foot, almost losing her balance in the process.
“No. And that’s final.” Sirius laid down the law.
“I can help. Just give me a wand!”
“That’s not how it works,” Rainbow stated, arms crossed. “We can’t let you go into danger by yourself.”
“That’s how it works around here,” Sirius countered. “Pregnant women stay out of the way of danger.”
“You don’t just have yourselves to think about.” Remus added soothingly. “You have to think of your children.”
“Wand! Wand! I wanna help! Give me wand!”
“I’m going,” Maud deadpanned.
“We weren’t planning on stopping you,” Ted said as Nissy, Grace, and Alice belatedly entered the room.
“You can’t expect us to just sit around and worry,” Twilight growled.
“I’m good at dueling! I can protect them! Give me a wand!”
“That is exactly what I expect you to do,” Sirius said, unmoved. “You have the most important task. You have to keep our children safe.”
“We’re grown m . . .” Rainbow started to protest.
“No! And that’s final,” Sirius snapped, his magic rolling off him in waves. “This is not open for discussion.”
“But . . .” Twilight started.
“Give me a wand!”
“No! Stay!” Sirius thundered.
“We’re not do . . .” Rainbow growled.
“Stay!”
Twilight sighed, handing Bella her wand. “Fine. We’ll do it your way this once.”
“At least take Marble. She can protect you,” Pinkie added.
Nissy looked in the corner at the cowering woman. “Or not,” she said before turning toward Ted. “What did we miss?”
“The Crusaders happened.” Rainbow informed her. “Mr. Loudmouth here won’t let us go help with the cleanup.”
“He’s right in this case,” Grace said. “You need to think of your children.”
“You humans have got it so backward,” Twilight grumped. “Even with us being pregnant.”
“Ooooo! This is powerful.” Bella swished her reluctant acquisition a few times. “Let’s go kill something!”
The teacher’s lounge at Hogwarts was starting to resemble the staging room for a major operation. Though, to be fair, that was exactly what it was becoming. The atmosphere was already grim as specialists poured out of the floo, and it was only getting more so as the preliminary scouting reports all came back negative.
“This is ridiculous.” Amelia spoke up after receiving an all-clear patronus from the third team scouring the halls of the castle itself. “We need more information.”
“That’s a given,” Professor Snape snarked from where he was standing between his two wives. “It’s not like we have half the DMLE crawling around the castle with no idea what they are searching for.”
“I’ve sent Lord Black and a few men to question the first-years,” Scrimgeour stated. “Answers should be forthcoming.”
“Good idea.”
“It shouldn’t be long,” Scrimgeour continued. “Even if they are panicked, interviewing a bunch of children can’t be that hard.”
“I sincerely fear we must promptly rally; for truly Murphy’s scoreboard just got a tally.”
“Phst,” Scrimgeour scoffed. “Now you’re just being silly. They are only children after all.”
Sighing, Applejack licked her finger before miming drawing another tally mark for Murphy in the air.
“What in the bloody blue blazes was that?” Sirius demanded staring at the mangled form of the auror who had taken the initiative of knocking on the trunk that was supposed to contain the Crusaders. It had already taken longer than he had hoped to get this far as they had had to convince the rest of the students to remove the barricade.
“That,” said a curse breaker, who had decided to tag along, “was a textbook example of a defensive trap.”
“Will he be okay?”
“Yes,” said the healer who had rushed to the unfortunate victim. “It looked a lot more vicious than it actually was. I’ll have him up and about in a minute or two.”
“Where did they learn that?” an AFO asked. “Is that something they teach here?”
“In the restricted section, if I don’t miss my guess,” said Sirius. “And no, that is not part of the standard curriculum.”
“Someone check and see if there are any more nasty surprises,” the AFO suggested.
The curse breaker was waving his wand. “I’ve already removed two more, just let me finish up the last one and we’ll be good.”
“That was fast,” the AFO noted.
“It’s all rather amateurish.” The curse breaker shrugged. “Effective only if you don’t know what you are looking for.”
“I’m feeling old,” Sirius said. “My first thought was to shudder at what they’ll get up to once they get a little practice.”
“Welcome to adulthood,” the healer muttered, helping the auror to his feet.
“It should be safe to knock now.” the curse breaker said, lowering his wand.
“Well go ahead then,” added the AFO, gesturing at the wizard.
The curse breaker shook his head. “You might still need me, and there is the slim chance I missed something.”
“I’m starting to understand this response to a bunch of worked up children.” the AFO grumbled as he took a few steps forward to rap on the top of trunk. He gagged as a hidden pressure plate triggered a spray of n-butyl mercaptan.
“Go ‘way!” came a voice from inside.
“Lavender!” Sirius spoke up as the auror doused his AFO partner with tomato juice. “Open the lid immediately! We need to ask you some questions.”
“Is it safe?” came Neville’s question.
“You haven’t gotten in yet?” Professor Snape demanded as he and his wives walked into the room.
“We’ve just gotten past the traps,” the auror said a little shakily. “For the record, the rumors attached to these kids are not exaggerated.”
“Open up!” Sirius demanded again, ignoring the banter in the background. There was a soft click before the lid popped open. “That’s better,” Sirius said before descending the now-exposed stairway.
Soon, everyone was standing in a comfortably-appointed sitting room, glaring as the children cowered at the attention.
