“I’m fairly certain I have much greater boogieing skills than you do, Archard,” Discord said, talking above the music that was playing. “You can’t even compete with a boogie king like I!”
“I think you’re just saying that because you’re intimidated by my moves, Discord,” the human replied, getting down low and shaking his butt. “I think with my skills, I could even compete against Steven Bawking over there. Watch this!”
“Baawk!” Steven said as he shook his tail feathers and plucked around the ground.
The room was lit up with bright, colorful, flashing lights and party streamers, balloons floating to the ceiling from the ground as Steven pecked at the strings. On the surface, it looked no different from any party that Pinkie Pie would have set up with her party cannon, although the finer details were different. Teacups were singing a song as they sat on a table, filled with punch, and ice cream floated around with what looked like angel wings, one particular set of mint flavored ice cream asking to be eaten. It floated up to Archard, who shooed it away carefully before continuing his dance.
“Check this out, Discord!” he said as he got down low and then used his hands to break down. The ponies watching him gasped, Lyra and Pinkie Pie applauding the moves, while Discord just rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. Then, then human stopped, laying on his side with an elbow on the ground, using his hand to support his head. He stuck a tongue out as he smiled at Discord.
“I bet you can’t do that, can you?” he said smugly.
“Humph. A true friend wouldn’t attempt to show up another friend,” Discord grumped. “Besides, those moves were mediocre anyhow.”
“A true friend would give compliments when compliments are due,” the human countered. “Besides, I thought this was a party! Doesn’t really seem like a party if you’re frowning like that, does it?”
Another little grump came from the draconequus, then he took in a deep breath and smiled widely. “Oh, of course, I can’t frown! You’re right! This is a party after all!”
“Now I didn’t mean for you to go all Cheshire Cat on me, but yeah, that’s right! It does take more muscles to frown, after all.”
“Indeed it does! Perhaps I should try and boogie just as hard as you have! Maybe I’ll even– oops!”
Suddenly, he snapped his fingers, and a second later, gravity was disappearing for the creatures and objects inside the treehouse library. All floated up into the air, the human mostly looking around confused while Pinkie Pie gave a happy squeal and began to move her hooves like she was swimming through the air. Twilight herself gave the lord of chaos a scathing glare.
“Discord! What are you doing? Fix this!”
“And honest mistake, truly, I must admit,” he said playfully. “Even a creature as powerful as me is bound to make mistakes, right? I was simply trying to show off my dancing skills to Arching here–”
“Archard.”
“–when I absentmindedly snapped my fingers. Can you give a creature a break?”
“Well fix it back now! My books are getting all disorganized! Look at them!” She pointed her hooves to the books that were now floating in random directions up to the ceiling.”
“Oh, but I can’t do that! Look at how much fun Pinkie Pie is having in the face of this turn of events. And see? Even Archard is smiling. Is friendship not about making other creatures smile? I believe a certain somepony told me that it was.”
“I mean, I can’t lie, it is pretty cool, even though you’re annoying Twilight. Hmmm… I wonder if Pinkie Pie and I can do a double swan dive off the bed. Wanna try it?”
“No! Don’t try that!” the purple princess barked. “Discord needs to fix this now!”
“Oh, I don’t think I can do that, as I previously explained… unless you’re suggesting that Arching is–”
“Archard! It’s Archard! Stop calling me Arching! For real, it’s fucking pissing me off!”
“Well, perhaps I’d stop calling you Arching if you stopped butting in and being a show off and stealing friends from me.”
“Just send me back to Earth if you think that’s happening! I don’t wanna be here! You don’t want me here! This problem should solve itself!”
“Guys, guys!” Twilight said, trying to swim through the air to the middle of them to separate them as the two glared at each other. “Come on, I’m sure there’s some way you two could be friends and for gravity to be restored! Isn’t there anything you both like? Like interests? Or we could try sitting down and talking about why you both feel–”
“No!” both creatures snapped at the same time, turning to Twilight Sparkle with the same frustrated glare they’d been giving each other up to then. It made Twilight take an uncomfortable step back before the two glanced at each other. The human put on a little smirk a second later.
“Okay, maybe we have one thing in common,” he acknowledged, Discord now sending a look of his own back. “Friendship lessons are kinda lame. I wished the show didn’t have them.”
“Oh, don’t tell me about it,” Discord agreed, waving a paw as he said it. “Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle here seem to constantly edge me on about how friendship is so important, and yet never seem to want to consider my point of view. Not like Fluttershy does.” He made little heart eyes at the mare as he said it, the pegasus giggling in return.
“Me, too. Except I guess in this case Princess Celestia would be my probation officer. He tries to act like he’s a therapist and tells me I need to make friends with ‘safe’ people to keep me on the right track. Like, dude. It was drag racing. I wasn’t selling drugs or burglarizing a place.”
“The very same with me, if you can imagine it! Well, of course you can, seeing as you’re from Earth and have preexisting knowledge of how events will turn out, but the same here! You rule over Equestria in a state of chaos for a thousand years, and all of a sudden, ponies treat you like you’re the villain. Ridiculous! I say!”
“Uh, yeah, uh, it’s exactly like that,” Archard chuckled, rubbing a hand behind his head. “Oh! Preexisting knowledge! It it cool if I spoil the whole series of what’s gonna happen for everyone? I know I said I didn’t want to before, but god damn, I really, really think it would be funny to spoil everything– I mean, so long as I go back to Earth eventually. Lauren Faust is gonna be so angry! It makes me wanna laugh to think about it.”
