//------------------------------// // Nothing is Guaranteed in Life... // Story: The Sparkle of Unlife // by Semivivus //------------------------------// Spike sipped his coffee slowly as he sat across from Twilight, glancing at her every now and then. He was used to her looking frazzled, but today she seemed even more out-of-sorts than usual. Possibly a 7.3/10 on the Twilight Freakout Scale. As happy as he would be to not get involved (read: not have more problems to clean up) he couldn't just leave his undead guardian sitting there. "What's got you so wound up, Twilight?" He asked, crossing his fingers that whatever she said would not be his problem. "I missed the tax submission deadline!" She shouted back, scrambling to read through a table of crunched up receipts, unsorted reports, and crumpled tax forms. "With my death, and funeral, and everything... it completely slipped my mind! This is bad Spike. Really bad." Spike blinked a few times. "So? Just don't pay them." Twilight glared at him. "I can't do that! It doesn't matter if I'm a princess, I'll still go to Tartarus! Or the moon! Or kindergarten! The law clearly states that all creature of adult age living in Equestria have to pay their yearly taxes based on income and expenses!" Spike took a long sip from his coffee. "Yeah, exactly. You don't have to pay them." Twilight glanced at him in confusion... before a wide grin began to grow on her face. Penny Pincher hammered on the castle doors, huffing to herself. She did not have time to deal with this, even if this was her job. She had better things to deal with than some annoying new princess that thought herself too good for taxes. Twilight owned property, and she made an income, and that meant she had to cough up what was due. As she waited to be let into the castle, she glanced at her reflection in the reflective walls of the building. The uniform she wore was of the utmost quality, which was expected, considering the PRS (Pony Revenue Service) was the best funded department of the Equestrian diarchy. As they should be, considering how lackadaisical most ponies were when it came to paying their taxes on time. It was like they expected the entire country to be run on just the magic of friendship, without realizing the mountains of bits it took to maintain it. And if a sizable cut off those bits went to the hard working folks at the PRS, why that was just the icing on the cake. Eventually, the crystalline gate began to slowly swing inwards. Adjusting her tie, Penny Pincher strode into the castle as if she already owned the place. Effectively, she did. The amount of power the PRS had was incredible. The head of the department, Mr. Bean Counter himself, was arguably more powerful than even Celestia. Standing in the doorway to the kitchen, waiting for her, was the upstart princess herself. Penny Pincher felt a strange twinge of worry overtake her as she approached the alicorn. Most ponies trembled slightly whenever an PRS agent was in the same room as them, it was ingrained in their very DNA... but this pony was leaning nonchalantly against a wall, a small smile on her face. Perhaps the greenhorn princess was too clueless to realize just who she was dealing with. "Good morning!" The annoyance called out to her. "Yes, yes. Good morning, indeed. My name is Penny Pincher, I'm a member of the PRS, and I am here to inquire as to the status of this year's tax payment. Considering the large amount of territory taken up by your castle, as well as your yearly stipend, a sizable sum should have been paid a week ago, and yet we have not received a single bit." Somehow, Twilight was still standing there with the same unworried smile. "I can proudly state that there is not a single bit left that I am due to pay this season." Penny Pincher narrowed her eyes and a sneer grew on her face. "Do you understand the severity of your actions here, Ms. Sparkle? If you do not intend to pay, you risk a lot more than just your bits." Twilight just shook her head. "I already told you, I'm not required to pay anything. Can I help you with anything else?" Penny Pincher just let out a somewhat animalistic growl and trotted away. She'd have to bring the higher ups for this. And muscle. A lot of muscle. Twilight was sipping tea when she heard the hard thumping at the door for the second time this week. Sighing, she walked over and manually opened the gate, glancing out at the tax collecting mare now surrounded by an entire platoon of guards. Standing beside the mare this time, was a lanky middle aged stallion in what was quite possibly the ugliest suit Twilight had ever seen. Penny Pincher was looking unreasonably smug, but Twilight only faced her with a look of deadpan nonchalance. The stallion beside Penny cleared his throat and stepped forward. "Ms. Sparkle, my name is Bean Counter. I'm sure you are aware of the reason for our visit today. Are you prepared to submit the requisite taxes?" His voice was dull and dreary, reminding her of the sound of fresh gravel being poured on a road. Twilight just huffed. "Honestly, at this point it might have been less effort to just pay the late fees. But no, I will not be paying any taxes today. I would like to request the use of Quickhorn's Verification Field." She replied, a small smile appearing on her face. Everypony had the legal right to request to testify under the effects of Quickhorn's Verification Field when interrogated by a governmental body. The spell was originally invented by a stallion who was quite certain that his wife was having an affair. It would cause a projected field to glow green or red, depending on if the last statement spoken inside it was factual truth. Quickhorn unfortunately found out his wife was not, in fact, cheating on him, but still got the divorce he wanted when the field caused his own infidelity to come to light. Poor stallion was never able to walk again, once his wife was done with him. Bean Counter blinked in surprise, before shrugging. He spoke to one of the unicorns in the platoon of guards, motioning for them to cast the spell. A moment later, a translucent bubble surrounded all of the ponies, pulsating with a gentle white light. Twilight smiled, stepped forward, and spoke confidently and plainly. "I do not owe the PRS any bits." The field glowed a bright green in response. The are around her instantly grew silent enough that the sound of Spike scraping burn marks off a cast iron pan in the distant kitchen could be heard. A moment later, Penny Pincher regrew her composure. "What?!" She shouted, stomping her hoof. "How? She hasn't paid a single bit in over a year! She must have cheated the spell!" The field glowed red in response to her accusation, further angering the irate tax collector. Bean Counter only quirked an eyebrow, speaking in his monotone. "Ms. Sparkle. Why do you believe that you do not owe any bits?" Twilight grinned in response, pulling out a legal tome larger than one of the guards. The full Equestrian tax code, in its entirety, written in double sided, single spaced, 8pt font. "According to section 3, paragraph 2 of the code, these laws apply to all creatures of adult age living in Equestria. I am not living in Equestria anymore, so you have no authority over me" The stallion let out a sigh. This wouldn't be the first mare who thought claiming to live in another country could prevent her from paying taxes, and certainly wouldn't be the last. "Then where, pray tell, are you living Ms. Sparkle?" "I'm not." She replied with a smirk. "You're not what?" "Living." She replied, before slamming the door on him. Penny Pincher let out a noise halfway between a startled dog and a dying foal, making a move to kick the door down and chase after her, only to be stopped by Bean Counter. "Well, I guess that's that." He spoke with a bored tone, pulling the mare away with him as she screamed at the castle.