“Not to burst your bubble, but what is the new trouble?” Zecora asked.
“Well . . .,” said Sweetie Belle.
“You see . . .” added Harry.
“It’s just . . .” finished Ginny.
“Girls!” Applejack snapped. “And Boys! Out with it!”
“Well,” Hermione dithered. “We just thought.” She broke off, trying to figure out how to explain the situation.
The adults all continued to glare as the children fidgeted.
Applejack sighed. “Ah kin already tell this is going to be a doozy. Please tell us so we kin fix whatever needs a fixin’.”
Apple Bloom spoke up. “Harry was telling us about his friend Hagrid. Well, we all knew him, met him may a times. But we got ta thinking, since he loves animals so much, we should introduce him ta Fluttershy.”
“Seemed like a good idea at the time,” Seamus added.
“I’ve met Fluttershy; she’s a dear,” Sirius said. “And I know Hagrid; he may look scary, but he’s harmless.”
“Ya’ll have nothin ta fear from Fluttershy.” Applejack nodded. “She’s hoofey in a pinch, but she don’t go looking fer no trouble.”
“Yeah,” Dean said. “We thought the same thing.”
“They hit it off really well,” Parvati noted.
“Too well,” Scootaloo added.
“They started talking,” Sweetie Belle said.
“And we started backing away,” Luna said.
“Those two are scary together,” Abagail stated.
“I don’t see how,” Sirius said. “True, Hagrid can be a little enthusiastic when it comes to his creatures, but . . .”
“Likewise, with Fluttershy.” Applejack chuckled. “She kin get along with tha most surprisin’ O’ beasties.”
“Tell me about it.” Sirius chuckled. “She had tea with the boggart in the cellar. Don’t ask me how that’s possible.”
“I’ve seen Hagrid wrestling with a hidebehind on the forest edge before. Broke his heart when the Ministry insisted that the thing had to be relocated,” said the auror.”
“I am not sure if anybody should care, but Fluttershy is friends with a big bear.”
The adults in the room all stopped as a thought hit them at the same time, and eyes grew wide with understanding.
“Oh no,” the curse breaker whispered. “There are two of them.”
“They were discussing how to teach acromantulas how to dance the tango when we made a break for it.” Ron shuddered.
“I see I am going to be spending the entire night brewing calming potions.” Professor Snape sighed.
It was a rather large group that headed to the gameskeeper’s hut. More than one person was grumbling how everyone had gotten worked up over nothing, and at least one witch was grumbling that there was nothing to get worked up over.
Scrimgeour, therefore, may have been a bit rough when he banged on the door of the hut. “Hagrid! Are you in there? We’d like to ask you some questions.”
“Yeah, I’m here. Jus’ o’ sec,” came the voice of the half-giant just before the door was opened. “Oh’ there sur’ o’ lot of ye,” he said, taking in the small crowd outside his home. “How kin I be o’ help?”
“Hagrid, we’ve really don’t have anything of import . . . Sweet Merlin! WHAT IS THAT!?” Scrimgeour replied.
“Do you like?” Fluttershy asked from inside the building. “Discord just got him for us. Isn’t he cute?”
“Cute!!!!????” came the cry from several in the party.
“How many eyes does that thing have?” Sirius demanded.
“And the tentacles?” Bella added before dropping.
“Did Bellatrix just faint?” someone demanded.
“I think it’s the meds she’s on,” Sirius said. “Or the potions.”
“Wait! She had a wand! Who gave Bellatrix a wand?”
“Forget the wand! What is that thing?”
“’Ere now.” Hagrid said. “It’s mostly harmless. Don’t be getting’ him excited now.”
“Seriously! Who gave Bellatrix a wand!”
“Are those claws on the end of its tentacles?”
“They look like hooks.”
“How many teeth does it have?”
“Teeth! How many mouths does it have?”
“Bellatrix fainted!”
“It’s furry and has big eyes. I can kind of see how someone could think it cute.”
“Hagrid called it ‘mostly harmless’. That’s the same way he describes a full-grown dragon!”
“She fainted! Bellatrix fainted!”
“And she has a wand!”
“Is it growing?!”
“Those ain’t tha teeth o’ a herbivore!”
“I see the theme; we should not scream.”
“It’s definitely growing!”
“How many teeth does it HAVE?”
“Calm down, everyone!” Hagrid requested.
“You’re scaring him,” Fluttershy said; she really needed to learn how to raise her voice.
“Bellatrix has a bloody wand!”
“Would you stop worrying about that? She’s out cold.”
“I never thought I’d say it, but she’s the only sane one here!”
“WHAT IS THAT THING!”
“Where did it come from!”
“Look out! It’s attacking!”
“The tentacles! Watch the tentacles!”
“Let me throw a Bella at it!”
“With the wand?”
“Yes, with the bloody wand!”
“You’re scaring him,” Fluttershy repeated. She wasn’t heard that time either; though to be honest it had less to do with her lack of volume and more to do with the fact that was when the screaming really started.
The next few minutes were a blur, and several people spent the night in St. Mungo’s. To be fair, the main lesson they all learned is while the quality of mercy is not strained, when pushed too far, Kindness is downright terrifying.
Oh… and it was generally acknowledged that the Crusaders did have something resembling survival instincts though no one could really define it better than that.