“Hmmm… well, it wouldn’t be very friendly, and you know I’m working with Celestia to make sure things go according to plan… but it sure would be delightfully chaotic, wouldn’t it?”
“No! No!” Twilight yelled immediately. “You said before you weren’t gonna say anything because you didn’t wanna mess anything up. I don’t know how you can possibly know anything if you’re from the past of Equestria, but don’t say anything!”
Twilight wiggled her hoof anxiously in the air as she spoke. Of course she wanted to know everything he had to say about the future. Any good pony would plan ahead for and prevent things that they possibly could. But she already listened to the logic he gave her before! If things were gonna be fine in the end, then learning about the future would be bad.
“Awww, come on,” Archard teased. “Don’t you wanna learn about how you and Starlight Glimmer– wait, you don’t know who she is yet. Well, all you need to know is that it’s amazing, and that I hold the unpopular opinion of Starlight being the best pony.”
“Eew. Yikes. Perhaps we truly aren’t meant to be friends, Archard.”
“Hey, you got the name right!”
“I mean, that pony is nothing but uptight. Especially since she’s going to–”
“No! No, no, no! I’m not listening! La la la la la!” She closed her eyes and covered her ears with her hooves to tune out the two. Both the human and draconequus laughed in response to the joke they played, and even Fluttershy giggled a little at the slight prank.
“Oh, you know, I knew you were just delightfully fun when I first met you. It’s a shame you decided to interrupt our tea party and then decline my party last night. Although I might forgive your transgressions against me so long as you acknowledge your mistakes.”
“I acknowledge my transgressions against you, and humbly ask for your merciful forgiveness, Discord,” Archard said, seeming a mixture between sarcastic and serious. It made the lord of chaos squint as he tried to determine which there was more of in his voice.
“I cannot tell if you’re mocking me…”
“Oh, no! I would never, ever do such a thing! Never! Promise. Cross my heart, hope to fly, and all the other words here!”
“If you’re mocking me, I’ll show you why you shouldn’t engage in such a thing,” Discord threatened, “but I guess this would be an appropriate place to make Fluttershy happier with me and apologize for the fact that my behavior might be jarring to some creature who’s not used to me. Not everyone is fit to bask in my presence, and I must recognize that.”
“Uh, yeah, that. I agree. Um, since we’re friends, can you send me home?”
“No, of course not!” Discord told him, putting a hand on his chest, almost appalled by the question. “We haven’t even finished our party yet! You can’t just leave in the middle of a party, can you?”
“Well, you can, since all parties have to end at some point, but I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t like it if I did, and I bet Pinkie Pie would disagree with me anyway.”
“That’s right!” the pink pony suddenly spoke up. “You haven’t even reached the minimum amount of fun required for a party! How can you leave before you get to that point?”
“Well, I guess that’s true enough. But do you think you can fix the gravity back at least? I’m not gonna be able to dance very good floating like this.”
“I don’t think I want to. You need the true Discord experience to truly appreciate the friendship I have to offer.”
“Well, then I’m gonna do a swan dive off the bed. Wanna go, Pinkie Pie?”
“Heck yeah!”
The two swam away for the bedroom after that, Trixie, Twilight, and Fluttershy staring at Discord while Steven floated around the air, trying unsuccessfully to pluck at things. Twilight still had her hooves crossed in the air, and Lyra seemed not to notice as she read a book that had floated near her. Fluttershy looked around awkwardly while Discord went back to scowling.
“You know, Pinkie Pie’s fun rules for parties applies to all of you, too.”
“Can you just send him back, please?” Twilight asked. “He really shouldn’t be here, especially not since he knows things about Equestria.”
“Not yet, Twilight,” Lyra spoke up in place of the draconequus. “We just got him here yesterday! We still have time to learn about him and study him! After all, he’s from Equestria’s past. He can tell us what it used to be like! What kinds of monsters they had back then and what ancient magic he knows. We’ve barely even scratched the surface!”
“Well, he’s–” She couldn’t say obnoxious. She knew she could be that way, too. And besides, she was just thinking before about how he wasn’t exactly the very worst ever, and might have been a little bit cool. He was just…
“He’s weird! I don’t know, but he seems like there’s more too him that we know about. Which is why we need to send him back.”
“It’s why we need to keep him here, Twilight! We need to learn about him more while we have the chance.”
“Well, I’m unsure why you ponies are bickering about it,” Discord spoke up now. “It’s my decision. And I say, since it’s my decision, that I… will be joining him for a swan dive off of Spike’s bed. Oh! Perhaps I could turn Pinkie Pie and the human into swans while I’m at it! Wouldn’t that be such delightful fun!”
“Ugh. Whatever.” Twilight let out a frustrated breath, and moved to sit on the couch before a floating book smacked her in the face.
“And fix the gravity, Discord!”
“Humph, if you say so, Twilight,” the lord of chaos agreed, reluctantly snapping his fingers.
“WHO IN EQUESTRIA SAW FIT TO STEAL GRAVITY FROM US?” Luna yelled at the top of her lungs as she awoke from her sleep to her head hitting the ceiling. “PAIN SHALL BE BROUGHT UPON THOSE WHO SOUGHT TO DISTURB US FROM OUR SLUMBER!”
“I’ll tell Discord to fix it,” Celestia called from across the room.